


Presque Vu

by wraithe



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: Bondage, Bondage and Discipline, F/M, Light BDSM, Rope Bondage, Rough Sex, Spanking, Threesome - F/M/M, Wax Play
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2018-10-30 10:28:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 101,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10874892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wraithe/pseuds/wraithe
Summary: Photography assistant Raina meets the members of 30 Seconds to Mars during a shoot and decides to throw caution to the wind.





	1. Chapter 1

_Presque Vu_

_Presque vu (from French, meaning “almost seen”) is the sensation of being on the brink of an epiphany._

__

 

_“Put your hands out for me baby girl”_

_Lifting her arms obediently, Raina gave a small shiver as she felt his lips graze her wrists, gentle kisses giving way to the brush of the soft rope he had laid out earlier. He was practically purring as he worked his way up her arms, weaving the rope in and out, adjusting her position then giving the bindings a quick tug.  Seemingly satisfied, he moved from the bed only to return a few seconds later, checking the blindfold (“.,. no peeking now princess...”) before beginning to wrap new ropes just below her breasts. She tried to keep her breathing deep and slow, each brush of his hands against her flushed skin sending delicious jolts to every nerve ending, a promise of what was to come. The voice in her head warned her that she may have really gotten herself in too far this time but she pushed it aside. She had almost calmed herself when she heard the second set of footsteps finally enter the room._

 

 

 

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Of course, that seemed to be the recurring theme of Raina's life the last 3 years so “supposed to be” was beginning to lose all meaning. She grabbed the equipment bag and tripods from the cargo van and quickly headed back to the work area Val had already started setting up. There were still a couple of hours before the band was due to arrive but there was a lot to set up for this shoot. Plus her boss, Val, was a ruthless perfectionist who would want to run through everything several times before they got here. Val was talented and brilliant and usually a good teacher, and Raina was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with him but 6 months of shooting celebrities was beginning to make her wonder why she had come to L.A. In the first place. Surprisingly musicians really weren't so bad, but the some of the actors they had worked with so far had been the worst. This band sported a lead singer that was both. And Val was already in a foul mood since he had forgotten to pack the spare batteries and chargers, necessitating Raina driving back into the studio to pick them up and putting them slightly behind schedule. At least Val had been the one responsible for packing the van the night before so he couldn't blame her for the oversight. Still, the day was already putting a sour taste in her mouth and she found herself ruefully second guessing every life choice she had ever made as Val grunted, pointed, and basically barked orders at her for the next hour.

_“How the fuck did I get here?”_

  
_Raina had always been the go-to person, the planner, the organizer, the Girl Who Got Shit Done. Ambitious and entrepreneurial, she had started a small tech consulting company with a friend straight out of college and thrown herself into her work, enjoying the enormous sense of accomplishment as the startup flourished. She dreamed of more, of course, travel, a family of her own, but she thought she had all the time in the world. She took vacations where she could, had love affairs that went nowhere beyond a few stolen evenings and walks home with her panties in her purse and a not so guilty smile on her face. She attended concerts, visited museums, planned her friend's bridal showers and attended their weddings, and trusted that everything would come together as long as she worked hard and kept her eyes on her goals._

“You furrow that brow any harder and you're going to need a facelift before you're 35.”

  
Raina looked away from the laptop she had been setting up to see Cassidy, the head makeup artist grinning at her. “Sorry, Cassie.” She glanced around to make sure the coast was clear before continuing. “Val's in rare form today. I'm just ready for this shoot to be over already.”

  
“Aww, don't say that. I can't wait to work on these guys!” Cassie gave Raina a wide grin. “Have you seen them? Yum!”

  
Raina laughed and poked the now sizable bump that had been Cassie's toned tummy a few months ago. “I would think you'd had enough of that kind of trouble for a little while.”

  
“Nope. Pregnancy hormones”

  
“I bet Aaron loves that”

  
“You know it,” Cassie said with a grin, wiggling her hips as she walked away to finish setting up. Raina sighed.

 _When she met Dan, he was just cherries on top of an already satisfying sundae. The handsome architect was as ambitious as Raina was, and they would often lie beside each other at night talking about the adventures they would have together, trekking the globe, eating unpronounceable food, asking for directions with cobbled together foreign vocabularies, dreaming of growing old alongside each other in a Swiss villa or an Appalachian cabin, or perhaps an apartment in the Parisian Quartier Latin. They moved in together when it seemed sensible to do so, and talked about buying a dog, a big Newfoundland perhaps, one that would enjoy their outdoor treks with them. Things were pleasant. Things were orderly. Things were going according to plan. Then her mother became ill._  
The cancer _took her with startling quickness. It seemed Raina had barely had time to process the diagnosis before she found herself planning her mother's funeral. Since she her father was long gone and her mother had no family to speak of herself, it had been just Raina and her mom for a long time and the loneliness and grief of losing her so unexpectedly_ was _overwhelming. She struggled to keep afloat, shuffling more business responsibility onto her partner Ellen, distancing herself from Dan, barely speaking to her friends or going out. She moved forward in a daze. Looking back now, she often wondered if her mother hadn't died if she would have noticed what was going on around her before everything exploded._

Raina was completely blindsided as smacked into something solid, momentarily knocking the wind out of her and causing her to drop the large umbrella head and other equipment she had been carrying. She didn't fail to appreciate the irony of being so caught up in regretting her lack of attention to her surroundings she had actually stopped paying attention to her surroundings to the point she had collided with … what? She shook her head to clear it for a second and found herself looking into the roundest, bluest eyes she had ever seen. Oh god. The band was here.

  
“Sor-sorry” she managed to stumble out. She winced internally as she waited for the spoiled tantrum she was sure was about to blast her way. Instead, the improbably handsome musician smiled and scooped up the equipment Raina had just dropped. “I'm really really so sorry. Are you okay?”

  
“Here, let me help,” he said with a smile, shrugging off her concern. “Where were you headed?”

  
“Uhm, over there.” She pointed at a large rock group where Val was having her start a second set. “I can get it though, you don't have to help. Really, are you sure I didn't hurt you? I had a bit of speed up there.”

  
He laughed. “No, I'm a little sturdier than that, thank you. I'm Jared, by the way.”

  
Good grief, as if she didn't know that. She dusted off her hand before offering it to him. “Raina. I'm Val's assistant.” Jared looked at her extended hand and then back at the equipment in his arms and shrugged. Boy, she was really batting a thousand here. “Sorry. Let me show you where you can set that stuff down.” She scrambled to gather the last few items and headed over to the secondary work area with Jared in tow.

  
“So Raina, what hot young guy has your head so far in the clouds today?” His face was lit up with a mischevious smile.  
Raina groaned internally. Thirty seconds ago she had darn near knocked him on his ass and he was already moving on to the “let's see if she has a boyfriend” stage of flirting. She'd be more annoyed but she had to admit he had his charm. He was certainly nice to look at. “No guy. Just caught up in my work.”

  
He gave her a warm smile and a wink. “That's cool.” He sat the reflector down. “I like a woman who is focused.”

  
Raina bristled a bit at the assumption she would care what kind of woman he liked. “Well, I'm sure you have your pick of them.” She started in adjusting the lighting and turned her back, expecting him to walk away. She rifled through the equipment pile for a second before spotting the light meter in his hand. “Please?” she asked, pointing at it.

Jared handed it to her but continued to stand there giving her a measuring look. “Apparently not,” he said.

  
It took her a second to process, but by the time she realized what he meant he was already walking back towards the makeup table. Damn it! Granted, he seemed a little cocky but really he had been nothing but nice even after she had tried to bowl him over and here she was acting like the spoiled brat she was so sure he would be. She thought about chasing after him but didn't want to make the shoot any more awkward than it probably was already going to be so she busied herself about her work again. She wasn't sure how much time had passed before Val shouts brought her running back to the original set.

  
“Raina! Where is the gradient ND filter?” Val looked furious. He had already started shooting, apparently just with Jared at this point but she had noticed the other two musicians in the makeup area as she had hurried past. She was sure Cassie was shamelessly flirting away with them by now.

  
“Right there,” she pointed to the filters she had carefully laid out for him earlier.

  
“No,” Val said sharply, looking at her as if she were a very especially stupid snail that had just wandered onto the set “Not the old one, the new one that I bought just for today.”

  
Raina fought down a lump of panic. She was sure she had gotten everything from the van at this point and she hadn't seen any sign of that filter. “I... I don't think you packed it Val.”

  
“And you didn't think to mention it before now? Didn't you notice when you were setting up? What do I pay you for anyways?” Val was really working up a head of steam. He began roughly rifling through the equipment. “I need someone who can pay attention to detail and back me up. If you can't do that I can find someone who will. Do you know how many people applied for your job?”  
Raina bit her lower lip to keep her eyes from filling with the tears she was sure were right behind them.  It was already a rough day and the miserable trek down memory lane she had taken earlier hadn’t helped her mood any.  She began searching through the equipment with Val, even though she was sure the damned filter wasn’t there, anything to at least look like she was helping.  She didn’t know why in the hell he would need that filter anyways, let alone have such a tantrum when it wasn’t here. As she moved to the other side of the table a bit of movement behind him caught her eye.  Looking up, she found Jared there, standing behind Val, making goofy faces like a third grader when the mean teacher’s back was turned. She bit down harder on her lip, this time to fight back a giggle that was she sure would only inflame Val further.  Who was this guy?   


	2. Chapter 2

    Eventually, Val realized he was going to have to make due with the equipment on hand and motioned for Jared to get back into place. Raina watched him walk away, blushing when she realized she watching a little too hard. She must have had a guilty look on her face because when he glanced back over at her Jared broke into a wide grin. “Yeah like I'm the first girl to get caught staring at that ass,” she thought with a smile.

  
    “Go fetch the rest of the band Raina,” said Val gruffly. Not wanting to aggravate him any further Raina headed back over the makeup area. Sure enough, Cassidy was giggling and tossing her hair around like a teenager. She brightened and waved when she saw Raina headed towards her.

  
    “Rainy, come meet Tomo and Shannon!”

  
    “Sorry Cass, I have to steal them away. Val is ready for them.” Cassie immediately flung her arms around Tomo's neck, causing him to sit up with a start and Shannon to immediately burst into laughter.

  
    “No, they're mine you can't have them!”

  
    With a laugh, Raina reminded Cassie that she would ruin all her hard work if she didn't stop manhandling the guys. She gathered what little was left of her dignity and professionalism after this bumpy day and ushered the two remaining bandmates over to Val and got back to work. Things moved along smoothly from that point forward and by the time they were finishing up the initial shoot she could tell Val was in a much better mood. At least he wouldn't be threatening her job anymore today, as long as she didn't screw anything else up. When everyone else broke to get the guys changed for the secondary shoot, she continued to work through the break, double and triple checking equipment, making sure everything was exactly the way she knew Val liked it, trying to anticipate anything else he might need.

  
    “Don't know why he wanted that filter either.”

  
    Jared was there again, smiling, and … shirtless. Oh dear god, he was shirtless. Trying to act nonchalant, Raina willed her eyes away from muscular chest only to realize looking him in the eyes was no less... stimulating. She quickly looked away but caught the increasing grin on his face as she did so. Dammit, she was starting to feel like a teenage girl herself and not a grown woman who ought to know enough not to fawn over hot rock stars. What was worse was that it was clear he knew what effect he was having on her. Summoning her dignity, she figured she was already in this deep enough she might as well just go for it. No more blushing schoolgirl. Raina took a deep breath, grabbed a few things off the pile that needed to be put back, then drew herself up and put on her best sultry expression.

  
    “Well if I spent my days trying to give men what they wanted I'm sure I'd never get up off my knees.” She tossed her hair and started walking back toward the van, pausing just long enough to glance back over her shoulder to see Jared standing there with a somewhat startled look and a grin to beat the devil. Good. It was nice to see him be the one off balance, if only for a moment. By the time she was opening up the back of the van he had scrambled after her, carrying a large umbrella that had been lying near the go back pile. “That actually needed to stay,” she said, gesturing toward it.

  
    “Sorry. Just trying to help.”

  
    “Well you can walk it back over there with me,” Raina said, shutting the cargo doors. “Does Val know you're just wandering about?”

  
    “He was on the phone. Don't think he noticed. Does he always talk to you like that?”

  
    “No. I wouldn't stick around if he did. I don't care how brilliant he is. He's just been in a mood lately. Personal stuff I gather but he's not the type to elaborate.” Raina gave Jared a quick up and down glance. “Did Cassidy steal the rest of your clothing?”  
Jared laughed. She liked his laugh, it was warm and infectious. “The makeup girl? No, but I think she's going to hide all of Tomo's clothes if we don't watch her closely.”

  
    They continued the back and forth while they waited for the shoot to start. She thought he really wasn't so bad, he seemed intelligent and, aside from the shameless flirting, fairly professional and ready to work. She wasn't sure if he was actually interested in her, probably not if she was honest with herself, she was hardly the 20 something B model that most his type seemed to go for, but then again he didn't seem to be typical. At any rate, it was a much more enjoyable way to spend the day than the brooding she had been doing. By the time they had gotten back to work she was practically humming and couldn't resist flirting with Tomo and Shannon too as they joined them. The guys were fun and gracious enough about it, and Raina found herself enjoying the shoot much more than she would have thought. Shannon particularly seemed to be enjoying it, joking and making off-color remarks, even picking her up by the waist to swing her around when she tried to get a light reading. He smirked merrily at her as she jokingly fought him back, chasing after her as she scrambled away after seeing Val glaring at her disapprovingly.

  
    Afterward, as she was almost done loading equipment, Jared bounced over. Thankfully for Raina's self-control he was no longer shirtless. “I thought you guys were long gone.”

  
    “Almost. I only have a couple minutes. I was just wondering how late you'll be packing all this up.” He gave her that smile again, the one she was becoming increasingly sure was very carefully calculated. “Maybe you'd like to meet up for something to eat?”  
Intuition can be a funny thing. Raina's was usually spot on but had a habit of deserting her in the most crucial of moments. Like when Dan had grown tired of her staying in bed all day, tired of reminding her to eat and to shower. Tired of going everywhere alone. When Dan had grown so tired of everything about her he had packed his bag and told her he was moving in with Brenda, Raina's best friend since second grade. She had asked if he was going to come back to get anything else that they had bought together, surely he wanted some of it, but Dan had told her she could keep it all. He didn't want any of it. Just like he didn't want her anymore, though he was tactful enough not to say so. She needed her intuition working now, to tell her if she was as far in over her head as she thought she was but that inner voice was distressingly silent. She must have stood looking at him without responding for too long because Jared apparently decided his invitation needed to be kicked up a notch. With a quick glance around to be sure they were alone, he stepped up against her, slipped his hand under her chin and brought her lips up to his. After the softest of kisses, he pulled back, pausing to look into her eyes for a reaction. Raina was too stunned to pull away, which he took for permission to continue and leaned in again, kissing her harder this time, his hand tracing the line of her chin until he flattened his palm against her cheek. Raina was surprised enough at both the assumption and the intensity of the sudden reactionary clutch in her gut that she gasped slightly, parting her lips. Jared took it as further invitation to deepen the kiss. It only took Raina a second once she felt his tongue trying to slip it's way into her mouth to flatten her palms against his chest and push him back off of her.

  
    “What the hell?” She was outraged that he seemed to think it was okay to do that while she was supposed to be working. “Like Val's not already looking for a reason to yell at me. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to catch me kissing the clients!”

  
    “You've been flirting with me all day. You were kissing me back. What's the problem?” Jared seemed genuinely hurt. “He's nowhere around Raina. I would never get you in trouble.”

  
   “I don't know what you would do. I don't know you.”

  
    “Then come meet me for dinner. Get to know me.”

    “I...” Raina wasn't sure why she was still so hesitant. “It will be late, it will take a while to offload all this.”

  
    “I'll be back at the studio at 8 then. If you decide you don't want to do this you can duck out before then. You don't even have to give me your phone number.” Before Raina could collect herself to say anything else, he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Raina warred with herself the entire drive back to the city. The whole thing seemed ludicrous to her. She couldn't understand what she had possibly done to capture the handsome musician's attention. Sure, she was pretty enough, she had never really had a difficult time finding lovers, but Jared was clearly way out of her league. She had spent the entire time she had been unloading and re-inventorying equipment playing a game of angel/devil in her head....  
  
“You're a grown up not some horny teenage groupie.” _“I'm a grown up not dead”_  
“I bet he does this all the time.” _“Good, he should know what he's doing by now.”_  
“He probably won't even know your name tomorrow.” _“Do I need him to?”_  
“He seems really slutty. I bet he's slutty.” _“Again, good. Sounds like fun.”_  
“Do you really want to deal with a guy that sure you'll drop your panties for him just because he bats his eyes at you a few times?” _“Because, gee, I've never tried that tactic...”_  
“This is how people catch things that need 2 a.m. pharmaceutical commercials, Raina.” _“And that's why condoms were invented.”_

… by the time Jared picked her up at the studio she was completely looking forward to seeing the charming man again. And charming he was. He had shown up at the studio with an enormous white rose in hand, opened every door, helped her on and off with her sweater, pulled out her chair, guided her around with his hand gently against the small of her back. She felt positively squired. Though she was sure it was all very practiced, Raina enjoyed being treated like a princess for an evening. When he spoke to her about his music, projects he had going, the last vacation he had taken, she pretended not to notice he never told her anything personal. There was no sense in trying to make this something it wasn't, she thought. Surely he couldn't be interested in more than a fling anyways. Men like Jared did not fall for 30 something photography assistants in the middle of a life do-over. Might as well enjoy it for what it was. It wasn't as if he wasn't gracious. It wasn't as if he weren't pure sin and sugar to look at. It wasn't as if she had been any more forthcoming.

“Still with me Raina?” Jared was smiling at her across the table. She realized she had become silent as her doubts had consumed her. That seemed to be happening a lot these days.

“I'm sorry. I live in my head too much sometimes.”  
  
Jared brushed his long hair out of his eyes with a graceful move that made Raina's stomach flip. Damn, he was ridiculously hot. “I've noticed. Where do you go?”

She wanted to answer him. He really wasn't much more than a stranger at this point and Raina wasn't exactly an open book, yet she had to fight an urge to tell him everything – the losses, the betrayals, the darkness she had fought back. She didn't want him to see her as broken. Tonight she just wanted to be the pretty assistant who had improbably caught his eye. One evening of being pursued. One night of escape pressed against his stunning body. Was that really so wrong? “I just have a lot on my mind with school and work.” she ultimately deflected. It was clear from the look he gave her he didn't buy it, but he didn't push either.

“Well, I know how your work day went. How is school?”

“Mostly good. Tough sometimes. I'm working on my MFA. It's an old dream of mine I decided to come chase.” There. That was kind of personal right?

“That's great. I'm a big believer in chasing your dreams. What made you give it up, to begin with?” Jared had finished his desert and was now leaning back in his chair, giving Raina his undivided attention. He had a way of making her feel like she was being terribly interesting, even when she knew she wasn't.

“I didn't exactly. I just went with a different dream. This is sort of a backup dream. I guess I just wanted a little more.”

“You know I went to art school myself. I was going to be a painter.”

“Really?”

Jared laughed. “Don't sound so surprised. I have layers you know. I'm not all winning smiles and great hair.”

“Oh, you think you have great hair do you?” Raina laughed  
.  
“Oh please, I have fabulous hair. You're just jealous.” He wiggled his head arched his eyebrows. “Maybe if you're a good girl I'll let you touch it.”

“Yeah, I'm sure that's what you want me to touch.”

“Well if you're offering...”  
  
Raina rolled her eyes and chuckled. “I guess we'll just have to see.”

“I think it's time for the check.”

In minutes Jared was shepherding her into the passenger side of his truck. He quickly tucked her into the passenger seat before making his way around to climb into the driver's side himself “It's not too late. Do you want to go for a drive or something? Or maybe we could...”

This time it was Raina who moved first, leaning across the console to meet his lips with hers, lingering for a moment before parting her lips slightly in further invitation. To her delight, Jared knotted his hand into her hair and deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring her with a surprising ferocity. Raina wanted to press herself into him, feel that solid chest pressed against her, his hands on more than her hair but the front seat of his SUV in a restaurant parking lot was not the place. “... or maybe we could go back to my place.” she offered. “It's only about ten minutes from here.” Jared just smiled and started the car.

“Tell me where to go.”


	4. Chapter 4

No sooner had Raina dropped her keys into the bowl on entryway table then Jared had flattened her back against the door. He pressed his forehead against hers, breathing her in for a moment, mouth poised achingly just out of her reach.  Teasing slowly he traced his fingers over her lips, leaving his thumb there to pull her into an open pout before crashing his lips into hers.  He tasted of the chocolate pastry he’d had for desert and Raina found herself moaning softly into his mouth as his hand slipped behind her head to tilt her further into the kiss.  God, he could kiss.  By the time he moved his mouth to her neck she was already breathless, glad she had thrown caution to the wind for the night.

   “Mmm,” he groaned into her skin as he nibbled his way towards her collarbone, “you taste so sweet.” With a gentle sweep of his hand, he pushed her hair aside so his mouth was at her ear.  “Are you sure you want this?’

   “Not so sweet,” she panted in return. ”And I did invite you back here after all.”

   Jared pushed the neckline of her dress to the side, exposing her shoulder which he then began to devour with a series of tiny kisses and bites. “I just… I have to ask.” He moved his mouth slowly back up the curve of her neckline, coming to rest next to her ear.  “I can get a little… forceful.. and I just…”

   She pulled back to look at him for a moment. He looked so fucking hot like this, she thought, all swollen lips and dilated pupils, his hair beginning to muss, he probably got whatever the hell he damn well wanted, speech or not.  “Look, Jared, I don’t know what you’re used to, but I promise if you do anything I don’t want you to, you’ll know about it.  I’m not some naive twenty year old.  I know how to use my big girl words.” When it looked like he was about to protest, she slipped away from his embrace and ducked under his arm, trying to lead him back towards her bedroom.

   Jared followed for a few steps, only to push her against the hallway wall as he again brought his mouth back to hers, his tongue boldly opening her to him.  He kept her pinned there tightly as he ground his hips against her, fingers gliding over the smooth skin of her thigh as he slipped his hand under the hem of her dress.  She was already aching for him, could feel the dampness of her arousal starting to slicken her thighs, and when he pressed his knee between her legs she couldn’t help grinding against it with a soft moan.  He broke the kiss long enough to ask where the bedroom was.  Raina pointed a shaky finger at the door and Jared scooped his hands under her ass and lifted, prompting her to wrap her legs around him so he could carry her through. They made it as far as her dresser, Jared perching her on the surface so he could pull his shirt off, his lips never breaking contact.      

   As soon as his shirt was off Raina eagerly set her mouth on all that broad, firm real estate, teasing in licks and nibbles until she found her way to a nipple.  As she swirled her tongue over the tiny firm bud she was rewarded with an animalistic sound that was somewhere between a growl and a hiss.

   “Fuck. Such a greedy thing,” Jared murmured as he knotted his fingers in her dark curls, pulling her up from his chest for another heated kiss.  As he straightened her out he pushed forward, coming to rest firmly between Raina’s thighs, hardness pushing against all her sensitive spots. It was she who was making the animal noises now, circling her arms around his back to pull him tightly against her as he rolled his hips against her burning core.

   Shifting his hands behind her, Jared deftly undid the zipper of her dress and pulled it over her head.  As soon as it was over her his hands returned down her back, unhooking her bra and casting it aside so quickly Raina thought it could have been the opener in some erotic magic act.  She wondered briefly how many times he had performed that maneuver but pushed the thought aside as quickly as it popped up. No sense spoiling the illusion. He brought his mouth back to her quickly, nuzzling her from her chin down the exposed curve of her throat as his agile fingers found their way to her swollen nipples. When they were replaced by the wet heat of his mouth, a soft whimper spilled from Raina’s lips.  

   She slipped her fingers just under the waistband of his jeans, sliding them forward in search of the fly.  Jared had other plans, however, and grabbed her wrists, firmly planting her hands on the edge of the dresser on either side of her before resuming his assault on her aching nipples. Raina’s head fell back as he worked, taking one nub of dusky flesh in his mouth while his slender fingers kneaded against the other, alternating between the two, wet licks and gentle caresses slowly giving way to nips and pinches as he finally rolled one nipple between his teeth as he flicked its twin with his fingers.  The sharpness of the sensation brought Raina’s head forward again, and she discovered Jared looking back up at her, blue eyes examining her reaction to the change in tactics.  Breathlessly she nodded at him. With an impish grin he slipped his mouth down to the tender underside of breast and gave it a sharp bite that caused Raina to cry out and she fought to keep her hands where Jared had placed them.  Quickly he straightened up, crashing his lips into hers again before the sound had entirely died, leaving her whimpering into the bruising kiss. After a few moments, he broke off.  “Let’s get you onto that bed.”

   Head swirling with lust, Raina wasted no time in stretching out on top of her golden duvet, reclining as she watched her gorgeous companion move to straddle her.  This time when she reached to unfasten his jeans he made no move to stop her, merely grinning down as she hungrily slid the zipper open and pushed the fabric down his hips. She gasped a bit as she freed his massive erection, her walls clenching as she envisioned what that was going to feel like inside her.  Jared chuckled and slid the jeans and his briefs the rest of the way off, fishing out of the pocket a small foil packet that he tossed on the bed next to them before lowering himself to kiss her again. Raina tangled herself around him, enjoying the warm weight of him as he stretched himself against her and settled between her legs. Soon her panties had joined the pile of garments strewn about the floor.  

   Jared began tracing his hands over her body, dwelling for a moment each time a particular graze elicited a reaction.  Then his fingers were changed out for his hungry mouth which sought out the tender areas he had just finished mapping.  He set upon those spots with his teeth and tongue, sucking the tender flesh into his mouth and leaving dark marks in his wake.  Raina twisted underneath his sensual torment, unable to resist twining her fingers into his long, beautiful hair. Once again he took her hands away from him, this time pinning them by her sides.  He paused over her until she was looking directly at his lust darkened eyes.  “I said maybe you could touch it.  If you were a good girl.” He took a playful nip at her rib cage.  “Let’s see if you’re a good girl.”

   Good grief, this man was going to be her undoing.  She didn’t know what he had seen in her that had signaled to him that she was the type of woman who would go in for any of this, but he was absolutely correct. These were the things in the deepest corners of her desires, and if she had finally found a lover who was willing to give them to her then she was going to enjoy him for all he was worth, one-night stand or not.  Raina bit her lower lip but kept her gaze steadily on him. “I’m a very good girl.  Just try me.” This elicited a grin from Jared who then took her hands and placed them against the headboard.    

   “Do not take your hands away from there.  You don’t know me so I’m not going to tie you, but I want you to keep your hands there just as if they were tied, am I clear?” Raina nodded, the words making her shudder in anticipation. “Answer me.”

   “Yes. I understand.”

   “Good.” He leaned down to give her a soft little kiss before continuing, more gently.  “Remember you promised me, big girl words if you were uncomfortable.”

   “I promise.” The only way in which Raina felt uncomfortable in that moment was from the building need for this man to touch every single part of her.  She gave the headboard a tight squeeze and watched as he leaned back on his heels, taking in the sight of her.  Slowly he trailed his fingers across the soft curve of her hips, strumming across the tender flesh there, down to her inner thighs then back up again before dipping behind her to lift the firm globes of her ass and settle her against his thighs.  Keeping one hand on her hip he lightly brushed the back of his other hand over her warm wet folds. Raina moaned at the teasing contact, but when she lifted her hips in search of more friction the hand on her hip tightened down, fingers digging harshly into her delicate flesh.

   “No no,” he chastised, holding her firmly in place as he made another languorous pass against her. “Getting greedy again you naughty thing.  You don’t want to be a naughty girl, do you? Naughty girls don’t get rewards.” He brought his fingers down her slick crease once again, adding a little more pressure.  Raina moaned but held her hips in place this time.  Jared smiled back at her.  “There, that’s better.”

   Jared continued teasing her, running his digits up and down her engorged lips, dipping just a little further between them each time. When a single slender finger finally breached her a wave of pleasure washed over her so intense she was unable to hold still any longer, her back bowing almost painfully tight as she fought to keep her hips anchored against his thighs.  Slowly he continued stroking her, adding another finger and then curling them against her tender spot as he worked, never taking his gaze away from her face.  

   “You are so wet baby,” he purred at her, “you must be enjoying yourself.  Do you like the way my fingers feel inside you Raina?”

   “Mmm, yes,” Raina answered breathlessly.  She could feel the heat gathering at her center, little quakes telling her she was very close to her release.  She wanted so badly for him to pick up the pace, or to be able to grind against that skilled hand. Jared must have noticed it too as he leaned over her again, his hand never stopping but his face now inches away from hers.  

   “Don’t you dare cum yet,” he told her, blue eyes giving her a stern look that she knew meant business, that only made her shudder all the more.  He gave her a quick kiss on her chin before sitting back up and moving the hand that had been holding her hip down so that his thumb could begin circling her clit.  Raina mewled in protest, she was sure she couldn’t hold on against this increased onslaught for long. Jared ignored her whimpering, continuing to stoke the fire as his fingers stretched and strummed her, bringing her near her peak and back down again, pushing her to the absolute limits of her control. When she felt there was no way she could continue to keep herself from tumbling over the edge one hand suddenly left her, and she watched as he deftly tore into the condom wrapper with his teeth and a single hand, sheathing himself quickly before driving into her, devastating what little control she had been maintaining.  

   “Cum now for me Raina.  Let it go.” he urged but she was already there, convulsing in waves around him as she shouted his name.  As she came back down, Jared pulled her hands away from the headboard at last, placing a soft kiss on one palm.  “See? I told you good girls get rewards,” he said, rolling his hips slowly into her now.

   Delighted to be able to touch him again, Raina ran her hands up his muscular arms, letting them linger on top of his shoulders before slowly dragging her nails down his chest.  This elicited that purring growl of his again, the one that went straight through her, sending little jolts of electricity to her center.  Hungrily she slipped her hands around his waist, letting them rest at the small of his back where she could pull him against her, returning his rhythm with her own hips as he slowly withdrew and then filled her again. She could already feel another climax building when he abruptly flipped her over.

   Giving her a hard smack on her ass, Jared thrust into her again, much more forcefully than before, burying himself to the hilt.  He began fucking into her then with reckless abandon, one palm flattened between her shoulder blades, pinning her in place on the bed while the other hand dug roughly into her hip.  She could feel the tremors building again as he pistoned in and out of her, his head dragging over her most tender parts.

   “Fuck fuck fuck, yes…” Raina groaned, the sounds spilling from her mouth as the pleasure building in her core began to boil over.  Jared grabbed her arms and pulled her back against him, one arm moving to cross her chest as his hand found it’s way to the front of her throat and the other hand sought the wet junction between them.  As the hand at her throat tightened she came apart completely, waves of pleasure surging through her again and again until she felt she would dissolve around him.  He kept his merciless grip on her throat as he continued savagely bucking his hip into her, his assault becoming more and more erratic as he finally found his own release with a strangled cry. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her tightly against his chest as their breathing settled.  

   Eventually, he released her to lie back down on the bed, and Raina watched him with open admiration as he crossed to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and clean up.  As soon as he came back out he began gathering the clothes they had so hastily thrown aside earlier, sliding his briefs back on before sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. She felt a twinge as she realized her little walk on the wild side was already over.  This was exactly how she knew it would end though.


	5. Chapter 5

Raina sat up on the bed next to Jared and brushed the hair back from Jared's shoulder, letting her fingers linger in its softness. Surely she had earned the right to touch it now.  She planted a small kiss on his collarbone.  “Thank you,” she said with a sigh.

  
   Jared gave her a little laugh and leaned over to give her a kiss, much more chaste than the ones that the evening had begun with. “I'm not sure what you're thanking me for.  You were amazing.”  He pressed his forehead against hers, his thumb tracing her still swollen lips.  “I'd ask to stay but the Hills are a long drive from here and I have an early appointment.”

  
   Raina sat back with a sigh.  “Look, it's okay.  You don't have to make excuses.  It was great.  We can just let it go at that.”

  
   Jared frowned at her.  “What's that supposed to mean?”

  
   Raina pulled a pillow in front of her, feeling much more naked than she had a few minutes ago.  “I just,” She couldn't look him in the eye.  She didn't want this to be awkward but it was rapidly becoming exactly that.  “I don't have any illusions here, okay? You don't have to try to spare my feelings or make excuses as to why you aren't going to stick around to cuddle now or why you won't be calling me next week.”

  
   He grabbed her chin so that she was forced to look at him.  “You know,” he said, “you've made a few comments tonight that really make me wonder what you think of me. I don't know where you've gotten the picture of me you have but I'm not that guy.  At least I hope I'm not.”

  
   Raina shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.  She realized that she had started this all with a lot of assumptions that weren't based on anything to do with the man in front of her.  She also realized she was fast on her way into making this the exact mess she was trying to avoid.  “I'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean it that way. “

  
   Jared gave her a quick kiss on the tip of her nose.  “I do wish I could stay. You probably  have an early morning too though right?”  She nodded.  He surveyed her with a quick glance.  “So is this how you normally sleep?”

  
   “What?” she asked, confused.    

  
   He made a sweeping motion with his hand.  “Naked.  Nude.  Do you sleep like this or do you wear pajamas?”

  
   “Uh, I usually wear a nightgown.”

  
   “Okay, where do you keep them?”

  
   Raina was very confused now.  She pointed at the dresser.  “Over there, third drawer down on the right.”

  
   Jared took the pillow from her and stood up.  “Why don't you go brush your teeth and clean up and I'll get your nightgown out.” He held his hand out for her.  “Come on.,” he said gently,  “I don't want to leave you like this.”

  
   Raina was unsure how to respond so she did as he asked, heading into the bathroom to wash up and get ready for bed.  When she returned from the bathroom Jared was completely dressed, sitting on the edge of the turned down bed, holding what happened to be her favorite lavender nightgown.  He smiled as she emerged.  

  
   “Here.”  He got up and pulled the nightgown over her head, lifting her dark hair out of the neck of the garment then smoothing it down over her.  Taking her hand, he next guided her to the bed, settling her down carefully on the pillows before settling the blanket around her.  “I wanted to tuck you in before I left.” He brushed the hair from her face and then fished his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it before holding it out to her.  “Would you put your number in? I can call you again, can't I?”

  
   Raina smiled at this unexpected development.  Who knew if he would actually call again, but she knew she would be a fool to pass up a chance for another night like the one she had just spent. She quickly added her contact information to the phone and handed it back to him.  “Only if you want to.  I don't want you to feel obligated or anything.”

  
   He sighed as he took the phone back.  “I can see I have a lot of work to do here.” Gently he kissed her again, lingering for just a bit longer than the last time.  “I'm going to call.  It may be a bit because I'm really busy right now, but I will call.  Just give me a chance okay?”

  
   “Okay,” Raina conceded.  This gave Jared a smile.  He tucked his phone away, got up and switched the bedside light off before going to see himself out.  

  
   “Good night, Raina.  Sweet Dreams.”

 

* * *

 

   The next day at the studio was complete chaos.  They were supposed to be shooting a layout that included half a dozen models in futuristic costumes for a sci-fi piece the magazine was doing but the special effects makeup people they had coming in had been miss scheduled and showed up two hours late.  Additionally, there was some sort of problem with some of the wardrobe pieces that left that department scrambling as well.  The studio was filled with people, most of whom didn't work there on any regular basis and had no idea where things were, people were cranky and tripping over each other and touching things they shouldn't.   Raina was sure Val was going to have a stroke any minute. She, however, was completely relaxed and unflummoxed by the pandemonium around her.  She bobbed through the crowd with a smile, completely composed as she ran interference for Val and kept everything running as smoothly as possible.  In a moment of distraction, she bumped into an equipment stand that dug into a tender bruise on her side that Jared had left when he bit down too enthusiastically.  The initial wince immediately gave way as pleasant memories flooded back, and Raina found herself biting her lip to contain herself.

  
   “What on earth is that look for?”  Cassie was standing in front of her, brows furled but smiling.  “You look like the cat that got the cream.”

  
   “Oh, Cas....”  Raina didn't even begin to know where to start explaining the last day to her friend.  She looked around to make sure no one could overhear.  “Do you remember that band that we were photographing yesterday?”

  
   Cassidy rolled her eyes.  “I'm pregnant not brain damaged.  Of course I do.” She gave Raina a quick up and down look.  “Why?  What did you do?” 

  
   Raina giggled.  “You mean who.  Who did you do?”

  
   Cassie's eyes grew wide.  “You didn't!” When Raina only shrugged her shoulders Cassie gave her a friendly shove.  “You did!  Raina!” She laughed as she too looked around to be sure they weren't being listened in on.  “I knew you wouldn't mind that I gave him your number.  I'm sorry I didn't warn you but I couldn't find you before we finished packing out.”

  
   Raina gave Cassidy a puzzled look.  “Wait, what?  He didn't call me, I just gave him my number when he left last night.”

  
   Cassie shrugged.  “Maybe he lost it? Or just wanted to be sure he had it?” She gave the area another furtive glance before continuing in a quieter voice.  “So how was it?”

  
   Raina started to answer her but almost as if on cue Val shouted for her from across the studio.  “Amazing.” was all she had time to answer before returning to her duties. 

  
    Whenever she would bump into something or stretch a bit too far there were twinges and aches to remind Raina of her erotic adventures of the previous night and the sexy man she had shared them with.  It kept her smiling through the chaos and the day rushed past quickly.  She was helping Cassie straighten up when her cell rang with a call from a number she didn't recognize. 

  
   “Oh, maybe that's Jared,” she told her friend.  “He did say he'd call, I just didn't expect it this soon.”

  
   Cassie got a strange look on her face.  “Jared? Wait, Raina...” she reached for the phone but Raina was already answering it. 

  
   “Hello,” came the voice on the other end.  “Raina?”

  
   “Hey.  I'm surprised you're calling already.” Cassie was making wild gestures with her arms but Raina just turned her back.  “How was your day?”

  
   “Um, it was fine thanks.  I guess your friend told you I asked for your number.  I hope that's okay.”  Feeling a rush of panic, Raina suddenly realized this was not Jared.  She whirled back around to Cassie who was still trying to get her attention.  Quickly she hit the mute button on the phone.     

  
   “What did you do?” Raina hissed at her.  “Who did you give my number to?”

  
   Cassie bit her lip and looked back at Raina sheepishly.  “Shannon.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Cassidy!” Raina tried not to panic as Cassie tried to explain that she had thought Raina liked Shannon after the way she had been flirting and the way she had let him chase her around the day before. “What the heck am I going to tell him?”

“Well,” Cassie asked, “what do you want to tell him?”

“I...” Raina had no idea. She hadn't even entertained the thought before now. She remembered the way he laughed at his own jokes, not in an arrogant way but as if he knew exactly how cheesy he was being and didn't care; the ferocious grin that always followed, the way those strong arms of his had felt when he picked her up. He definitely had appeal. But how would it look, going out with him when she had just spent the night with his brother?

“Hello? Raina? Are you still there?” Raina realized she had to say something to Shannon, the silence was lasting too long.

“Sorry, I'm still here. I'm just finishing up at work.”

“Put him on speaker!” Cassie whispered. Raina waved her off.

“I'm sorry, I didn't meant to disturb you. I thought you'd be done by now.” Shannon apologized. “Would you like me to call back later?”

“No, that's okay. I can talk for a few minutes. I was just a little surprised.”

“Well, I won't keep you long then. I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday and I thought maybe you'd like to get together for coffee or a drink sometime?”

The word was out of her mouth before Raina even realized she had made up her mind. “Sure.”

 

 

 

“ _What's right is right and what's wrong is wrong,”_ Raina's grandmother always used to say. She liked the phrase, not for its truth but for is comforting illusion that things could be separated into neat little categories. There was no gray area, no complex points of view, no moral dilemmas, just simple choices you could make and move forward from without a backward glance of doubt. The decision about whether to meet Shannon for coffee as he had suggested was fraught with the very pitfalls that phrase promised didn't exist. For the second time this week she was left second guessing herself, albeit for very different reasons. It wasn't like she and Jared were doing anything even close to dating, she reminded herself; she didn't owe him anything. And when Saturday rolled around and he still hadn't called, most of her doubts were just spots in the rear view mirror.

She had lingered over getting ready. She wanted to look amazing, look like the kind of girl people would think belonged with a hot rocker type, but it was an afternoon coffee date and as she dug through her wardrobe she became increasingly convinced those were two incompatible goals. Ultimately she settled on a bohemian print blouse, shorts, and strappy heels that she hoped at least conveyed free spirit. It would have to do.

Raina had elected to meet Shannon at the cafe rather than have him pick her up (at least that way she would have her own transportation if things got weird) and showed up at the arranged time only to find her date had not yet arrived. After forty-five minutes of waiting, she had to seriously consider that she had been stood up. Sje was nearly ready to flag the waitress down for her check so she could escape with what little dignity she had when she finally saw him, arguing with the hostess as he surveyed the room. Raina waved, and when he spotted her he pointed her out to the hostess with a look of triumph before coming to join her.

“I'm sorry about that. She was telling me you already left.” He looked at the empty mug on the table. “I'm really late aren't I?”

Raina nodded. “I have to admit, you're not looking good here bub. I was just about to leave.”

Shannon gave her a smile, the same one she had noted when trying to decide whether or not to meet him in the first place. That smile was going to get her into a lot of trouble if she didn't reign herself in. “I hope you'll stay. I'm really sorry. Punctuality isn't one of my strengths.”

She wasn't ready to let him off the hook yet. “Okay then, sell me. What are your strengths?”

“Huh, going to put me on the spot now? Well, I'm funny, I'm a good listener, I'm never boring.” He bit his bottom lip, the mischievous smile never wavering. “The rest you'll just have to find out for yourself.”

 

It turned out he was all of those things, He spent the next three hours and countless cups of coffee telling her stories of his adventures that Raina was sure had to be at least a little bit fabricated. But he was indeed funny and interesting and listened carefully when she told her own tales, exactly as advertised. She was surprised at how quickly the time was passing and how comfortable she felt with him. She caught herself several times before she began to reveal a little too much, before she shattered the lovely pretense of two uncomplicated people just having coffee and a laugh. If the last few years had taught her anything it was that reality would find a way to spoil things soon enough, it was best to enjoy what she could while it was there in front of her. So when Shannon suggested a walk on the beach after hours of sitting in the cafe (“I know a great spot.”) she quickly agreed.

Not far into the walk it became clear why Shannon had chosen that particular stretch of beach for their stroll as they ended up in a secluded little cove of sorts, out of the reach of prying eyes. As they stopped to gaze out onto the surf, he slipped behind her, wrapping his arms firmly around her waist before lightly kissing her shoulder. Raina shivered at the contact, an odd juxtaposition considering the heat that his touch was creating. She wondered if she should say something about the night she had spent with Jared, _(did he already know, would he even care?)_ but he was already settling down on the sand, pulling at her hand for her to come join him, and she realized she wanted to be done with conversations. There had been enough talking today, enough time spent in her head second guessing every move. Shannon had the most kissable lips Raina had ever seen, and the way he had been biting them, running his tongue over them all through their conversation at the cafe had left her aching for a taste.

Sitting next to him on the sand now she was suddenly caught up in the details of him, the different flecks of color in his eyes as he squinted against the sun, the strong line of his jaw, the dusting of freckles along his collarbone where his shirt had shifted to the side. Tentatively she brushed her fingertips over those dark marks, finding it easier to look at them than to look into those intense eyes of his. She felt him tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, his hand tracing it's way to her chin before tilting her face to him, compelling her to look at him, to see him biting that bottom lip again in the way that made her insides flutter. With a deep breath, she surged forward and met those irresistible lips with her own. They were warm and smooth and tasted vaguely of lip balm that she had no idea when he had applied. Even though it was a tiny kiss, a delicate beginning, she could feel it in her core, like a small yet powerful engine coming to life. She was hooked.

Shannon slid his hand to the small of her back, pulling her in tightly as he deepened the kiss, his tongue seeming to shyly ask permission even though he was boldly pressing against her. Raina wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her into his lap, losing herself in solid heat of him against her as heart thundered wildly in her chest, keeping time with the sound of the waves crashing behind them. The sand, the waves, the sun, the beautiful man against her making her toes curl under every time his calloused hands brushed against a patch of exposed flesh all felt like a dream. The best kind of dream. The kind you woke up from smiling and wishing you could go back to sleep just for five minutes more of bliss.

She wasn't sure how long they spent like that, wet kisses and soft little moans ticking the time past, but Raina was startled when she realized her toes were getting damp. The tide had come in while they were lost in each other. Regretfully she broke off the embrace.

“Oh wow,” Shannon said, quickly pulling them both to their feet. “I guess we've been a little distracted.” He was still smiling that same trouble making grin, and he pulled her close for one last kiss. “Let's walk you back to your car.”

They lingered in the parking lot for a few minutes, Shannon pressing her against the side of her car as he rested his forehead against hers.

“You don't have to go home you know,” he told her. “Or at least you don't have to go home alone.”

It wasn't that Raina wasn't tempted. Shannon's effect on her was undeniable. But taking him into her bed when she still had no longer fresh but still not faded love bites from another man felt a bit too far a walk on the wild side for her. Even more so when she reminded herself it was his brother that had left him there. Better to leave a little for the next meeting. She only hoped it would be soon.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Cassidy opened the pizza box and sat it back down on the counter before handing an empty plate to Raina. “So,” she asked, “what are you going to tell Jared?”

Raina had come over to Cassie and Aaron's for their weekly pizza and beer night (or just pizza for Cassie these days) and Cassie had grilled her for every detail about her encounters with Jared and Shannon. She had been hesitant to share at first, embarrassed by how intense things had gotten with Jared so quickly, but after Aaron had taken his beer and excused himself to go watch the game on TV, Cassie had slowly coaxed the details out of her. Raina expected her to be shocked, but if she had been, she hadn't shown it. “Why do I have to tell Jared anything? He's not my boyfriend. He hasn't even called me back.”

Cassie set her slice down on her plate. “Raina you are asking for trouble. They're going to talk.” Cassie got a sudden, horrified look on her face. “Oh God Raina, what if they already talked?”

“I guess it's okay then because Shannon didn't seem bothered any.”

Cassie shook her head. “No, you don't understand what I'm saying. What if they already talked? What if,” she looked at her plate, avoiding Raina's eyes “what if Shannon called to ask you out because Jared told him what a great time he had. If you catch my drift.”

Raina wasn't sure how to process that. “Oh come on Cassie, this isn't high school. Surely they're not passing around the name of the 'easy girl' like horny teenagers. I'm sure they can find plenty of willing women.”

“Case in point, I guess.” Cassie immediately regretted saying it. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just looking out for you.”

Raina chose to ignore the affront. “I just don't know why it has to be a big thing. No one is dating anyone yet. It was dinner, a romp, and a coffee date. You wouldn't suggest I say anything if they didn't know each other.”

“If they didn't know each other they wouldn't be any chance of them finding out accidentally and making a big mess. If you're so sure it's all so casual and not a big deal then what's the harm in speaking up?”

Raina didn't know how to make Cassie understand. It had been so long since anyone had taken that kind of an interest in her, at least anyone she might be interested in return. Now she had two men pursuing her, and not just any two, but Jared and Shannon Leto. She didn't know what she had done at that photo shoot that had grabbed their attention but she wasn't about to do anything to screw it up. Raina figured if she spoke up and one of them wasn't comfortable with the situation then the whole thing came crashing to a halt right there. She was willing to risk anything to keep this going a little longer. She needed this. Cassie had never lost anything, had never found herself broken, penniless, directionless, without a friend in the world. Raina didn't think she could make her understand this desperate need to protect herself from ever feeling that again. If it meant not upsetting one particular apple cart at peril of the whole truck falling on you later, then so be it. Who knew if the truck would even come?

“How about we revisit this discussion if either one of them ever calls me back?”

“Rainy, I think you're playing with fire here....” Cassie frowned at her.

“Cass. Enough. I get your point.” Raina grabbed another beer out of the refrigerator. “I'll think about it okay?”

 

Raina could hear her phone chirping from the nightstand where she had left it before drifting off to sleep. Sleepily she rubbed her eyes and fumbled for the device, noting the time on her lock screen said it was just after 4 a.m. There was a text alert, and when she went into her messages she saw a series of them that had come in in the last hour, all from Jared. She scrolled back to the first one.

 

_Hey, it's Jared. Sorry I haven't called, really busy. Can't stop thinking about you though. Did you wear that nightgown to bed again?_

 

Well, that was a strange opener. Raina scrolled through the rest of the messages.

 

I _hope I didn't put you off when I left like that. I had an early appointment and then a long flight. I should have explained better._

 

_You were just making so many assumptions. I didn't want you to think I was only interested in one thing._

 

_Just realized that I made assumptions too. Maybe you were just interested in one thing. Why do I assume you want to see me again?_

 

_It's okay if you did. I can live with that. But let me know okay?_

 

_I mean it's okay, as in I'm not mad. But I'd like to see you again. If that's okay._

 

_Sorry, I'm rambling. Someone should take my phone away._

 

Raina smiled at the screen. He was sounding like such a dork, not at all the charming, suave man he had been at dinner that night. It was actually sort of endearing. It amused her to think that she might have that effect on him. She quickly typed up a reply.

 

_I am interested. I was only expecting a one-time thing, I admit, but I had a great time with you. I'd be happy to see where this goes._

 

She hit send, set the phone back down and went to the use the bathroom. When she came back out there was a reply waiting.

 

_I'm glad to hear it. I can't believe you're awake. What time is it there? Is it okay if I call?_

 

_It's after 4 in the morning. Where are you? Yes, you can call._

 

Within a minute of sending the last message Raina's phone was ringing. Jared's voice on the other end brought back a flood of sense memories that made her blush as soon as he began to speak.

“Hey, pretty lady. I'm sorry if I woke you up. I'm in Brisbane and it's 9 in the evening. I figured you'd just answer my texts whenever.”

“It's okay. I'm a light sleeper, it's not hard to wake me. It's not your fault.” Raina told him. “Wow, Australia huh?”

“Yeah, I had some meetings. Almost done though, I'll be back in Los Angeles Tuesday.” Raina thought he sounded tired. “I was hoping you'd want to see me again. I feel like I kind of came and went last time if you follow me.”

Raina laughed. “It's all right. It had been a really long day. I wasn't offended.” Of course, part of the reason she hadn't been offended was because she had such low expectations, to begin with, but she wasn't going to tell him that. “I had to be up early myself, remember?”

“Well, I promise to take more time with you next time.” Jared's voice dropped to a low growl. “I'd like to take a lot more time next time Raina. I haven't even gotten started with you.”

Raina could feel her skin heating up with the thought of spending another night with him. “Really? Tell me more,” she replied playfully.

She got another growl in reply. “I knew there was a naughty girl in there. I can always spot them. What do you want to hear princess? Want me to tell you about how about this time I might just actually tie you down? Map every inch of your skin with my tongue until you're squirming under me and begging me for relief? Make you scream my name until your voice gives out?”

Raina shuddered at his words, her lower lip catching behind her teeth. “Yes, please,” she replied breathlessly.

Jared chuckled softly. “I don't know Raina. What are you going to do for me?” She could hear some shuffling in the background, then a door being opened and closed. “You still didn't tell me if you're wearing that purple slip of a thing you call a nightie.”

Hoping this was going where she thought it was, Raina settled herself against her pillows. She could already feel the dampness building between her legs at the sound of his wicked promises. “No, not tonight,” she told him, mustering her best seductive purr. “Tonight I'm in white. A white babydoll. It's very sheer. You can see the darker skin of my nipples if you look closely.”

This elicited a groan from the other end of the line. “Slip your fingers in your mouth, princess. Get them nice and wet.” Raina did as she was told, making wet little groans as she did so so that Jared would know she was complying. “Now,” he instructed, “use them to get those dark little buds nice and hard, just like I did with my mouth the last time I saw you. You remember that don't you?”

Good lord, how could she forget? She closed her eyes as she slipped her hand under the thin fabric of her gown, remembering the way Jared had taken her firm mounds into his mouth, rolling them with his tongue as she squirmed against him. “Yes, I remember,” she said, her voice a syrupy purr. “It felt so good. Made me so wet for you, just like I am now.” She could hear Jared's breathing quicken and wondered if he was touching himself yet. “Tell me what you're doing,” she requested.

“Realizing I didn't spend near enough time at your place that night,” he answered with a groan. “I have a fistful of cock that has no idea what the inside of your mouth feels like and it's dying to find out.” His words sent a shockwave of desire straight to Raina's core. “So tell me. Move those clever little fingers of yours down and use them just the way I used mine while you tell me what you would do if I let you get your mouth on me.”

Raina sighed as her fingers moved to caress her wet crevice, her mouth watering at the thought of having Jared stretched out on her bed while he did the squirming this time. “I would start with that cute little naval of yours, I think,” she told him, “swirling my tongue around it before I started moving down, kissing and sucking the skin into my mouth, teasing all around that hard stomach, those firm thighs, with my lips, my teeth, my tongue, my fingertips, my nails, until you are just aching for me take you in my mouth.” She slipped two fingers into the wet heat between her legs, amping up her own arousal as she listened to the quickening breathing on the other end of the line that told her she was having the desired effect. “When I'm finally ready I'll start at the base, teasing my tongue in just where your balls meet the shaft, and slowly drag my tongue up the underside where it's all nice and sensitive, feeling you shudder as I move, until I finally tuck the tip between my lips, my tongue swirling over it as I clean off every bit of the sweet pre-cum that has escaped”

“Fuck,” Jared groaned. Raina could hear the shudder in his voice and smiled, knowing how turned on her words were making him. His breathing was even quicker now, peppered with the small little animal noises she remembered from their night together. “Are those fingers inside you baby girl? I want you grinding on that hand like you kept trying to grind mine while I held you down.”

“Yes,” Raina whimpered, her hips rolling against her stroking digits as ripples of pleasure radiated out from them.

“Good,” Jared growled back. “Continue.”

Raina swallowed hard, trying to keep her focus, so many erotic thoughts swimming through her head as she felt her climax racing closer. “Once your head is nice and wet I'll start down the shaft, my tongue working ahead of me to get you nice and slick so you're sliding deeper and deeper into my mouth.” She cupped the phone against her shoulder, sliding a fingertip into the edge of her mouth to satisfy the need she now had to have something – anything – for her tongue to play with. “Mmm,” she whimpered, “god I love the way you feel as you slide down my throat. I can feel you twitching in appreciation as I wrap one hand around your base and slip the other one under your balls. I'm focused on nothing but your pleasure now, trying to keep pace as your hips drive you deeper and deeper down my throat, my eyes watering as I try to breathe.” Raina was lost in the fantasy now, unaware of how frenzied her own movements had become, the only thing in her head was the picture she was painting. “I only want one thing now,” she told him, “I want to taste you, want to feel your hot cum running down my throat.” Her voice was urgent now, panting in the phone. “Cum for baby, give me what I'm craving. Please. Cum for me.”

Jared let out a long, gravelly moan. “Yesss, ahhh, fuck.....” and the erratic little gasps in her ear told Raina he had found his release. As she pictured him there in his room, thick erection in hand as ropey strands of cum shot onto his stomach she fell over the edge herself, exquisite waves of gratification washing over her as she cried out his name. With a whimper, she fell back against the pillow, spent. She wasn't sure how long they lay like that, panting at each other from opposite sides of the world, but eventually, Jared's voice broke the spell.

“Damn that was amazing. You should see the mess you made.”

Raina laughed. “The mess I made?”

“Well I certainly didn't do this by myself.” His voice was warm in her ear, and she was acutely aware that she had never had a chance to cuddle with him. She wondered what it felt like to curl up against that firm chest of his, run her fingers languidly down his body as she waited for the high of her orgasm to pass.

“Well, there's a bit of a wetness situation here too. I guess we both need a shower.”

She heard him sigh. “I should probably go do that. I guess I'm going to run off on you again.”

“It's okay. It's not like you can cuddle over the phone. That would just be a lot of quiet.”

“I promise to be better next time.” There was a pause as Raina heard more shuffling around, probably Jared getting up to take that shower. “I'll call you when I get back. I promise.”

She smiled at the thought of seeing him again. “I'm going to hold you to that. Sweet dreams.”

“See you soon, Raina,” he told her, then the call closed. She sat the phone back down on her nightstand before getting up to go clean up. She would tell him about Shannon when he got back, she told herself. There was no sense in spoiling things now. She shrugged off the little voice that tried to tell her she was brewing her, tempest and started the shower.

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

     Raina tried to stick to her normal routine for the next few days.  She resisted calling Shannon right back and instead put the finishing touches on her final project for the semester, studied, and kept Val from having meltdowns.  She didn't tell Cassie about the call from Jared, wanting to avoid that conversation. She did, however, add the entire 30 Seconds to Mars collection to her workout playlist.  She had heard a few songs over the years but had never really paid them much attention.  She regretted that now as she found she was actually very fond of their music.  She loved having Jared's voice in her ear as she hit the elliptical and hearing Shannon in the background.  It also gave her time to think.

  Every time she and Jared connected it quickly ended up being about sex.  They had barely exchanged a few sentences with each other before he kissed her the first time.  They were in bed together after one dinner, and the one telephone conversation she'd had with him had lasted maybe five minutes before it devolved into phone sex.  Heat and chemistry were great, but what if nothing else ever developed? Even if the sex was amazing. Every time they talked they both shied away from anything deep. 

  
   Shannon, on the other hand, seemed to inspire something different in her.  She had loved talking with him in the cafe almost as much as she had liked kissing him on the beach.  There was chemistry there too, but it was different.  She wanted to talk to him, to tell him things, to pick his brain. Even with him though, she had resisted any deeper emotional connection.   

  
   She knew she was risking a lot by juggling the two of them.  But she wanted them both, equally, for different reasons.  She hoped she would have time for things to play out enough that she could make a clear decision before everything came crashing down on her. She knew she was fast running out of time.

  
   Tuesday morning before heading into work she decided enough time had passed and she sent Shannon a text, letting him know she really enjoyed their date and that she hoped they would be able to get together again soon.  He texted back around lunchtime wanting to go for drinks that night.  She hesitated, knowing that Jared was returning that day, but he hadn't actually asked her to make any plans for Tuesday, just told her he would be back.  Who even knew when he was due to arrive?  Surely he wouldn't want to go out that same night. She decided to make the gamble and made plans to meet Shannon for drinks.

   
   He had shown up late, again, but at least this time Raina was expecting it.  What she wasn't expecting was the leather pants and jacket that made her pulse race before he even reached the table.  He looks as good in leather as Jared does with his shirt off, Raina thought.  He gave her a light kiss before sitting down. 

   “Wow, you look amazing,” he told her appreciatively. “Sorry I'm late again.”

  
   Raina just shrugged.  “I was kind of expecting it this time.  You look great too, by the way.  Love the leather.”

  
   He was as engaging and charming as that afternoon at the cafe and before she realized it once again hours had passed. She realized though she was mostly talking about nothing.  In truth, Cassie was the only person she had allowed herself to connect with since moving out to California last year. It had taken months of working next to her before she really felt comfortable opening up.  It was unsurprising that she was having the same difficulty with Jared and Shannon, but for the first time in a while, she wanted it to be different. She tried to think of something to say, some way to breach that divide, but it had been so long she didn't even know how to go about it.  Soon Shannon's chatter gave her a window. 

  
   “So, I kind of want to ask you something but I don't want to sound like 'that guy' or anything.  It's okay if you don't want to answer.”

  
   Raina smiled, she was pretty sure she knew what was coming.  Most people asked when they got comfortable enough.  “Does it have to do with my parentage?”

  
   Shannon relaxed, seeing that she didn't seem put off by the question. “Yes, but really, I know it's an obnoxious question.  You don't have to answer me.”

  
   “No, it's no problem.  Everyone seems to ask eventually.  My father was half Italian and half African-American.  He died before I was born though so I didn't really know him.”

  
   “I'm sorry about that,” Shannon told her.  “I never really knew my dad either.”

  
   “You don't really miss what you don't know though, right?  I mean, I wanted a dad growing up but that's not the same as missing your own.”  She remembered watching enviously the other children with their fathers through the years, but even then it was something she had made peace with at an early age.  “My mother was half Honduran, a quarter Hawaiian and a quarter who knows what.”  
   “Wow, okay, you really are quite the mix.”

  
   “Yup, I'm a walking melting pot,” Raina laughed. Then she turned more serious.  “Mom died about three years ago.  My grandparents had already passed before that so I've been on my own since then.”

  
   “I'm sorry if I brought up a painful subject.”  He reached over and took her hand, his eyes gentle.  “You don't have any other family? I don't know what I'd do without family.”

  
   Raina shook her head but didn't speak.  She suddenly felt incredibly fragile.  Being on her own as much as she was, sometimes being shown even the smallest kindness could be unsettling.  Keeping everyone at a distance may have lessened the possibility that they would hurt her by disappearing, but it left a raw spot of loneliness that would ache at unsuspecting moments. She began to wonder if she could do this after all, let anyone else in, especially some guy who was almost certain to break her heart eventually.  Shannon seemed to understand though, at let them sit there in quiet while she regained her composure.

  
   When her phone began buzzing in her purse she initially paid it no attention, but after the third time, she began to grow concerned, thinking perhaps Cassie was having some emergency.

  
   “I'm sorry Shannon, I should probably check this,” she apologized.

  
   Raina fished her phone from the bottom of her purse only to see Jared's name displaying across her screen.  She quickly made sure the phone was tilted away from Shannon's view and fired off a quick text message letting Jared know she was busy and would call him tomorrow.  She sat the phone face down next to her and pick up her conversation with Shannon.  Within minutes though it was buzzing again and after another four interruptions, she wasn't sure who was more irritated, Shannon or her. Since she didn't want to risk shutting it off completely and becoming inaccessible if Cassie needed her, she excused herself and took her phone to the restroom.

  
   There were 3 missed calls, a voicemail, and four text messages waiting.  She quickly leafed through the texts.

_Why aren't you answering Raina? I told you I'd call._

_What does that mean, you're busy? I told you I was coming back today._

_Dammit Raina, pick up the phone. Thought about you the whole flight back. Do you know how much I missed you?_

_Maybe I'll just start without you._

   Raina frowned at the screen.  What the hell was all that supposed to mean?  She bristled at the thought of him assuming that she would be sitting around waiting for him just because he told her he'd be in town. Maybe he really was as cocky as she first thought. She was about to fire back a scathing reply when the next message came through.  

  
   This was a picture.  Very carefully staged and shot so that none of his tattoos, nothing identifiable could be seen but there was no mistaking who and what Raina was looking at.  She nearly dropped the phone

 _All those things you whispered in my ear have me in a state princess. How much longer are you going to make me wait_?

   Raina was equal parts aroused and furious.  She couldn't figure Jared out, he was constantly switching between bossy and sweet, all the while expecting to get whatever the hell he wanted from her.  She reminded herself that he probably was used to getting what and who he wanted and that she had known that the very first night, while he still had her flattened against her front door.  Maybe her assumptions hadn't been so far off. She texted her reply.

_I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe that in all of Queensland you couldn't find some willing damsel to help you take care of that._

He responded quickly.

_I'm sure I could have.  I could find a few here too.  There's just one I wanted in particular._

Raina wasn't sure if that was some sort of veiled threat but thought it was time to give him a little perspective of his own.

_Since you started without me I guess you'll have to finish without me too.  I'm on a date._

_The next time you want to see me how about you actually make plans with me instead of assuming I'd be sitting around waiting for your call._

   She locked the screen and took a few minutes to fix her hair and calm back down.  Relieved when there was no further response, she left to rejoin Shannon at their table.

  
   As she walked up she could see him talking on his phone and she hoped he hadn't gotten too impatient while he waited for her to sort Jared out.  When she got close enough to hear the conversation her blood ran cold.

  
   “Look, bro, I'm glad you're back but it's not a good night.  I've got a date,” she could overhear Shannon saying.    

  
   Raina tried to hang back to see how the conversation was going to go but he had already spotted her and was smiling at her as he pointed at the phone.  “I'll be just a minute,” he told her before turning his attention back to the conversation. She kept her face as pleasant as possible and quietly slipped back into her seat.

  
   “As a matter of fact she is back from her trip to the ladies room, so I really should go.  We can get together tomorrow, okay?”  Shannon ended the call and Raina breathed a sigh of relief.  She just hoped this didn't mean her phone was going to start blowing up again.

    
   Shannon pushed his drink back and slid over next to her, slipping his hand behind her waist.  “Welcome back,” he said with a little wink as he wrapped himself around her, pulling her against him for a deep kiss. _The hell with Jared and his ridiculous dick pics, she thought._  She slipped her hand underneath his shirt, flattening her palm against the smooth skin on his back.  She loved the way something in her growled each time he touched her.  She pulled him against her as tightly as the space would allow and kept him locked in the embrace as he pressed back against her, taking his fill.  

   
   “Do you want to maybe get out of here? I'd like to be alone with you.” Shannon suggested when they finally broke for air. 

  
   Again, Raina tried to rationalize. No one had agreed to anything yet, there had been no pretense of attachments.  But finally, she realized that if she didn't start telling the truth there was no way this wasn't all going to blow up in her face. 

 And as furious as she was with Jared at the moment, she did generally like both of them. She decided to test the waters.

  
   “I'd like to Shannon.  I really would.  I just want to be clear first.” Raina told him. 

  
   “I'm not expecting anything.  We won't do anything you don't want.”

  
   Raina shook her head.  “That's not what I mean.” She took a breath, deciding to soft pedal this as much as possible.  “It's just you should know there's someone else I'm seeing.  It's new too, and I don't know where it's going, but I thought you should know.” She managed to fumble out. She decided the who of that statement could wait. Nervously she chewed her lip as she awaited his response. 

  
   Shannon gave her a soft smile.  “That's okay.  I'm not crazy enough to think you're going to drop everything for a guy you just had coffee with.” He gave her another kiss, and Raina could feel some of the tension leaving with the sensual contact.  “Thank you for telling me. So are we going to ditch this place or not?”  And there it was again, that wicked smile that made his nose crinkle and his eyes light up.  She didn't think she could say no to anything he asked when he looked at her like that.  

  
   “My place?” She suggested.  


	9. Chapter 9

 

“Oh wow!” Shannon stood in the middle of Raina's living room, surrounded by a riot of brightly colored fabric and art supplies while she cleared away space on the sofa. “What is all this?”

“Sorry. I'm finishing up my final project for the semester, I have to present it on Friday. I forgot I had left everything out earlier.” She quickly tucked some of the larger pieces back into their bins, started up some music and gestured for him to have a seat. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

He sat down and patted the space next to him. “I think ' or anything' sounds good.”

Raina slipped into the seat next to him and immediately found herself wrapped in his ardent embrace. There was no warm sand or crashing surf here, but she found Shannon equally captivating on the nubby old sofa in her tiny apartment. He welcomed her with an eager crush of his lips, and she found herself once again carried away in the bold caress of his tongue. Just as things were heating up her phone started blowing up again. Shannon groaned and rolled back against the sofa.

“I'm so sorry. If it weren't for Cassie I'd just leave it off,” she apologized. “I have a feeling I know who this is. Let me go nip it in the bud.” She extricated herself from the warm tangle of his limbs and found her phone. It was exactly as she suspected, there were call and text notifications, all from Jared. She glanced at the text messages.

 

_Well I see you haven't come to your senses and called me yet_

 

_Hope you're having fun on that date_

 

_If good girls get rewards Raina, what do you think naughty girls get?_

 

Raina could feel her eyes going wide at the last message. What the hell was with this guy? For as unhappy as he seemed to have been when he thought she had been making assumptions about him, he seemed to be making an awful lot about her too. Fuming she tossed the phone down on the table and turned back to Shannon.

As if on cue, the music changed to _Me and U_ , and as she looked over to Shannon waiting impatiently on the sofa she had another thought.

_Well, Jared, I guess we'll see what naughty girls get but for right now, I think you're brother is about to get that blow job you seem to be wanting so so badly._

She felt a wicked smirk come across her lips.

Raina inhaled and exhaled deeply. When she was sure Shannon was looking at her, she began walking towards him slowly, grinding her hips in time with the music. A grin washed over Shannon's face as she approached, and when she stopped in front of him for a seductive dip and turn he bit his lower lip appreciatively. She curled her fingers in a beckoning motion and danced back towards her bedroom. He wasted no time in following her.

Once inside the bedroom, he grabbed her again, crashing his lips against hers with a naked hunger. She allowed herself to be caught for a moment, enjoying the wild way he devoured her, then pushed him backward onto the bed. This only caused Shannon to grin even more ferociously. Stopping in front of him she kicked off her shoes then peeled away her dress as he watched on raised elbows. He only had time to reciprocate with his shirt before she was over him, straddling him as she resumed the kiss he had started.

He peeled away her bra and Raina leaned back on her heels, running her nails down his chest as she took a minute to survey him, appreciating his firm, ink-adorned physique. The view made her mouth water and she decided the best plan was to start at the top and work her way down. She leaned in, locking her eyes with his and knotted her fingers in the hair at the side of his head. Without warning, she gave it a sharp tug to the side before running her tongue over the outline of the triad tattoo on his neck. Shannon growled and rolled his hips up against her but she did not release him, taking her time to nip at the junction of his neck and shoulder before sampling that spray of freckles she had noted on the beach. Slowly she made her way around to the front of his throat, sucking the skin in between her teeth and releasing while Shannon writhed beneath her. When she finally released her grip on his hair he let out a moan so deep it rumbled in her chest.

With a gentle push, she slipped her body further down the bed, taking time to lave at the hard buds of his nipples before moving down his muscular chest and onto his firm stomach. Raina remembered the breathy promises she made Jared on the phone and took a little extra pleasure in teasing around Shannon's navel as she moved to undo his pants. She could feel him kicking off his shoes behind her in anticipation, and when she grabbed his waistband and started to tug he eagerly lifted his hips to aid her. Soon both his pants and her panties had been cast aside.

Once she had him bare and prone she paused again for another hungry gaze and thanked whatever deity had brought the two gorgeous men into her bed. Then she settled herself between his legs and returned to her sensual handiwork, exploring the firm turns of his thighs with her tongue and teeth. Shannon had lifted himself up to watch her, chest rising and falling with his ragged breaths, and when Raina slipped her hand around his thick erection his head fell back again with a needy grumble. She felt herself smiling, she loved having him laid out like this, aching for her, her own personal quivering buffet. Rather than pay his shaft the attention that he was expecting she instead set her attentions on the bulging skin beneath, taking his balls into her mouth as she held his rigid cock against his stomach. He was clawing at the sheets before she finally started moving her attentions upward, and when she finally flicked her tongue through the sensitive cleft at the head of his shaft the curses he had been muttering turned into an all out cry.

“Fuck!” Shannon exclaimed, reaching down for a fistful of her dark curls, “You are the devil.”

“And I'm just get started with you,” she replied before sinking her mouth down on him. He moaned again, head falling back as his hips drove forward, lost in the wet heat of her mouth. She continued to work him a sort of lewd conviction, her mouth, tongue, and hands all moving in symphony as pulled him closer to the edge. It was a challenge to get much of him down, he was so long and thick. When she finally managed to get enough of his now slick beast down her throat she made sure to let loose a deep growl, the vibrations of which caused Shannon to start swearing again as his fingers pulled reflexively hard at her hair. It made it scalp burn but also made her acutely aware of the wetness of her own arousal, and she ached to have him inside her. One thing at a time, Raina she told herself.

She continued her ministrations, taking pride as her lips got closer and closer to the base of his shaft, humming whenever she got him deep enough in her throat. His hips were rocking erratically against her when she began to feel the telltale twitches that told her his climax must be near. Making one last heroic effort she got as much of him down her throat as possible and sucked deeply, snaking her tongue against his sensitive underside. With a shout and a shudder and spilled into her, and she gagged momentarily on the flood of him she but managed to keep her rhythm, waiting until the final waves had washed over him before she pulled away with a soft pop. She laid her head against his stomach, catching her own breath as she watched his chest still heaving with the intensity of his orgasm while he twisted his fingers softly in her hair.

After a moment he finally spoke, his already deep voice now a gravelly purr. “That was fucking amazing but you need to bring yourself up here now.” He tugged her head a bit to get her moving.

Raina turned and moved to straddle him, sliding up far enough for a kiss, but Shannon slithered down the bed underneath her.

“Nu-uh,” he told her, “all the way up here.”

Smiling, Raina moved higher up until her knees were on either side of Shannon's head. She shivered as she felt his warm breath against her damp thighs. He began licking and nibbling them, and when Raina thought of the way she had just finished teasing him, she wondered if she was in for some payback now. She slipped her hands over her breasts and rolled her hips over him, enjoying feeling the muscles in her abdomen and back contracting with the erotic dance.

“Shit, you are so fucking wet for me Raina.” He made some pointed slurping noises as he ran his tongue over the tender flesh of her inner thighs. “You must have liked tormenting like that.” He gave her a sharp little bite that left a stinging spot. “Did you, Raina? Did you like hearing me moan for you?”

“Yes,” she breathed, “I loved every fucking second of it.”

“I bet you did,” he said, before suddenly grabbing her and yanking her down onto his waiting tongue. He used his strong hands to anchor her in place as he beat furiously at the swollen clit. She had expected teasing. She wasn't prepared for his fierce assault and realized with a shudder that her climax was already almost on her. She grabbed the headboard in front of her to try to steady herself as he continued his barrage on her tender nub but she had already been so deeply aroused from own oral incursion that in minutes she was falling apart on top of him.

As the waves of her climax receded, she tried to lean back, moving herself away from Shannon's maddening tongue, but he only dug his grip in deeper. “Oh no,” he told her, “I'm not anywhere near done with you yet. You're going to stay up there until I'm hard again so I can give you the thorough fucking you deserve.” Raina whimpered. He just hauled her back into position before sucking her hard little pearl back into his mouth again. She was so sensitive now in the aftermath of her orgasm that she yelped and jumped back. Shannon met her resistance with a sharp smack to her ass.

“Don't you try and get away from me again,” he growled against her. “You had your fun, now I'm having mine.” He gave her another little bite on the soft skin of her thighs before piercing her dripping channel with his tongue. She cried out again but didn't pull back, instead, surrendering to the intense waves of sensation that rolled over her with every pass of his tongue. His skill was undeniable, and soon Raina found herself gripping his hair and grinding against clever mouth as she came again, surrendering a third time when he slipped his hand between them to slide two thick fingers into her soaking core.

While she was still shuddering from the high of that third climax he unexpectedly pushed her off of him and slipped from the bed, returning with a condom that he wasted no time in rolling into place. He pulled Raina to the edge of the bed, bending over her and running his tongue across her slightly parted lips before pulling her into a heated kiss. Reaching between them he positioned himself at her entrance then began slowly sliding his hips forward, breaching her inch by inch with delicious slowness. She loved the way he was unafraid to constantly change things up, letting her run her things before asserting his own dominance, switching between fast and furious and slow and sensual. She shuddered as he withdrew almost completely then began another long, slow slide into her. The contrast was maddening and she felt herself melting into him.

When he was apparently satisfied that she had fully adjusted to the girth of him, he broke off the kiss, straightening up and grasping her thighs. He pulled her fully back to the edge of the bed where he still stood, resting her ankles against his shoulders, before slamming into her, the opening volley in a sensual onslaught that left Raina mewling underneath him. He kept one large hand firmly gripping her thigh as he slid the other up her body to her pert breast. He kneaded it roughly in his hand as he kept up his feverish pace, rolling his rough thumb against her sensitive nipple, further stoking the fire already raging in Raina's core. She slipped her un-grasped leg down and slid it underneath his arm so she could hook it around his waist, anchoring herself against him as she arched to meet his thrusts.

Pulling back completely Shannon released her leg and ordered her to get up on all fours. She complied eagerly, giving her behind a wiggle as she moved into position in front of him. He gave it a playful swat before running his hands roughly up the backs of her thighs, over those firm cheeks and then down her back as he came to rest against her. His cock slid to rest between the inviting crevice as he pressed his chest against her, suckling and biting at the tender curve of her neck.

“Do you even know how fucking sexy you are?” he asked her, his hips sliding his arousal along the warm cleft of her ass. “Can you feel what you're doing to me?” He ground himself against her a few more times before dropping his hips back and reaching between them to guide himself into her waiting folds. He thrust deeply into her, withdrew, then slammed in hard again, repeating the process slowly and causing Raina to respond with a shuddering moan each time he bottomed out. She could feel the quakes starting again, knew she had to be close to yet another orgasm.

“Fuck, Shannon, please, please...” She wasn't even sure what she was pleading for anymore – faster, slower, harder, softer, anything that would get her to that next orgasm that loomed so achingly close. When he finally picked up the pace again, pulling her back against him with those powerful arms of his as he drove relentlessly into her, she finally found it, convulsing around him as she bit into the blankets beneath her. As the dizzying euphoria passed she was sure she couldn't take much more, but then Shannon his release too and spilled into the thin plastic surrounding him as his fingers dug into the soft flesh of her ass. Panting he pulled away long enough to remove the condom and toss it into the trash can by her vanity before collapsing on the bed next to her.

Spent, they curled back into each other, tracing designs on each other's sweat slick bodies with their fingertips. As soon as Raina felt like her legs would hold her up again she excused herself to go to the bathroom for a quick cleanup. When she returned Shannon had cast aside the messy top blanket and turned the bed down. He waited there, look disheveled but relaxed, a soft smile on his face. He patted the bed next to him just as he had patted the sofa earlier in the evening.

“Please say it's okay if I crash here tonight.”

Raina smiled, pleased at the thought of spending the night curled up in his muscular arms. She snuggled into the space next to him and gave him a soft kiss. “I have to be up early for work but I'd love it if you'd stay.”

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Raina stared at the phone, the text message waiting there making her head spin.

 

_Green. Yellow. Red. Tell me what those colors mean Raina_

 

She had dropped Shannon back off the bar to get his truck before heading into work. They had lingered there in the parking lot for several minutes before he left her, exchanging slow, wet kisses and promises to get together again soon. He hadn't mentioned anything about her revelation that she was seeing someone else since she had told him in the bar and she was grateful that he seemed to be willing to let it go. It probably meant he was seeing other people too, and she was fine with that. And since she didn't have to worry about Shannon it left her the whole drive into work to think about what she was going to do about Jared. She had thought about texting him back that morning, but wasn't sure what to say after their exchange last night and tossed her phone into the bottom of her purse to be dealt with later. She didn't know what she even wanted from him. Now as she sat down for lunch, she wondered what exactly she had gotten herself into. Cautiously, she typed her reply.

 

_Go. Caution. Stop. And I know they're not just for traffic lights if that's what you're asking._

 

She may have been inexperienced in that department but this was the age of the internet after all. There were all flavors of smut available to fuel her imagination. She sat her phone down on the table and went back to her sandwich. There was no immediate response, but that didn't surprise her as the message was already several hours old. She wasn't really sure what she wanted him to say. She wasn't even sure what she herself wanted to say. Last night with Shannon had been amazing. Waking up this morning to see him next to her, sleeping on his tummy, pillow all bunched up under him had made her smile in a way she hadn't in a long time. But strangely it didn't make her want Jared any less. She was still irritated with Jared for assuming she would just be sitting around waiting for him to call, but she wanted to see him. She told herself it was all sex and chemistry and no connection but that wasn't entirely true either. She had been acutely aware of how deliberately they both had danced around opening up at that dinner. For whatever reason, Jared seemed to be as careful about his emotions as Raina was. The question was could they get through that? In the meanwhile, what he was offering were things she could never get from Dan. He had balked at the suggestion of anything that strayed from the bedroom norms. It was no wonder she was dying for a little adventure now.

The phone buzzed with another alert.

 

_Good. I'll be over at 7._

 

_I did warn you about being a naughty girl. I hope you enjoyed your date._

 

Raina bit her lower lip. A few lines and her heart was already racing. He knew exactly the things she craved, how to make her crumble. However, she wondered if this wasn't the point where they needed to sit down and have at least some kind of talk.

 

_Don't you think that maybe we should try talking for a change?_

 

The response was quick.

 

_Oh we're going to talk. There's going to be quite a bit of talking. But the first conversation is going to be between my hand and your ass._

 

_You can tell me no. You can tell me right now not to come over. We can make dinner plans and have a nice quiet meal and talk about nothing again. Probably sleep together again when it's over. But that's not what you want, is it?_

 

She considered the possibilities. But Jared was right. That wasn't what she wanted at all. She typed up her reply.

 

_I'll see you at 7_

 

* * *

 

Raina started to pour herself a glass of wine to steady her nerves but then decided it would be best if she had all her wits about her and returned the unused glass to the cabinet. Impatiently, she waited for him, watching the clock as it counted down to his scheduled arrival.

Jared was precisely on time. Raina opened the door and invited him inside, not sure what exactly to expect. He didn't say a word as he entered, just reached up and grabbed the back of Raina's hair and propelled her into the bedroom. She followed mutely, already aware of the moisture gathering between her legs. He stopped at the foot of the bed.

“Green, yellow, red, ” he said sternly, still not releasing her hair. “Not 'ow' or 'hey' or some weak 'stop' that I have to try to guess if you actually mean. Green. Yellow. Red. Do I make myself crystal fucking clear?”

Raina could feel her heart thundering in her chest. “Yes,” she replied. He did not release her, just kept his eyes locked on hers, waiting. She tried not to smile when she realized what he was waiting for. “Yes, sir.”

Jared released her hair and sat down on the end of the bed. “Come over here and stand in front of me.” Obediently, she stepped where he directed her to. He grasped her and turned her around so that she was facing away from him before bunching the red dress she had so carefully selected up over her hips. “Hold it there,” he growled. Raina quickly did as she was told.

He slid his fingers under the lacy edge of her panties, teasing as he traced the outer line of them, before lifting them up out of the way so that he could run his palms over the soft cheeks of her bottom. After a moment he slid the bit of lace down her legs before handling her more roughly, grabbing handfuls of the tender flesh that he pinched and groped while Raina trembled in front of him.

“Yes, I think I'm going to enjoy this quite a bit, princess,” he said, shifting back to better position himself. He patted his knee. “Come on down here.”

Still holding her skirt up Raina turned around and looked at him. His voice had sounded almost playful but his jaw was set and eyes hard. The flutter of arousal in her stomach mixed with one of uneasiness. With a swallow, she reminded herself she could pull the plug on this at any time. All it would take was one three letter word. She stepped out of the panties he had left pooled at her ankles and positioned herself face down across his lap.

Jared carefully arranged the bottom of her dress before settling one hand against the small of her back. Softly he caressed the tender skin at the back of thighs, seeming to sense she needed a moment to settle her nerves. When her breathing had slowed a bit he pressed his hand between her knees to part her legs.

“Do you know why we're here, Raina?” he asked, trailing his fingertips across the smooth skin of her inner thighs. His voice was a bit softer than before, still firm but more controlled. This wasn't exactly going the direction Raina had anticipated. She had expected a spanking to be coming, honestly, and the idea of it tantalized her all afternoon. But she had pictured something a little more wild, more along the lines of a few playful swats before he threw her down on the bed and had his way with her. This was not just a game for him. He was asking her a serious question.

“Because I didn't sit around waiting to see if you'd call?” she said, unwilling to let go of the one excuse she had made to cover all her own bratty behavior.

Jared didn't take the bait, however. “You knew I was going to call. I promised I would. There should have been no “if” involved for you. And I am willing to bet you understood exactly what I meant but made that date anyway, didn't you?”

She had. She had become increasingly good lately at finding reasons to justify doing whatever the hell she wanted, but she couldn't really make herself believe them. In his mind, they had made plans, and Raina knew that, and she had essentially stood him up. “Yes.”

“What else?” he prompted.

Raina grumbled. He wasn't going to let any of it go. He knew she was aware she had been in the wrong and he was going to make her own up to all of it. “I was rude and disrespectful when you called.”

“Yes you were,” he said, his hand traveling over the firm globes of flesh settled in front of him. “Do you think that maybe all of this could have been avoided if you had sent me a simple text asking to clarify my plans for Tuesday evening? Or if maybe you had picked up the phone and spoken with me one of the many times I called?”

“Yes, “ she replied, a little quiver creeping into her voice. The anger she had felt at seeing his messages wasn't because he was assuming she was sitting around waiting for him. It was anger at herself for treating him badly. He knew this. Somehow he knew all of this. “I'm sorry.”

He raked his nails across her exposed skin. “Well, perhaps next time you'll make a better choice.” He lingered like that, nails scraping red trails across her legs as he gave the message a minute to sink in. “All right now. Put your palms flat on the floor and do not lift your hands. I don't want them getting hurt.” Resigned to whatever was about to happen, she complied without any further argument. “Before we begin, what are color are we Raina?”

Again she thought of how she imagined this night going. She didn't know how he had turned her from defiant to contrite in just a few sentences but whatever was happening here it was something she needed much more. “We're green.” she told him, pausing before adding, “Sir.”

The first slap arrived without any further warning, the sound surprisingly loud in her small bedroom. Jared immediately rubbed his hand over the stinging flesh where the blow had just landed, and Raina wondered whether the pause was to gauge her reaction or give her a false sense of security. Soon another smack was delivered, then two more in rapid succession that left Raina groaning. It hurt a bit more than she thought it would, but she was embarrassed by how turned on it was making her. Again he paused, kneading and squeezing more roughly this time, the effect only intensified by her raw nerves. He continued in that pattern, manhandling her swiftly reddening ass in between sharp smacks that left her mewling as she fought to keep her hands in place. A few more rounds of this left her whimpering as hot tears started filling her eyes. Her emotions were starting to jumble. She was almost sure now she had gone out of her way to provoke him just to see what he would do. And she knew this was supposed to be punishment but the deepening arousal she was feeling only clouded the water.

He began again, hard smacks in rapid succession, giving her no time to recover. She kicked her legs madly as she fought the urge to pull away from him. She wanted to please him, enjoyed winning the war with her own willpower to remain in place, but it was getting more difficult. Her tender cheeks burned now. Every time his flattened palm connected it was like an electrical jolt that coursed through her, setting her skin on fire only to sizzle and short out in her brain. When he finally stopped again her muscles went slack and the tears started to flow.

“What color are we baby girl?” Jared asked, his voice much softer than when they started. His voice seemed far away almost, and she struggled to connect the question to the concept. He circled his open hand across her bottom, giving her just a second before repeating himself a little more firmly. “I need you to answer me, Raina. What color are we?”

Despite the tears that seem to be pulling all her resistance out with them as they fell, she knew she was okay, she was in a place she needed to be. “Green, sir.” she replied, with as much confidence as she could muster.

“Good girl,” Jared answered. He slipped his circling hand lower, running one finger up her dripping slit. Raina shivered. “You did very well. I'm very pleased. I believe that you are sorry and that you won't repeat that behavior.” He traced a finger across her swollen sex again. “I think maybe you enjoyed that a little too much though. Look how wet for me you are.” He made a few more maddening passes, gathering the juices that had run down onto her inner thighs. “But you've been such a good girl. I didn't have to correct you once. I think you've earned a little relief.”

Raina whined as he slipped two fingers inside her, her body gripping them tightly as he withdrew, leaving her empty and unfulfilled. He slid his fingers forward, making a few wet circles across her tender clit before giving it a sharp smack and then sliding his fingers back into her. Raina cried out in protest but kept her position on his lap, legs parted just where he had left them when they started. He began to move more aggressively then, sliding his thumb across the hard nub at her apex as he plunged into her. Shamelessly she moaned against him.

“That's it,” he purred at her, “I know what you need. Tell me thank you princess.”

Raina shuddered, feeling her climax rushing in at her. “Thank you, sir.”

He brought his other hand down for another crack against her bottom, this one much softer than those earlier. “Cum for me now. I won't wait all night.”

Raina closed her eyes and gave herself over to the tiny quakes that had been building in her core. Before long they had run together into that long spasm of ecstasy she had been seeking. She gripped Jared's leg, afraid of falling over from the intensity of it. When she had stopped shaking, Jared withdrew his fingers.

“Sit up here,” he told her. Shakily she stood and moved next to him on the bed where she sat down gingerly, feeling the sting as her bottom came to rest against the rough bedspread. Jared held his still dripping fingers up to her. She was astounded at how wet they were. “Open up.”

He pressed his fingers into her mouth as she opened it. Carefully she rolled and twisted his fingers against her tongue, making sure to thoroughly clean up all the juices she had left behind. When she had finished he took hold of her chin and tilted her face to his, delving his tongue into to taste her as he crashed his lips against hers. He then wiped her damp cheeks and gave her another kiss, this time on the tip of her nose.

“Wait right here.” Jared got up from the bed and left the room. Raina could hear what sounded like him shuffling around in her kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with a bottle of water.

“That kitchen is in a sad state. There is no food in there, at least nothing plastic. Do you eat at all?” he asked as he held the bottle of water out to her.

She took a drink of the cool liquid. “I don't have time to cook much. Or shop.”

“Well if I'm going to be coming over here we're going to have to get some food in there. Real food. Not Pop-Tarts and Oreos and whatever else you've got now.” He sat down at the top of the bed, making himself comfortable against her giant pile of pillows. “But I suppose that falls under the things we need to talk about.” He opened his arms and gestured to her.

Raina sat the bottle of water down on the nightstand and curled up against him, slipping her hand around his waist and letting her head fall against his chest. He handed the bottle of water back to her.

“Finish that and then we'll start talking.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

When Raina had finished, Jared took the empty water bottle and sat it on the nightstand. He then placed his finger under her chin and drew her up so that she was facing him.

“Okay, now that you've had a chance to settle down, I'm going to ask again. Are you okay?” he said, blue eyes peering at her intensely.

She nodded. “I'm good.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips lightly to his. “And I really am sorry I was such a brat.”

“Well we've already dealt with that portion of things, so let's let it go.” He kissed her back, running his thumb along her cheekbone. “How do you feel about continuing this though?”

Raina wasn't sure what he meant by that so she sought clarification. “Do you mean right now or in general?”

“In general. Is this somewhere you're comfortable with this going?”

“I don't have a lot of experience with it. Any really,” she pointed out. “I think I am. I thought it was what I wanted.”

“Thought?” Jared asked, “Past tense? Was it something I did?”

“No. It's not...” Raina was having so much trouble sorting the turmoil in her own head she didn't know how she was going to explain this to Jared. “I've always wanted...” she trailed off again, trying to sort her thoughts enough to explain. “My ex, he was very...traditional... in the bedroom. I always fantasized about so much more. And then that first night, you seemed to read just what I wanted, and I was so excited to have found someone who was interested in that. I still think I am but I'm realizing I don't really know what I'm doing. And it's not just that. A lot of things are falling together in different ways than I expected them to these days. Not just you.”

Jared grumbled. “Does this have anything to do with that date you were on last night? Do you have a boyfriend Raina? Am I just some little fling that got out of hand?”

“No,” she answered quickly. “That's just someone else I had recently started seeing. I don't know what I want from him yet. Or you either.”

She hadn't meant to be so honest. This whole evening was just a little out of control and leaning off the rails, but that seemed to be the new normal since meeting Jared and Shannon. And it's hard to get a train back on track when you don't even know where the rails are. Why the hell did Cassie have to give Shannon her number? She'd have been perfectly happy with whatever was developing between her and Jared but now she was stepping deeper and deeper into a complicated mess no matter what steps she took.

“Well there's any easy way to settle your confusion,” Jared observed. “At least part of it. Break it off with him.”

“What? No. I don't want to break it off with him. If I did, I wouldn't be confused right now.”

“Then you are attached to him.” Jared sounded upset. She had hoped that he would be as casual about things as Shannon was, but clearly, that wasn't going to be the case here. “Otherwise, why would you mind breaking it off with him?”

“What are you asking me exactly?” Of course she didn't want to stop seeing Shannon. And even though he seemed put out by the whole idea of her date last night, she strongly suspected Jared wasn't ready to give anything up either. “Are you telling me you don't want me seeing anyone else? Are you ready to make that same promise?”

“Do you want me to?” he challenged.

“Did I ask you to?” Raina could feel her voice rising as once again Jared seemed to be getting her on the defensive. “You're the one who brought this subject up, Jared, not me.” His frown was turning into a pout and Raina realized how unaccustomed he probably was to not getting his way. “Wow, women really do just give you anything you want, don't they?”

“I just don't like the thought of someone else touching you,” he groused.

“Then don't think about it,” Raina retorted. She was not going to play this game with him. She got up from the bed and straightened out her dress. “If this thing between us isn't going the way you envisioned, I'm sorry. If you want it to go a different direction, then I'm open to talking about that. But the direction where I stop seeing everyone else and sit at home waiting for you to call me and waiting for it to be 'my turn' while you continue to just do whatever the hell you please? That one's not going to happen. Not ever. Sorry if that's a deal breaker.”

“You know he left a bruise on you, right?” he stumbled on as if she hadn't said anything. “Right behind your hip there. Do you let him get rough with you too? Is that all I am? Just someone to rough you up a bit, make you feel a little dangerous? Do what your old boyfriend couldn't?”

Raina regarded him carefully. He was sounding like an angry, petulant child. “I thought you wanted to talk. Not make crazy, possessive accusations.” This conversation was quickly moving from awkward to hostile and she needed to turn it back around. “You keep asking me what I want. What do you want Jared?”

“I want you to tell me about this guy you were with last night.”

Raina groaned. Talk about bratty behavior. He was possibly more stubborn that she was, and that was saying something. Maybe he was the one who needed a spanking. And if he was behaving this way now there was no telling how he would react if he found out the other man was Shannon. That part was going to have to wait. “No.”

“So you don't want to talk then?” he challenged, eyes narrowing. She knew that they were doing it again. Anything outside of sex and small talk turned them instantly evasive. Maybe they couldn't salvage this. Maybe this was all there was to them.

“I'm not going to roll over and give you your way just because you expect it. Look, I was wrong last night, and I know it, and I owned up to it. But you're not being reasonable. I am trying to talk to you.”

Raina was trying not to let her frustration get to her. She remembered the ache when she started to open up to Shannon the previous night. She was very tired of being on her own. She needed a connection, a real one. And instead of making Jared force it out of her, maybe it was time to take another step, just like she had with Shannon. Jared obviously wasn't going to be the first one to open up; if she wanted more she was going to have to get the ball rolling herself. She sat back down on the bed next to Jared and began again.

“I'm sorry. This is very hard for me. All of it. I've been badly burned and I've been on my own for a while now. To admit I might want something more than a tumble is really difficult. I've always been very independent, I never found it easy to rely on other people or open up to them at all. But ever since....” She couldn't do it, couldn't tell him how her mother had died and her boyfriend had run off with her best friend, and her business partner had cheated her out of everything she worked for until she was left standing alone and destitute without even the will to get out of bed. She had put a shell over everything to keep it from spilling out on a day to day basis but it was all still there, the bruise nearly as tender as when it was inflicted. It was too much to saddle him with. She was sure he would run if he knew. “I can't go from that to being anyone's one and only, not this fast. Even if you did offer to give up your other women I'm not ready for that. I'm sorry if that's a problem.”

She released a breath she didn't even know she had been holding and felt her shoulders relax about four inches. Even if he walked out now she felt better. Even if her heart was all walls and barbed wire that was further than she had come with anyone in years. It felt like a victory no matter how he reacted.

Jared wasn't quite ready to back down yet. “So you're mad at me when I want things my way but you're telling me it's your way or nothing?”

She could feel her skin heating. He was infuriating. “No, that's not what I said. We can discuss things, like what type of sexual relationship we're going to have, or how much we're going to see each other, what our sleeping arrangements are going to be, or what I'm going to keep in my kitchen. But the level of commitment I'm comfortable with is what it is. I'm assuming yours is too. If I demanded you stop seeing anyone else and stop hanging out with other women would you be willing to compromise on that?” She got no response. “If you want to stop seeing other people, then stop seeing other people. But let's be real. We've barely spent any time together. Neither one of us is ready for an exclusive relationship. You just didn't expect me to be so up front about it.”

“How up front about it were you if I didn't find out about this other guy until you stood me up to go out with him?” Jared was sounding less angry now but he clearly wasn't ready to let this go. “If I hadn't caught you would you have told me?”

Well, that was fair. If he hadn't irritated her so much she probably would have kept right on with her games. “I'm trying to be now. I am trying to salvage this.”

He didn't respond immediately, just sat there on the edge of the bed with his jaw set, presumably thinking over his options. Raina waited.

“All the flavors. As often as my schedule will allow when I'm in town. I'd like you to come over to my place occasionally, but maybe if we're going to agree to more of this I could keep a change of clothes and a toothbrush here? And since you're pressed for time I'll go shopping tomorrow if you'll make sure there's room in the fridge.” It took Raina a second to realize he was answering her questions about their relationship. Raina smiled when she realized they were moving forward but he still had one parting shot. “But I guess I'm just supposed to pretend that you're not doing any of that with someone else too.”

Raina groaned internally. His stubbornness easily matched her own. She could tell they were going to be butting heads a lot. “You can pretend anything if you try hard enough,” she told him.

Jared smiled. “There's that sass. You know that fire is what first caught my eye, right Raina? That and those legs. They go straight up to your neck don't they?” He skittered his fingers from her ankles up the length of her leg, ending with a playful tickle at her waist. Raina laughed and he pulled her over into his lap. “Look,” he said, more seriously, “I know I'm selfish and demanding. And yes, I don't get told no a lot. And you're right, I'm not ready for this to be a relationship, so I don't know why this is such a problem for me. You make me a little crazy, off-balance. I guess if we don't talk about anyone else we might be seeing we can leave that part alone until we're ready for things to change.”

And there he was. There was Jared. Raina knew it was only the tiniest of peeks but it was something. It took effort from both of them but they were willing to make it. That was the important thing. “Okay. Next time we try going to your place. And I'll buy some fruit and a carrot or two occasionally.”

Jared slipped his hand into the hair at the back of her head and pulled her into a kiss. “I don't want to put out your fire Raina, really I don't. I don't want to subtract from you. I want to add.”

Raina kissed him back, letting her lips linger for a moment before answering. “Good. Because I wouldn't let you.” _I'll never give a man that kind of power over me again, no matter how great his hair is or how blue his eyes are._ She slid off his lap and onto the floor in front of him. “Now, I believe I owe you something.”

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Raina sat her hands on Jared's knees and looked up him, waiting for approval. He merely folded his arms over his chest and gave her a bemused look.

“Now what on earth could you possibly be doing down there?” he said with a smirk.

Raina shrugged. “Kinda want to just tackle you and throw you back on the bed, kinda want to ask permission to touch you.”

Jared laughed. “I don't want to push you too much in one night. We can go whatever way you want here. I am sure either option would be highly enjoyable. What do you want to do princess?”

Raina considered her options. She had enjoyed having Shannon pinned beneath her squirming last night, and while the thought of Jared and all that cockiness at her mercy was tempting, she thought maybe she'd had her fill of that for the moment. What was the point in having two lovers if you still kept sampling the same old flavors? She ran her hands up from his knees until they rested on the button of his jeans.

“May I please? Sir?”

Jared growled approvingly. “You know I never told you to call me sir.” he pointed out. Raina wasn't sure how to reply to that so she waited for him to say something else. “It will do though. And no, you may not. First, you need to remove that dress.”

Raina stood up and started to lift the dress over her head but Jared stopped her. “No, not like that,” he scolded gently, the smirk never leaving his face. “Slowly. Give me a show.”

She frowned. She didn't know how much of a striptease she could give him since she hadn't worn a bra with this particular dress, it had no zipper or buttons, and her panties were already long gone but she was going to give it a go. She reached down and brushed her hands across the tops of her feet, oh so gradually tracing them up the long legs that Jared seemed to find so enticing, wiggling her hips as she went. Gently she pulled up one edge of her dress, then let it fall down again, turned, and did the same thing on the other side. She could see Jared smiling in approval. With a little more confidence, she turned her back to him, casting looks over her shoulder as she wiggled hr ass for him, slowly sliding the dress up over her rolling backside. She wondered if there were still marks there, it definitely still stung, but she couldn't get a good view from this angle. If they were there, she imagined Jared was probably enjoying seeing the fruits of his handiwork. She pulled the dress higher and higher, until it was over her head, then tossed it aside as she turned back around to face him.

“Very nice,” he said, placing his hands behind him on the bed and leaning back. “Now, undress me.”

Raina smiled. She resumed her previous position, kneeling on the floor in front of Jared, hands on his knees. Gradually she slid them up his thighs, across the tight planes of his abdomen and up to the collar of his shirt where she began to unfasten its buttons, eyes cast downward in the best approximation of demure she could summon up. Her lower lip caught behind her teeth as she worked, and her mouth watered as each slip of button revealed more of the delicious toned chest she had enjoyed their first night together. Once the shirt was undone, she slowly slid it off his shoulders, letting her mouth settle against his clavicle for a quick taste. Almost instantly his hand was at the back of her neck, pulling her off of him.

“I did not tell you that you could do that,” he said sternly, once he had brought her around to meet his eyes. “I said to remove my clothing. You need to learn to follow instructions exactly as they are given.”

Raina immediately apologized. “I'm sorry sir. May I continue, please?”

Jared released his grip and Raina finished sliding the shirt off. Rather than start on his jeans next, she carefully removed his wildly patterned socks, then slid her hands back up his legs until they were again resting on the waistband of his jeans, where she had started this journey. Now when she went to unfasten them he did not stop her, only leaned back again to give her better access. Soon she was sliding the fabric down over his strong hips as he lifted himself from the bed.

Once they were both naked she paused again. She wanted to dive right into him, but he had just finished admonishing her for not following instructions. Looking at his heavy cock, inches away, made Raina's mouth water but she sat patiently, meeting his eyes as she pleaded silently for permission to continue. Jared reached down and placed his thumb on her chin, pulling her mouth open before sliding that digit between her lips. Raina immediately sucked it in deeper, rolling her tongue across it as she continued to meet his eyes.

“You made me a lot of promises on the phone the other night Raina. Let's see if you can deliver,” Jared said, pulling his thumb away. He once again leaned back on his elbows to give her better access.

Happy to finally be starting her task, she planted a small kiss low on his leg. Slowly she worked her way up from there, alternating from side to side, the kisses become longer and more intense the higher she went. By the time she reached his thighs, she was running her teeth over large mouthfuls of firm, heated skin. She let her hands travel higher, running her nails over his toned stomach, feeling his breathing turn into needy pants. When she looked up, she could see him watching her carefully, and she locked her gaze with him as she slid her tongue underneath his balls. Jared shuddered and groaned but kept his eyes on her as she continued snaking her tongue upwards, getting his thick shaft nice and slick on her journey to its tip. Once there she paused again before sinking her mouth down on it.

“May I please?” Raina asked, her mouth hovering just out of reach. As soon as Jared groaned his approval she circled her tongue over the head, enjoying the taste of him before sliding him deeper into her waiting mouth. Her hand had wrapped around the base of him and she stroked him in time with her bobbing head. She knew some women didn't care for this particular bedroom activity but having a man twitching and groaning against her while she enjoyed the swell of him in her mouth had always been one of her favorite things. She could feel herself getting so wet now, and even though her eyes were watering from the effort, the further she managed to take his big cock into her throat the more excited she was getting.

“Put your hands on my knees baby girl,” Jared said, threading his fingers into her hair. She complied without even a second thought. He gripped her head tightly and began thrusting slowly against her mouth. It was difficult to look up at him from this position but Raina watched as his head dropped back and she heard the groan that came from deep in his chest that told her just how much he was enjoying the hot, wet cavern of her mouth. He began to pick up the pace, thrusting not just faster but deeper as well, and Raina found herself struggling to keep up. Here eyes were stinging now, and she had to remind herself to stay calm and breathe while he plunged forward. She had been in love with the feeling of power she got while men writhed frantically underneath her and her talented mouth, but this was somehow even hotter. She realized the needy whines were now hers, and more than anything she wanted Jared to cum for her, wanted a real taste of him, not just that teasing bit she had gotten at the start. Instead, he pulled her head away from him without warning.

“Please?” she said. “Don't make me stop.”

He drew up for a breathless kiss. “Condom. Back pocket of my jeans.”

Knowing better than to argue further, she retrieved it and watched him put it on, still sitting on the edge of the bed. He placed her in front of him and turned her around. Grabbing her hips he slowly pulled her backward, guiding her down onto his waiting erection as she felt herself stretching to accommodate him until he was buried to the hilt. He let his hands travel down to her thighs, pulling them open so that her legs were tucked around his, then up across her stomach and to her breasts. As he squeezed them roughly he circled his hips underneath her, the teasing motion just making her ache for his thrusts all the more. With deliberate control, he slipped his hands around to her back, pushing her slightly forward as he palmed over the smooth skin there before coming to rest on her ass. He grabbed one round globe in each hand and finally, languidly, withdrew and then slid home again. Raina moaned at finally receiving the friction she craved.

“You like that do you?” Jared asked her, continuing the long, agonizingly slow strokes that seemed to hit every nerve in her core. He pushed the cheeks of ass further apart. “You should see yourself, all split open against my fat cock as you whimper for more.” He brought his hand down for a hard smack on one side then the other. Raina could feel her walls clenching down on him with each impact on her already tender flesh and she shuddered at all the sensation.

Jared began to increase the pace of his thrusts, letting his hands travel up to her breasts as he pulled her back against him. He was kissing and nibbling her back as he delved into her, sucking the skin into his mouth hard enough he was leaving a trail of marks that would still be there for several days. She knew those marks weren't for her, he was making sure that whoever this other lover of hers was knew he wasn't her only one. She wondered if they would be faded before she had a chance to be with Shannon again. She wondered if Shannon would even care. As Jared bit down particularly hard she moaned again, the sound competing with the wet noises of their bodies colliding. As another shudder passed over her she realized she was tantalizingly close to her climax. So did Jared.

“I felt that,” he growled against her back, his grip on her thighs painfully hard as started slamming into her now. “You already came once tonight. You think I'm going to let you cum again?”

Raina whimpered in protest. Surely he couldn't expect to fuck her like this and not let her cum? She was so close, she didn't see how she could stop it anyway. “Please?” she said uncertainly.

Jared shifted his hand so it was resting just above her clit but gave her no pressure. “That was weak,” he admonished. “Convince me. Cause I'm am really close Raina. I'll finish without you.”

Now that she knew what he was after she was able to step up her game. “Please Jared. You feel so fucking good inside me. Please make me cum,” she pleaded shamelessly. All she received in return though was a quick smack of his hand against her exposed sex.

“What did you call me?”

Fuck. “Sorry. Sir. I meant please Sir.”

He smacked his hand against her again. She tried to close her legs against the onslaught but realized quickly why he had positioned her the way he had. Her legs were pinned in place by his own, leaving her open and at his mercy. “Now ask permission again. Properly.”

He began stroking his fingers against her hard little nub, making leisurely circles that only made her quake harder on top of him. She tried again. “Please make me cum, sir.”

He hummed as he drew his teeth across her skin., his fingers continuing those maddening passes over her clit. “No. I don't think you really want it. Show me you want it princess.”

Raina let out a cry of protest. She could feel her orgasm so close now, like a fire only needing the smallest bit more fuel before it exploded. “Please sir, please, I want to come so bad for you.” She rested her hand on top of his, hoping to encourage him, but he did not respond. Frantic, she tossed aside the little bit of dignity she had been holding on to. “Please, please, please! Let me show you how good you're making me feel! Please let me cum! Please!”

He abandoned the languid circles, furiously rubbing his hand over her now aching clit. She made one last desperate, pleading cry before he finally gave in, growling for her to cum as he burrowed inside her. With a shout of gratitude, she immediately came apart, her head falling back as her walls clenched down so tightly against him she didn't know how he was still even moving. But his thrusts had become erratic, and as her own convulsions slowed he was shuddering against her, spilling into the condom as he groaned her name. With a contented moan, he pulled her back onto the bed with him, clutching her tightly as their highs passed.

Raina rolled onto her side and tucked her face against his neck, breathing him in deeply as her limbs went liquid. After a moment he turned to face her, pushing her hair off her forehead as he trailed kisses there.

“Fuck, that was amazing. God, you are so perfect,” he told her in that husky afterglow voice she had craved hearing since their first encounter. She smiled and slid her hand across his waist, but didn't respond, didn't think she could make words come yet. It had certainly been amazing and she was discovering new depths to her desires that she didn't even know were there. Every taste of him just left her wanting more.

As the sweat on her skin dried Raina began to feel a bit chilled and realized they couldn't keep lying on the edge of the bed like that forever. Reluctantly she sat up and Jared immediately rose next to her. “Are you going to be running off again?” she asked, trying not to sound too disappointed.

“If you want me to go I will,” he responded. “But I was actually thinking about a shower. I hate going to bed sweaty. And I would like to stay. If all of that is okay that is.”

It was so strange to see him switching from bossy and dominant to unsure and accommodating but Raina liked the contrast in him. It reminded her he had depth, that he wasn't just a fantastic lay, come to make scream and then leave, but a person who really didn't have much more of a handle on what was happening between them than she did. She leaned over and pressed her lips against his, and was surprised that the little tug she felt this time wasn't just in her core. She knew developing feelings for him was dangerous. For a moment she almost backed out, almost told him to shower at home, that she.

would sleep alone like she did almost every other night. But she didn't want to.

“Okay. Let me go get us some towels.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

Raina couldn't breathe, couldn't move. There was something heavy lying across her, holding her limbs down, pressing on her chest. She fought down the rising panic, trying to kick her legs loose or free her arms. As she tossed her head from side to side she began to orient herself a bit and realized she had been dreaming, that the only thing she was pinned under was her blanket and Jared, who had wrapped himself around her like the kudzu around her grandfather's farm. The panic wouldn't leave though, and she dragged herself out from underneath him, falling on the floor in her effort not to wake him. He merely groaned and rolled over as Raina fled to the bathroom, locking the door and starting the shower to cover the sounds of her sobs. This couldn't be happening again. She didn't think she could fight her way back if the darkness and fear came for her again.

She sat on the bathroom floor clutching her knees, trying to talk herself back down from the proverbial ledge she was on. She focused on controlling her breathing, ignoring the way her limbs were shaking, the nausea, the ringing in her ears and the sick sweat on her skin. After what felt like an eternity her chest began to loosen and the shaking stopped, but she was drained, and she let herself dissolve into a puddle on the cold tile floor.

Raina didn't know what had brought this on. It had been almost a year now since she'd had an attack, and she truly thought she'd left them behind her. The only thing that had changed recently was the addition of her two lovers, and her pathetic little attempts to open up to them. Was she really this constitutionally incapable of any kind of emotional intimacy anymore? Was this all she was? IF came to choosing between anxiety and loneliness, she was going to have to choose loneliness. She couldn't make this trip again.

She stayed in the bath until she had composed herself and the shower was no longer giving off steam. When she went back into the bedroom Jared was more or less as she had left him, rolled to his side but still sleeping, unaware of her little crisis. She watched him for a minute but couldn't bring herself to get back into bed next to him, so instead made her way into the kitchen to start the kettle.

Once she had a mug of tea in her hand, she sat down with the pieces of her presentation that was scheduled for tomorrow. She had taken the day off work to prepare but really there wasn't much left to do but obsess. _Maybe it's just the stress of finals,_ she thought, _maybe it's not Jared and Shannon at all._

Still trying to quiet her mind she found a book and settled herself under a quilt on the sofa. She wasn't sure how long she was out there before she drifted off to sleep but the next thing she knew Jared was shaking her arm gently.

“Raina? Are you okay? What are you doing out here? I didn't chase you off did I?” He was standing over her, peering at her with those bright blue eyes as his brow creased in concern. Raina blinked and sat up quickly, her haste sending the book tumbling from her lap and to the floor. Jared scooped it up and handed back to her.

“No, I'm sorry. I have my final presentation due tomorrow and I just came out to go over some things again. Too jittery to sleep properly I suppose,” she lied.

Jared sat down on the sofa next to her. “When do you have to go into work? A decent breakfast would probably help settle your nerves.”

Raina shook her head. “I'm off until Monday so I can finish up with school but I'm too nervous to eat, really. “

Jared sighed. “Look, I know it's not really any of my business but you have to take care of yourself.” He tucked a curl behind one ear and kissed her forehead.

Raina felt the butterflies start their unwelcome migration from her sex to her heart and gritted her teeth. _I'm not going to do this,_ she told herself. _I am not going to fall into his arms just because he shows me the smallest kindness_. She got up from her seat. “You're right, it's not any of your business,” she told him, her arms folded defensively in front of her.

Jared regarded her from his spot on the sofa and frowned but said nothing. Raina dropped her gaze and shifted from foot to foot but held her silence as well. When she still failed to acknowledge him Jared cleared his throat, got up and went back into the bedroom.

Raina had just finished refolding the quilt when Jared emerged from the bedroom, fully dressed, keys in hand. This wasn't how she had planned for this morning to go but at least if he was leaving she could maybe get her emotions back under control.

“So you're going to be spending the day working on your project I suppose?” he asked. She nodded. Jared bobbed his head in return and let himself out.

Raina let out the breath she had been holding and fell back onto the sofa. She had been so sure when Jared asked her to dinner that night that he was just another shallow pretty boy, out for whatever he could get, and would be gone before the sun came up and she had to endure a vapid conversation. He had turned out to be anything but: charming, interesting, and actually trying to make some sort of connection with her. She had been the slutty, emotionally unavailable one in the end, unable to sort her life to accommodate anything beyond a one night stand. The problem was she liked him more than she cared to admit, not just for what he did to her but for the little glimpses of the actual person that he was that kept peeking through all the bossiness and attitude. And now she had run him off.

She put her tea mug in the sink and went to get dressed. She paused in front of the bathroom mirror longer than was necessary, trying to see herself past the tension in her jaw and the circles under her eyes. No wonder he was concerned. She looked miserable and exhausted, her wee hours panic attack having taken its toll on her. With a sigh, she turned out the bathroom light and went to make the bed.

Once she had finished tidying the little apartment back up she found her book again and tried to settle down and quiet the thoughts in her head. She was only a few pages in when the doorbell rang. Raina was surprised to have a visitor at this hour. She was even more surprised when she found Jared on the other side of the door, a big smile on his face and hands full of bags and a drink carrier.

“Sorry it took so long,” he said, stepping past her and into the apartment. “I wasn't sure what you actually eat since there was nothing in that kitchen to judge by. So I just got you what I eat. ” He sat everything down on the kitchen counter and started opening bags. After a minute he handed her a Styrofoam container and coffee mug. “Here. That's a tofu scramble and some toast. If you haven't had it before I think you'll be surprised, they're very good. Lots of good veggies in there. Oh, and the cup is just a basic vanilla latte with almond milk. I hope you don't have an allergy, I don't remember you mentioning anything when I took you to dinner.”

Stunned, Raina shook her head and opened the little container. The food smelled amazing and her stomach grumbled at the sight of it. She actually couldn't remember the last time she had eaten. She looked at all the other bags he had carted in with him. “What's all that?”

“Fruit, veggies, some almond milk and coconut water, cereal that isn't 80 percent sugar, you know... food.” He started putting the groceries away while Raina looked on, dumbstruck. Seeing the expression on her face Jared stopped. “What? I told you last night I'd go grocery shopping for you today. If I say I'm going to do something I do it.”

Raina was rapidly figuring that out. “Don't you have an assistant or something that does that for you?”

Jared laughed. “I think I can handle an early morning grocery run and take out on my own, thanks.” He quickly stowed away the produce and other refrigerated items. “I'll let you show me where the rest goes after we eat.”

He grabbed the other Styrofoam container and sat down at the counter next to her. She saw he had the same thing he had ordered for her. Picking up a small forkful Raina gave it a tentative taste. She was surprised how much she liked it, it was very much like scrambled eggs with a ton of vegetables in it. With a smile, she took a bigger bite. Jared smiled back in approval.

“I told you it's good,” he said, quickly devouring his own portion. “Now, tell me about this presentation that has you so stressed out.”

Raina tried to explain the project was about establishing continuity between web presence and brick and mortar storefronts but ended up having to explain the entire Visual Communications program to him. He seemed genuinely interested though and let her go on through the whole meal and until the coffee was gone. “I'm sorry,” she ended up apologizing, “I've just rambled on and on and you asked me a simple question.”

Jared shook his head. “No, that was the first time I really felt like you talked to me. You're so passionate about what you're doing.” Raina felt the frown slip out before she could stop it. “What? What did I say?” he asked, puzzled.

She was supposed to be reigning her emotions in, not jumping further down this rabbit hole. Quickly she started clearing up their containers. “Nothing. It's not you.” It was the truth anyway. She opened the remaining bag and started putting away the remainder of the groceries.

Jared shook his head. “You are quite the minefield,” he said sadly. Raina didn't acknowledge him, just kept stowing away packages of crackers and rice. She didn't notice him stepping up behind her until he had flattened himself against her back, one hand on her waist, the other closing over her own as she put a box of muesli on the shelf. As soon as she set the box down, he drew her back against him, arms crossed over her chest as he rested he his head on her shoulder. She hated the way she tensed up at the intimate contact but she was becoming increasingly wary of his intentions this morning.

“I have to go. I have things to do today,” he told her, his voice soft against her ear. “My schedule is pretty full for the next few days but would you call or text me after your presentation tomorrow and let me know how it went? Maybe let me know the next time we can get together?”

He wasn't pushing. There was that at least. She turned around and slipped her arms around his neck, allowing herself a moment to enjoy him now that she knew he was going to be giving her the space she was craving. “I will,” she said, pressing her lips to his for a goodbye kiss. He lingered for only a moment before picking his keys back up off the counter.

“Remember that you promised. I don't want to have to explain to you about keeping promises again,” he said with a wink.

Raina smiled. “I will remember. Tomorrow.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

Cassie came by with a big bag of takeout after she got off work, ostensibly to be Raina's guinea pig for her presentation. But when she asked Raina if she had heard from either of the brothers again, Raina realized that somehow she had left Cassie completely out of the loop and spent the next hour catching her up. It felt good to get it all of her chest, to have someone to talk to. She really needed someone to help her get her head back on straight.

“Telling Jared you're seeing someone else is not the same thing as telling him you're sleeping with his brother.” Cassie pointed out. “And you know it. That's why you're having panic attacks again if you ask me.”

Raina groaned. “Attack. It was just the one. And Shannon was completely chill about the situation....”

“... which he also doesn't know the full truth of," she scolded. "Come on Raina. Just tell them. You've come this far. It's going to be so much worse if they find out on their own. They might not mind as much as you think they will.”

Raina started clearing the takeout containers while Cassie put her feet up. “Jared is already not happy there's someone else. He's kind of possessive I think. Which is ridiculous because it's not like we're pretending he's not seeing anyone else. I bet he has a whole little harem on call.”

Cassie tucked a pillow under her heels. “Does he? Do you know that? Did he tell you that or are you just making more assumptions?”

“He didn't deny it,” Raina answered as she sat down next to Cassie. She and Jared were doing such a ridiculous dance around each other and she knew it. She just didn't know how to break the cycle. “We'll figure it out, Cassie. I mean, you're probably right, we should all sit down and have a talk but I don't think anyone is really ready for that. At least Jared and I aren't.” She reached over and picked her tablet up off the table and opened her presentation notes. “So are you going to help me with this or what?”

 

Cassie left just before midnight. Raina felt drained from a day that had started off rough and seemed to stretch on forever but at least she was confident about her final tomorrow afternoon. She checked her phone before getting ready for bed and noticed several text messages from Shannon that must have come in while she was working. He wanted her to call, and the most recent message was only about twenty minutes old so she figured he was probably still up. She thought about just taking a shower and going to bed, she was exhausted, but thought maybe she had enough time for a short conversation. She dialed his number.

“Hey Rainy Girl,” he greeted her. He sounded sunny and happy and Raina immediately started to smile.

“Hey Shannon, what's up?”

“Not much now. Rehearsed kind of late tonight, we've got the tour coming up soon but I'm just hanging back at home now.” I guess that's what Jared was referring to when he said he was pretty busy the next few days, Raina thought. “I was just thinking about you. Did you say that big final thing was tomorrow?”

“Yeah, it is. Tomorrow afternoon. Cassie just left a few minutes ago, as a matter of fact, she's been helping me get ready all night.”

“I was just thinking if it goes well …. and I'm sure it will...” Shannon added hastily, “then maybe we can go out to celebrate? I mean I'm sure your friends or classmates or someone is taking you tomorrow night but maybe this weekend?”

Clearly, Shannon thought she had a much more active social life than she did. “No, Cassie was over here helping me tonight but she and her husband have plans tomorrow, it's her mother-in-law's birthday. I'll probably just buy myself an extra nice bottle of wine on the way home or something.”

There was a long pause on the line. “Raina, I don't want to sound like an ass, but don't you have anyone else? Cassie is the only person in your life you ever mention.”

Raina felt that lump return to her throat, the same one she had gotten when he had asked her questions before, when Jared had told her to take care of herself. Sadly, her emotions were no more under control than they had been this morning. “I'm very busy,” she told him, trying to make excuses. “I don't really have time to socialize much.”

“You've found time for me,” Shannon pointed out. _Yes, but when you get to asking too many questions I can just stick my tongue down your throat and shut you up._ “Look, I'm sorry, it's not any of my business I know. But you should have someone. Let me take you out for a nice dinner tomorrow night to celebrate. It can be just as friends. I'd like it if we were friends too.”

Raina wanted to cry in frustration. These guys were not going to let her off the hook as easily as she thought they would. Weren't men only supposed to be out for one thing? Maybe they were right though. It wasn't like she thought any of this cutting herself off from other people was healthy. It was just safe and familiar and, at least until recently, far easier. She'd made friends with Cassie and the world hadn't come to an end. Maybe she could make friends with Shannon too? “Okay,” she conceded, “I think that might be nice.”

“Great!” She could hear the enthusiasm in Shannon's voice. “It might be kind of late, we're rehearsing again tomorrow but I think Jared has this charity thing he's doing either tomorrow or the next night. I can't remember which one but obviously if it's tomorrow we won't be rehearsing late at all. I'll call you when I know more okay? And you call me after your final?”

Raina realized with a sense of panic that if they were going to be together tomorrow calling to tell them her presentation was done was way too dangerous. “Just call me once you're out of rehearsal. I'll surprise you when you pick me up. It will either be a celebration or consolation evening.”

Shannon laughed. “Okay, have it your way. I'll see you tomorrow.”

 

The presentation went outstandingly well. The proctors were blown away, and stayed more than a half an hour after everything was supposed to be done to continue to discuss her work and ask questions about her plans for the next year. She may have been a mess with her personal life but it was good to know that academically, professionally, she was the same superstar she always had been. Maybe she hadn't completely lost herself after all.

Fate cut her another break when Shannon called just as she was driving home. Apparently whatever Jared's previous commitment was had caused them to break rehearsal exceptionally early. She went ahead and told him how well everything had gone, she was bursting to tell someone, made plans for him to pick her up and then, after confirming he was in his car, alone, headed for his own house, she called Jared. He wasn't able to stay on the phone with her long but gave her a hearty congratulation and promised they would do something special when they got together again. They made plans for that coming Thursday before hanging up the phone.

It was just a 'friends' thing, and Shannon had told her to dress casually, so Raina didn't have particularly high expectations but when the pulled up at the Chophouse Shannon had been raving about she started to wonder if even the jeans she had chosen left her overdressed. It was dark and windowless and in need of paint and looked for all the world like it housed a seedy strip club. Inside was better, but the red velvet seatbacks still carried a certain vibe. With her permission, Shannon ordered for both of them.

What came out was a steak almost as big as Raina's head served with crispy potatoes and creamed spinach. It was the best steak she had ever eaten in her life. Shannon laughed at the way she tore into it after the doubtful looks she had given him from the minute they pulled into the parking lot. Once they had finished they lingered for a while, chatting over whiskey flights and cigars and a bourbon pecan pie that Raina said was easily the best thing she had ever had in her mouth. Shannon cocked an eyebrow at that statement but she had just given him a playful shove and kept on eating. Her life had taken a mercurial turn since yesterday morning and she felt happy and relaxed for the first time in ages.

“Hey, I know this is just supposed to be friends celebrating, but would you like to come back to my place? I could put on a movie or something.” She asked as the waiter dropped off the check.

Shannon just flashed that big smile that had been melting her since their first date. “I'm not doing anything else.”

 

Raina really had intended for it to just be movies and conversation, and once they got back to her place, that was how things had started. But they had found themselves edging closer and closer on the sofa as the movie played, then Shannon had his arm around her, and by the time the credits were rolling no one was looking at the TV screen anymore. Shannon had her stretched beneath him on the sofa, their lips locked tightly together as his tongue made long slow passes against hers. There was no urgency to it, they were simply enjoying the feel of each other as his hands unhurriedly explored Raina's curves. He felt warm and heavy against her, and there was a certain peacefulness to it that topped the day off perfectly. When Raina's foot began to fall asleep Shannon sat them up, pulling her into his lap, his hands resting lightly on her thighs while she straddled him. He let his kisses trail lower, and when his stubble brushed the tender curve of her neck a giggle escaped her lips.

“I love the way you laugh,” he told her, brushing his rough chin against her again. As she giggled his slid his hands up to her sides and began tickling her. She fought merrily to get away, and they ended up tumbling onto the floor, her face down on the brightly patterned throw rug and him across her as he danced those fingertips mercilessly across her exposed skin. When they slipped under the back of her shirt he came to a sudden halt.

“What the fuck Raina.” Shannon pushed the back of her shirt higher. She was momentarily confused until she remembered the bites Jared had left behind. They had ached when she brushed against them and stung when the shower hit them but she hadn't checked to see how dark they actually were, had forgotten about them completely with everything else that was going on. Quickly she sat up and pulled her shirt back down but the damage was done.

Shannon looked at her, waiting for an explanation but she didn't know what to say. He didn't look jealous. He looked worried. She wished now she had looked at her back in the mirror. Just how bad was it back there? Cautiously, Shannon reached towards her again, gently turning her and raising the shirt up. She didn't try to stop him, there was no use hiding what he had already seen.

“Raina those are bite marks,” he observed. He ran his finger over one of them and she could feel how tender it was with the direct contact but she managed to avoid wincing. That would have only made it worse. “Do you know how deep these are?”

Feeling like Shannon had seen enough, she pulled her shirt back down. He just yanked it up again, this time without the gentleness. “This is too much. You need to stop seeing this guy.”

Raina sighed. “It's not like that. It's not like he forced me into anything.” She pulled her shirt down again and spun around before Shannon go in for yet another look. The angry expression on his face made her wonder just how much he knew about his brother's proclivities. Maybe he only disapproved because it was her?

“I'm not saying he did. But there are a couple places back there where it looks like he broke the skin. That's not playing.”

No, it hadn't been playing. Jared had been doing exactly what she thought he was doing at the time – marking his territory. He wanted to be sure that her other lover saw it. Well, mission accomplished Jared. She tried to minimize. “I'm not sure how it looks but really, it wasn't that rough at the time. I guess I just mark up easily.”

Shannon got up and pulled her to her feet before leading her into her bedroom. He stood her in front of the mirror on her closet door, turned her around and lifted her shirt up again. What Raina saw made her jaw drop. No wonder Shannon was angry.

Both sides of her spine were lined in round bruises, the lower ones where he hadn't been able to dig in as well from the position they were in were just regular bluish-purple marks. But they got progressively darker as they got higher. The real problem was the one right behind her right shoulder blade. It was about three times the size of the others and an ugly black color. You could still clearly the outline of Jared's teeth where he had bit the spot repeatedly. How it wasn't more painful was beyond her. Had he known he was doing this much damage at the time? Had he been waiting for a safe word that never came? How the hell did it get this clearly out of hand?

“Tell me again how rough he wasn't,” Shannon said, his eyes dark and angry as they both stared into the mirror. Raina let her shirt fall back down a final time and turned away.

“I don't know what to say. It wasn't like that. At least it didn't feel like that...” She suddenly wasn't so sure though,

Shannon wasn't having any of her deflection. “You need to stop seeing him. You're lonely. He's taking advantage of you.”

 _What the hell?_ “Okay, you need to stop right there. You don't know anything about that relationship and you're making assumptions. Wrong ones. It isn't like that with us at all.”

Shannon folded his arms. “Well I'm only working with what is in front of me Raina but I see someone who cares so little about your safety that he left marks so deep I'm wondering if we don't need to take you to the doctor.”

“Now you're exaggerating," she told him in frustration, but his words had instilled a little doubt in her. Jared had been very careful to be sure that he had her permission before they had done anything rough, he had checked on her comfort levels as they went along, she had never once felt like she was being used or victimized. She had been quite sure at the time that if she had asked him to stop he would have done so immediately. But she hadn't tested that theory, hadn't so much as made the tiniest protest of his treatment. Was he really looking out for her if he could leave that kind of damage?

She thought of the way he had tucked her in before leaving that first night, the dorky way he had texted her from Australia, the way he had worried about her when he found her on the sofa, the way he had gone shopping and made sure she had decent food to eat. Sure, he was a little controlling, but she liked that. He was also caring, and had been kind and patient with her even when she had been difficult. He would probably be as surprised as she was with the severity of that bruise, she imagined. And then she was angry at Shannon for making her doubt him.

“I think it might be a good idea if you went home now,” she said, turning away from him.

“You're kidding me. He does that to you and I'm the problem?” When she didn't respond he laid one large hand gently on her shoulder. “I'm just trying to look out for you.”

“I know." She did. She got that. But this was a lot to sort through and she was no longer in the mood for their makeout session. "Maybe I just have some things to think about.”

Shannon sighed. “That I can agree with.” He stepped around in front of her and wrapped her in a ferocious hug. “Don't pull away on me. You can talk to me about anything. I meant what I said about being friends.” He gave her a light kiss on the cheek. “I'll let myself out.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

Raina had decided that maybe the best thing to do was sleep on all this but her brain wouldn't shut off long enough for her to drift off. It wasn't supposed to be this way. She had only set out for a good time, a little something to distract herself from reality. Now she was tangled up in lovers, with feelings leaking out everywhere, and second guessing every decision. She hadn't thought Jared was hurting at the time, so she hadn't stopped him. So who's fault was that? And what did all of this say about her anyway? What must Shannon be thinking?

She threw off her blankets, went into the kitchen and started the kettle. Time for more tea since sleep seemed determined to elude her. As she stood at the counter and waited for the water to heat, she had a thought. It didn't seem right that she was the only one wrestling with this. She grabbed her phone and went back into her room.

There was one sure way to find out what Jared would think of the mess he had left. Stripping down, she took up position in front of the mirror again. There were other marks beside the one on her back, though they were smaller and lighter. She snapped a quick picture and messaged it off without any commentary, then redressed.

Just as the night before, Raina settled herself on her sofa, mug of tea in hand, craving peace and sleep. As she snuggled under the quilt she always kept there she wondered if maybe she wasn't overreacting. It was just some bruises, bruises that would fade soon enough. It wasn't as if she had actually been injured. No one had done anything they weren't thoroughly enjoying in the moment. She was just starting to doze off when she heard the doorbell ringing followed by loud pounding. She sat up with a start. In her grogginess, she was momentarily alarmed at the urgency of whoever was on the other side of her door at 2 a.m. Then she realized it had to be Jared. He must have seen the pictures by now.

Warily she got up and opened the door. As predicted, Jared stood in the hallway, still dressed from whatever fete he had been attending. He looked casual but handsome in that odd way that only Jared could pull off, his hair still shiny and perfect. His face, however, was anything but composed. He stepped into the apartment, looking around wildly.

“What happened?” he demanded.

Well, that wasn't any of the responses she had been anticipating. “What do you mean what happened? You were there. You're what happened,” she pointed out.

Jared looked back at her in confusion. “Those can't be the marks I left Raina. There was one bruise but the rest were just little pink and red marks. I was careful. I know I didn't bite down that hard.”

Raina was angry now. She had at the very least expected him to take responsibility for his handiwork. “Well, I sure as hell didn't bite myself.”

Jared drew his hand over his face, trying to maintain his composure. “Raina, you shouldn't have bruised up like that.” He reached for her as if to examine her for himself but she pulled away. Her trust for him was on shaky ground, but when saw the stricken way he was looking at her, she stopped. If she thought there was any possibility that he would be pleased with the severity of the trail he had left, it was smashed into dust. He was very obviously upset. He reached for her again and this time she didn't pull back, but let him lead her back to her bedroom.

“May I?” he said, his hand resting on the hem of her nightgown. Nervously she nodded and he pulled it carefully over her head. Slowly he drew his fingers down the sides of her spine, coming to rest just over her hip. “Can you see this one?” he asked.

She moved to stand in front of the mirror, turning slightly to the side so she could see the mark he was referencing. There was a wide green and purple bruise just behind her hip.

“That's the one that was there before our little session the other night. That's the one your other friend left for you,” he said, hitting the word friend a little too hard. “It wasn't nearly that big then.”

Raina remembered him mentioning the bruise during their argument. She hadn't thought that much about it then, Shannon had grabbed her roughly a few times, it didn't seem that far-fetched that there might be a small bruise. But she was quite sure that they had done nothing that warranted what she was seeing now. She traced her hands over the marks, trying to make sense of what she was seeing.

The more she looked at the bruises, the more she began to fear something was terribly wrong. Raina could feel her hands starting to shake as they continued to trace over her body, and her breath was coming quicker and quicker now. “I want you to see a doctor. I think you might be anemic,” Jared was saying, his blue eyes narrowed in concern, but her chest had begun to tighten and she could barely hear him over the roar that was starting in her ears. She was making all kinds of connections in her head now. She had seen bruises like this before, on her mother, as she lay in the hospital. Raina had thought they were due to the medications they were giving her, but what if they weren't? What if this was a warning sign, what if the cancer that claimed her mother so quickly was already eating away at her? What if this was it? What if this was all the time that she had? Who would sit at her bedside and feed her ice chips and hold her hand and mourn her when she was gone?

“No, this can't be happening....” she trailed off, heart hammering away as she stared at herself in the mirror. She could hear Jared calling her name from what sounded like a million miles away but she couldn't get herself to look away or respond. Shaking, she stood there, hypnotized by her own reflection, until she felt Jared's hands at her sides, guiding her over to the bed where he sat her down and pulled her nightgown back over her. He kept on talking as she sat there, his voice a tiny soothing note in the cacophony of panicked shouts in her head, but she couldn't make sense of anything he was saying. She slid off the edge of the bed until she was sitting on the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees. She had to come back. She closed her eyes and tried to focus, tried to find something calm to fix her mind on. After what felt like an eternity, the panic began to pass.

When he came back out of her head a bit and started to be aware of the world around her again, she realized Jared was next to her on the floor, one hand at the small of her back as he watched her carefully. That small gesture, that look of concern on his face was somehow more devastating than the panic attack. He knew now. There was no putting this genie back in the bottle, and, as the adrenaline faded and she felt the exhaustion already starting to set in, she was too tired to try. With nothing left to lose, Raina let herself fall against him, and the way he instantly locked his arms around her did more to calm her fears than she would have thought.

She stayed curled into his chest for a long time, trying to gather the strength to answer all the questions she knew would be coming. Finally, she sat up, wiping her face as she regarded him carefully. He didn't look like he wanted to bolt, he didn't look like he thought she was dangerous or even inconvenient. He looked like a man who genuinely cared what the hell had just happened and was waiting patiently for an explanation. She screwed up her courage and began.

She told him about her mother's cancer, about the long lonely nights spent watching the only relative she had left in the world make a slow, painful exit. She told him about the depression and the panic attacks that had followed. The way the world had seemed too much to bear, then simply existence itself had been too big a burden. The way she had to fight herself to literally get up off the floor on a daily basis. That was all she meant to tell him, that was all that was needed to explain what had just happened, but once the explanations started flowing they all just seemed to pull each other out. Jared listened patiently as she told him about Dan, who had been too overwhelmed as he watched Raina spiral into near catatonia, how he had decided he'd had enough and left her for her childhood friend, and about Ellen, her business partner who had taken advantage of her grief and absence and used the opportunity to cheat her out of everything she had built up and worked for. When she finished her story she sat, looking straight ahead, afraid to see the look of pity she was sure had taken up residence on his face. She knew it well, it was the same look everyone had regarded her with back home, the thing she fled to California to escape. There was no undoing this now though.

Jared sat in silence next to her for a long time, his hand wrapped tightly around hers. When she finally got up the courage to look at him Raina found him staring straight ahead himself. She thought maybe it had all been too much, that he was trying to find a way to make a graceful exit when he finally spoke.

“I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I can't imagine what it was like.” There it was, she thought, the pity. Then he said something unexpected. “I can't believe how strong you are.”

Raina was dumbfounded. “How strong I am? Did you just listen to that story? I'm anything but strong. I fell apart and took everything in my life down with me.”

“Well that's where you're wrong,” Jared said. He turned to her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You faced all of that and survived. You picked yourself up and you found a dream and came out here and started all over again. It's more than a lot of people do, a lot of people with a lot less to hold them down. You are amazing.”

Raina felt the tears running down her cheeks before she even realized she was crying. It had never occurred to her that he could see her as anything other than broken. She was sure he would think she was too much bother. She didn't know what to do with this development so she sat quietly and tried to compose herself.

Once she had stopped her sniffling, Jared spoke again. “Just so you know, there's no one else.” Raina looked at him in confusion. “I know I'm supposed to be this Hollywood slut with a harem full of girls, but I just got out of a relationship right before I met you. You were supposed to be the proverbial horse to get back on. But I like you. I didn't want to go.”

Raina chuckled slightly. “We're both pretty full of shit huh?” she asked. Jared gave her hand a squeeze.

“You're not dying,” he said gently. “I mean I'm not a doctor or anything but like I was trying to tell you I'm pretty sure you're just anemic. You eat garbage, you don't take care of yourself, you've been looking pale and tired. I'll go with you to the doctor if you want, but I wouldn't worry too much.”

Raina nodded. Now that the initial panic had passed that seemed the much more reasonable explanation.

“I'm sorry to have dragged you into all this. If it's too much, I'll understand if I don't hear from you again,” she said, gaze fixed on the carpeting in front of her as her vision started to swim again. She wanted him to stay. It had been ugly, and not the way she would have chosen, but he knew her secrets now, and it would be nice to have another person she didn't have to constantly be on guard with. “If you want to go you can go. I can take it from here," she said, trying to give him an easy way out.

She was relieved when she felt Jared wrap his arms around her. “The only place I want to go right now is to bed. And don't tell me you're going to make me drive all the way back across town to do it.” He released her and stood up. “Let's try and get some rest, you have got to feel as drained as I do.”

Raina got up and cautiously hugged him. “I thought you were busy.”

“I am, but I get to sleep too, and I might as well do that here. I know there are more things we need to talk about. A lot of them actually. But I think we've both been through enough for one night.” He kicked off his shoes and started pulling the bedspread away. Raina just stood and watched him, feeling unsure. With a sigh, Jared sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her over next to him.

“Okay, maybe we do need to keep talking. This is about the bruises still right? We really haven't talked about those.” Raina nodded. Jared gave her a kiss on the forehead. “I've made a mistake,” he said. “I knew the kink was new for you, and I didn't want to start throwing around a bunch of labels and rules and scare you off. I wanted to give you a chance to explore and see if it was for you. But I let it get too far without making sure you understood what was happening and you ended up hurt and that's on me.”

Raina shook her head. “I should have said something.”

Jared nodded. “Yes, you should have. But I'm the Dominant in this relationship and taking care of you is my responsibility. Ultimately the blame rests on me. You don't know your limits yet, I should have been far more careful with your safety. I hope I haven't destroyed your trust in me. I won't let it happen again.”

Raina appreciated his honesty but he was missing the point. “It's not you I've lost trust in. It's me. I already know I'm a mess. Is this just another manifestation of that? Is this just another symptom?”

“I can't answer that for you,” Jared said. “I don't think you're as much of a mess as you seem to think you are. And there are plenty of perfectly healthy people who enjoy much more extreme things than anything we've been doing. But you have to be okay with this. You have to be sure it's what you want. I never want to do anything with you that you aren't one hundred percent okay with.”

Raina thought about how long she had harbored those fantasies, and about how much she had been enjoying this before tonight. “I was fine with it until I saw the bruises.”

“Then why don't we sleep on it, like I suggested, and tomorrow, when you're rested and have had a decent meal and have a little more clarity, we can try to sort through all this?”

Raina realized she was just sort of wildly reacting at this point, and too tired to think very reasonably about any of this. Jared was right. She nodded her agreement. Jared leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss, his hand lingering on her cheek.

“Go wash your face, it will make you feel better,” he told her. “I'll get the bed ready.”

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Raina was dimly aware of Jared leaving the bed. The warmth of him disappeared from behind her but she felt heavy and too sleepy to question what was happening. After a few minutes, he returned though, snuggling himself around her as tightly as before and kissing her shoulder. She tried to mumble out a question but he just shushed her.

“Just go back to sleep princess,” he told her, “I still have a while.”

When she woke again later the sun was high and Jared was no longer next to her. She sighed and stretched, thinking about a hot shower for the muscles her anxiety had left aching and in knots. When she got out of bed to start her morning routine however she heard noises coming from the rest of the apartment. Curiously she stuck her head out of the bedroom.

Jared was in the living room, working on his laptop, a mug of tea next to him. He smiled when he spotted her.

“Hey I hope it's okay, I rearranged some things and had my assistant bring my laptop so I could work from here this morning. You were sleeping so well with me there last night I wanted to stay as long as possible. You really needed the sleep.”

Raina wasn't sure what to make of all this. She'd definitely had a good hard sleep the night before, and felt better rested than she had in ages. Whether that was due to having Jared pressed against her or having unburdened herself earlier she couldn't say. “Thank you. I did sleep really well. I'm going to go take a shower now okay?”

Jared nodded, took a sip from his mug and returned to whatever he was doing on the laptop. He certainly seems to be making himself at home, Raina thought.

She stopped on her way to the shower for another check in the mirror. At least none of the marks looked any worse this morning. She would have to call her doctor first thing Monday, if for no other reason than to put her mind at rest.

By the time she got back out of the shower Jared had packed up his laptop and looked to be getting ready to leave. “Heading out already?” she asked.

“Sorry, I put things off as long as I could but I do have places to be and a rehearsal that's going to run really late now.” He carried his mug into the kitchen to place it in the sink. “But I did leave time for that talk before I go. Would you come sit down with me?”

Raina took a seat on the sofa and waited for him to return. Once he was seated as well he lightly grasped her chin and gave her a soft kiss. All the cockiness seemed to have gone out of him since the night before, but Raina was certain it was just waiting under the surface. At least she hoped it was. Sweet Jared was nice under the circumstances but it wasn't what she had signed up for.

“Before we get into too much,” he began, “I suppose I should ask if you're ready to talk. I know last night you weren't sure where your head was at.”

Raina sighed. “I'm still not sure. I haven't had a lot of time to think.” Sheer exhaustion had claimed her almost as soon as she hit the pillows the night before and she hadn't been up long enough to do any serious contemplating today.

Jared nodded. “That's what I thought. What I propose is this... we had planned to see each other Thursday. Let's keep those plans but be prepared to have a discussion about the dynamics of this relationship then.”

It seemed sensible enough. She knew she had a lot of thinking to do. “All right,” she agreed.

“Good,” Jared said with a smile, patting her leg. Then his expression became more serious. “All right I'm going to put my dominant hat back on here for a minute because there are some things going on that need to be addressed. Don't go getting your stubborn streak up.”

Of course telling Raina not to be stubborn was the fastest way to get her back up from the start but she tried to reign herself in. “I'm listening.”

“First of all, I want you to spend this weekend taking care of yourself. You are going to relax and de-stress and eat good food and get plenty of sleep. There's a bottle of vitamins on the kitchen counter. I want you to take them. This is not negotiable. Do I make myself clear?” He was giving her that stern look that up until now she had only seen in the bedroom. She wasn't sure how she felt about him using it on her here, but she guessed that was one of the things she needed to sort out by Thursday. If she was being honest with herself though at least at this point, she needed someone to sit her down and make her straighten up her act. Clearly, she wasn't doing it on her own.

“Yes sir,” she responded without thinking about the form, and to her surprise, without a hint of sarcasm. Jared gave her a self-satisfied grin and she felt her ears heat up. She knew she had a long way to go.

“Secondly,” he resumed, “I know it's Saturday so you will have to wait but I want you to promise me you will call your doctor first thing Monday. And if you feel anything other than tired before then you will take yourself to the emergency room. You can call me if you need someone to go with. I know I said I'm busy but this is important.”

That seemed a reasonable enough request. “I promise.”

“Finally, I want you to call me tonight before you go to bed, and tomorrow night as well. I want to make sure you're okay and you're going to bed at a reasonable time. I did a poor job of looking out for you this week but we're going to get this together this weekend. And of course, I want you to call me after the doctor's visit.” He continued with that stern look, searching her face for signs of resistance.

Raina was starting to feel a little overwhelmed. She wasn't used to being looked out for at all, certainly not to the degree that Jared now seemed to be determined to hover over her. She knew he was probably just testing the waters but it made her uneasy just the same. She wondered if he understood how hard it was for her to allow herself to be taken care of? “I can put myself to bed.”

Jared frowned at her. “I know that you can. But I also know that you haven't been, you haven't been taking care of yourself at all. I'm trying to support you by holding you accountable. This isn't me thinking you're incapable of caring for yourself, it's me insisting that you do it. Do you understand the difference?”

Raina nodded. She knew where all of this was coming from but it was still starting to give her emotional claustrophobia. She reminded herself that she was trying to get past that, and pushing away Jared when he was only trying to help was not moving in the direction she intended. “Okay, I'll do it.”

Jared smiled and gave her another kiss, lingering just a bit longer than the first one but still rather chaste. “Just so you know, I did try to rearrange my schedule to stay longer. I'd rather work through all these questions I'm sure you have with you rather than leave you to stew the way I know you're going to. But it's short notice and there's only so much I can do.”

“It's fine,” she reassured him. “I think I need some alone time anyway.”

“I think your problem is that you've had far too much alone time,” he countered. “But since I'm not in a position to do anything more about that today we'll have to leave it here.” He got up and gathered his things. Raina walked him to the door, and he paused briefly to wrap her in a hug before leaving. “I'll see you Thursday. Don't forget to call tonight.”

Raina locked the door after him. At least he had left alone the issue of her other lover. She supposed he was picking his battles.

She made herself a big breakfast of the food Jared had picked up a few days previously, took her vitamins and settled herself on the sofa for some Netflix binge watching. She thought about calling Cassie but knew Cassie would flip her lid over the bruises and the burgeoning drama and that was the exact opposite of relaxing. She ended up drifting off to sleep after the fourth episode of Pretty Little Liars. When she woke back up there was a voicemail notification on her phone from Shannon.

“Hey, it's Shannon. I just wanted to check and be sure you're okay today. Still pretty worried. Could you at least drop me a message and let me know you're not unconscious on your kitchen floor? Thanks.”

She smiled. She thought about calling him but didn't really know what she would say at this point. She didn't want to upset him further with the specter of illness, and since she hadn't collected any of her thoughts on the Jared situation there was nothing to discuss there either. She sent him a quick text to let him know she was indeed conscious and not on the kitchen floor and ordered some sushi delivery for dinner. She lounged away the rest of the evening before taking a hot bath and calling Jared to confirm that yes, she had eaten real food with real vegetables in it, lounged, napped and was headed to bed at a reasonable hour.

Sunday was just a repeat of Saturday with the text to Shannon coming before he left another guilt inducing voicemail. She tried to take some of her downtime to sort through her feelings for the brothers. Initially, Raina had hoped that one of them would simply drop out of contention or she would develop a clear preference for one or the other and either way the situation would sort itself out. What she realized was happening though was exactly the opposite. She was becoming more and more attached to each of them for different reasons. Shannon was a sort of sexy buddy, he was fun and hot and put no pressure on her but made it clear he was there for her if she needed him. He gave her the emotional space she needed and the company when she had wanted it. Plus the sex was amazing.

Jared let her explore a whole other side of her sexuality. He was exciting and demanding and challenged her in a way she had never really been challenged before. He was also exhausting. And she wasn't sure Shannon's laid back attitude was exactly what she needed either. The two of them together were perfect but she was sure there was no way they would let her continue on like this if they found out. And they were going to find out, she knew she couldn't keep this charade up much longer.

Monday morning she called her doctor's office and got them to work her in for that afternoon. The conversation about how the bruises came about was awkward but Raina finally managed to convince her doctor that she was not being mistreated. After a blood draw and a thorough checkup, the end conclusion was that Raina was anemic and suffering from vitamin deficiencies. The doctor sent out some additional lab work to make sure there were no more serious underlying issues but said she saw no cause for concern at this point. Raina left the office after a shot (that was going to have to be repeated several times), a prescription and admonishments to eat better and take better care of herself.

She called Jared first since he was the one who had initially suspected what the problem was. She was impressed he kept his “I told you so”s to a minimum. He asked if she was going to be ready to continue their conversation on Thursday and then, once she assured him that she would, cut the conversation short. He was, as usual, ridiculously busy.

Next, she called Shannon. She knew he had been worrying about her but until she knew more she hadn't known what to tell him. She was relieved to be able to produce a diagnosis that backed up her assertions that her 'other lover' had not been misusing her.

“Well I guess that explains why you tore into that steak so hard,” he said with a laugh. “Seriously, though, I've been worried. I wish you would have picked up your phone this weekend.”

“I'm sorry. I really just didn't know what to say.”

“You didn't have to say anything. I could have just kept you company. I know you had to have been worried too,” he pointed out.

She had been, of course. And though it was nice to have him acknowledge it, now that she knew she wasn't dying she was getting a little tired of being treated like a hothouse flower. She was proud of the way she had managed to set her own ego aside and accept their concern up until now but she'd had about enough. She wanted a little adventure. “I'm not doing anything now. Still want to keep me company?”

She could practically hear the smirk forming on his face. “What did you have in mind?”

She didn't want to make it too easy for him but she didn't want to mess with a full blown date either. “Oh, I don't know. Why don't I order a pizza and we can try again to see if we can get through a whole movie?”

“I'll be by in about an hour.”

 


	17. Chapter 17

Of course, Shannon's hour turned out to be more like 90 minutes, but Raina was already used to his creative interpretation of clocks and schedules. She remembered her promises to Jared about the way she had been eating and made sure to at least get a salad to go with the pizza, which she still somehow managed to get delivered at the right time in spite of Shannon's lateness. He showed up with brownies and beer and they made a big nest of pillows and blankets in the middle of her living room floor to watch the movie from.

“Are you feeling okay?” was his first question as soon as they had made their plates and settled in.

“I'm fine, really. I took the weekend to rest up and now that I'm out of classes for a few months my stress levels should come down nicely,” she told him.

He gave her a soft smile. “You really did have me worried you know. I get that you're a bit of a porcupine, you don't like to be crowded, and I tried to respect that and give you some space but I kind of wanted to camp out on your doorstep until you came to your senses.”

“I'm a porcupine huh?” Raina laughed. “Nobody's called me that before.”

“Well, it's true. You're all defensive spines on the outside but you're still somehow adorable.” He took a swig of beer while she shook her head at him. “Someday you'll tell me how you got all those spines.”

Raina shrugged and dropped her eyes, the humor seeming to melt from her. It felt like everyone wanted something from her, first Cassie and her questions, then Jared and all his discussions and then the doctor and her interrogation, and now Shannon, who was supposed to just be her chill buddy, was starting in on her too. It was as if everyone had lost confidence in her to be able to conduct her own life. She knew she had her issues but she mostly kept things together on her own and she resented all of them for implying otherwise. This is why you don't open up to people Raina. They just turn it against you.

'And there they go again,” Shannon said sadly, shaking his head and retreating back to his side of the pillows. “I'm sorry, I'll back off.” He turned the TV on. “So what are we watching?”

Raina felt a twinge of guilt at his obvious disappointment but she was relieved that conversation was over. “I don't know, I thought we could pick something out on Netflix,” she said. The movie really hadn't been the point when she had invited him over but now that it looked like she had upset him she figured she had better pick a good one because that was probably going to be the extent of her excitement for the evening.

They settled on an action flick about international art thieves that neither one of them had seen. They sat close to each other eating as the movie progressed but barely a word was said. There was an awkwardness that had settled in between them that made Raina more uncomfortable than the questions had. She realized that as attractive as she found Shannon, and as great as their sex had been, it was his companionship that she craved the most deeply. She wasn't sure what to do about that. It was a lot more dangerous than craving sex. She thought about just getting through to the end of the movie and then collecting their dishes and kicking him out, pushing him away once and for all. It would not only stop the awkward questions but it would neatly solve her dilemma with Jared. Choice made. Instead, almost at the end of the movie, she found herself doing something unexpected.

“I lost everything,” she said simply. “Everything that meant anything to me, I lost it or let it fall apart and now I don't trust anyone. Not even myself.”

Shannon picked up the remote and turned off the TV in the middle of the car chase that was currently on the screen. “That's...” he trailed off for a moment, considering his response. “Do you want to talk about it?”

No no no no no no no no no I don't. “There's not a lot to tell, really. I thought that if I did everything I was supposed to and played by the rules that everything would work out for me in the end. I trusted fate. I trusted people I shouldn't have. Now I know better.” She didn't want to go through the whole story again for the second time in less than a week. The details didn't really matter anyway. They didn't change the fractures on her heart.

Shannon gave her a long look and Raina was afraid he was considering whether or not she was worth the bother. Although they seemed to have bonded they had only been on a few dates, had only been to bed together the once. He really didn't have that much invested in her. If he was going to cut bait and run now would be the time to do it. Instead, he asked her another question. “How much do you know about me?”

Raina shrugged. “Not much. Just what you've told me. Why?”

Shannon gave her a wry smirk. “Let's just say I'm an expert in fucking things up. I get not trusting yourself. But that's a hell of a way to try to live.”

Maybe that was why she felt so comfortable with him. She had been afraid of him finding out how broken she was, but maybe there was some broken in him too. “Maybe,” she conceded. “But how do you let it go? I thought I could, I moved out here to put it behind me, start over. But so far I haven't been able to do much of that. I just keep myself cut off from everyone and everything. It's just Cassie and work and school I don't have any real kind of life. I'm afraid of what would happen if I tried.”

“You just do. You learn what you can and then you leave it behind." He looked her carefully, those disarming hazel eyes of his taking their assessment. "Like, right now, I'd bet you've got a dozen reasons running through your head for why you shouldn't be having this conversation with me. You're probably trying to think of some way to get rid of me so I'll stop poking all the sensitive bits in that whirring little brain of yours, right?” Shannon raised his eyebrows and looked at her expectantly. She knew he didn't need an answer, she knew he already knew he was right, but she nodded her head anyway. “So don't listen to them. Know that they are garbage, that they are just voices from that past hurt that want to take you down with them. Leave them behind. Be here, now. You came out here for a second chance. So take it."

It sounded good. It sounded simple and straightforward, but Raina couldn't find the voice of the here and now with all the din in her head from the then. “I can't find it,” she told him. “I don't hear anything else but the old voices.”

Shannon leaned over and took her hands. “Yes, you can. It was the first voice, the first thought you had, the one that sent all the others screaming.”

She closed her eyes, trying to remember what thought had started this particular cascade of self-doubt. “I was thinking how much I enjoyed spending time with you.” There was another sentence that should have been spoken there, the other half of that thought. It felt like too much. Too big a confession. To admit that she actually wanted anyone was hand to over power that terrified her. To re-open the path to ruin. She did it anyway. “I was realizing it wasn't just sex I wanted from you.”

She kept her eyes closed, unwilling to risk looking at Shannon and seeing the panic on his face as he tried to get out of the pit he had unwittingly stumbled into. It doesn't matter. If he gets up and walks out now it's okay because at least I finally said it to someone. At least I'm facing how I feel. At least I feel. She was surprised instead by the soft brush of his lips against hers. She opened her eyes to see Shannon's face inches from hers, peering at her intently.

“I didn't realize that was all we were doing. I thought we were trying to be friends,' he said.

“It was all I was doing,” she confessed. “Or at least that was how it started out in my head.”

If she was expecting him to be angry, the mischievous grin that had returned to his face quickly removed that thought. “Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm more than just a hot bit of booty,” he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Raina couldn't help but laugh back at him. “I didn't mean it that way. I just meant I'm very guarded. I don't set out to be friends with anyone these days.”

“Well you've got me now,” he said. His voice changed timbre then, lowering to that seductive purr of his that went straight to Raina's core. “Of course I hope that doesn't mean you don't still want the sex too,” he said, grasping her chin and tilting her face back to his. “Because the sex is so much fun.”

He pulled her mouth open, his tongue meeting hers even before his lips closed against her. Raina was quickly reminded of why she had invited him over in the first place. He leaned back against the sofa, pulling her with him and into his lap. She wrapped her legs around him with a sigh, the physical contact already starting to soothe her jangled nerves. He ran his fingers through her hair, gathering it in a bunch behind her head while they sampled each other, and Raina could feel his arousal growing beneath her parted legs. Sex with Shannon was so different than with Jared, but she loved the chemistry that they had together.

Breaking the kiss for a moment, Raina leaned back and pulled her shirt over her head. She was dying to feel those powerful hands of Shannon's on her back. As if he read her mind he quickly obliged, unfastening her bra and casting it aside before pulling her against him, his palms flattened against her spine as his mouth made its way to her breasts. Eyes closed and head thrown back, she rocked her hips against him as his tongue teased her nipples into hard little peaks. That mouth of his drove her mad anywhere he put it.

Suddenly Shannon lifted her up and laid her back onto the blankets. He covered her with himself, hips pressed into hers, her face cupped in his hands as his tongue passed languidly over hers. He was being terribly gentle, terribly intimate, but it wasn't what Raina wanted. She pulled his shirt off and wrapped her legs around his hips. But the more aggressive she tried to get, the more Shannon slowed her down, pinning her wrists to the floor by her head. She whimpered.

“Please Shannon. I just want you to grab me, take me, claim me. I don't want to feel fragile anymore,” she told him. He paid her pleas no attention, continuing to cover her in soft kisses.

“What I think you don't want to feel,” he said, nuzzling her cheek, “is vulnerable.”

Raina groaned in protest and thrust her hips up against him. He just gave her a little smirk and slipped his hands back behind her head, his tongue diving into her again as he deepened his kisses. Raina wasn't sure how to respond, she had already loosened the tight reign on her emotions as much as she could handle for one evening. Shannon let her head go, trailing his hand around the sides of her neck to the front of her throat, slowly moving them lower until they reached her hips. He hooked his fingers in the edge of her shorts and raised himself off of her.

“That's okay though,” he said, smiling so wide his eyes were almost crinkled shut. “I would hate to make you do anything you don't want to do. If you just want to be my little fuck toy for the evening I can oblige.”

Without further warning he yanked her shorts off, taking her panties with them. Quickly then he grabbed her legs, pinning her knees back to the floor near her head where her wrists had been minutes earlier. Raina had just enough time to be glad she hadn't been skipping her visits to the gym before Shannon ran his flattened tongue up her damp crevice, stopping just short of the bundle of nerves at its apex. As he grinned lewdly at her over her exposed sex he slipped a finger into his mouth, getting it slick with his saliva before bringing it back to circle that swollen nub. He kept his eyes on her as he teased her, his bottom lip caught behind his teeth while she made soft little sighs of pleasure. He finally released the other knee, running his hand up the exposed underside of her thighs before roughly grabbing her firm ass and plunging his tongue into her with a growl. Raina let out a ragged cry as he rolled and swirled his tongue through her channel, leaving her in awe of his skilled mouth for the second time that evening. The heat in her core built quickly, and soon she was on the quivering edge of orgasm, unable to tear her eyes away as Shannon devoured her like she was the last meal on earth.

He then abruptly changed tactics again, raising up from her now dripping center to fish a condom out of his pocket before shoving his pants down his hips. Her bottom came to rest against his chest as he prepared himself, rolling on that thin layer of protection before he moved to claim her as she had pleaded for him to do earlier. As soon as he was ready he grabbed her roughly again, hauling her onto his waiting cock as he shifted to rest back against his heels. Once he had her where he wanted her, straddling him while he gripped her hips tightly, he began thrusting into her. He spared her no time to adjust, he simply began fucking her for all he was worth, his fingers digging into her as she bounced on his thick shaft.

“Giddyup, cowgirl,” he said teasingly, smacking her ass. She could hear the slapping noises as their bodies met, feel her juices leaving a slick swath between them, hear the satisfied grumbles from Shannon's chest as she rode him like a carnival ride. It was exactly what she had wanted. She grabbed his shoulders and let her head fall back, the bliss of her climax starting to claim her.

“Oh yeah, fucking cum for me Raina, show me how much you like being my little fuck toy,” Shannon growled, sliding his hand between them to once again work her hardened clit. The wave of pleasure that had been building suddenly slammed through her, and she heard herself screaming his name as she dug her nails into his arms so hard she was sure she must have drawn blood. He didn't slow down at all, just kept that punishing pace, both arms gripping her waist tightly as he grumbled and moaned like an animal underneath her.

Once again he suddenly changed tactics, shoving her roughly off of his lap and onto her knees in front of him. Quickly he pulled the condom off and grabbed Raina by the hair, hauling her mouth onto his newly exposed length. Her eyes watered as he roughly shoved himself down her throat, and she grabbed his thighs to keep from falling over. She wanted to do more for him, wanted to run her tongue against him the way he had liked it previously, but all she could do was try to breathe while he held her in place and fucked her throat as roughly as he had just taken her pussy. Finally, with a loud groan, he shuddered and spilled into her, releasing her only when the last waves of his climax had completely passed through him.

Stunned, Raina fell to a seated position on the floor, wiping her face as she collected herself. Shannon got up and pulled his pants back into place then went to discard the condom he had tossed aside. He grabbed his shirt when he returned, pulling it back on along with his shoes.

“Are you leaving already?” Raina asked, pulling her own shirt on.

Shannon shrugged, that mischievous grin falling back in place. “Sorry babe. Booty call is over. It was fun though. Maybe we'll do it again.”

Raina rolled her eyes. “You are such a brat.”

He leaned over and picked up the bakery box he had brought with him. “Oh, and I'm taking my brownies with me,” he said. “You can keep the beer though. Wash that taste of your mouth.”

Raina threw a pillow at him. He gave her a laugh but bent over to place a quick kiss on her forehead.

“I'll call you soon, my second-chance girl,” he said with a smile. He then grabbed another piece of pizza and shoved it crust end first into his mouth and walked out.

Raina sighed and reached for her shorts. Dinner, a good hard fuck, and a laugh. It was actually exactly what she had needed. With a smile, she began cleaning up the mess they had made.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

Raina was a little disappointed that she didn't hear from Shannon again that week. She thought he had been lighthearted and joking when he left her Monday night, she thought they had parted on a good note. But when he didn't call and didn't respond to the texts she sent him on Wednesday, she began to think opening up to him at all had been a mistake. He'd probably had a chance to sit down and think about things and in all likelihood had decided to steer well clear of her. She was sad but couldn't say she blamed him. At least it would make things easier with Jared.

For their proposed date on Thursday, they had made plans for Jared to make dinner at his house. He felt the privacy would better facilitate their discussion. Raina agreed. She knew they still had a lot to talk about it. Maybe a little less if Shannon had bowed out of the picture.

When she arrived at Jared's she was glad she had taken a little extra care getting ready that evening. He was looking handsome as ever, in a lightweight white shirt with rolled up sleeves, unbuttoned nearly to his navel and black dress slacks. Being Jared, of course, he was wearing polka dot socks underneath them and scruffy slippers. Raina smiled as he guided her back to the kitchen, hand at the small of her back.

“You look lovely tonight, Raina,” he told her as he took the bottle of wine she had brought. For her part, she had chosen a simple black wrap dress whose silky material and body hugging cut flattered her toned figure, and its short skirt showed off her long legs. She thought their looks nicely complimented each other, almost as if it had been planned. Jared pulled a couple of glasses out of a cabinet but grabbed a wine carafe that was already sitting out. “I hope you don't mind,” he said. “Your bottle looks lovely but I decanted this about an hour ago and I've been waiting to share it with you.”

“Oh no, that's fine,” Raina said, taking the glass. “We can have mine another time. Something smells amazing by the way. I guess you can really cook.”

Jared laughed. “What I can do is order very nice takeout and warm it in the oven. But it's ready if you want to go ahead and sit down.”

They took their plates into the dining room and started on the meal. She asked how his busy week had been, and he had explained that he'd had some meetings and interviews but most of it had been spent rehearsing with the band. There was a small tour coming up in South America that they were getting ready for. She had related the events of her week and mentioned her upcoming return to the doctor. It was a pleasant conversation but nothing deep, much like any other time that they had spent together. Once they had finished and the dishes had been cleared, Jared sat Raina down to begin their talk.

“So have you been thinking about what you want from this relationship?” he asked her bluntly as soon as they settled down on his couch. Raina sat the glass of wine she had been holding down onto the wood and glass coffee table.

She nodded at him. “Of course, I understand this is dependent on what you want too. We have to come to an agreement.”

“Well of course we do,” Jared said impatiently. “But that really doesn't answer my question.”

She quickly tried to gather her thoughts. “Well, obviously I want to keep seeing you. I want to keep sleeping with you.” Raina shifted in her seat a bit uncomfortably. She didn't know why she suddenly felt so shy. She had never been a shrinking violet, especially when it came to sex. Maybe it was because for so long she had harbored in her head fantasies of the very things she was about to ask Jared to do to her that those fantasies felt like her darkest secret. She took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. “I'm sorry the bruising freaked me out. It was all just so real at that point, and I didn't know what to do. You see, I've always had these fantasies, ever since I was a teenager, about a man who would dominate me like that. I've always known I had that submissive side. But it took me a while to come to terms with it. And I've never found a man that was interested too.”

“Never?” Jared asked.

Raina shook her head again. “Oh sure, some of them wanted to play around a bit, give me a few swats on the ass, maybe break out some handcuffs. But nothing serious. Honestly, I had just assumed that's all you wanted too, that you were just talk. I mean you were a little rougher than the others but I figured that was as far as it was going to go. Now I know you're for real. And I want to explore that. With you.”

Jared took a deep breath of his own and stared at the wine glasses on the table, seemingly lost in thought. Raina began to think that maybe she had misread the situation entirely, that maybe he was wanting to dial everything back down, when he finally spoke. “And what about this other guy you're seeing?”

“I don't think that's going to be an issue.” Raina tried not to sound too sad about that but a little of the regret had to have crept into her voice. “To be honest, I did still want to keep seeing him, but he seems to be ghosting me so I guess you don't have to worry about that anymore.”

Jared paused again, that same thoughtful look as before crossing his face. “But you would have kept seeing him?” he asked. Raina nodded. He shifted his jaw, eyes intent on Raina's face now. “Is that all you want to say about that?”

“I don't think there's anything else to say, really,” Raina responded. Jared didn't seem happy with that response, he never seemed happy when the subject was brought up, but he let it go at that and stood up.

“Okay then, let's go back to my room and we can discuss a few things as we go.”

He held his hand out and waited for her to rise and take it before leading her back to the bedroom. Jared had already laid out several bundles of black rope on a bench at the foot of the bed. Seeing them, Raina's heart began to race and her palms grew clammy. This had all once again become very real for her and she wondered if she had gotten in over her head. She had zero experience going forward but Jared clearly knew what he was doing and was prepared for the evening. It should have been comforting but it somehow just made her doubt herself even more.

“The very first thing we need to get straight is that when I tell you to do something here that you do it,” he said, dropping her hand and stepping around to the foot of the bed. “Of course you still have your safe words, we will always obey the color system and if you would like a special word we can choose that. But following my directions is essential for your safety. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” Raina responded immediately. Jared gave her a tight smile.

“Good. Remove your clothing, fold it and place it on the chair over there,” he said with a gesture.

Raina's mouth had gone dry and her heartbeat was thundering in her ears but she complied without argument. Her hands shook a little as she slipped her lace panties down her legs. When she had put them on earlier in the evening she had envisioned Jared being the one to slide them off, but she removed everything and placed it all in a neat little folded pile on the chair in the corner, her black stiletto heels perched carefully on top. As soon as she was naked she turned around to see Jared setting his phone down on the dresser. _He can't be without that thing for one minute._ Patiently, she waited for his next command. Jared motioned with his finger for her to come over to him.

Once she stood in front of him he walked around her in a slow circle, his fingers tracing over the now significantly faded bruises on her back and bottom. He hummed a little as his hands brushed over her rapidly heating skin and Raina could feel her breathing quicken with his attention. She wasn't sure if she should say anything, his directions up to this point had been quite thin, so she held her tongue and waited for him to continue looking her over.

“Up on the bed, in the center, on your knees,” he said simply. As Raina took position, Jared reached down and picked something up off the bench, and his lips turned up into the first smile she had seen on him since they entered the bedroom. She was amazed at how much that did to settle her nerves. Moving next to her on the bed, Jared took her chin his hand and brought his mouth softly to hers, his tongue making a quick pass over her lips. That gentle bit of reassurance calmed her even more and she sighed when he pulled away. He smoothed her hair from the side of her face then showed her what he held, a simple black satin blindfold.

“Now, princess, the second thing we need to discuss is trust.” His voice was even but firm, and his brilliant eyes were locked carefully on her face. “Just because I am mentioning it second don't think it is less crucial,” he continued. “It's the most important aspect of any relationship, but especially between a dominant and a submissive. Without trust, everything falls apart.” He slipped the blindfold into place and kissed her again. “What color are we baby girl?”

“Green, sir,” Raina answered. Her nerves were still on edge but she could feel her arousal growing now as she imagined what was to follow. She heard a satisfied little sigh from Jared and then some shuffling. He seemed to have stepped away, but he quickly came back to the bed again and made a few adjustments to her sitting position before giving her her next instruction.

“Put your hands out for me baby girl”

Lifting her arms obediently, Raina gave a small shiver as she felt his lips graze her wrists, gentle kisses giving way to the brush of the soft rope he had laid out earlier. He was practically purring as he worked his way up her arms, weaving the rope in and out, adjusting her position then giving the bindings a quick tug. Seemingly satisfied, he moved from the bed only to return a few seconds later, checking the blindfold (“.,. no peeking now princess...”) before beginning to wrap new ropes just below her breasts. She tried to keep her breathing deep and slow, each brush of his hands against her flushed skin sending delicious jolts to every nerve ending, a promise of what was to come. The voice in her head warned her that she may have really gotten herself in too far this time but she pushed it aside. She had almost calmed herself when she heard the second set of footsteps finally enter the room.

“Jared?” she asked uncertainly. She tried to tell herself that she had imagined the sound, or that it was Jared, but she vividly recalled the old soft slippers Jared had been wearing when she arrived that evening. This was the sound of hard soled shoes on the wood floor of the bedroom. Any calm she had managed to reclaim flew right out the window. “Yellow?” She said uncertainly.

“What's wrong Raina, don't you trust me?” Jared asked as he drew her arms behind her head. His voice was almost syrupy sweet now and Raina knew something was very wrong. She was about to blurt out “Red” when he continued. “I mean it's not like we can't trust each other right? It's not like someone has been hiding something. It's not like I didn't just give you every opportunity to come clean.”

With a sick flip of her stomach, Raina realized her game was up. He knew. She knew now why Shannon hadn't called her back yesterday.

“Shannon?” she said, her voice shaking. Jared laughed.

“This was really stupid, Raina,” she heard Shannon's deep voice from somewhere near the foot of the bed. “Did you honestly think we were never going to talk? I'm just surprised you got away with this for so long.”

Raina knew she probably should have stopped things right there. She wasn't entirely sure why she didn't, but she knew she needed to try to make them understand. “I told you both I was seeing someone else. I was honest about that,” she pointed out.

“I think this particular situation needed a little more explanation than “I'm seeing someone else'.” The voice was Jared's this time, and he was beside her. She felt the bed dip again as he slipped a loop of rope over one leg. He was still continuing to tie her. What the hell was happening? “You made it a point not to mention who your other lover was. You knew.”

“I didn't mean for this to happen. It wasn't supposed to be this way.” Raina fought to justify her position. “Jared, you were just supposed to be a one night stand, by the time Shannon asked me out I thought you were long gone.”

Jared made a grumbling noise. “I told you I was going to call. Why do you never believe me?”

“I didn't know you.”

“Right. Exactly. You didn't know me. So why would you think I was lying?”

Raina scoffed. “You're a man. Who just got the easy sex he'd been looking for. You guys never call back.”

Shannon chimed in then. “All that justifies is why you went out with me in the first place. None of the rest of it.”

“Is there really that much of “the rest of it”?” Raina asked. “I liked you both, more than I thought I would. I was in too deep before I knew it and I didn't want to lose either one of you so I opted to keep the status quo.” She took a few deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling carefully, trying to bring herself back to center. “I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. I thought it would all sort itself out eventually.”

“Well I guess it's sorting itself out now,” Shannon said with a chuckle.

“I almost told you both several times.” Raina could hear the quiver in her voice now. She knew her day of reckoning would come, but she never dreamed it would be like this. All the lies she had been telling herself still sounded just as much like lies when she said them out loud. She had come so far this week in opening up. She knew it was time to go for broke. “I have felt so alone this last year,” she choked out, and she was grateful for the blindfold which hid the tears forming in her eyes. “And then out of nowhere there you both were. And you were hot and sexy and fun, and you distracted me from everything that was making me unhappy. I only wanted a little distraction because it was all I let myself hope for. And when you both turned out to be more than that, turned out to be wonderful....” Raina blew out a shaky breath, swallowed slowly and continued. “I didn't know what to do. I hadn't let myself want anything that big in so long. I didn't think there was any way I could have it.” She paused again, hearing her own ragged breathing amplified in her ears by the loss of her sight. “I tried to hold on to it any way I could. I didn't care about what you two might want. I just didn't want to go back to being that lonely.”

She felt someone's palm against the side of her face and it only took her a second to identify as Shannon's broad, calloused hand. “How many times have I said you could talk to me? You could come to me?” he asked. “I would have understood. If you had at least come to me at some point I would have understood.”

Raina leaned her head into his hand but he pulled it away. “I know. I was wrong. I should have trusted you. Trusted both of you. It wasn't just my decision to make.”

“You've been a very naughty girl, princess.” Jared's voice was beside her again, and when the bed once again dipped down she assumed he was sitting beside her. He did not touch her the way Shannon had, however. “You can tell we're unhappy. So why haven't you called red?”

Raina fought to find the words. “Because I know you won't hurt me. Because you both deserve answers.” She was quiet a moment before she continued. “Because I finally learned to trust you.”

Jared lifted Raina's blindfold and after a few blinks she came to focus on his face, inches from hers, blue eyes looking at her so intensely she wouldn't be surprised to learn they could see right through her.

“So what have we learned about trust here, huh Raina? Anything?” Raina let her eyes drop, unable to meet his gaze. Her chest ached so deeply it seemed to be pulling all of her breath out with it. It was over. It had been a beautiful ride, and she would never forget it, but she knew she had broken their trust. The most important thing. The thing that allowed her to open herself up for the first time in ages, the thing that had allowed her to sit her naked in the middle of a bed and offer herself up to the man with the rope. She got it. Message received loud and clear. Jared stepped behind her and released the rope that had been holding her arms back and unwrapped her wrists.

“Put your clothes back on and meet us in the living room,” he said evenly. “The three of us are going to talk.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

With shaking hands Raina untangled herself from the remainder of the ropes and began redressing. She felt heavy and slow, held down by the weight of her regrets. She had hoped to make this last a little longer, hoped for a better outcome, but she knew the possible consequences when she started this game. She had gambled, and she had lost. All that was left now was to try to get out of here before she completely fell to pieces. Once she had her clothing back on she regarded her heels, still sitting on the brown chair. Wearing them gave her an air of confidence and authority that she didn't feel entitled to at this point. She hooked her fingers into the toes of the shoes and carried them down the hall with her.

When she came back out of the bedroom she could hear Shannon and Jared talking softly in the living room. She knew they were waiting for her to reappear, presumably with additional admonishments about her poor choices. She didn't think she could handle any more. She didn't want to face them again. Quietly she tried to slip past them and leave through the kitchen.

“Hey, where are you going?” Jared noticed her trying to sneak out and was quickly on his feet, running to catch her before she could make it to the door.

“I'm sorry, Jared. I really don't think I can sit through a lecture right now,” she told him dejectedly. “Can't we just let this go? I know what I did was wrong. I promise I won't bother either of you again.”

Jared frowned at her. “That's not why I want you to stay.” He slipped his arm around her waist and turned her back towards the other room. “I'm not happy with the way you went about things. But we still need to talk.”

Jared brought her back into the living room and sat her down on the smaller sofa before taking a seat next to his brother. “Well,” he began, “I know that was a little extreme but I figured one good surprise deserves another. Imagine our shock when I tried to make plans for Shannon to bring the girl he's been seeing over to join us for dinner tonight Raina.”

Raina tried to keep her breathing even as she flexed her fingers and stared at her lap. “I thought there weren't going to be any more lectures.”

“No more lectures,” Jared said. “I'm just trying to make sure I drove my point home. Honesty. Trust. In order to move forward, we can't have any more secrets and lies...”

“I never lied,” Raina interjected. “There were things I should have told you that I didn't, but I never lied.”

“Well, prevarications then. Whatever you want to call them, we can't have any more of them.”

Raina was confused. He had said moving forward. Was it possible that somehow she hadn't just been summarily dumped by the two of them? A tiny flicker of hope ignited in her chest. “I don't understand. Don't you want me gone?”

It was Shannon that reached over to her, setting his hand on her knee reassuringly. “Please, just listen.”

“I didn't want to continue this conversation in the bedroom,” Jared continued. “I didn't want you feeling you were at a disadvantage. Bound and naked on my bed is too vulnerable of a position for you to be in and have this important of a discussion. I need to know that this is what you want, that you're agreeing freely.”

Raina looked from Jared's face to Shannon's. Both looked serious, but not angry. This was not at all going the way she had expected. She wanted to ask questions but held her tongue and waited for Jared to explain just what the hell was going on.

“You've been making a lot of assumptions, Raina. And I know I haven't helped that fact, there's a lot of talking that we should have been doing that we weren't,” Jared admitted. “But I'd like for us to continue this relationship. All of us. With certain provisions, of course.”

Raina knew her eyes had to be the size of saucers at this point. She completely hadn't seen this coming. Shannon, she could maybe have seen going for something like this, he seemed so chill about their relationship. But Jared had seemed weirdly possessive right from the beginning. How could he so calmly be offering to share her now? “Are you serious? You're saying I can keep on dating both of you and you're going to be fine with that.”

“That's exactly what I'm saying, Raina.”

Raina shook her head. “I'm sorry but I just can't picture it. Not you. You've been bugging me to dump my other boyfriend pretty much from the second time I saw you. Now suddenly it's all just fine?”

“It's just fine because it's me,” Shannon explained. “We trust each other. We know each other's boundaries. We know what to expect.”

Suddenly Raina understood. “You've done this before. You've had this arrangement before.”

'Yes,” Jared confirmed. “It's been a long time but yes, we have done this before. We were actually really happy with the arrangement, it's what we prefer, but it's hard to find someone that we both like, that it is interested in a relationship like this, and that understands some of the necessities of maintaining that relationship with the degree of public scrutiny we have to deal with.”

Raina hadn't thought about that. Of course, they would have to be discreet. Gossip sites would have a field day. “What provisions are we talking about here?” she asked warily.

“As far as the rest of the world is concerned, we are all just friends. So no public displays of affection of any kind, nothing that completely platonic friends wouldn't do.” Jared was speaking so matter of factly it could have been a grocery list. Raina found the whole thing a little odd, but how else were they going to get through this? There definitely needed to be some clear expectations and boundaries set here, the disaster she had orchestrated with all her sneaking around couldn't continue.

“As for exclusivity, I would prefer it just be the three of us,” Jared went on. “I would at least like for you and I to stop seeing any other people. Shannon doesn't feel he's ready for that yet. I don't know how comfortable you are with that.”

Raina was actually a little relieved. She had felt pulled in so many directions with the two of them over the past weeks, and a little overwhelmed with all the attention. If Shannon was still dating around a bit that took some of the pressure off and gave her time to settle into this. 'I'm fine with that actually.”

Jared nodded. “Okay, so far so good. All of our lives and schedules are a little hectic, so I think if we just start out with the understanding that we are sharing and don't try to monopolize anyone's time and exclude anyone else we don't' need to set up any formal scheduling or anything. We can always revisit that later if we need to. But no hiding who spent the day or night with whom. We have to be completely up front and honest with each other or this is never going to work. And that means you're actually going to have to talk about what's going on in your head, Raina. Do you think you can do that?”

“Yes, but...” she had just realized there was one very crucial aspect of this whole arrangement that needed clarifying. “Am I dating you each individually? Or are we dating as a group?”

Shannon grinned. “Is both okay?”

“What he means,” Jared elaborated, “is that we would all spend time together, the three of us, but sometimes just you and me together or just you and Shannon.”

Well, Raina, that's one question down, two more to go, each more awkward than the last. But Jared's right, if you can't do this, if you can't discuss this openly and honestly this is in no way going to work. She swallowed her inhibitions and asked the next question. “And by dating, although I do mean actual dating, I'm also talking about sex. Is that under the same rules?”

Shannon smiled again, more broadly than the previous time. That told Raina everything she needed to know before he even spoke. “Same rules. If that's okay.”

Raina's head swam a little bit. She was so far out of her comfort zone at this point, so far out of her realm of experience, she didn't know what to make of any of this. But the idea of having both of them, wild Shannon with his playfulness and wicked mouth, and bossy Jared, with his intensity and hands that left her screaming, made her heart race and her mouth water. Which brought her to her final question, which she directed at Jared.

“And where does Shannon fit in with our little arrangement?”

“Where do you want him to fit in princess?” Jared asked.

Raina looked to Shannon, still calm and smiling. “Are you okay with all that? I didn't think you were into the bondage stuff.”

Shannon shrugged. “I'm into lots of things." He gave Jared a pointed look. "I just don't run around telling everyone about it.”

Raina sat back in her seat, digesting everything that had just been put before her. She was glad they had brought her back out here before beginning their little talk, her brain was struggling to keep up and ropes would not have helped the situation.

_This is what you wanted Raina. It is everything on a silver platter. You get to keep them both. You get to explore your kinky side. And you get the friends that you didn't even know you wanted but now realize you desperately needed. So why are you hesitating?_

“Okay,” she heard herself saying as her mind was still reaching its conclusion. “I agree to all of it.”

Shannon reached over and pulled her into his lap. “I knew you would,” he said with a gentle smile, bringing his face to hers for a soft kiss. Jared leaned over and placed his palm against her face and gave her a kiss of his own once Shannon had finished, then sat back up in his seat.

“Now that that matter is settled, we still have to deal with the very poor behavior that you've been exhibiting princess.” He said. His voice was no longer gentle and reassuring, he had become stern, practical. Raina knew where this was headed. Her stomach did a little somersault and she wasn't sure if it was from fear or arousal. “I think someone needs a little correction. Don't you Shannon?” Shannon nodded. Jared grasped Raina's chin and gently turned her face to him to be sure he had her attention.

“Two things,” he said. “Even if you are being punished, the color system still applies. If you cannot speak, and you need to use your safe word, you can either grunt three times or smack your hand down three times. Is that direction understood?”

“Yes sir,” Raina responded, his tone and demeanor already making her fall into her submissive role.

“Good. And in the bedroom, I am Sir. He is Sir. You are whatever we choose to call you. Is that also clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

Jared smiled like a cat that was about to devour a mouse. “Excellent. Go back to the bedroom and resume your previous position. We will be there shortly.”

 

As Raina undressed for the second time that evening she found her hands shaking even more than they had previously. She had never been so terrified of something she wanted before. And she knew she wanted this. There were doubts in her head but they mostly had to do with things like whether she would know what to do, whether she would be able to keep up with them, whether they would find her disappointing. None of the doubts were about her decision.

Resuming her kneeling position on the bed Raina once again tried to calm herself. She knew she was in trouble, and a simple spanking was probably not going to get her out of this. She reminded herself that it was Jared and Shannon, that she trusted them, and that even if felt like she was not in control she could always stop any of this with a word. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind that they would honor her safeword. Jared had driven his point home quite effectively.

Shannon was the first one to enter the bedroom. He sat down on the chair next to the one with Raina's folded clothing and removed his shoes and watch without even acknowledging her. When Jared came back in a minute later, he stopped at the foot of the bed and surveyed the scene with a look of disapproval.

“Princess, did you finish Kindergarten?” he asked her sternly.

“Yes sir,” Raina answered uncertainly.

“Then explain to me why you didn't put my things back where they belong when you were done with them?” he said reproachfully, indicating the rope Raina had carelessly discarded earlier.

Raina silently cursed herself. It wasn't like she wasn't already in enough trouble. She had been upset when she had removed them but she'd had plenty of time to neaten them up once she had returned to the bedroom. She should have known fussy Jared would not be happy with her leaving them scattered over the bed. “I'm sorry sir. I won't forget again.”

“No, you won't,” he replied ominously, gathering the rope up and winding it back into a neat little bundle. Shannon got up from his seat and lifted the lid on the low bench, revealing it to be some sort of storage trunk. He pulled something out that Raina couldn't quite make out and quickly closed the lid again.

“Put your arms out again baby girl,” Jared told her as the evening strangely looped back towards the place it had started. Raina raised her hands and gave them to him. Jared kept his back to her this time as he secured her wrists, then began the intricate series of loops that would wind their way up her arms and bind them together as before. As his fingers brushed against her skin she realized she had broken out in goosebumps despite the warm temperature of the bedroom. Every nerve seemed to be awake, anxiously awaiting sensual input.

She felt the mattress dip and realized that while she had been focused on Jared Shannon had slipped into the bed behind her. She felt something soft slide over her ankles -- Shannon was fastening a pair of padded cuffs in place. They seemed to have a plan. That was as terrifying as it was thrilling. Once Jared had woven the rope as high as he wanted it he pulled Raina's arms up and then handed the end of the rope to Shannon behind her who secured it something Raina could not see, leaving her arms bent and extended backward while her torso was left slightly arched and exposed. Raina let out a small whimper in spite of her efforts to remain to calm. Jared smiled.

“What's wrong princess, finally realizing what a predicament you've gotten yourself into?” he said, that slightly predatory grin inches from her face as he stroked her cheek. She could feel Shannon slipping another length of rope around her waist, his hands taking their time as they passed over the soft skin of her stomach. “What color are we baby girl?” Jared asked.

“Green, sir,” Raina answered, but she was surprised at how shaky and uncertain her voice sounded. Jared straightened up next to her.

“Are you sure?” he questioned, watching her intently. Raina closed her eyes for a second and exhaled deeply, trying to let some of the tension go. They hadn't even really started. This wasn't the time for a case of nerves. She nodded her head.

“Raina I'm going to need you to answer me, verbally, anytime I ask you that question,” Jared told her firmly. “Again, what color are we baby girl.”

“We are green, sir,” Raina answered a little more confidently. Jared patted her cheek.

“That's much better.”

Shannon finished whatever he had been doing behind her and crossed back to the end of the bed, returning some leftover rope to the storage bench. He then removed his shirt and tossed it aside. Watching his muscular arms flex as he pulled the tee over his head made Raina even hungrier for him than she had been. She hoped this show would be getting underway soon. The buildup was killing her. He walked back toward the head of the bed and gave her ass a quick swat as he passed, chuckling as Raina gasped. She realized she had seen Jared's dominant side but other than the rougher than usual playful treatment she had gotten from him at their last encounter she had no idea what to expect from a dominant Shannon. It didn't matter. She was about to find out.

“So, Raina,” Jared said, standing next to her with folded arms, “my naughty, naughty princess. I find myself once again having to ask if you know why we're here.” And with that phrase, Raina knew the wait was over. Her punishment, and her new adventure, had begun.

 


	20. Chapter 20

 

“So, Raina, my naughty, naughty princess. I find myself once again having to ask if you know why we're here.”

Raina knew there was no use in trying to avoid the question. “Because I've been dishonest,” she said, before hastily adding “sir.”

“Go on,” he said, arms still folded as he looked sternly at her.

Raina shifted in place a little, already feeling a bit of strain from having her arms stretched behind her. She knew what he was doing, knew he was making sure the point of the evening was crystal clear to her. It didn't make her want to confess any more for knowing. There was not going to be any avoiding it, however. “I was deceptive. I led you both to believe the situation was different than it was. I didn't tell you about each other even though I knew I should have.”

Jared clicked his tongue and walked back to the foot of the bed. “You know it seems the last time I had to correct you it also had to do with communication. So this makes twice. I would strongly suggest there not be a third time.” Raina bit her lower lip but held her tongue. She was relatively certain he did not want a response. As she kept her gaze forward, she felt Shannon move back into place behind her while Jared once again opened the storage bench. “I bought you so many toys, Raina,” he said as he shuffled through the contents. “I hope you'll appreciate them.” He pulled out a small item and removed the packaging which he then tossed away before tucking whatever had been inside into his pocket. With a smirk he joined her on the bed, taking up position in front of her.

Raina fought to remain calm but Jared's intense gaze was filling her with a sort of dread anticipation. When Shannon lightly placed his hand on the flushed skin of her thigh she jumped in surprise. Jared snickered. “You'd better settle down now, princess. We have a long ways to go,” he told her, tucking some of her hair back from her face. He regarded her carefully before continuing.

“Now it seems to me you've been amusing yourself at our expense, Raina,” he said, continuing to flick her hair away from her neck and chest, making sure she was fully exposed. “So tonight, you are going to be the amusement. You are here to satisfy and entertain us. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.” Her response was quick and certain but it belied the turmoil in her head. That didn't sound like much of a punishment. Surely she was missing something. When Jared's face practically exploded into a nefarious grin, she was certain she was right.

Shannon's hands began to move over her first, those big palms mapping her stomach and thighs with almost gentle caresses. The voice in her head told her it was a trap, that surely they didn't mean to tenderly cuddle her into submission, but his touch felt so good she felt herself relaxing into it almost immediately. Jared's attentions were focused on her front side, his hand sliding up her chest to softly cup one breast while he laid kisses at her exposed throat. Raina whimpered, desire flooding her like an intoxicant. Shannon pulled her hair aside as his mouth found the other side of her neck, and when he pressed himself against her she quickly realized he had at some point removed his pants as well. His already hard cock slid between her slick thighs and she rocked back against him, aching for more. When he finally pulled away she gave a disappointed whine.

When Shannon moved away from behind her Jared also straightened up, reaching into his pocket to retrieve the object he had stashed away earlier. It turned out to be a set of ornate silver clamps, connected by a thin chain. Raina's breathing quickened as she regarded the unfamiliar device. She knew their tender ministrations had been too good to be true.

Jared draped the chain over one finger and dangled the shiny torturers in Raina's face. “I'm going to assume you have not experienced these before,” he said. Raina shook her head. “Raina,” he said sharply. “Don't make me remind you again to answer me properly.”

“No sir,” she said quickly but her voice was already starting to waiver.

“Well, this should be quite interesting then.” He reached for the breast he had just been toying with, it's nipple particularly hard, and positioned the clamp over it. Slowly he let it close, the pressure increasing until a sharp ache seemed to encompass her entire breast. He fiddled with a bit until its firm grip made her eyes sting and once he released her, Raina let out a ragged breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. Smiling at her response, Jared wrapped the chain around his finger like a girl twirling her hair and brought his mouth to her other nipple, to tease it into the needed condition as well. He gave the slender chain a tug as he rolled the hard little bud between his teeth and Raina whimpered but was able to maintain enough self-control to remain still. As tightly as Jared was holding that chain, it didn't take a genius to work out what would happen if she started squirming, experience or no. When he was satisfied with his work he attached the second clamp, letting this one snap into place all at once, causing Raina to yelp and pull back in spite of herself. This is sent a painful jolt through both breasts at once, but to Raina's surprise, that electricity seemed to pool directly in her core, further fueling her arousal.

Jared ran his hands over her breasts, kneading them softly, and the firm contact helped bring the sensation to more manageable levels. Raina's breathing, however, remained rapid and shallow and she struggled to regain control.

“What color are we, Raina?” Jared asked, watching her as carefully as he had every other time he had asked that question.

She knew why he was concerned and took a minute to slow her breathing. “Green, sir,” she was finally able to reply.

“Up on your knees then,” Jared said, hooking one slender finger underneath the thin connecting chain and drawing it lightly towards him. The resulting sensation assured immediate compliance and Raina rose from where she had been resting on her heels. He wrapped one hand around the back of her neck and brought her lips to his, his tongue invading her possessively. She felt Shannon moving again and then suddenly he was underneath her, grasping her thighs as he positioned his head under her center. He ran his tongue up the damp skin of inner thigh.

“Fuck, Raina,” he said, “you are absolutely soaking wet. You must love being at our mercy like this. Do you slut?” Shannon dragged a single finger through her slick folds and she moaned into Jared's mouth. Jared gave the chain a quick tug before breaking their kiss.

“Answer him properly, Raina,” he corrected her.

“Yes sir” she replied, and she was surprised to find that she was already becoming less and less embarrassed to admit it. She knew she had a lot of baggage to shed when it came to her less conventional desires. She was hurling it out the window as fast as she could.

Shannon gave her thighs a tug and she found herself once again at the mercy of his tongue. He made slow passes through her swollen cleft, teasing her while she shivered on top of him. She quickly lost herself in the delicious sensation, her mouth falling open as she resisted the urge to grind down on top him – Jared's grip on the chain at her breasts hadn't loosened a bit. Jared just stood there watching, and Raina kept her eyes on his until Shannon found her clit, his rhythmic beating of the tender nub causing her head to fall back and her eyes to close. He quickly had her a whimpering mess, and she was only dimly aware of Jared's hand traveling up her chest and gripping her throat. However, when her breathing turned into short pants as her climax approached he tightened his grip and gave the chain another pull, causing her to open her eyes so she was staring directly at him.

“Raina,” he said sternly, “what did I tell you your purpose was tonight?”

Raina felt like she was reaching through a fog to retrieve the information but knew better than to not respond to him. “Um, I'm here to entertain you sirs?” she answered a bit uncertainly.

“Was there any part of what I said that sounded like we were here for your amusement?”

“No sir.'

“Then why do you sound like you're going to cum?”

“Um...” _Fuck!_ Raina could hear the voice in her head practically screaming. She knew all this pleasure had been a trap.

“Don't you dare cum. It amuses me to see you squirming on Shannon's face like that. It amuses me, even more, to watch you do it knowing you'll get no relief. And since our amusement is your goal you will stay there and do just that until we are bored, do I make myself clear?”

Raina wanted to cry at the injustice of finally having both lovers but being denied the apex of her pleasure for the evening. Surely they didn't mean for the whole night? “I, um..” she tried to think of a way to form the question that didn't sound like the sort of arguing that would just get her into more trouble but her brain was already starting to short circuit from all the sensual input.

“Raina! Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” she whined in defeat. Jared smiled and released her throat, giving her a little kiss on the nose. She concentrated on trying to get the fire that was burning in her core under control but just as she thought she had dialed it back Shannon slid two thick fingers deep inside her and she let out a loud wail. Mercifully he at least broke his attentions away from her clit. At least that way she had a fighting chance.

Shannon started off slowly, little thrusts as she settled back down from the edge of orgasm, but he didn't wait long. He increased his pace relentlessly, his tongue eventually resuming its merciless barrage. Raina found her legs shaking from the effort of maintaining control. “Please, sir...” she pleaded, unable to get away from Shannon's expert manipulation. Jared just gave her a smug smile and yanked on the connecting chain harder than he had before. The resulting pain at least brought her back down off the edge a bit for a moment.

“Princess, you had better get control. I swear to God if you cum I will paddle your ass raw,” Jared growled. The growl didn't help matters any, it just turned Raina on all the more. Fortunately, Shannon seemed to take pity on her again and withdrew his fingers. Raina's relief was short lived, however, as soon as her breathing started to slow again he invaded her just as before, slow strokes that quickly gave way to a punishing pace that left her shaking once again and whimpering while Jared looked on in amusement. When Shannon slowed down again Jared grabbed her hair and pulled her head to the side, settling his teeth at the tender skin of her neck. As he did so he pulled the chain connecting her nipple clamps higher, bowing her back further and leaving her utterly exposed to him. She felt the pull in her muscles from her prone position, felt the light sheen of sweat that had started to bead up on her skin, felt the way her rapid breaths just tugged the clamps all the more tightly in his hands. When Shannon's fingers thrust into her again she let loose a sound that was more like a sob. She knew her control wouldn't hold much longer.

“Aww, baby girl, what's wrong?” Jared asked, pulling away from her throat, his voice syrupy sweet. “Feeling a little overwhelmed? How about we remove these?” he asked, giving the silvery chain one last tug. Raina wasn't sure how much that would help, the sharp ache they inflicted had been one of the things helping her to keep from falling over the edge of her climax, but she wasn't foolish enough to think she had any choice in the matter. “Remember to breathe, princess,” he said with a smirk before releasing the first clamp.

She had been feeling the little sharp pinches and jolts when Jared pulled at the clamps and had assumed that was the sum of their effect. But as the first clamp came off a flood of sensation that it nearly knocked the wind out of her. She knew now why Jared had told her to breathe. He quickly closed his mouth over the aching peak, rolling his tongue over it as the sensation started to normalize a bit, then repeated the process with the other breast. Raina could feel the damp flesh cooling as it was exposed to the air, which only made the nipple even harder than it already was. She was so focused on the intense sensations that she didn't even realize Shannon had moved away from beneath her until he was untying her hands. As the tension released she fell forward, dropping into Jared's waiting arms. Shannon came up beside them and patted her cheek.

“Don't go collapsing on us now, doll,” he told her. “We're only getting started. You wanted to be my little fuck toy so bad the other night. Well wish granted. Buck up buttercup.” He then flattened his palm between her shoulder blades and pushed her forward onto the bed. Her ankles were still secured in place so she found herself with her chest pressed into the mattress but her ass up in the air. Shannon pulled the last bits of rope free from her hands and wound it up before placing it back in the storage bench. He quickly returned with a pair of padded leather cuffs that she assumed were a match to the ones on her ankles.

While Shannon worked to secure Raina's hands Jared took his turn to position himself behind Raina. He placed his hand on the small of her back, pushing down gently and increasing the arch in her back. When he had positioned her to his satisfaction he ran his fingers over her swollen lower lips.

“Such a greedy little princess. We tie you and tease you and torment you and all you do is get wetter and wetter.” Raina could feel herself almost instinctively pushing back against his hand, despite the fact that she knew there would be no relief in it. When Jared chuckled at her futile movements she knew he was right, she was lost in her desire to be touched and toyed with and used by them, even when she knew no relief was coming. She wondered how much further down this rabbit hole they were going to take her. Her question was quickly answered when his slick fingers moved up from her pussy, circling the puckered hole above it.

Raina let out a shaky breath and tried to relax as Jared slowly pressed his finger forward. Suddenly Shannon's hand was under her chin, tipping her face up so she was looking directly into those long-lashed eyes. “What color Raina?” he asked. She only needed a breath to answer that she was still, indeed, green. He smiled and stepped back.

Jared pulled his finger back before pushing in a little deeper, a few quick strokes that left Raina moaning into the sheets. “Hmmm,” he purred, “I don't think I'm the first one to have been here, princess. I think that old boyfriend of yours may have been a little less boring than you let on.”

That observation, at least, was correct. It had been the only damn non-vanilla thing Dan had ever been interested in. However, Raina knew she was way out of practice and certainly wasn't prepared to handle anyone as well equipped as these two. “It was only a few times, and it was a long time ago,” Raina offered, hoping that Jared would understand. He removed his finger and stepped back to the foot of the bed before delving into the toy chest himself. He came out with a tube of what she could only assume was lube and yet another package that he quickly opened.

“I think this one will be perfect,” he said as he walked into the bathroom. She could hear water running and then he returned, showing her the object that he was drying off. It was a smallish metallic plug in rose gold with a pink gem on the end. Of course, Raina knew that there was really no such thing as 'small' when it came to that particular orifice. “Don't say I don't ever buy you pretty things,” he joked as he returned to his position behind her.

Raina had had a few minutes to calm herself after Shannon had gotten her so spun up, so when Jared returned his hand to her aching sex she didn't immediately thrust herself back against him. But as the cool liquid of the lube hit her heated skin she shuddered and groaned, that need firing up again like an ember someone had thrown kerosene on. He opened her with his finger again, then began pressing the smooth metal plug against her tight opening. It took her only a few seconds to realize that she had indeed been right, there was nothing small about the way that shiny invader felt. Jared rocked it in and out in tiny increments, trying to give her time to adjust. She waited for the worst of the resistance to pass then took a deep breath. For her body, at least, she knew the quickest way to get through this part. With a deep groan, she pushed herself back against Jared's hand, taking the plug in up to its base. Jared quickly smacked his hand against her bottom.

“Don't be such a greedy little slut,” he admonished. “You are not the one in charge here. This goes at our pace.” He brought his hand down again, the impact causing her stretched channel to grip the bulb inside it more tightly. It never failed to amaze her how she could always feel that stimulation right behind her clit, and as Jared continued the spanking she could feel that electric pressure growing. She began to realize that if she didn't get control of herself she could cum just like this, and she was sure the resulting paddling would not be as pleasurable. She gritted her teeth and flexed her hands in their bonds, anything to get her mind off the riot of sensations as Jared's hand continued to connect with her exposed ass. Thankfully he tired of that particular game quickly and once again moved into view in front of her. She was thankful when he began to strip, not just because she finally got to enjoy the view of his beautifully sculpted body, but because, at least for a few minutes, she thought she might be able to regain a little control. She could feel how wet the spanking and plug had made her, her juices were running down her thighs and she could only imagine how she looked, all exposed and on display like that. But her break was short lived as she heard Shannon rustling with something behind her that she quickly identified as the wrapper for a condom. As Jared removed his pants she felt Shannon's hands on the round globes of her ass, fingers digging into the stinging flesh as he lifted them to get a better view.

He slid his heavy cock through her lips before slapping it against her clit, causing her to jump in her bonds. With a small laugh he quickly re positioned himself, pressing his tip in just enough to open her up before suddenly thrusting forward, burying himself to the back of her channel in one fell swoop. Raina cried out and tried to pull her shuddering legs together but she was tightly secured in position.

“Aww, what's wrong kitten?” he teased as he shifted his grip to her hips and beginning a punishing pace. “Feeling a little full?”

Raina was unable to answer him, she was so overwhelmed with sensation. His thick cock normally left her feeling stretched to the limit but with the addition of the plug, that impression became overpowering. Every thrust bumped and shifted the plug against her and it modified the way he pushed against her walls, forcing him even harder against her g-spot than normal. She knew that there was nothing that she would be able to do to stop herself from cumming like this. She could only hope that Shannon wouldn't unfairly push her over the edge.

As she fought to maintain what little control she could, Jared took up position kneeling on the bed in front of her. She nearly sobbed when she saw his own thick erection bobbing inches from her face. She knew there was no way she could multitask to this degree. Jared seemed to read her mind.

“Don't worry baby girl. I know you're feeling a little preoccupied.” He reached one hand into her hair and the other to her throat, pulling her up so that he had easy access to her mouth. “Just open up and breathe.”

Dutifully, Raina let her mouth fall open. Jared pushed himself into the wet heat, only a few inches at first, getting himself slick before pushing in further. He released her throat once he had penetrated her sufficiently, keeping one hand in her hair to hold her in place as he drove his hips into her. She was trapped, rocking between the two of them now, her brain on short-circuit from all the input, trying to think of anything except her desperate need to cum. Shannon would slow down a bit, let her fall back from the edge of orgasm, and Jared would speed up, taking advantage of her shift in focus to better enjoy her mouth. Suddenly they both pulled away without warning, letting her collapse back onto the bed in a whimpering puddle.

Shannon began unfastening her from whatever her feet had been attached to while Jared released her hands, both of them leaving the actual cuffs in place. She knew they weren't done, but she hoped there wasn't much more in store for her. She was already tired and aching and regretting her little game of deception on a whole new level.

Jared pulled her into a sitting position and turned her so that she lay across the width of the bed now. He gave her a little kiss and requested another color check. Raina wasn't as quick to answer this time, she searched her mental state as well as her physical one, but after a moment she was sure she could, and wanted to continue.

“Green, sir. We're still green,” replied, drawing herself up as straight as she could. Jared smiled broadly, pausing for just a second before grabbing her ankles and pulling her onto her back. He fastened the chain on the cuffs to little hooks hidden behind the posts of the bed frame, spreading her legs wide but answering her question about what on earth they had been securing her to. When he began rolling a condom into place she realized he was going to have his turn at fucking her with that damn plug in place too. She didn't know how much longer she could manage to keep control, she was already so sensitive just being exposed to the air currents in the room like this was making her crazy.

“I'm going to leave her hands free, make sure she can signal easier if she panics,” Shannon said from behind her. Raina didn't think she liked the way that sounded and her stomach gave a small flip of trepidation.

“Just get her where you want her,” Jared replied, flipping his hair back out of his way.

Raina felt Shannon's hands under her arms and then he was pulling her back until her shoulders were flush with the edge of the bed and her head dangled backward off of it. He knelt down so his face was level with hers. “You remember what to do if you need to use your safeword and you can't speak, right?”

 _Oh fuck_. It did not take a rocket scientist to figure where this was going. Raina had led a pretty adventurous sex life. Well, with the exception of Dan. She thought that the trailblazing part of this evening would pretty much be confined to ropes and handcuffs. These two, however, had pulled out all the stops, and it had been one new experience after another. It was everything she craved. She had enjoyed all of it so far. She wasn't about to start doubting her decision now. “Yes, sir,” she replied with a confidence that surprised her.

Shannon stood up and moved into position over her. “Reach back and grab my legs,” he told her. “If you need to get my attention it will be easier that way.” He thumped the head of his cock against her lips. “Open up.”

Raina reached back for him as she was told and let her mouth fall open. She could feel Jared climbing on the bed below her but for the moment her attention was focused on Shannon, and trying to remain calm as he let his length slowly fill her mouth. He kept his movements shallow and slow, affording her a little time to get used to the position. She should have known though from his behavior earlier that wouldn't last long.

Jared grasped her thighs and let his shaft glide through her swollen folds, causing her to whimper when it passed over her overly sensitive clit. When he finally thrust into her Shannon took that moment to also deepen his thrust, hitting the back of her throat. She gave a deep moan and dug her fingers into Shannon's thighs.

“Mm, you like that don't you, you little slut,” Shannon said. Jared liked to call her princess and baby girl but Shannon seemed to delight in pointing out her depravity. “I told you we'd turn you into our little fuck toy. Just a greedy set of holes to be used for the evening.” He reached forward and thrummed his finger against her clit, leaving her mewling in protest. “So come on and amuse me, Raina. I know you want to cum so bad by now. Show me you've learned your lesson. Show me you know better than to toy with people now or you can be our little toy again tomorrow night too.”

Raina tried to process exactly what he meant by that but then Jared slammed into her hard and she had to grip Shannon for all she was worth just to keep from screaming. He was fucking her even harder than Shannon had earlier, and the shape of his dick made that dragging effect on her g-spot even more intense. She moaned and shook, trying to focus on keeping her throat relaxed to distract her from the almost maniacal need to orgasm. She felt like there was a puddle of fire in her center, and she could feel the tiny little quakes that always told her she was so close to her climax.

Shannon moved his hand back to her chest to brace himself. “Take a deep breath, slut,” he told her. As soon as she inhaled he pushed himself into her throat, so deep she could feel her esophagus gripping him each time he pushed forward. Immediately she started to panic and she understood Shannon's precautions earlier. She tried to relax and shift her focus again, back to the way Jared was rolling his hips against her every time he reached the back of her channel, driving her that much crazier and that much closer to a loss of control. Her eyes were stinging with tears from the assault on her throat, and the rising panic from her severely limited oxygen supply was close to making her tap out when Shannon suddenly cried out, spilling himself down her throat as his hips convulsed forward. She found it almost impossible to swallow properly in that position and ended up coughing and sputtering until he pulled back away from her and raised her head.

Jared took the opportunity to pull her back onto the bed and fell on top of her, that hand finding its way to her throat one more time.

“You've been such a good girl princess,” he said, covering her mouth with his as his tongue danced against hers. “Have you learned your lesson?”

Raina was a shaking mess at this point but somehow managed to muster enough presence of mind to answer him properly. “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” he said with a smile. “Then cum for me.”

Raina almost cried with relief. She tried to relax and let the climax she had been pushing back find her but it stayed just out of reach. She shouted in protest and began to roll her hips against Jared's when he began to close his hand around her throat, squeezing more tightly than he had before. Shannon had dropped to his knees behind her and his face was inches from hers, watching her carefully as tried to find her release.

“Shh,” he said, smoothing her hair out of her face, “sometimes it takes a minute when you've been fighting it that long. Relax, it will happen.”

Jared's grip continued to tighten and she could feel her air flow diminishing to almost nothing. The panic started to set in again and then she felt, a consuming wave of pleasure that knocked her back into the mattress and left her shuddering violently as her vision dimmed at the edges. Jared released her throat and grabbed the sheets underneath him, pistoning against her intensely until at last, he came too, groaning and swearing. He rolled onto his back beside her, breathing raggedly. Shannon kissed her forehead.

“Good job, kitten,” he told her. Raina was beyond responding at that point, however, and just lie there waiting for her synapses to start firing normally again.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

As Raina lay there trying to recover, her breathing changed from ragged pants to deep gulps and then suddenly she was sobbing, so deeply that her whole body shook. It was a strange feeling, not like a normal cry, where the sadness seemed to be creeping in until it became overwhelming, but completely the opposite, like a release valve had been turned and all the negative things she had been holding were being washed away. She knew there was no stopping it but she didn't want to stop it. It felt cleansing and wonderful.

Of course, the guys were all over her immediately, removing all the remaining playthings and wrapping her in a big soft blanket. Shannon lifted her into his lap, stroked her hair and murmured reassurances while Jared went to fetch her a glass of juice.

“I knew this was going to happen with her,” Shannon said when Jared returned. “She keeps herself wound way too tight.”

Jared kissed her forehead and handed her the glass. “You need to try to drink that,” he told her, still sounding as authoritative as he had a few minutes ago. When she took it and began to drink his voice softened. “Do you understand what's happening to you? Are you okay?”

Raina nodded weakly and hoped that would be enough. There was no way she could verbalize everything that was going through her head at that moment. She had spent years with Dan secretly searching out other people's adventures on the internet, reading about all the things she was convinced were never going to happen to her, but that she had desperately wanted. She was glad now that she had, her intense reaction would have felt overwhelming and confusing otherwise. She got about half the glass down before she had to hand it back to Jared, her hand shaking as the sobs continued to wind their way out of her. He just sat the drink aside, rubbing her back and telling her she was going to be just fine, just let it out. Then he got up and started to run a bath.

As intense as her tears had been they dried up much more quickly than Raina would have thought. By the time Shannon scooped her up and carried her to Jared where he was waiting in the bathtub she at least had dispensed with the outright sobs and graduated into sniffles and the occasional ragged breath. She still didn't feel capable of conversation, but Jared seemed to understand that and just wrapped himself protectively around her. He let the warm water of the bath help do the work of relaxing her, pouring it over her body and into her hair while he hummed softly behind her. She could hear Shannon in the shower, and even though the three of them were too much for the tub it was reassuring to know he was still close. When Jared began to lather up her hair she thought she might be ready to talk again.

“I'm okay.” It came out as much a question as a statement. Jared kissed her cheek and rubbed the fruity smelling shampoo into her scalp.

“Yes, princess, you are okay. You did so well. I am so proud of you.” He worked his fingers through her long curls, detangling them as he went. “It takes a while to come back down afterward for some. We'll talk about it all when you're ready. Just let me take care of you now.”

Such a simple request would have been so difficult for her just a month ago. Hell, even last week she had bristled after too much attention and caring from Jared. Now she felt all the remaining tension leaving her as he gently rinsed the shampoo away and graduated to conditioner. By the time he had finished with her hair and carefully washed her aching limbs she was a relaxed, pleasant puddle. Shannon eventually reappeared next to the tub with the biggest, fluffiest bath sheet Raina had ever seen, beckoning her to get out and get dried off.

“I know you brought a bag but I have something for you,” Jared said as he got out of the tub and began to dry himself off. “I bet you brought one of those little nighties to wear to bed tonight right?” Raina nodded. “As much as I love those things, I think something snuggly is more in order.” He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Trust me.”

He knotted the towel around his waist before retrieving a bag from the closet which he handed to her with a smile. Once she unveiled its contents Raina had to laugh. It was a soft pink hooded onesie and a pair of pink and purple striped socks that looked like they could have come from Jared's own drawer.

“Come on, put it on,” insisted Shannon, who had already slipped into his own gray and black striped outfit. She looked at Jared, who was slipping into a pair of soft black pajama pants.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice starting to return to normal. Raina dressed while the pair of them fussed over getting the bed back in order and building what looked like a giant nest of pillows and blankets.

“What on earth are you two doing?” she asked. “Are we having a slumber party?”

“Come on Porcupine,” Shannon beckoned from where he had begun bouncing in the middle of the bed. “Don't shut me out now. Let me cuddle you!” He shouted the last part dramatically as he threw his arms open. Raina surprised herself by crawling eagerly into them.

Jared disappeared for a few minutes then reappeared with an armload full of food – fruit and cheese and oddly enough, popcorn, and some bottled water. He settled in on the other side of her, pressing one of the bottles into her hand before wrapping his arm tightly around her. She let herself curl into his chest while Shannon turned on the television, surfing through the channels as he drank his own water. Jared kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers through her damp hair. “How are we doing baby girl?” he asked softly.

“I'm...” Raina tried to find the right word and then shrugged. She felt relaxed and happy, and she knew that her brain was still settling down from the flood of chemicals she had unleashed. There was a sort of peacefulness that was settling in on her, and a profound need to snuggle into him, to be touched and held. He seemed to feel it too, only breaking contact with her to attend to necessary things like the bath and the food, but now that they were settled in he seemed determined to hold onto her. At least for this part of the process, it felt like whatever was happening was happening more between her and Jared than with Shannon. She wasn't sure why that was. He had cradled her when the tears started, dried her off after the bath and been the one to pull her into bed to begin with. But it was Jared's touch she craved right now. Shannon didn't seem to be bothered by it all, snuggling up next to them while he munched on the little cheese squares and flipped through the TV channels.

“You need to eat,” Jared insisted, pulling the bowl of goodies closer to her. She grabbed a few chunks of pineapple and a piece of pale yellow cheese without even thinking to argue. He grabbed a few pieces of fruit too, popping them into his mouth as he rested his head on hers and sighed against her. Their little session seemed to have had quite a calming effect on him as well.

Shannon eventually settled on a nature documentary and three of them passed the time quietly, letting themselves recharge while the television cast flickering shadows around the bedroom. Raina could feel the last of the adrenaline leave her body and drowsiness began to overtake her. Jared noticed the change in her too and rubbed her hand to rouse her a bit.

“Before you go drifting off to sleep, I want to check in with you a bit, if you feel like you can talk now,” he said.

“I can,” she replied. Shannon turned off the television and kissed her shoulder.

“So now that you've had time to come down a bit, are you still okay?”

“I'm great,” she smiled. “Really, I promise.”

“You didn't use your safe words at all, not even yellow.”

“I didn't need to.”

“Are you sure? Because you've never done any of this before, and we have no idea where your limits are. I was sort of expecting to have to back down at least once but you just kept going.”

Raina did a quiet review of their previous session. “I did almost quit when Shannon was down my throat, and the lack of air was getting to be too much. But then he finished and I didn't need to.”

Shannon pulled her hand over to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on her palm. “It doesn't bother you when I call you a slut or tease you does it?”

Raina shook her head. “No. I know you don't mean it a nasty way. I kind of like it, I like it that Jared is one way with me and you're another.”

“So it wasn't too much for you?” Jared asked. “I kind of feel like that was the first time, the first time for real, and we pushed it a bit. It's okay if you want to slow down.”

“Are you kidding?” Raina said, a little laugh creeping in. “Don't you understand how much I have wanted something just like this? You're making my fantasies come true. Slowing down is the last thing I want.”

Jared made a growling noise. “Hmmm, baby girl. You're going to have to tell us all about those fantasies sometime soon. But for now, you have work tomorrow and we have rehearsals and since everyone is good, I think we should all get some sleep.”

 

Raina left work early again on Friday for her follow-up with Dr. Minchin. She submitted a new blood draw and then sat endlessly in the waiting room until her turn was finally up. The doctor wanted to check the bruises on her back again and Raina was thankful there weren't any new ones to have to explain. Once she had examined her, Dr. Minchin pulled out her folder.

“Well Ms. Gallo, all your tests came back normal so there don't seem to be any underlying issues we need to be concerned about. Your numbers from the draw today look much better as well. You probably just inherited a predisposition to anemia and you'll need to be more conscientious in the future. The Vitamin K deficiency was probably brought on by the several doses of Keflex for that stubborn respiratory infection you had a few months ago and your diet was insufficient to properly restore your reserves. This also can be avoided in the future easily enough by taking proper care of yourself.” Dr. Minchin gave Raina a firm stare at that point. Raina tried not to smile, thinking of her own hovering busybody who would probably gloat over the reinforcement of his hypothesis. “But as I said, your numbers look much better today and I think we can forgo the second injection and just stick with the prescriptions that I gave you on Monday.”

Raina left the office with a profound sense of relief. She had been reassured by Monday's visit but until those tests came back she hadn't known for sure she was out of the woods. Now she wanted to celebrate and even though she found herself suddenly with a surplus of boyfriends she knew they were both too busy right now for anything that wasn't an emergency. And Cassie was long overdue for an update. She swung by the bakery and picked up Cassie's favorite treat, chocolate eclairs, and headed off for a little girl time.

As soon as Cassidy realized Raina had a lot to dish they chased Aaron off, sending him out for a drink with a buddy. It hadn't been hard at all to convince him to go, and Raina got the feeling that Cassie had probably been riding him a bit too hard lately. As the size of her stomach had increased so had her anxiety and demands, and though it was just an annoyance at work, at home it was probably something that Aaron was happy to get a break from. Raina felt a twinge of guilt, she hadn't been there much for Cassie since the brothers had come into her life. She resolved to do better moving forward.

Rather than start in on her own revelations, she listened while Cassie cataloged her latest aches and pains and showed her pictures of the nursery furniture she had ordered. It all felt incredibly normal and reassuring. Raina found herself unexpectedly throwing her arms around Cassie for a hug.

“Hey, what the hell was that about?” Cassie asked with a laugh.

“You're a good friend and I want you to know how grateful I am for you,” Raina told her. “I know I'm not an easy person to be friends with. But you mean the world to me, Cassidy. I just wanted you to know that.”

Cassie started to tear up. “Dammit Raina, look what you did, went and set off my pregnancy hormones. I haven't cried in at least six hours,” she joked. “You know I love you too. But seriously though, what's gotten into you?”

Raina told her everything. Well, mostly everything. She, of course, skipped over the actual details of the previous night but made sure Cassie got a general impression. “This is all just between us though, okay?”

Cassie scoffed. “Like I would tell. Are you sure this is what you want though Raina? You never mentioned anything like this before...”

“Well, how in the hell would that conversation have looked?” Raina took another eclair and tore it in half, scooping some of the filling out with her finger. “Hey I really liked last night's Game of Thrones episode and oh, by the way, I really want a guy to tie me up and and tell me what a slut I am.”

“Well not like that obviously,” Cassie said with a roll of her eyes as she took another eclair herself. “But we've talked about sex stuff before. You could have mentioned it. I wouldn't have judged.” She got a conspiratorial smile on her face. “I have a pair of handcuffs. I love when Aaron lets me cuff him to the headboard and ride him like the mechanical bull at that country bar with all the sawdust on the floor.”

Raina blinked at Cassie for a minute. Cassie was tan and blonde and leggy and relentlessly optimistic and perky. She had always reminded Raina of the tour guide Barbie in the Toy Story movie. And tall, good looking and muscular Aaron was her perfect Ken doll like counterpart. The thought of them doing anything even the least bit kinky had never even occurred to Raina, and the mental picture she had now made her burst into laughter. Cassie immediately joined in the revelry, and they laughed together until they had tears running down their faces.

“Clearly we need to talk more often,” Raina said when she regained her breath. As she watched Cassie finishing off her pastry she wondered how much she had cheated herself over the last few years, not just in her relationship with Cassie, but in her relationships in general, making assumptions, not asking questions and leaving herself walled in. She felt like a new person today. And she liked herself more than she had in a long time. She could only hope it would last.

 


	22. Chapter 22

While Raina was with Cassie Jared called several times to push their dinner date back, simply saying that things were 'taking longer than expected'. After the third call, Raina said she would just pick up some sushi and meet him at his place whenever he was done.

When she finally pulled in at Jared's Shannon was just walking down the driveway. She was surprised to see him there. “I thought you had a date tonight,” she remarked. “Why are you still here?”

Shannon scoffed. “Because everything isn't going exactly the way Jared wants it and his majesty can't let it go.”

“I guess it's all better now, right?” Raina asked hopefully.

“No, not exactly," was Shannon's grumbled response.

Raina chuckled. “Then why are you leaving?”

“Because I have plans and I'm a grown-up and I can leave if I want to.” For a grown up, Raina thought he sounded an awful lot like a toddler that needed a nap.

He stopped and waited for her to pass, giving her a quick kiss before opening the door for her. “Good luck in there,” he said with a grin before climbing into his truck.

Raina braced herself for whatever might be waiting and headed into the kitchen to put the bags of food down. “Jared?” she called out when she didn't see him. “Shannon let me in. I hope that's okay. I have dinner.” When she still got no response she shuffled through the cabinets to find plates and started setting out their meal. When Jared finally appeared he was deep in conversation.

“At this rate, he probably won't be ready before next year,” he was grousing at his phone, his face locked in a fierce scowl. He gave Raina a weak smile as he looked at the food she had spread out but went right back to his frustrated expression. “It's not acceptable.” He continued his conversation as he stalked out of the room. No wonder Shannon had wished her luck. He still looked to be in a foul mood. She only hoped that once she got him off the phone he would be able to relax. Calmly she made their plates and waited.

When he finally came back into the kitchen without the phone attached to his ear Raina was expecting him to be in a grumpy mood, but he just smiled and took the plate she had made for him. “Thank you.,” he told her, pulling some soy sauce out of a cabinet. “It looks great. I'm sorry about not taking you out tonight.”

“It's all right. I think I'd rather just be here with you anyway. That way I don't have to worry about people getting the wrong idea.”

She must have sounded reproachful because Jared gave her a frown. “I hope you're not regretting our arrangement already.”

“Of course not,” Raina replied, trying to sound reassuring. “I don't really need to go out much. Really. I promise. I mean I like to go do things but I'm just as happy staying in sometimes too. Having dinner in with you where we can relax and be ourselves is just fine with me.”

Jared nodded and took a bite of sushi before staring quietly at the plate in front of him.

“So are you going to?” Raina sighed.

“Am I going to what?” Jared asked.

“Relax and be yourself.”

Jared scowled are her. “That's not really our groove is it?”

“I'm trying for it to be. I thought you were too. I thought that was kind of the point of yesterday.”

Jared sighed. “I'm sorry. I haven't had the best of days.”

Raina sat her plate back on the counter and went to stand behind him. Placing her hands on his shoulders she rubbed lightly, not wanting to overstep. She wasn't sure yet if he was the type that liked to be touched when he was upset or needed his space. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really, no,” he said, moving her hands off his shoulders and turning to face her. It was Raina's turn to frown now. “What's that look for?” he asked.

“You are so much work,” she replied with a roll of her eyes. “I mean I thought I was difficult but you're your own walled city aren't you?”

“That's not fair.”

“Maybe.” Raina could see all his muscles had gone tense and he was shifting from one foot to the other. She tried for contact again, sliding her arms around his waist. “I'm sorry if I'm pushing. I have just been in the best mood today. I feel like a new person. I was wanting to share that with you.”

He reciprocated the embrace, slipping his own arms around her hips and pulling her against him. “I'm sorry. Sometimes I have a hard time letting stress go.”

Raina laughed softly. “I'm betting the 'sometimes' in that statement is a bit of a fib.” She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on his chin. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Jared picked up their plates. “Let's go sit down and have a real meal and relax instead of standing around my kitchen counter and frowning at each other.”

Raina ended up carrying most of the dinner conversation, telling him about her follow-up visit with the doctor, and her girl time with Cassie. He never did tell her what was bothering him but eventually, he loosened up enough to joke around with her and laugh at some old stories she told, about going out with Cassie back before she ended up in her current expectant state. When they had both finished their meals he got up from his chair and went to pull hers out.

“So baby girl,” he said as she stood up, “want to help me work out some of this tension? If you're not too sore from last night that is.”

Raina smiled and was about to stand up to pull him in for another embrace but thought maybe it was best to go ahead and let him take the lead now. “Yes, sir. I would be my honor.”

Jared made a little growling noise and took Raina's hand, pulling her gently to her feet. When she turned to face him he tipped her chin up to him, running his finger along the soft skin under her jaw before moving it to trace the outline of her full lips. When they began to part to him he replaced his finger with his tongue, delving into her as his hand moved to cup her face. The way he kissed her was becoming a more familiar thing now but it still took her breath away.

“If I send you into the bedroom to get ready for me, can you work out what you are supposed to do?” he questioned.

Raina remembered his instructions from the previous night. “Yes, sir.”

Jared smiled. “Clever girl.” He gave her a quick kiss on the nose before continuing. “Go and do that then while I clear up and I'll be in when I'm done.”

Raina retreated to his bedroom where once again she carefully removed her clothing and placed it on the corner chair before climbing into the center of his bed. As she knelt quietly and waited she closed her eyes, concentrating on her breathing while she tried to keep herself from getting a case of nerves. She wondered if maybe she should consider trading out her pilates classes for yoga. It would probably help her with calming and centering herself, and the added flexibility would no doubt be useful.

When Jared joined her in the bedroom he murmured his approval. “Like I said, clever girl. You knew just what I wanted.” He removed his own clothing, then gazed at her sitting patiently on the bed, waiting for his direction. “Hop up and join me down here Raina,” he instructed.

Dutifully Raina went to stand in front of him. He opened the lid on the toy bench before continuing. “You told me I am making your fantasies come true, but you haven't told me anything about what those fantasies were exactly. So I think I am going to let you choose. Find one thing in this box you would like me to use tonight, something you're curious about, something that you've thought of before.”

Raina felt her stomach flutter at the thoughts that immediately flooded her head and she bit down on her lower lip. The box was full of items, mostly in new packaging, and she remembered Jared telling her he had bought things just for her. He had probably ordered them but it amused her to think of him going into an adult novelty store and setting an armful of assorted toys on the counter. Tentatively she began to shuffle through the varied collection of devices and implements, realizing just how much she had yet to discover. Finally, in a corner of the bench, she found something she had been wanting to experience for a long time. She pulled out the little box and handed it to Jared.

“Hmm,” he said turning the little boxed set of soy candles over in his hand. “I think I can work with this. You're sure this is the one you choose?”

Raina nodded and then caught herself. “Yes, sir.”

“Go get a towel from the bathroom then and place that on the bed before you get back on it,” he told her, already starting to rummage through the storage bench again. She wondered what else he would bring out. '

Once she had laid out the towel and returned to her waiting position Jared closed the bench and spread out some things on top of it. He grabbed a roll of black tape and came up to join her on the bed.

“This,” he said, showing her the roll, “is bondage tape. It only sticks to itself so it won't stick to your skin or hair and pull anything off.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I do take care of my toys,” he told her with a playful smile before pulling a length of the tape loose and letting her examine it. “Lie on your back now princess.”

Raina positioned herself as he had requested and took a few deep calming breaths. She knew it wouldn't do to get overly excited before things had even begun but the change in the tone of Jared's voice whenever they began this dance immediately brought her to a state of heightened awareness. She was very conscious now of the cool air in the bedroom, the softness of the towel underneath her and the way every inch of her skin felt flushed and awakened. Jared's hands brushed lightly over her legs before bending them back and wrapping the tape around them, securing her ankles to her thighs.

“All right princess, arms out for me,” he next instructed, before wrapping another length of tape around her, this time at her wrists. Instead of securing them as he had before, he disappeared into the closet and then returned with a small, half-oval pillow. He grabbed Raina's wrists and pulled her up, giving himself room to slide the pillow in underneath her, then pulled her wrists back up over her head. This left her arched over the pillow, prone and exposed. She could feel the pull in her muscles and thought it was definitely time to add yoga or at least some sort of flexibility training to her routine. At least if they were going to continue like this. She knew what he had promised, what they both had, but it still didn't quite seem real to her.

Jared returned to the bench and picked up the box of candles and set three out on the nightstand. They were multicolored and in small glass holders that looked like pitchers. Once they were lit he retrieved a small bottle, then climbed onto the bed to kneel in front of Raina. He poured a little of its contents into his hands and Raina caught a whiff of a sweet, nutty scent.

“This is almond oil,” he told her, beginning to rub it into her goosebump peppered flesh. “It will help the wax come off easier when we are done, but for now it gives me a chance to appreciate every inch of your skin, and think about all the things I'm going to do to it tonight.” He continued to work in the oil, his strong hands firmly kneading the surface of her legs and taught abdomen. When he reached her breasts he slowed his movements, taking the time to roll her still aching nipples between his fingers until they had hardened to stiff peaks. When he had finished with her chest he wiped his hands on the towel before cupping her face in his hands, his tongue parting her lips for a gentle kiss. She wanted more, his slow climb up her body had left her hungry for him, but he was not to be rushed tonight. He moved back off of her and retrieved the first candle.

“How are we doing baby girl?” he asked her as he stood to her side, his face illuminated in the flickering candlelight.

“Good sir,” she replied. “We're green.”

Jared's face morphed into a smile that Raina was already beginning to think of as his dominant smile – it was the amused smile of a man who had something up his sleeve and was about to have his favorite kind of fun. It gave her an excited chill everytime she saw it. He set the candle back in place and went back to the bench again, this time pulling out the blindfold he had put on her last night. “I think this might be a little more fun if we focus your senses a little better, don't you?” With a satisfied little hum, he brought the blindfold to her and secured it in place.

As her world went dark, Raina swallowed and tried not to let herself tense up in anticipation. She could already feel her breathing turning into little pants. Slowly she exhaled and listened for Jared and the soft sounds of his breathing as he moved around the room.

The first drop fell on the center of her chest, and even though she had known it was coming she gasped in surprise at the sharp sensation. The warm wax quickly cooled as it ran and hardened. The next drop was closer to her breast, and although she didn't gasp when it fell she found herself arching even more tightly over the curved pillow beneath her. Jared continued to circle her breasts with small little pours, each bite of the hot liquid exciting her nerve ending until she was whimpering loudly.

“What color are we now, baby girl?” she heard him ask. She didn't hesitate in her answer, she was enjoying this particular activity immensely.

“Green sir,” she replied with possibly too much enthusiasm. Jared chuckled and she knew she was in for something.

“Oh, you like this do you, princess?” She could hear the amusement in his voice. “Do you want more?”

“Yes, please, sir.”

She felt Jared's fingers brush along the oiled skin of her stomach, stopping just above the swell of her pubic mound. “Ask me like you mean it, princess.”

Raina sighed. Now that he knew she was enjoying it he was going to make her work for it. “Please sir, please continue,” she pleaded.

The next pour was a long one that trailed down her stomach and took longer to cool than the previous drips. Raina found herself hissing as she waited for the heat to dissipate. He began pouring more rapidly after that, longer trails painting patterns on her abdomen and thighs that ignited a fire under her skin as well as on its surface.

“”More, baby girl?” she heard him ask when the last pass left a pool of wax in her navel that had her panting rapidly as she prayed for it to cool. She was acutely aware of the rival heat between her legs, and the growing wetness there. This was rapidly becoming her new favorite thing.

“Yes, sir, more please,” she replied shakily as she braced herself for what she knew must be coming.

When the first bit of wax connected with her vulva Raina groaned and flexed, her muscles straining at the tape that held them in place. A few more passes and she could feel a thick cover of hardened wax outlining her sex, hiding the juices pooling beneath it. She whimpered with almost every breath, and if she had felt that her senses were more aware when Jared had first laid her out on top of the pillow by now they were at peak input. She was trembling slightly, but she felt warm and marked. She had become a canvas for him. She only wished she could see it.

To Raina's surprise, the next sensation was not one of more wax, but of Jared's agile fingers, peeling away the hard shell that had formed over her center. Once she was exposed again she felt him position himself on the bed between her legs, his fingers making slowly deepening passes through her tender outer lips.

“I think you chose well, Raina,” she heard him say. “You certainly seem to have enjoyed that little experiment.”

Raina began to reply in affirmation but her breath was pushed from her lungs when he sucked her hardened clit into his mouth. As he laved and swirled his tongue through her engorged channel she strained at her bonds, the delicious sensations quickly pushing her nearly to her limits. She knew that he always seemed to have a rule for her orgasm but he hadn't provided any parameters when they had begun. She wondered if she should ask, she knew she couldn't hold back much longer. But then he pressed two fingers into her, curling them up as he stroked her and purred against her skin.

“Cum for me now, baby girl. I know you're right there.”

Raina let go, the pooled heat in center spreading as Jared continued to stroke and devour her until she was coming apart. While she panted in the aftermath she heard the sound of a condom wrapper and then his hands were on her legs, removing the tape and straightening out her aching limbs. He pulled the pillow out from underneath her and stretched himself on top of her, pulling her mouth open with his thumb before his tongue entered it again. He was being incredibly sensual and tender with her, his hands cradling her head while his tongue made slow passes against hers. Given his mood earlier and the fact that he had asked her to help him 'work out some tension', she had been expecting something much wilder, something more extreme. But just as it did with her, them simply being together, and falling into the roles they were becoming more accustomed to seemed to have a soothing effect on him. She wished her hands were free, she would have liked to have tangled them in his hair or run them across the firm muscles of his back, but instead, she wrapped her legs around his waist and held him to her that way.

Jared's hands slowly left her head and trailed their way down her body before reaching between them to guide himself into her. He left himself pressed against her as shimmied his hips forward, engulfing her senses and drinking her in. She pulled at the tape holding her arms back, she ached, even more, to touch him now, but he continued to run the show, letting his fingers wander where they pleased, leaving maddening waves of pleasure in their wake. Raina could feel herself becoming increasingly lost to him, carried away his slow persistent rhythm.

When his movements began to speed up and she began to feel him tightening and twitching, when the lust in her blood began to coalesce in her core again and she knew another climax was near, he pulled the blindfold away from her face.

“Look at me now, Raina,” he purred, his face inches from her as he smoothed her hair back. “Don't close your eyes. Just cum for me baby girl.”

His other hand found the junction between them, circling her sensitive nub as he continued that relentless drive into her until her resistance crumbled and he pushed her over the edge one more time. Immediately he was coming apart too, spasming against her as his hand moved to grip her hips. She kept her eyes locked on his until both their climaxes had passed, mesmerized by the changing expressions on his face. He reached over her head and released the tape holding her before collapsing on her chest and she immediately moved to embrace him, her hands in his hair as she covered him with kisses and tried to digest what she was feeling. Every encounter with him had been a surprise. And the tug in her chest as she had looked into his eyes just then was leaving her feeling a worryingly out of control.

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Jared quickly returned from the bathroom and laid down next to Raina, winding his fingers into her long hair and pulling her lips to his. “You are so fucking beautiful, Raina,” he told her breathlessly when he finally broke away. He cradled her softly against him as his deft fingers traced over her still flushed skin, picking away bits of wax. Raina should have felt relaxed and happy, but instead, she could feel herself growing more and more on edge, overwhelmed by the emotions Jared had set loose with one intense look. Mentally she cursed herself, she thought she had gotten past this. It certainly wasn't how she wanted to feel. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't return to the peace she had been feeling earlier that day. Her increasing agitation didn't go unnoticed by Jared.

“Hey,” he said, drawing her face close to his, “don't wander back into that overactive brain of yours. Stay with me.”

“I'm trying,” Raina told him, closing her eyes to avoid his. Jared moved his hand to her back, rubbing in gentle circles, trying to soothe her. But the more he tried, the more tense she became. “I don't mean to be like this,” she said by way of apology, her voice starting to waver.

Jared quickly tried to reassure her. “Shhh, princess. It's okay. You're coming out of subspace. Sometimes it's a little shaky. I've got you.”

“It's not that,” Raina protested. But was it? She remembered again she had no idea what she was really doing here. She had been so lost in Jared in that moment, all her senses heightened and focused on him. The emotions had flooded in on her along with her orgasm, making her head spin and her chest tighten. How was she supposed to sort of what her real feelings were when he brain was still full of crazy levels of endorphins?

“Talk to me," Jared prompted. "You promised to let me know what was going on in that head of yours, remember?”

_Why did I make that promise?_ “I don't even know what's going on in here,” she confessed. “How am I supposed to tell you?”

Jared pulled her hand up to his mouth, kissing her palm. “Try.”

Raina took a deep breath and tried to get her thoughts together. She noticed some of the wax had broken loose and stuck to Jared's chest, and she started picking it away. It was oddly soothing and gave her something to look at other than his beautiful eyes that were just pushing her further down this particular rabbit hole. “I just got a little panicky,” she told him. “Looking into your eyes like that, in that moment, it was just so intense.”

He placed his hand over hers, holding it still against his chest. When he responded his voice was soft. “It was supposed to be Raina. I thought you understood I am wanting more than sex from you.”

Raina could feel that ragged swell of emotion again, rising in her chest and making her brain fuzzy. She was trying to let him captain this ship but these waters terrified her and she didn't know how to get herself back under control. “I just don't know what to do with it.”

Jared sighed. “I don't know what you mean by that.”

Raina wasn't sure she knew what she meant by that either, not until the edges of her vision began to swim wetly and the words fell from her mouth. “I don't want to fall in love with you. I know I'm not ready for that and neither are you. But I'm afraid to fall for you at all.” The voice of experience screamed the next part like a warning claxon. “I know I can't keep you. You're just on loan.”

Jared was quiet as he finished removing the remaining wax and Raina was certain she had overstepped. She had been playing an emotional game of chess with herself ever since she had given him her phone number that first night. She was rapidly running out of good moves. What had her grandfather, huddled over the yellowing chessboard in their humid kitchen, told her it was called when all the remaining moves were bad ones? _Zugzwang_.

“Baby girl, I can't make you any promises,” Jared began.

“I'm not asking you to,” Raina hastily pointed out. “I don't even like promises so I don't know what the hell is going on with me.”

“I know. I just mean I don't know where all this going in the end. There's no way to tell, it's still early. And I can understand why it's scary for you. It is for me too. But if you are going to spend our whole relationship rationing out your emotions in tiny little controlled bits, I can almost guarantee it will end badly.” He sat up and waited for Raina to do the same. “I know this isn't going the way either of us planned. And we both tend to be very careful with our feelings. But you need to understand, a dominant/submissive relationship tends to be very intense. It's not going to be like any relationship you've had before. The level of trust required builds a strong sense of intimacy very quickly. If you try to keep too tight a rein on your emotions you're going to make yourself crazy. And you would be missing the point of all of this.”

Raina remembered standing in Cassie's kitchen earlier that day, laughing with her – that moment when she realized just how much she had been cheating herself out of in life by trying to control every interaction, trying to keep herself cut off from anything that could hurt her. She had known then she needed to start taking chances again. It was just harder to make that transition than she thought. Of course, that was probably due to trying to balance running headlong into a relationship with her own natural tendency to avoid them. “I don't want to be like this...”

Jared took her hands, his thumbs circling her palms. “I know. I see you struggling with it, but you're doing so good baby. Do you even realize how much more you've started opening up to me? Give yourself some time.” He pulled her hands to his face, giving them another quick kiss. “I've got something else I want to talk to you about but for now let's get showered and get this wax cleaned up so we can relax together. I'll bet you'll feel better when we're done.”

Jared went and started the shower and got the bathroom ready and Raina straightened up in the bedroom, putting away the blindfold and remaining candles, tucking the pillow back in the closet and carefully folding up the towel they had laid out. She had things mostly returned to normal by the time Jared was ready for her.

He was as tender with her as he had been in the bathtub, smoothing his hands over her soap-bubble covered skin and washing the last bits of wax away. This time, however, she was able to enjoy him too, letting her own soapy hands explore the smooth planes of his chest and massage his shoulders. To her delight, he let her wash his hair as well, and she enjoyed running her fingers through that glorious mane that had so completely caught her eye right from the beginning. When they had finished, and he was gently wrapping her in another of those giant fluffy towels, she realized he had been right again. She was feeling much calmer.

Once they were dressed and settled back into bed, Jared pulled Raina up against his chest and rested his chin on top of her head. She was engulfed in the clean scents of him, and it made her feel warm and safe. She hoped she was bringing him the same comfort.

“You said there was something else you wanted to talk to me about?” she finally asked him, moving back so they were facing each other.

“Are you feeling better now?” Jared asked her. When Raina smiled and nodded he continued. “I wanted to ask how you think things are going so far. Is it too much? Not enough? Not what you were expecting?”

Raina thought of the way he had asked her back to the bedroom, inviting her to come help him 'work off some tension'. “Well, tonight went a little differently than I was expecting.”

“How so?” Jared asked, but from the expression on his face and the tone in his voice, Raina thought he knew exactly what she meant, that that was why he had asked her. She was beginning to notice he liked to do that, ask questions he already knew the answer to just to see if their perceptions differed.

“I thought you would be.. well... rougher. More extreme.”

“Why?”

“You were in a bad mood, you were tense, you asked me to help you work of some of that tension. And then you were practically tender.”

Jared placed his hands on Raina's shoulders. “Raina it is extremely important to me that you understand something. I will never hurt you. If I am angry or frustrated I will never take that anger or frustration out on you. That's abuse. That's not what BDSM is about and you should never let anyone treat you that way.”

“I didn't mean...” Raina's face flushed with embarrassment. “I never meant to imply you would hurt me. I know you wouldn't do that.”

“Okay.” Jared pulled his fingers through her hair, stretching one dark curl out as he softly pulled at it. “It's hard enough for me to not lose control with you sometimes. And after the bruises...”

“Those weren't your fault. If anything they were mine,” Raina reminded him.

Jared continued. “It is just as satisfying when you submit for a night like tonight as it was for a night like last night. It is just as meaningful. It brings me back to center in the same way.”

He did seem much more relaxed than he had at dinner, in spite of Raina's natural hysteria trying to creep in. She had to admit that part of the reason she was worried was that she was afraid he had put her needs so far ahead of his own, that he was so concerned about shepherding her through this new experience, that he hadn't gotten what he needed out of the evening. She could see now that he had. “This is so much more complex than I thought it would be,” she confessed. “You're being so amazing and I don't really feel like I'm giving back. Are you enjoying this too? Am I doing okay?”

“You're perfect. Really.” Jared slipped two fingers under her chin to tilt it up to him so she was looking directly into his eyes. The blue seemed to burn right through her. “I have been so amazed. I am so proud of you baby girl.” Her breath hitched. She had needed to hear that. “I am just worried you're not going to like what I'm about to ask you.”

If Jared didn't like it Raina was certain she wasn't going to but they had sat on his sofa and promised each other honesty and openness and that's what she was determined to give him, no matter how hard she had to fight herself for it. “Ask me anyway.”

Jared starting sweeping the hair back from her face, tucking strands behind her ear. “I know how skittish you are,” he began, “and I don't want to push you into anything you don't want so I am counting on you to be honest here.”

Raina frowned, wondering where he was going with this. They had only just yesterday come to an agreement on their relationship. Surely he wasn't wanting to amend it already? “Just ask, Jared.”

“I would like to formalize our end of this relationship a bit. I think you've gotten a feel for what it is like to submit, and this seems to be a natural fit for us. So I think we're ready to establish some rules, have a little more structure.”

Raina relaxed. How could he think she would react badly to a suggestion like that? Was she really coming off so commitment phobic that she couldn't even handle a few rules? “I think I would like that. What did you have in mind?”

“What are the rules we have now, Raina?” he asked, his voice becoming clearer and more firm as he automatically slipped back into his role as Dominant. Raina sat up properly before answering him.

“I am to follow your directions as you give them as soon as you give them. I am to call you Sir, and you may call whatever pleases you. If you ask me what my color status is I am to answer you verbally and honestly.”

Jared interrupted her there. “Tell me about the colors Raina.”

“Green means we are good, Sir, no problems. Yellow means caution, I am concerned or reaching my limit. Red means stop, there is a problem.”

“Are those sufficient for you? Do you want an additional safe word?”

“No, Sir, those are fine.”

“And if you can't speak?”

“I either tap three times or grunt three times.”

“Very good. Are there any other rules?”

Raina thought for a minute. There had been situational rules, in place only for that evening, but nothing overreaching. “No, Sir.”

“Don't you think there should be?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Jared smiled. “And do you think there should only be rules for when we are in bed together?”

This was something that Raina had only briefly thought about. She had been so busy juggling Shannon and Jared and keeping them from finding out about each other that she really hadn't given any serious consideration to what she wanted from Jared if things progressed further. She suspected, however, he had done plenty of thinking on that subject. “I think that I would be open to trying some additional rules,” she replied carefully.

“All right, we'll ease into this. First, for our playtime together. You will from this point forward ask me for permission to cum unless I have already specifically instructed you to do so. Is that clear?”

Raina was actually relieved to finally have some clarity on that front. “Yes, Sir.”

“We've been slowly incorporating that but I think you're ready to have it as a rule now. Of course, you'll need to learn better control going forward but we can work on that,” he added with a sly wink. Raina smiled back at him. He had been so solemn and intense this evening, just that small hint of his playful side coming back was making her feel better. “The only other rule I am going to add for right now is once our play begins, you are not to speak unless spoken to or you need to use your safe word. Is that also a clear enough rule for you to understand?”

“Yes, Sir.” Raina wasn't sure how she felt about that one. It flew in the face of her argumentative nature. But then again so did being a submissive at all and that has come as naturally to her as she had always suspected it would.

“I thought those would go over easily enough. I would like for there to be a little more structure in the rest of our relationship as well, Raina. Do you remember this past weekend? When I brought you food and made you promise to eat properly and call me before bed?”

“Yes, Sir, of course, I do.”

“How did you feel about that?”

Raina had bristled initially at that level of control. It had been hard been to accept but by the time she had visited the doctor and gotten back to her normal life she realized she had missed it. She told him so.

“Then let's go back to those rules. I am going to insist that you take proper care of yourself. I know you don't cook but there are a lot of better, simple choices than the garbage you had in your cupboards. Pop-tarts and wine are not are a balanced meal, princess.”

Raina had to laugh a little bit. For the second time that night she remembered spending many days of her childhood in her grandmother's kitchen while she prepared baleadas and Sopa de frijoles. Instead of paying attention to her Abuela's cooking lessons she had instead spent her time with her Tito, pouring over his chess board and listening to him expound on principles of strategy. She had no desire to learn to cook then and one had never developed as the years went by, even after she was out on her own and necessity should have dictated at least a little competency. Jared could insist all he wanted but she was never going to become domestic, not like that. “As long as I don't have to cook it, I will promise to eat better, Sir,” she compromised.

“Good. I want you to keep me up to date on your schedule, and I want either a text or a phone call before you go to bed at night.”

“That also sounds reasonable. I can agree to that.”

Jared regarded her carefully. “I'd like to start making some more decisions for you too when we're together. Activity choices, clothing....” he trailed off, gazing intently at her.

“You want to decide what I wear?” Raina had seen some of the questionable wardrobe choices Jared made. She was sure she didn't him rifling through her closet.

“If we go out somewhere special I'd like to choose a dress for you. Maybe lay out some particular underthings or choose what you'll be sleeping in. Something like that. Not your day to day clothing decisions.”

Raina looked him, still gazing intently at her to gauge her reaction but waiting patiently while she processed it all. Her first reaction was to tell him no, that she was her own person and not a Barbie doll for him to play with. But she realized that every little inch of control she had grudgingly afforded him he had used in ways that made her happier, and healthier and safer. He had said it was his job to look out for her. It had felt nice to let him do it. She was at least intrigued by the possibility. “If I agree now and I don't like it, can I change my mind?”

“Of course you can.”

“And where does Shannon fit into all of this?”

“Shannon is Shannon. I think we both know that the relationship between you and me is a lot different than what you have with Shannon. Our rules are for us. You can do what you like when you're with Shannon, but if the three of us are together I'd prefer we default to my rules.”

Raina considered her choice again, but her mind was made up. She was ready to start taking some chances. “Okay. I agree.”

Jared pulled her back to him, settling her in his lap. “I think you'll find you like this arrangement, baby girl. I promise to take my part seriously.”

Raina leaned over and nuzzled Jared's neck, enjoying the warm feeling of being in his lap. She realized she was fighting a battle she had already lost. She had been so concerned once about Jared thinking he could have anything he wanted. Now she couldn't wait to give it to him, and she wasn't going to let herself feel guilty about that. She wasn't going to let herself run again. She was going to give them a chance no matter how loud she had to shout down the voices in her head.

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

Jared wanted pancakes for breakfast. He had woken up bouncing with energy, pulling the sheets off of Raina while she grumbled and rolled into her pillow. He promised to make her breakfast but only if she got up and got moving. Seeing as how he made it clear that her only other option was a spanking, and she wasn't awake enough to start down that road, she made her way to the bathroom.

She went through her normal morning routine, more and more things from her overnight bag making their way onto Jared's bathroom counter. As she placed her toothbrush into the holder, she thought about how all this had started, both of them desperately attracted to each other but not wanting to give an inch. How far they had come in what was really just a few weeks. She wondered how differently their relationship might have developed without the added pressure of her relationship with Shannon or her sudden illness. Something told her it would have taken her much longer to get to this point with Jared, willing to let him lead her, curious as to where he might take them. Surrendering control had been something she had never in her life been comfortable with. It puzzled her that she had such a deep need to do it now, but she couldn't deny it was enormously satisfying.

Once she was dressed she made the bed and made sure things were straightened up in the bedroom before joining Jared in the kitchen. He had already laid out a bowl of fruit and some almond milk and the kitchen was filled with the aroma of pancake he had going in the skillet now. She was surprised at how good it smelled.

“Wow, I guess you can cook,” she said, impressed. Jared just chuckled.

“I can make pancakes, grilled cheese, simple things,” he told her, giving the pancake currently in the skillet an awkward flip.

“That's more than I can do. I basically just reheat things,” Raina confessed.

“Well all that processed food has been making you sick,” Jared pointed out. “You need to learn to cook at least a little bit. You could learn to operate a rice cooker, and fish is easy to grill. Cut up some fresh vegetables and you have a meal.”

Raina laughed. “My grandmother spent years trying to teach me. I basically grew up in her kitchen and she was an amazing cook. I still set off the smoke alarm trying to boil water.”

“Tell me about her.”

That wasn't the response Raina was expecting. “What?”

“Your grandmother,” Jared said, grabbing a plate for the nearly ready pancake. “You don't talk much about your family but I get the impression you had a pretty good childhood. So tell me about your grandmother.”

Raina looked at Jared, smudges of pancake batter on his apron, waiting expectantly for her to begin talking. She realized he wasn't going to cut her any slack, he expected her to continue opening up to him. She supposed her grandparents were as good a place as any. “I did. Have a pretty good childhood I mean. My mother and I lived with her parents on their farm in South Carolina. It was really nice actually.”

“What about your father?” Jared asked carefully.

Raina shook her head. “He died before I was born. I never knew him. My mother didn't get along with his family and they never made any effort to get to know me so I really don't know much about that side of my family.”

Jared nodded knowingly, placing one finished pancake on the plate before starting a new one. “My situation was a little different but I get not knowing your father.” He put a mug full of tea in front of Raina. “You know, we lived with my grandparents for a while too when I was a kid. In Texas.”

That brought a smile to Raina's face, thinking of young Jared. “I actually really liked growing up like that, it was nice having my grandparents so close. And like I said, I practically lived in my Abuela's kitchen, but I wasn't really there watching her, even though she tried hard to get me interested. I was with my Tito, learning to play chess.”

“Tito... Your grandfather?” Jared questioned. Raina nodded.

“My grandmother was Honduran. I'm not sure why I called my grandfather Tito, he wasn't Honduran at all, he was actually half Hawaiian, but I'm sure that was Abuela's doing. She was very... dynamic, she really ran that house.

“Now see, I had no idea about any of that,” Jared said. “There are so many interesting things about you you've never told me.”

“Well, you haven't told me much either. All we seem to do is argue about who is more stubborn and have sex.”

“I'm trying to change that.”

“I know. So am I.”

Jared added another pancake to the plate and sat it in front of her. “So you were close with them?” he asked.

Raina nodded. “My Tito especially. I would follow him around when he let me, hang out in the barn with him sometimes. He was a very quiet, gentle man. My mother took after him, she was that way too, she seemed to carry her own peace with her wherever she went, no matter what was happening. Not at like me.” She took the milk and the bowl of fruit he had set out and carried them to the table. “No sense having a nice breakfast hunched over a kitchen counter,” she told him as she returned and waited for him to finish making the rest of the pancakes. “So tell me about your grandparents. Did you like living with them?”

“Yeah, I did actually. Like you said, it was sort of nice to have them always there. My grandfather was in the Air Force, my mom grew up always moving around so even after we moved out it seemed natural to just keep going new places. But I always liked it when we got back to them.” Raina gave him a little giggle. “What?”

“It's just, I'm surprised that your grandfather was in the Air Force. It doesn't seem to me like you grew up in a house with a lot of discipline.”

Jared raised the spatula in his hand. “Do I need to show you what I know about discipline?”

“No, Sir,” Raina laughed, scooping up their plates and silverware along with the remaining breakfast items. She was just about finished laying out the table when she heard the front door.

“Hey, anybody up?” Shannon called from the hallway. He soon appeared in the kitchen, sunglasses on and giant coffee in hand, smiling when he saw Jared and Raina. “So what's up?” he asked, setting his coffee down on the counter and hanging his glasses from the front of his t-shirt.

“Pancakes,” Jared told him, sliding the current one on top of the stack. “You want some?”

Shannon shook his head. “I grabbed something when I got coffee.”

“How was your date?” Raina asked. Shannon gave her a huge grin and she chuckled. “That good huh?”

He gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Well she's no you but we had fun.”

“I'm glad you had a good time,” Raina told him. She truly was. It surprised her that there was no hint of jealousy. She was sure she wouldn't feel that way if it were Jared. It was so odd that she had such intense but completely different feelings for these two. But at least for now, everything seemed to be moving along at a pace that felt natural to them, and everyone was happy, so she resolved to try to stop obsessing over it.

Shannon walked over to the table where Raina had set everything out. “Mind if I stay?” he asked.

Jared and Raina exchanged looks of confirmation before Jared responded. “Not at all. Have a seat. Pancakes are done.” He removed his apron and placed it on the counter and then picked up the plate of pancakes before crossing to the table. Shannon held Raina's chair out for her and they all settled into their seats. Jared picked up the empty plate in front of Raina. “How do you like your pancakes?”

“Eaten directly from the pouch while standing in front the microwave, usually,” Raina answered. Jared shook his head and put a couple of pancakes on her plate before topping them with some sliced strawberries and honey.

“Try them this way,” he said, putting the plate down in front of her.

She waited for him to finish making his own plate before taking a cautious bite of hers. To her delight, they were delicious. “These are really good,” she said, washing them down with some milk. “You are definitely going to be the one that does the cooking.”

Shannon laughed. “Oh hell no! He nearly burned this placed down before. You want real food, next time I'll cook something for you.”

“He is a much better cook than I am,” Jared confirmed.

“Okay, deal!” Raina said, smiling at him.

“So what did you guys have planned for today?” Shannon asked, setting the lid for his coffee on the table and blowing across its surface. Raina looked at Jared expectantly.

“Well, I wanted to talk to Raina about introducing her to some people next week, since it looks like she is here to stay for a while.” He said while looking reassuringly at her. She realized they were both getting more comfortable with their relationship moving out of the glorified hookup phase. “She should at least get to know Emma.”

“And how are we going to introduce me?” Raina asked. “I thought we were keeping this all hush hush.”

“From the public, yes. But I keep people around me I can trust. There's no reason they can't know.” He looked over at Shannon. “I thought maybe we could introduce you as my girlfriend to anyone we don't want to know the full extent of our relationship. If that's okay.”

From the way Jared looked directly at Shannon while asking, Raina was sure that he hadn't asked Shannon about this first. She looked over at Shannon too, but he just popped a strawberry into his mouth and nodded. “If that's all right with Raina. If we say she's my girlfriend then I'd have to hide any other dates. It makes more sense to say she's yours.”

Jared Leto's girlfriend. It wouldn't be for public consumption but even thinking about it those terms made her stomach clench a little bit. She was not ready for this. “Can we be very careful about who we mention this to?” Raina began, putting her fork down. “I'm not really a public person, and...”

Jared reached over and put his hand on hers. “I know that. I'm not either. I just would like to be able to include you in my life a little more, if that's okay.”

Raina nodded. She had noticed the way Jared kept her isolated from everything else in his life, but she had been fine with that. It wasn't like she had been inviting him over for pizza with Cassie and Aaron either. Compartmentalized relationships were less likely to get out of hand. She knew however that it was very limiting and they were trying to move past things like that. For about the dozenth time she remembered how none of this was the way she had envisioned it. If she had known when she was standing in the studio that morning while Val yelled about forgotten batteries that she would end up here, having breakfast with her two boyfriends, discussing her childhood and contemplating how to get even more involved with them, she probably would have crawled back into bed. Even though she had made a lot of progress since meeting Shannon and Jared she knew she still had a long way to go, evidenced by the nervous feeling in her stomach when they started this discussion. Did Jared feel that way too? Wanting more but being terrified of actually achieving it? How in the hell could Shannon be so casual about this? Raina desperately envied his calm.

“Oh no, she's gone back in her head again,” Shannon observed, noticing Raina's sudden silence and the frown on her face.

“Talk to me Raina,” Jared said. “What's going on in that twisty-turny brain of yours?”

Raina shook her head. “Nothing, it's fine.”

Jared set his fork down and gave her a stern look. “Now I thought we'd discussed you keeping your thoughts and feelings all tied up in your head already. Don't we have an agreement?”

“It's nothing, really.” She wondered if she was ever going to be allowed any internal dialogue again. “Can't I have my own thoughts sometimes?”

“Ooh, and the quills are coming out again too,” Shannon observed with a laugh. Jared was somewhat less amused.

“Raina, do I need to add another rule about replying to questions you're asked?” he said, giving her that same unblinking stare that she knew meant he meant business.

Raina knew she should just answer him, she hadn't been thinking about anything that would upset him, it wasn't anything particularly private or shocking, but for reasons she didn't entirely understand, her defiant streak was rushing back in full force. She could feel her muscles tense, and she set her jaw and glared at the plate in front of her before replying. “You can make all the rules you want. That doesn't mean I'm going to agree to them or follow them.”

Even from her peripheral vision, she could see Shannon's eyes going wide at her reply. No one said anything for a long minute, but then Jared broke the silence, his voice measured and tightly controlled. “Fine. If you don't want to speak then don't speak.”

Raina knew from the way he said it it was absolutely not fine and he was most likely formulating a way to drive that point home. She looked over at him but he had the same stern expression on his face he did before. “Finish your pancakes now, I don't want them getting cold,” he told her. Raina opened her mouth to apologize but he cut her off. “Sshh. No speaking. I wouldn't want to intrude on your private thoughts.”

Raina took a few bites of her pancakes, eyes carefully glued to her breakfast. What she had said hadn't been that bad, but it was already a well-defined battleground and she had made promises. Why the hell was it so hard for her to answer a simple question? He hadn't been asking anything intrusive, and she was sure that if he stepped too far, into a delicate subject, he would have accepted a polite rebuff. But she was holding her thoughts back just to be holding them back and she was positive Jared knew that. That's why he was so frustrated with her. She wanted to explain that she was frustrated with herself too but when she stole another glance at him the look on his face told her that she needed to continue holding her tongue.

“I bet I can get her talking,” Shannon said with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh I know we can get her talking,” Jared replied, a small smile edging in at the corners of his mouth. “But let her finish her pancakes first.”

Raina felt a shiver go down her spine. She knew Jared wouldn't let this stand. She wasn't going to pretend like her panties weren't getting wet at the thought of it either. She continued eating, quickly cleaning her plate and polishing off the last of her almond milk. She sat her empty glass back down on the table and folded her hands in her lap, waiting to see what Jared had in mind.

“I hope you're free for while?” he asked Shannon.

Shannon didn't bother hiding his pleasure at the prospect of spending some time correcting Raina's errant behavior. “I can be free all day if I need to be,” he answered with a broken wink and that giant mischievous grin that never failed to make Raina's stomach flip.

“Perfect,” Jared replied before turning his attention to Raina. He took her hand, giving her a gentle kiss on her fingers. “Sticky girl,” he said, letting her hand fall back to her side. “Go wash up and wait for me in the bedroom princess. I'm going to clear up and have a little chat with Shannon. I'll be in shortly.”

Of course, Raina knew by now exactly what “Wait for me” meant, and she knew what he expected from her from this point forward. “Yes, Sir.”

It took a long time for Jared and Shannon to appear in the bedroom, a lot longer than it took for Raina to wash up, leave her neatly folded clothes on the corner chair, and move into the agreed position. While she waited, kneeling at the center of the bed, she listened to the sounds of the dishes being cleared and the guys chatting amongst themselves. All she could do was wonder what they had in store for her.

They arrived together this time, Shannon grinning so broadly Raina thought his face would crack. Yeah, she was definitely in for it.

“Since you value your silence so much, we're going to play a little game, Princess,” Jared began, pacing the floor like he was circling prey. “We're going to see how long you can stay quiet.” He produced a kitchen timer and set it down on the nightstand. “Shannon and I are each going to take turns to try to see if we can get you to break your silence. If you can hold your tongue and control your moans and whimpers until the end of the game, then you win. If either of us gets a sound out of you then we win. Simple enough right?”

Raina knew she had no actual input in this decision. But she liked games and she did not like to lose. She realized Jared had no idea what he was up against. “Yes, Sir.”

“Excellent. We are each going to take turns. We've decided on two minutes per turn. If you make any sounds then that person wins. The winner gets to fuck you any way they like and the loser has to watch.” Raina started to smile, thinking that didn't sound like much of a punishment, when Jared hastily added, “Oh but first they get to paddle you.” He reached into the bench and produce a broad wooden paddle which he propped on the dresser in front of her. “Just to solidify your motivation,” he said with a wink. Raina tried not to let her expression waver. She should have known it sounded too easy.

“If you win,” Shannon started but Jared cut him off.

“She's not going to win.”

“You still have to tell her all the rules,” Shannon pointed out. “If you win, if you can get through all our turns without making a sound, then you get to do whatever you want. Have either or both of us any way you want.”

Raina knew instantly exactly what she was going to do if she won this game. She had to win now. She was going to show Jared a thing or two.

“Any questions, Princess?” Jared asked.

“How many rounds, Sir?” Raina wanted to know.

“Ten.” Jared said, then added with a smile, “Each.”

Raina wanted to groan but she figured she should get used to controlling herself now. “Okay. Let's get started. Sir.”

 


	25. Chapter 25

“You can still use your safeword without penalty,” Jared clarified. “There will never be a penalty for using your safeword under any circumstances, game or not.”

Raina did understand that but she liked the way he always reinforced the idea. “Yes, sir.”

“And no trying to trick her into saying “Yes, sir”,” Shannon added, “and no toys.”

Jared nodded. “No questions, other than maybe a status check. Anything else?”

Raina and Shannon exchanged looks. “What exactly is a sound, Sir, for the purposes of this game?” she asked.

“Anything utilizing the vocal cords. Sighs and gasps are fine but whimpers, moans anything like that, and you lose.” Jared pulled off his shirt and picked the timer back up. “So are you ready, baby girl? What color are we?”

“Green, Sir, green. We are so very green.” Raina gushed. The sooner they got started, the sooner she could win and get to the scenario now playing out in her head.

Jared frowned. “Now that's a bit too enthusiastic, Princess. I don't think you're taking this seriously.”

“She thinks she's going to win,” Shannon observed with a smirk. Raina could tell Shannon didn't care one way or the other who won, he was there to enjoy the game itself. She and Jared's competitive natures were the ones that were about to battle to the death.

“Well by all means then, let's get started. Show us what you've got Baby Girl,” Jared replied, giving the timer a toss before turning the dial. “Shannon is going to be going first.”

Shannon kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head before climbing onto the bed with Raina. He knelt in front of her, wiggling an eyebrow while he bit his lower lip. “Hey Rainy girl,” he said softly. Raina couldn't help but smile back at him. She heard Jared say “Now,” but she was already focused on Shannon, the smile on her face matching his own. He cradled her cheek in one warm hand before running the fingers of his opposite hand down her face, closing her eyes. She felt his warm breath before his nose nudged against hers, and even though she tilted her face to his he remained at the edge of her reach, his lips faintly passing over hers before pulling back again. He continued to nuzzle her in that same manner, like a big cat that was rubbing and marking her, his forehead brushing against her cheeks, the rough beginnings of his beard prickling her skin. It was so hypnotic and so far from what she was expecting she had to catch herself before sighing his name. The two minutes passed quickly, without more than a feathery brush of his lips against hers. By the time he pulled away Raina was panting and dazed.

“Can't let the game be over too quickly,” Shannon winked before vacating the spot in front of her. _Fuck, he's better at this than I thought_. Raina scrambled to get her wits about her again before Jared moved in front of her.

“Don't think I'm going to take it that easy on you,” Jared told her while Shannon reset the timer. The instant Shannon signaled his time had started Jared grabbed the hair at the nape of Raina's neck and pulled her head back, exposing her throat to him. He then sank his mouth onto the vulnerable swell, biting down ferociously and causing Raina to gasp in surprise. One had found her breast and he kneaded it roughly as he continued to nibble and suck at her throat until she had to bite her lip to keep from whimpering. Judging from the savage way he consumed her she realized she was going to be wearing a scarf for a week. She tried to think about that, about maybe getting Cassie to do some of her makeup magic to cover up the marks, anything but the way her body was responding to Jared. She was not going to lose, and definitely not in Jared's first round. She wouldn't give him that level of satisfaction. When Shannon finally called the round over Jared straightened up and took in Raina's state of disarray with a satisfied smirk. “Nine more rounds to go, Princess.”

Shannon took up position behind her for his next turn, and when Jared reset the timer he pulled Raina back against him, covering her shoulder with tender kisses while his hands roamed her thighs and breasts. Shannon's tactic seemed to be teasing her until she forgot herself, and it was working far better than she thought it would have. By the time his turn was over she was once again back to that lust drunk state, blinking her eyes and wanting him back.

Jared, unsurprisingly, was far more aggressive in his approach. Once Shannon had the timer Jared was in front of her again, that menacing Dom smile of his already glued in place. Raina took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, smiling right back at him. When Shannon called “Go,” he moved as suddenly as before, this time grabbing Raina by the waist while plunging two fingers deep into her soaked core. She gasped in surprise but managed to keep from crying out, her hands falling on his shoulders as she tried to steady herself.

“Hey,” Shannon protested, “I thought we were going to do a little buildup.”

Raina bit her lip as Jared curled his fingers inside her, never breaking eye contact or losing his smile. “This is buildup,” he said with a smirk.

“That's not buildup,” Shannon answered him. “You can't play hearts until its broken.”

Jared's expression faltered, and he turned his head to give Shannon a puzzled look. “You can't play what? Fuck Shannon, we're not playing cards at Grandma's house.”

“Yeah well, good thing for you I guess because you know I'd beat your ass.”

Jared pulled his fingers out from inside the velvety flesh that had been sheathing them, turning his attention back to Shannon. “The fuck you would.”

“And you can't startle her into making a noise either. That's not what the game is supposed to be about.”

“And you can't just start making up rules after the game starts.”

Raina rolled her eyes and tried very hard not to groan. God, they were being such brothers right now. You'd have thought they were playing a particularly contentious round of Battleship and had caught each other moving the pieces around.

“I'm not just making up rules, I'm making sure you play fair,” Shannon clarified. Raina wondered if their secret plan was to annoy her into making a noise. They continued to bicker and she was strongly considering risking telling them to knock it off when the timer dinged. Shannon got the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

“Oh fucking no, you did not,” Jared said, hopping off the bed. “Reset that thing.”

“Sorry, time's up. Guess you should have focused.” Shannon said, thrusting the timer into Jared's hands and scrambling into place in front of Raina. Raina wondered if she would be disqualified for giggling. She bit her lower lip and looked over at Jared, who stood next to the bed, clutching the timer and fuming. She immediately made her face go as neutral as possible, not to further spin Jared up. He gave the dial a twist.

“Go,” Jared said through clenched teeth, giving Shannon his best death glare. Shannon seemed completely unconcerned, smiling and pushing Raina backward so that she was lying on the bed. He positioned himself over her, pressing his muscular frame against her prone one while he dove in for a powerful kiss. Raina slipped her arms around his neck, enjoying the intimate contact, but much more cautious with him now that she had seen the sneaky way he liked to play. She was grateful for that awareness when his hand slipped between them, his fingers parting her lower lips in search of her clit. Despite his efforts, she managed to swallow the groans that wanted to escape her throat until the timer once again sounded.

“Next time, Kitten,” Shannon said as he moved off her, licking his fingers clean while he continued to smirk. Jared shoved him aside, slamming the kitchen timer into his hands. “You sure you don't need to talk about the rules any more, Jay?”

Jared made a growling noise. “Just start the timer.”

Raina sat up and smiled at him, hoping to reassure him and make sure the game stayed lighthearted. As strong as her competitive nature was, she really didn't want to win on a technicality or a cheat. Jared returned her smile but the fierce determination in his eyes didn't waver. As soon as it was once again his turn he pushed her backward onto the mattress again, his mouth traveling down her throat and across her breasts. She could tell he was using the mental map he had made of her in their nights together. He knew the tenderest spots by heart already, and those were the places where he concentrated his teeth, sharply biting the most susceptible spots while he flicked her hardening nipples with his fingertips. She bit her lip and squirmed beneath him as she fought to keep control, her body heating and throbbing in response to his well-calculated assault. When Shannon called time again she let out a ragged breath, quickly sitting up as Jared moved off the bed. He grabbed the timer back from Shannon. “She's going to break soon.” he told him, “Just you watch.”

“Yeah, I'm sure she is,” Shannon replied, moving next to her again. “Thanks for warming her up for me.”

Raina frowned. This was going so much easier when they weren't being hyper-competitive with each other but she wasn't sure how to refocus them without breaking her silence. They weren't even halfway through yet.

Shannon began his turn at her breasts, rolling the nipples Jared had already brought to attention between his teeth, tugging them outward while his strong hands kneaded and caressed. Raina knotted her fingers into his hair, trying to bring his focus away from Jared and back to her. She wasn't sure if it worked, but he spent his entire turn there, seemingly satisfied to return to stoking the flames slowly as he had started out. She sighed reluctantly when finally moved away.

Jared grabbed a pillow before rejoining Raina, ordering her to turn over onto her stomach. When she complied, he slipped the pillow underneath her hips and parted her legs, positioning himself between them. He started by moving her hair to the side, leaving the back of her neck and shoulders exposed, and he once again began his campaign of nips and grazing teeth while he drew one hand up across her spread thighs that were already soaking from all this teasing. When his thumb found her clit she bit into the pillow beneath her, trying to focus on anything but the heat growing in her core. They knew her body. They knew her weaknesses. If she thought this was going to be an easy contest she had been deluding herself.

When Jared and Shannon changed out places again she had to stop to think which round they were on. Five. They were just approaching the halfway point and she was already dazed, fighting for control and aching for them to just fuck her already. She reminded herself what was waiting if she won. She took a deep breath and swallowed the whine that was building in her throat.

Shannon sat back against the pillows, sat Raina up and pulled her into his lap. Jared signaled for him to start and he pulled her head against his, holding it there with a hand knotted into her hair, while his other parted her legs. Anchoring his thumb over her swollen bud he thrust two fingers inside her, rocking into her into a slow but steady rhythm that had her gripping his hair and panting while she tried to maintain focus. She was teetering on the edge of climax when she heard the by now familiar ding of the timer. Shannon withdrew his hand and gave her a kiss on the nose before surrendering his spot.

“You know, Princess,” Jared said, bringing her back into the face-down position over the pillow he'd had her in on his previous turn, “since you can't ask for permission to cum I think it would be okay if we waved that rule for the remainder of this game.” He patted the gentle swell of her bottom affectionately. “Of course, you still have to remain quiet.” _Gee Jared,_ Raina thought, _how generous of you_.

Jared started at her waist this time, his mouth closing over her heated skin in a way that went straight to her already overheated core. She grabbed the sheets beneath her, balling them in her fist while she breathed carefully through her nose, willing herself not to give in. This was some of the most sensitive stretches of skin on her body, and the scrape of Jared's teeth across them made her want to scream. When he plunged two fingers inside her while biting down on the tender edge of her hip she felt her eyes roll back in her head but she managed to maintain her silence. She could tell by the way Jared pouted when he finally released her that he was disappointed, he thought he had her that round.

“Don't worry, Baby Girl,” he told as she sat back up and pushed the hair back from her eyes. “We still have five more rounds to go. I have all the time in the world.”

Shannon tossed Jared the timer back and stepped to the foot of the bed, smirking while he crooked his finger at Raina, beckoning her to him. Defiantly she got up on her knees, crawling to him like a panther while she maintained eye contact. Shannon laughed. “I'm about to wipe that cocky look right off your face Rainy girl,” he said, grabbing her and pulling her so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. When he dropped to his knees in front of her she realized she was in real trouble. He knew what that mouth of his did to her.

Once again Jared signaled for the round to start and Shannon hooked his arms around Raina's thighs, pulling her into position where he wanted her. He brought his mouth down against her thigh, taking a leaf from Jared's book and biting down hard enough she was certain she would have a mark there. She was going to be a mess after this. They were all going to have to have a talk. She tried to walk herself through that, mentally giving the two of them a dressing down instead of concentrating on the way his tongue beat against her clit, leaving her shaking and once again ready to cum. It seemed to be taking much longer each time before she heard the welcome chime of the timer.

“Just stay there,” Jared told her, smirking, no doubt noticing how close she was and the way her legs had begun to shake before Shannon moved away from her. Raina pressed her lips closed and met his gaze, trying to let him know she was as determined as he was, but if Jared was intimidated he made no sign of it. He just dove in as soon as his turn began, lapping at her soaking channel with that long, articulate tongue, pushing her further and further until she realized she wasn't going to be able to hold back. She shoved her fingers into her mouth, biting down as her head fell back and she came apart against him, concentrating desperately on breathing through her nose. She managed to hold her silence but by the time Shannon and Jared switched places again it wasn't just her legs that were shaking, and she was beginning to have real doubts about whether she was going to make it through the last three rounds.

“Raina, I'm so disappointed,” Shannon said, kneeling in front of her again. “How dare you cum for him but not for me?” Of course, Raina couldn't respond, could only shrug, but she had a feeling Shannon wasn't going to leave things unchallenged. He started off his turn by diving back in, pulling her now incredibly sensitive clit into his mouth and curling his thick fingers against her g-spot. Raina gasped and shoved her fingers back into her mouth, trying to think about anything else but Shannon's hands and tongue but she couldn't make to the end of the round before another climax tore through her, leaving her writhing and shaking and smacking her hand against the mattress, but, miraculously, still silent.

She wanted to cry when Jared appeared in front of her again. He was looking so damn cocky, and she wanted more than ever to get to play out the scenario she had concocted, but it was seeming less and less likely that she was going to be getting her way. To her surprise instead of kneeling in front of her, he opened the lid of the toy bench.

“Hey,” Shannon protested. “We said no toys.”

Jared closed the lid. “It's not a toy.”

“Then why are you digging in there?” Shannon demanded. Raina hoped they were going to start another argument. She could use a cool down.

“Just start the timer,” Jared replied, irritated. Shannon grumbled but didn't say anything else. Disappointed, Raina tried again to clear her head before Jared started on her again. He grabbed a hold of her and flipped her back onto her stomach. That seemed to be his favorite position today. She became concerned about what he had dug out of the bench.

“Go,” Shannon intoned as Jared sat down on the bed next to her. He ran his hands over her the curves of her ass before grabbing her cheeks and pulling them apart. Suddenly she knew what he had pulled out of the bench before the cool liquid even made contact with her skin.

“I'm going to have this pretty ass of yours, Princess,” he said, twirling one finger around her puckered hole. “As a matter of fact, I think that's going to be my reward for winning. I'm going to paddle your stubborn little butt until you think twice about clamming up on me again. Then I'm going to bury myself so deep inside there you're going to have no doubt about who you belong to.” Jared pressed one long, lubed finger inside her and she shuddered but continued her measured breathing. She was too close to the end to loose now. She would show Jared exactly how stubborn she was. She gripped the sheets and wiggled her hips defiantly, hoping that he got the message. From the way Shannon broke into laughter, she knew he at least appreciated it.

The crack of Jared's hand against her ass made Raina gasp and her eyes stung. “I'm not kidding around here,” he said sternly, adding a second finger to further open her up to him. “You're supposed to be learning something.”

“She's learning she can out-stubborn your ass,” Shannon laughed. Raina wanted to tell him to shut up, he was just going to spin Jared up further, she already regretted her butt wiggle, but all she could do was turn her head and give him a dirty look which he ignored completely. Jared just continued to thrust his fingers into her, suddenly seeming oddly content in his ability to outlast Raina and come out victorious. She wondered what he had up his sleeve.

When they switched off again, Raina sighed. She knew she only had two rounds left but she but didn't know how much control she had remaining. Shannon stretched her out on her back again, settling down beside her while he smiled softly. He ran his calloused hands over her thighs while he nuzzled her like he had done in the beginning, gently dissolving her her stubborn resistance by going completely around it. She briefly thought of throwing the game, making a noise for Shannon, since his winning still meant Jared would not get his way, but she couldn't make herself do it. When they switched places she realized she had missed her chance.

She wasn't the least bit surprised when Jared unceremoniously flipped her over again, plunging back into her with a growl. She wondered if he had any idea how crazy this particular activity made her, they really hadn't explored it much before, but fuck it was making her want him so bad. Despite the orgasms she had already had her stomach was starting to knot with need again, and as his turn ended she was rocking back against his invading digits while she bit down on the back of her hand. “You are going to be so ready for me,” Jared growled in her ear before surrendering his spot to Shannon one last time.

“Well, kitten, this is it,” Shannon told her, pulling her up on her knees. “One little whimper and I'm all yours, you know,” he pointed out, biting his bottom lip. It wasn't like Raina wasn't tempted. But the thought of losing in the last round really didn't feel any better than the thought of losing in the first round, and she didn't want this to end in a thrown game anyway. She shrugged apologetically at Shannon but he just shrugged back, then threw her back against the mattress, hooking her legs over his shoulders and pulling her up so that her head was the only thing still against the bed, She heard Jared chuckle before signaling for Shannon to start. He dove in enthusiastically, making one last heroic effort to break Raina's control. He furiously drummed on her hardened bud with his tongue while he hooked his fingers inside her but despite his best efforts, Raina made it to the end of their round without anything more than a few sighs. When the timer went off Jared made no effort to contain his glee.

“Hah, tried to cheat me and you still lost,” he said as Shannon took the timer back from him. He locked eyes with Raina. “Now to make you scream,”

Raina would have as soon torn her own vocal chords out with her bare fingers rather than give him the satisfaction of winning. He looked so sure of himself in that moment. She knew this was going to be a long two minutes. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared back at him with all the self-assurance she could manage.

“You can glare at me all you want, Princess. It won't help.” Jared turned her around, pushing her chest back against the bed. When Shannon reset the timer Jared gave her another sharp smack across her bottom. “Just a little taste of what is coming,” he laughed.

Raina grabbed the sheets underneath her, locked her jaw and concentrated on breathing through her nose. She wasn't surprised to feel his fingers entering her back channel again but when they were joined by two additional digits in her core as well she had to bite down hard to stop the groan that almost slipped out. From the way Jared chuckled she knew he had noticed and she gripped the sheets harder, bracing herself for whatever was coming, He curled his fingers inside her as he stroked, leaving no tender spot untouched, and she could feel her legs shaking with the effort she was exerting to maintain control. She began counting in her head, _one Mississippi, two Mississippi._.. and somewhere just shy of 82 Mississippi the timer dinged and Shannon whooped in victory.

“Fucking hell,” Jared said, moving away from her and wiping his hands on a small towel she had no idea where he had gotten. He looked furious. Raina grinned. He was about to look a lot angrier.

She hopped up and grabbed some condoms out of the drawer in the nightstand, then pulled a pillowcase loose and went to retrieve the items she needed from the toy bench.

“All right boys, I won. You know what that means. Strip and follow me.”

 

 

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

Raina stopped once she had returned to the dining room, pulling a chair away from the table and situating where they would have plenty of space. She placed the pillowcase down behind it, carefully arranging its contents so that she could quickly retrieve what she needed and then waited.

She wasn't surprised that Shannon was the first to join her, the smile on his face almost as big as the one he had started her session off with. She got the impression that he hadn't cared one bit who won, as long as it wasn't Jared. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“You were amazing in there, kitten. I'm so proud of you.”

Raina smiled back at him. “Flattery won't get you out of this.”

“God, I hope not,” he said with a broken wink. Raina laughed.

Jared took his time before joining them, a scowl on his face but the hint of a smile around his eyes. Raina hoped that meant he was going to be a good sport. Her plan counted on that. She gestured toward the chair she had pulled out.

“Jared, have a seat please,” she instructed. He gave her a wary look but complied. She couldn't tone down the grin that was threatening to take over her face. She turned to Shannon. “I'll be right with you, pumpkin.” Shannon laughed and she turned to face Jared again. “As for you....” she straddled Jared, one arm thrown over his shoulder, her nails tracing their way down his chest... “you've been a very naughty boy.”

Jared growled at her. “Careful, princess.”

“You said if I won I get to do what I want. This is what I want.” Raina leaned forward and brushed her lips against Jared's, trying to get him to relax. He resisted her, keeping his lips pressed together in that tight frown until she began making slow circles with her hips, gliding her still sick sex over his exposed length. When her tactics elicited a groan from him she slipped her tongue forward until it found his, her hands traveling to grip the back of his head. Once she was sure she had his complete attention she let her hands drift slowly downwards, over his strong shoulders and down his muscular arms, guiding them slowly behind him. She was careful not to let him notice her reaching into the bag behind the chair, and she had slipped the cool metal handcuffs in place before he realized what was happening. When he heard the click he abruptly tore his mouth from hers and Raina leapt from his lap before the tantrum she was sure was coming started.

“Raina....” Jared growled, tugging at the cuffs. She quickly stepped behind him, gathering the next item from the bag. She could hear Shannon laughing behind her as she knelt at Jared's feet, securing his kicking legs to the chair with the bondage tape he had shown her the previous night. He may have been pitching a fit but she noticed that he hadn't told her no. She was quite certain he could have kept her from securing his legs if he wanted to.

She stepped in front of Jared and waited for him to settle down. When he had stopped fighting she began again. “Now, as I was saying, someone here has been a very naughty boy.”

Jared grinned. “You haven't seen naughty yet, Princess. Wait until I'm loose.”

Raina shook her head and made a clucking noise. “Now don't make this worse for yourself. Do you know why we're here sugar?” she teased, hoping Jared would recognize his own tactics.

“I haven't done anything wrong," he groused

“I beg to differ there.” She put her hands on her hips. “When we discussed being open and honest with each other, was that rule only for me?”

Jared stopped struggling and his expression changed to one of puzzlement. “No, of course, it wasn't. But I have been open and honest with you.”

“Have you?” The realization was still coalescing for her, she knew he was wrong, explaining it was on the tip of her tongue but she was having a hard time figuring out how to verbalize it. “You seem to pick and choose what you are honest about.”

“Is this about yesterday? Because I didn't want to discuss what was bothering me?” Jared gave the handcuffs a tug but they stayed firmly in place. “It was business. I don't feel like I need to explain all my business dealings with you.”

“I know that. I am not asking you to.” Raina clenched her jaw took a few deep breaths. This was taking a decidedly un-sexy turn and she wanted to wrap it up and get back to her fun. “But you seem to recognize your right to have boundaries. Why am I not allowed a single unexamined thought?”

“I never said that..” Jared's voice was softening though and Raina knew she was getting her point across.

“Then how did we get here Jared? Because I thought this all started as your tantrum over me not spilling my guts over pancakes.” Shannon made a small noise behind Raina and she turned to see him smirking and biting his lip. It reinforced for her that she was right, that Jared had been over the top in his reaction that morning. She hadn't realized how much she had needed that validation until she received it. She gave him a grateful smile before returning her attention to Jared, her own tone softening as well. “I'm trying. But everything that goes through my head doesn't need to be verbalized and dissected. You have to trust me too.”

Jared was quiet for a minute. “Okay. But couldn't we have had this discussion without me being in handcuffs?”

“But this is so much more fun!” Raina purred, her mind already returning to the entertainment she had planned. She sat down in Jared's lap, nudging her lips against his for a playful kiss. “Now, tell me you're sorry for not having any faith in me,” she said, running her fingers under the strong line of his jaw before letting them come to rest under his chin.

“I'm sorry,” Jared replied, more sneering than contrite.

“No, that won't do at all,” Raina told him. “Call me your goddess.” Jared glared at her, jaw clenched. He apparently had decided to go back to fighting her. That was just fine with her, it fit better into the scenario in her head anyway. She turned on his lap, extending one long leg towards Shannon, toe _en pointe_. “You. Call me your goddess.”

Shannon broke into that wide grin of his and dropped to his knees in front of her. He placed his palm underneath her heel and drew her foot to him like Prince Charming putting on Cinderella's glass slipper. “Oh. My. Goddess.” he intoned breathlessly, gently kissing the inside of Raina's ankle before trailing a series of further fervent kisses up the toned skin of her calf.

“Mmm,” she purred with a smile, “that's a good boy.” She turned to Jared again. “See what a good boy he's being? What's that you told me about being good? Oh yeah. Good girls get rewards. I bet good boys do too.”

“Raina you are trying my patience,” Jared said through clenched teeth. Raina scowled at him and stood up.

“I can't try your patience if you don't have any. Stop being naughty or I'll bring out the gag.” Raina thought he was fighting her because it was in his nature, because it was what he preferred to do, not because he was truly angry. She suddenly understood the need for the color system that much more clearly. She bent over and gave him another gentle, reassuring kiss. “What color are we baby?” she asked him.

Jared's frown instantly dissolved into a grin. She knew before he even answered that they were okay, that he was playing the part he enjoyed. “Oh, we're green. But your ass is going to be red when we're done.”

“Tsk, tsk. Don't be a poor sport, sugar.” She straightened up. “Now, how to help you learn your lesson.” She scratched her chin but she of course already knew what she was going to do. “So, let's start again. Why are we here?” Jared pouted and gave Raina those puppy-dog eyes that had moved her before but she wasn't going to budge this time. “I'm serious about that gag. It's in the bag behind you. If you can't speak properly there's no reason to leave it off.”

Jared locked eyes with her and for a minute Raina thought he was going to continue to hold his tongue. With a sigh, he finally answered her. “Because I reacted unfairly by demanding you tell me something that didn't necessarily involve me.”

“Didn't you tell me you would never take your frustration out on me?” Raina asked him.

Jared's eyes grew wide as the full level of understanding reached him. “Yes ma'am,” he said. Raina was shocked at the honorific at the end.

“Don't you think that you did?”

“I'm sorry,” he said sincerely. Raina knew that he meant it.

“Good. But since you seem to want so badly to know what's going on in other people's heads I think I'll indulge you.” She grabbed the bag and moved it to the front of the chair for easier access now that her plan was moving into full swing, then pulled out the blindfold Jared was so fond of. She quickly fastened it in place.

“Okay so here's how this is going to work. You are going to sit there, quietly, and listen, while Shannon tells you everything that he's thinking.” She turned around to Shannon who had been waiting patiently by this entire time. “I am going to giving Shannon something good to think about. I owe him that reward after all.”

Raina remembered the way Shannon had responded when she got a little forceful with him previously. She hoped he was going to enjoy this just as much. She reached her fingers into the hair at the back of his head, tugging it backward and exposing his throat. With a predatory growl, she set her mouth against the exposed swell, scraping her teeth down the tender skin while she sucked it into her mouth.

Shannon groaned. “Oh fuck, yes, that feels so good,” he said, his hand gripping her waist.

Raina continued on her downward trajectory, pausing when she reached Shannon's chest. “Tell him about it,” she prompted, biting down on the salty skin there and causing Shannon to moan again. “Tell him what I'm doing. Tell him how it feels.” She brought her mouth to his nipple, causing him to whimper.

“Oh shit, you are making me so fucking hard Raina,” he panted, winding his fingers into her hair. “She's got her mouth on my nipple, she's sucking it and biting it twirling her tongue all around it and it feels fucking amazing.” Shannon stopped to pant for a minute and Raina's had drifted over the skin of his hip, moving down until it was under his balls, squeezing them softly as her mouth moved to the other nipple. “Ungh,' Shannon exhaled and fought to get his words back. “She's got her hand on my balls now, she's working them so good with that talented hand of hers. I bet you wish it was on you instead." Shannon groaned again as Raina squeezed a little harder. “You feel that, Goddess?” he told her, turning his dialogue back to her. “How tight and full they are? That's all for you, that's all because of you. Fuck I want you so bad right now.”

Raina murmured against his chest, turning her head to catch her breath. Shannon was jumping into this with both feet, seeming to love making the running commentary on her actions. She wondered if he was just naturally this verbal during sex, if maybe someone had convinced him to shut up at some point. They were going to have to have a talk about it because it was turning her on beyond belief now. She brought her hand up a bit, wrapping it around his impressive shaft, gathering up the fluid that had escaped its tip before making a few long slow passes along its length.

“Fuuuck.” Shannon's head was thrown back and his chest was heaving. Raina realized she wasn't the only one that had gotten spun up by their little game. “She's got her hand around my cock now,” he narrated with a growl, his hips pushing him faster against her moving palm. “Fuck I am so hard, and she feels so amazing. I'm feeling her hand but I'm picturing what it's going to feel like, being buried in that sweet, hot little cunt of hers." He tilted his head forward, looking at Raina's hand as it passed over him. “Oh Goddess my Goddess,” he whimpered, “More, please.”

She heard Jared make a noise behind them, but she didn't turn around. Shannon had waited patiently while her attention had been on Jared. Now it was Jared's turn to wait. She dropped to her knees, her hand never leaving Shannon's throbbing shaft. She decided there had been enough teasing today and simply swirled her tongue over the tip of him, enough to get him slick, before taking as much of his length into her mouth as she could.

“Dammit, oh God dammit, oh fuck....” Shannon's narration dissolved into exclamations and moans as he lost himself to the attentions of Raina's mouth. She swirled her tongue across the underside of his cock, feeling him twitch in response, and gave him a minute to pick his dialogue up again. When he didn't resume it, she gave the inside of his thigh a sharp smack.

“Ah, fuck,” he responded with a whine, but he seemed to understand why he was being corrected and immediately began his description again. “Man, she's got me down her throat now. You know how fucking good with her mouth she is,” He groaned again as Raina sped up her movements, working his thick base with her hand while her head dipped and glided over him. “Fuck Goddess, you are so fucking amazing, mmph.” She changed the way she was devouring him, moving so that his head was trapped between her tongue and the roof of her mouth, sucking in deeply while she undulated her tongue against him.

“FUCK!” Shannon's verbalization became a shout. “She's doing that thing with her tongue on the tip and oh my GOD!” Shannon shuddered and Raina pulled away quickly, realizing how close to his climax he was. She was so deeply aroused herself by now that she wouldn't have been surprised to find a puddle underneath her. Her pussy was throbbing for attention and her head was was fuzzy with lust. Time to change this game up.

Raina turned around so that she was facing Jared again, kneeling at his feet and running her hands up the inside of his legs. He jumped at the contact and then moaned, no doubt hoping his turn had come. Raina wasn't quite ready to give him that, however. “Well, baby,” she said, pausing to draw her tongue teasingly up the inside of his thigh and watching him shudder in response. “You've gotten to hear what was going on in his head but I had my mouth full so I couldn't tell you what was going on in mine. I'm so sorry. Let me make it up to you.” She saw a smirk forming on Jared's face, no doubt because he thought she was about to blow him too. Instead, she reached over into the bag, fished out a condom and tossed it to Shannon. “Shannon's going to fuck me now and I'm going to tell you all about it.”

She smiled back at Shannon who was already rolling the condom into place. She adjusted her position in front of Jared, letting her hands come to rest on his thighs while Shannon moved into place behind her.

“Oh yeah, I can feel those big hands of his on my hips, moving me so that I'm just how he wants me,” Raina purred. She remembered how stirred up Jared had gotten with their phone sex, she knew he had a weakness for this and she was good at dirty talk. She was going to leave him a puddle without ever doing more than bracing herself against him. “Mmm, he's got one hand at my pussy now, sliding his fingers over me, making sure I'm nice and wet and ready for him. And I am. I am so fucking wet and ready. I can't wait to feel that gorgeous cock of his slamming into me.” She whimpered as she felt Shannon's head moving against her, sliding between her soaking lips until he was slick too, then lining himself up at the mouth of her channel. “Oh fuck, he's right there Jared, I can feel him at my entrance. I want him so bad I swear I think I'm going to cum the minute he slides into me.”

Shannon's hips began to move forward, filling her millimeter by millimeter. “God, he's going so slow, he's teasing me, he knows how bad I want it.” She let her head drop forward, knowing her hair was brushing against Jared's own arousal that was inches in front of her. He said nothing but she felt the hitch in his breathing. “Please Shannon, please stop teasing me. Fuck me like the hungry slut I am.”

Her words must have done the trick because Shannon slammed into her then, his whole length filling her at once and she shouted and grabbed hard at Jared's thighs. Shannon took a few shallow strokes, making sure she was ready for him, and then slammed forward again, causing Raina to whimper. “Oh fuck yes, please, take me hard. Come on!” she urged, heat and need taking over. “Mmm, Jared, his fucking dick feels so fucking amazing, so thick and hard, just filling every bit of me.... oh god....” Raina trailed off, words failing her as Shannon pistoned into her again and again. She heard the wet sounds of their bodies slapping together as he fucked her hard, the way she had begged him to. She fought to keep from falling forward into Jared's lap and struggled to continue verbalizing her experience for Jared's torment. She figured she could use a little help. “Does my pussy feel good wrapped around you, pumpkin? Tell Jared how it feels to fuck a goddess.”

Shannon groaned and slapped his hand down against Raina's ass, causing her to shudder. “He should be so fucking lucky,” he said, continuing his brutal pace. “She's so tight and hot, I can feel her twitching around me, she's going to cum soon,” He brought his hand down against the firm flesh of her bottom again. “God I love the way that cunt grabs me when I smack her ass.” He kept pounding into her as she groaned in Jared's lap. He was tugging at his bonds, his hips pushing upward desperate for relief. Raina took a little pity on him, reaching up to pull his head into her mouth, lapping up the tangy pre-cum on his tip. Shannon snaked his hand around to her front, circling her clit and making her cry out.

“Fuck yes, you're right there. Come on. Cum for me my goddess, cum for me and make me cum for you. Squeeze down on me and milk every last bit of my cum out you filthy, slutty, beautiful goddess.”

Raina screamed and let her head fall back into Jared's lap, biting into his thigh as her powerful orgasm consumed her. As she felt herself convulsing around Shannon he shuddered and cried out himself, emptying himself into the condom surrounding him. As Raina shook and whimpered and waited to be able to move again she thought she was really, absolutely, definitely going to have to have a talk with Shannon. Having him talk to her like that had made her insane with lust. She wanted more of it.

When Shannon moved away from her Raina sat back on her heels, panting and looking up at Jared. He was breathing hard and his the muscles in his arms were tight with his desire to be loosed from the handcuffs. He had been a good sport and taken his lesson well. Raina knew it was time to reward him now.

 


	27. Chapter 27

Shannon gave Raina a kiss on the cheek. “I'll be back in a minute,” he told her before bounding off to the bedroom. Raina watched him go, taking in the more solid physique of the man who had just fucked her senseless before sighing and turning her attentions to the more lithely built man still blindfolded and secured to the chair in front of her.

“You did so well, sugar,” she said, pulling the blindfold away. Jared chuckled softly at the turnabout in roles. She leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his, sucking his bottom lip between her teeth before letting his tongue invade her, his desire and frustration evident in its ferocity. She reached down and wrapped her hand around his shaft and he moaned into her mouth as she stroked his length, gripping him firmly while his hips arched into her movements. She hoped she wasn't going to regret what she was about to do.

She stepped away from him with a sigh and fished through the bag again, panicking momentarily before finding what she needed. She returned to her spot on her knees in front of Jared and placed little kisses on the insides of his thighs.

“Princess, these cuffs better be coming off soon,” Jared huffed as he watched her work.

Raina continued her journey up his body, momentarily letting her mouth linger on the sculpted skin of his abdomen before answering. “Very soon, Sir.” She heard Jared grumble impatiently as she began switching their roles back. Soon the kisses she was trailing lead her to his mouth, and she filled it this time with a moan of her own, her desire reigniting as she touched him. She'd had her fun. There was a deeper need that was starting to surface now.

She pulled back again, rising to stand in front of him. “Before I turn you loose, I want you to remember something. I am a grownup. I may get things wrong occasionally, but everyone does. You can't start treating me like a child every time I make a mistake.”

“I didn't mean it that way,” Jared said softly.

“Okay,” Raina replied, “I believe you.” She felt the smile creeping across her face as she prepared to continue. “And on that note, remember I am a big girl who knows how to use her big girl words. You said you hold back, that you worry about losing control.” She leaned forward and kiss him again, biting his bottom lip as they both growled in anticipation. “Stop worrying. Are you frustrated now? Have a little pent-up aggression that needs to come out?” Raina purred, her face inches from his, eyes closed. “I fucking hope so. I'm counting on it.” She set a condom and the bottle of lube she had been holding on his lap. “I know what you wanted for a reward earlier. And you can take that. You can take anything you want. Any way you want,” she said breathlessly before moving behind him. She could see his breathing had already sped up again, his chest was heaving and he was flexing his hands in the cuffs as Raina unlocked them. “You just have to catch me first.”

She left him to free himself from the bondage tape that held his legs to the chair and bounded off for the furthest reaches of the house. She briefly considered going outside, the backyard was very private, but ultimately decided against it. If he caught her there things could get loud and privacy fence or not there were neighbors.

“Princess you are in big trouble....” Jared called out from the dining room in a playful voice. Raina figured he must have gotten his legs free. She picked a spot with a good escape route... there had to be a little chase, the chase was half the fun after all.. and waited for him to catch up with her.

Shannon walked past her first. He had slipped into a pair of Jared's pajama pants and had a couple of bottles of water in his hands. He handed one to Raina with a smirk and kept on walking. Raina giggled silently and took a big drink.

When Jared finally showed up he had that pillowcase in his hand and it looked a lot more full than it had when Raina had left it sitting on the dining room floor. Her bottom lip caught behind her teeth as she wondered what he had in mind.

“Well well, baby girl.” Jared's pupils were huge and his voice was thick was lust. Raina knew she had pushed him right to the edge. “It's time for you to pay for your little game.”

“Really?” Raina purred in return. “Do you think you can make me appreciate the error of my ways?” She clucked her tongue and shook her head. “I've been pretty naughty after all. It's going to take a lot to correct me.”

The noise that came from Jared was purely animal, a growl that came from the deepest recesses of his chest as he ran his tongue over his teeth and leered at her. “You don't need to push me any further, Princess. You're already in enough trouble.”

Raina shifted from side to side, waiting for Jared to advance. When he finally began to step towards her she slipped around him, tearing off down her pre-planned escape route and causing Jared to swear and run after her. She ran through the kitchen and the dining room, knocking the chair Jared had been secured to into the floor in an attempt to slow him down. She laughed as he pursued her, until he finally caught up with her, throwing her face down on the sofa before carefully sitting on her back. She kicked and flailed her arms but had no real desire to get away from him. She just was just enjoying the battle.

Jared brought his hand down against Raina's bare ass, the sound sharp in the empty room. “Settle down now, Princess. It's my turn." He waited until Raina had stopped kicking before standing up. “On your feet too, Princess. And don't you dare try running off again. Like I said, you're already in enough trouble.”

Raina immediately stood up in front of Jared, hands at her sides and eyes down. Her pulse was racing. She so desperately wanted him to let go with her but she was still anxious about whether or not she could truly handle it. Fantasies were one thing. Reality had a way of surprising you.

Jared traced his long fingers down her jaw before tilting her chin up so she was looking into his eyes. They were wild, dangerous and dark with need. She knew she had pushed him into this state. Her chest fluttered and she could feel her palms getting sweaty as some of the bravado left her. Jared let his hand fall away from her chin, tracing it down the curves of her breasts and over to her waist before he removed it completely, sitting down on the sofa with a sigh.

“Come lay down across my lap Baby Girl. We've got a lot of work to do,” he said, setting the filled pillowcase down next to him.

Raina took a deep breath and stretched herself out across Jared. He positioned her differently than he had for her spanking in her bedroom, with himself settled back into the sofa and her legs extended over the cushions. He gave her another quick swat, one that sent electric tendrils straight to her core, before running his hands over her rounded buttocks, squeezing them softly. His hands then slipped lower, his fingers searching out her swollen sex, capturing the remaining moisture there before tracing their way back up to the puckered ring he had been toying with earlier. Raina let out a low groan as he breached the tight muscle, one slender digit laying the foundation for what Raina was sure was coming.

“Remember, Princess, not a word unless you are spoken to. Do I make myself clear?” Jared's voice was gravelly with lust but firm.

“Yes, Sir,” Raina responded, her legs falling open for him. Jared reached into the makeshift bag that he had placed near her head and pulled out the small bottle of lube. It felt cool when it hit her fevered skin, and she groaned again, relieved to no longer be concerned with keeping quiet. By the time the third finger had joined in stretching out that entrance she was mewling into the upholstery beneath her.

Jared pulled his fingers back, chuckling. Raina took a deep breath, knowing by now that when he laughed like that she was in for it. She watched as he reached into the pillowcase again, digging around before pulling out a plug, different than the one he had used before. This one was made of a soft, almost plastic-looking material and was much larger than the pretty rose-gold one.

“Try and relax now, Princess,” he teased, adding more lube to her skin and presumably the plug, although she could no longer see it from the angle she was at. She sighed when it's head nudged against her, slipping easily forward since she was so well prepared. As the bulb thickened, however, his progress slowed and Raina found herself gritting her teeth and fighting to stay relaxed. Jared rocked it in and out, making slow but steady progress, but every time Raina thought she had gotten to the largest part there was more. She was covered in a light sheen of sweat and one leg had begun to twitch when Jared gave it another push, and Raina began to panic, certain she couldn't take any more of the invader, no matter how much lube he used or how slowly he went.

“Fuck, oh fuck, it's too big, I can't.... “ words were just tumbling from her mouth as she gripped the cushion underneath her a little tighter. Her brain felt like it was full of sizzling loose wires, and she tried to slow her breathing down.

“None of those was a safe word, Raina,” Jared chastised, but he halted the advancement of the plug momentarily. “And I don't believe I spoke to you so I don't know why your mouth is open. Do I need to bring out a gag? I believe the one you packed earlier is still in that bag.”

Raina fought to decide what she wanted. Was she already ready to give up? This had been her scenario, she had thought she wanted this, she had deliberately taunted Jared so he would push her limits. “No, Sir,” she ultimately replied, realizing she was still okay but out of her comfort zone. That was where she wanted him to take her after all, she reminded herself.

“And what color are we?”

She hoped she wouldn't regret saying it. “Green, Sir.”

“Good. Now shut up and take the rest of this like a good girl.” Jared pulled the plug back slightly and then without further warning pushed the remainder of it inside her in one smooth motion. Raina cried out but realized her assessment had been right, she had already been past the thickest part of it. She panted and whimpered and waited for her body to calm down and accept the intrusion.\ “There you go princess, that should leave you nice and ready for me when the time comes.” He reached over her and retrieved something else from the bag but Raina was too focused on trying to relax to catch what it was. Jared began running his hands over the smooth skin of her behind, making satisfied little purring noises as he pulled her cheeks apart, examining his work. He tapped the head of the plug a few times, causing Raina to groan, before running his hand down into her damper recesses, making several passes over her throbbing clit. The stimulation helped relax her, sending warm little tendrils out to her limbs and causing the hunger in her core to blot out the other distractions. Too soon, however, he pulled his hand away.

“Now, Raina, I'd ask you if you know why we're here, but quite frankly, you haven't broken any rules. All you've done is spin me up and then offer yourself to me for my amusement. So I'm going to amuse myself.”

The first blow took her by surprise. She wasn't sure what hit her, only that it wasn't his hand. She gasped and gripped the cushion again, unsure what was about to happen.

“Did you like that, baby girl? Would you like another?” Before Raina could answer there came another impact, harder than the first, one that made her moan from behind clenched teeth. “Yes,” Jared said, the teasing tones back in his voice, “I thought you'd enjoy that little purchase. It's such a pretty thing.” He held a paddle in front of her face, black leather with a series of studs. She wondered where he'd been hiding it, she certainly hadn't seen that in the toy chest. He pulled it back and rubbed it over the firm crescents of her ass. “Mmm, yes,” he purred to himself, “I think I like this toy very much.”

Again and again, he brought the paddle down against her bottom, causing her to see stars as the large plug inside her shifted and pushed against her walls. Her instinct was to put her hands behind her, to try to shield the soft skin from the blows he was raining down on her. But she remembered his previous admonishments and knew that she would risk injuring her hands if they were to suddenly appear in Jared's way before he could halt the paddle's path. She could feel a sob welling up in her chest, the fire in her backside starting to circumvent her self-control, when mercifully Jared stopped, returning again to running his hands over the now smarting flesh.

“Oh yes, Princess. You should see what a pretty shade of red you are.” Raina sniffled. She could feel tears that had escaped her eyes, running silently down her cheeks but she hadn't broken into outright sobbing. She was proud of herself. She relaxed her grip on the cushion underneath her a bit and took a deep breath.

“Up,” Jared commanded, giving her a far gentler swat with his open hand. She quickly complied, ignoring the shifting bulb inside of her until she was standing in front of Jared while he adjusted his position on the couch. “Now that I've given you that paddling I've been promising you, I think it's time to do something about that mouth of yours. On your knees, slut.”

Raina was a little surprised to have Jared call her that, that was something that generally only Shannon did, but they were changing things up after all. She dropped to her knees in front of him, eyes down, and waited for further instructions. She noticed the way her ass stung when it bumped against the backs of her heels and groaned at the feeling of the huge plug again shifting inside her. She also noticed how wet she was, how deeply aroused, how much her heart was thundering. She still hadn't wrapped her head around the psychology of any of this, and she suspected she needed to do that soon. But for now, she was content to fill her immediate needs, and to see that Jared's were filled too. For all his talk about control she strongly suspected that he needed something rougher, something wilder sometimes too. He certainly hadn't shied away when she had lain the opportunity at his feet.

Jared grabbed Raina's chin and tilted her face up to his with a smirk. “You had so much fun telling me how it felt to let my brother fuck you, so I think we'll shut down your mouthy nonsense for a while.” He looked her face over and shook his head. “I'd tell you to dry those tears but we're just going to make more so don't bother.” With that, he grabbed the hair at the back of her head and hauled her forward. “Hands behind your back and leave them there unless you're ready to tap out. I assume we're green?”

“Yes, Sir,” Raina said, ready for whatever he was going to do.

“Good. Open up.” Jared pushed his waiting erection into Raina's mouth far more slowly than she would have predicted. She swirled her tongue up the underside as he slid forward, enjoying the taste of him, knowing she wouldn't be allowed the luxury of these slow passes for long. With a moan she bobbed her head along his length, hollowing her cheeks and taking him in while she watched him carefully. His eyes were on her, and he was making pleasurable little noises in his chest, letting Raina know that he had been craving her contact as much as she had wanted to give it to him. She was still looking into his eyes when his expression changed and she knew the real fun was about to start. He grabbed the back of her head, holding her in place as his hips took over setting their rhythm. He gave her a few shallow strokes before slamming himself as far back into her throat as she could take him, causing Raina to splutter and choke. He would withdraw just long enough for her to gasp in all the air she could before repeating the process, hitting the back of her throat for several deep and fast thrusts that left Raina's eyes brimming over with tears again. The longer it went on the more her eyes and throat burned and her jaw ached, and she became dimly aware of the drool that had begun to run down her chin and collect on her chest. She loved the feeling of being pushed to her limits, it was turning her on far more than anything else had, but now she was overcome with a desperate need for him to fuck her. Her clit throbbed and her wet thighs ached to have him between them.

Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore Jared once again stopped, pulling her off of him. “That's enough blubbering, Princess. Get up here,” he told her, gesturing to the sofa. Raina took in a few deep, shuddering breaths and stood, unsure exactly how he wanted her to position herself. Jared grumbled and pushed her forward so that her knees were on the cushions. He put her hands on the back of the sofa and then rustled around behind her. She realized he was putting on a condom. He drew his sheathed head between her folds a few times before pushing into her, filling her slowly as he advanced.

“Fuck....” Raina could stop herself from moaning as his thick length invaded her, the fullness of having him push against the plug in her other channel pushing her limits. Her senses were in overdrive, the raw skin of her ass screaming as he bumped against it and something hot and electric burning in the network of nerves that lined her sex and bunched behind her clit. She gripped the back of the sofa as tightly as she could, her eyes closing as pain and pleasure intermingled and overtook her. This was it. That was what she been wanting and falling just short of. She hoped Jared understood now what she was capable of.

Jared gripped her hips tightly as he drove into her, pushing her closer to oblivion with every stroke. She could hear him moaning too, she could only imagine how all that tightness and pressure felt against him. “Fuck, baby girl...” he said, leaning forward and biting down on her shoulder. She shuddered against him, fighting not to cum before she thought she could get permission. She knew he wasn't done yet. When he pulled out of her with a sigh, she hoped he was getting there.

“All right, Princess, it's now or never. Time for me to claim that ass.” She felt him tugging on the plug, rocking it gently back and forth before slowly withdrawing it altogether. He added some more lube before lining himself up at the puckered circle.

“Are you ready for this, Princess?” he asked her. “Are we still green?”

“Oh yes, Sir,” Raina replied enthusiastically. She heard him chuckle as he pressed his head against her, easily gliding into her already stretched channel. If she thought that was going to continue, however, she was mistaken. Being stretched by a plug, no matter how large, was very different than having a cock inside you, especially one of Jared's size and length. She could feel her body straining as he advanced, muscles burning in protest as they fought against the swell of him. She began to doubt again that she could handle it, she was whining behind closed teeth, head down concentrating on keeping her muscles relaxed. But then he was in, making shallow little strokes as he gripped her hips and grumbled.

“Jesus, Princess, you are so fucking tight but you took me right in, didn't you? You're such a greedy little slut.” He took one longer, deeper stroke and Raina shuddered. “Aren't you, Princess? Answer me.”

“Yes, Sir,” Raina whimpered. She could feel the heat in her core building again as he continued, and she was completely lost to the sensations when she felt a set of fingertips underneath her chin. Her eyes flew up and she saw Shannon standing there, grin on his face.

“Not so cocky now, are you slut?” he said with a laugh. Jared took that moment to slam into Raina hard, causing her to cry out and push forward until her head was resting against Shannon's bare chest.

“Her mouth is free if you want it,” Jared offered with a cackle. Raina looked up at Shannon pleadingly, hoping he wouldn't take Jared up on his proposition.

“Nah, man, she's all yours.” He bent forward so that he could look closely into Raina's eyes, which at this point, she was sure were periodically rolling into the back of her head. “Still green, Raina?” he asked softly.

She nodded and managed a weak “Yes, Sir,” in reply before another moan tore its way out of her chest. She was so fucking close. She wondered if Jared was going to let her cum.

“Okay then, I'm going to go start the tub,” Shannon told them before walking off again.

Jared smacked his hand down on Raina's ass as Shannon walked off. “If you can still speak I'm not doing something right.” He wound her hair around his fist and pulled back, arching her back so she couldn't pull away from him. “Hold on Princess. It's going to get bumpy.”

Jared grabbed her waist with his free hand and slammed his hips into her, causing her to mewl in protest. He continued at a brutal pace, impaling her on his thick shaft while she shuddered and whined, losing all remaining control. When his hand found the hard kernel of nerves at her sex she screamed, wanting to beg for permission to cum, knowing that she couldn't stop it now if she tried, and unable to summon the words to say any of it. Fortunately Jared, in his experience knew what was needed.

“Yes, Princess, I know you need it. Cum for me now but make it quick. I won't wait to finish.” His voice was a growl at her ear, and he released her hair so that he could move his hand to her throat. He gripped her firmly as she came apart, convulsing as waves of pleasure threatened to drown her. His own release was marked with a hoarse cry, his hand moving to her shoulder so he could dig in and grip her tightly and keep her from falling away from him. Once he released her she collapsed, letting herself fall back onto the sofa while Jared sank to the floor in front of it. She wasn't sure how long she waited there until Shannon reappeared, scooping her up and carrying her back to the bathtub.

 


	28. Chapter 28

 

Shannon got Raina settled into the bath before climbing in with her, positioning himself so that she could lean back against his chest. She snuggled into him, enjoying the fuzzy high she was on, while she replayed the day's events in her head.

“You need to do that more often,” she told him as he tucked her hair over one shoulder and placed a gentle kiss at her throat.

“Do what?” Shannon chuckled softly. “Kiss your throat?”

“No," she purred, "talk to me like you did earlier. You are so good that. Holy shit that was hot.”

Shannon laughed and pulled her in tighter. “You too. That was amazing." He nuzzled her neck, the stubble on his chin tickling her damp skin and making her giggle. "My girl has such a dirty mouth."

They were still cuddling under the bubbles when Jared finally appeared, silently setting the bag of toys on the bathroom counter before starting the shower. His displeasure was obvious and the atmosphere in the small room immediately changed. Raina wasn't sure what to say to him but she sat up, pulling away from the comfort of Shannon's chest in anticipation. Jared took the used plug out of the bag and grabbed a small bottle of detergent, soaping up the toy and washing it thoroughly before setting it out on the counter to dry.

Once the toy had been cleaned Jared looked down, lost in thought, before moving over next to the tub and kneeling so that he was at eye level with Raina.

“How are you, princess?” He asked matter-of-factly.

Raina didn't like the look on his face but she was confused as to what it actually meant. “I'm fine, Sir,” she replied. “How are you?”

Jared ignored her question. “You're not hurt?”

“No, of course not,” Raina said. She could already feel the achiness setting in, from her tender neck that had been ruthlessly devoured during their game, to a well-paddled bottom and aching muscles. But she wasn't actually injured, maybe just overused, and she didn't understand his almost grave manner. “I'm just a little sore, Sir. That's all.”

Jared sighed. “You're going to be a lot more than a little sore. I know damn well you aren't used to playing at the level we have been this weekend.” He stood up, shaking his head, before turning to enter the shower but stopped short. “I have limits too,” he added softly, “and I think that maybe you need to start thinking about what it is you actually want from me.” Before Raina could say anything else he climbed under the steamy water.

Raina turned and looked back at Shannon, a sour taste already starting to fill her mouth. She wasn't sure which line she had crossed, the day had been wild and too many different things had happened. She had wanted to push things, to try her own limits, and she thought Jared had been on board with all of it. The thought of having upset him, or perhaps having disappointed him, was making her stomach turn. Instantly all the bliss she had been basking in was gone.

“Hey,” Shannon said, cupping her cheek when her eyes fell, “it's fine. He's just upset about losing.”

Raina shook her head. “I don't think so. I think it's more than that,”

Shannon pulled her back against his chest, the solid warmth reassuring her even if it didn't restore her earlier high. “It will be fine. I promise,” he said, kissing the top of her head before reaching for the shampoo. “ He just needs a few minutes. Let's get cleaned up.”

as he poured the fruity shampoo into his hands, Raina had to admit it was nice to have the chance to do this with Shannon. He was naturally so cuddly and playful, and this was a different sort of intimacy for them. They took turns washing each other's hair and soaping up their tired limbs, and by the time Jared stepped back out of the shower Raina was clean and relaxed, reassured and ready to face him.

Jared took the time to dry off and spent some time fussing around in the bedroom before returning in a pair of track pants, fresh towel in hand. “Come on out of there, Princess, before you prune up,” he directed. As Shannon had predicted, his demeanor had softened from earlier and Raina hoped that meant that he wasn't truly angry with her. She rose up and stepped out of the tub, Jared enveloping her in the surprisingly warm towel as soon as she did so. He pulled her against his chest for a moment before beginning to dry her and Raina inhaled deeply, taking in the clean soapy smell of him. “Let's get you taken care of before those muscles start to stiffen up on you.”

He got Raina situated face down on the bed, on top of another towel and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. As much as Raina didn't want to spoil the atmosphere she couldn't really relax not knowing if Jared was upset with her. “Is everything okay?” she ventured carefully.

“There are things we need to talk about,” he replied, picking up a small plastic container. As he opened it and rubbed some on his hands the scent of Raina's favorite Karma body cream filled her nostrils. “Let me do this with you for now.”

Jared's hands felt amazing on her, working out the knots that had already started to form in the short trip between the bathtub and the bed. She relaxed into his heavenly touch, completely unconsciousness about lying naked and exposed in front of him. “I'm afraid you're going to have a few new bruises,” he told her as his hands passed over the rounded flesh of her bottom. He was gentler as he worked his way around the area but she still winced a bit at the contact. “Nothing like that other set but it may turn a little purple.” Jared rolled her over so that she was on her back now and he surveyed her with a small frown. “That neck of yours though...”

Raina reached up and ran her fingers over the delicate skin, noticing the tenderness. “You're both to blame for that one”

“Sorry,” Shannon said, walking in with more water and some fruit which he offered to Raina. “You guys want to order some pizza or something? I'm starving.”

“Why didn't you eat pancakes?” Jared asked.

“Because I wasn't hungry then. I seem to have worked up an appetite now.” He turned around and walked back out of the bedroom. “I'm ordering pizza,” he called back over his shoulder.

Jared smiled down at Raina as he put the lid back on her jar of body cream. “This stuff smells amazing,” he told her. “It smells even better on your skin. I will buy you a gross of the stuff if you promise to keep using it.”

Raina sat up with a smile and took the small container away from him. “It's my favorite, I use it most days already. It's not too girly, do you want me to rub you down too? I'd really like that.” Jared didn't answer, just smiled and took her place on the towel. While Raina worked the citrus and patchouli scented cream into his skin she thought about what Jared had asked her. What did she want from him? That had been the recurring question since the moment he barreled into her at that photo shoot, and every time she tried to pin the answer down it kept changing. As difficult as it was to admit it she was developing real feelings for Jared, She was developing real feelings for both of them. She needed to start deciding what that meant.

When Raina had finished rubbing Jared down he sat up against the pillows on the bed and motioned for her to come to him. He wrapped up in his arms and rubbed his hands over her softened and perfumed skin. “Thank you for letting me do that,” he said, brushing his lips against her nose. “I needed to reconnect with you. I feel much better now.”

Raina sat up. “I'm sorry,” she told him. “If I upset you earlier or pushed you to do something you didn't want to. That's not what I intended.”

“It's mostly my fault,” he conceded. “I was a little over the top in trying to force you into telling me things you clearly either weren't ready to didn't want to. You're right. I don't tell you everything that goes through my head and I'd be unhappy if I suddenly had to. Everyone has an internal process. It's not the same as keeping secrets and I should know better.”

Raina nodded. “I want to tell you everything. I do. I'm actually really struggling with that. Not just because I have all these boundaries and I don't let people in in general, but because I am finding myself wanting so much to please you. I am stubborn and contrary and so help me, all I want to do lately is give you everything you want.”

Jared turned that over quietly in his head before responding. “Why do you think you're struggling with that, Raina?”

Raina sighed. He was doing it again, asking her questions he probably already had the answers to. She recognized the tactic, he was making her work through things for herself, much like the therapist she had been seeing after her mother died. She had to admit that so far it was working. “It's so different than the way I normally am. It doesn't quite feel like me. It feels like I'm going to lose myself.”

“I think that maybe you feel like you're going to lose yourself because you don't have a strong sense of who you are anymore,” Shannon said, coming back into the room and sitting down on the bed. “And that doesn't have anything to do with Jared. Or me, for that matter. It's the way you've been avoiding engaging with the rest of the world. You're just going through the motions.” He handed her a bottle of Advil. "Here, take a few of these now. Trust me."

Raina poured a couple of the small caplets into her hand and reached for her water to wash them down with. As much as she could count on Jared to push her through her thought processes, Raina could also count on Shannon to come along and give her a reality check when she most needed it. She knew she was holding a lot back. Of course, it made sense that that would affect her relationships with Jared and Shannon. “Maybe,” she conceded.

“No, not maybe. Definitely,” Shannon chuckled. Something in the way he said it made Raina feel like it was already a done deal, like the battle was over and she had lost.

“So I've lost myself already. It's too late.” Raina said in defeat.

Shannon rolled his eyes. “Stop quitting. I don't think you used to be this way at all. I think you fought and fought and fought and then you came out here, started something new, and pretended like the fight was over. You just tucked your head down and went wherever the wind took you.” He reached over and took her hand. “Don't try to deny it. It's one of my signature moves. I know it too well.”

Raina sighed and laid her head back down on Jared's chest. Apparently, kinky sex and psychotherapy were surprisingly intertwined. At least for her. Then again she was a mess, she had known that for a long time, it didn't seem too unthinkable that this sort of personal growth would have bled over into whatever outlet it could find. She quieted that inner quitter and braved forward. “Jared you asked me what I wanted from you. And the truth is I'm still figuring it out. Maybe I should ask what you want from me, because it seems like, today at least, you didn't get it.”

Jared frowned at her, his blue eyes crinkled in thought. “Like I said, today was mostly my fault. I started off trying to prove a point I shouldn't have been trying to prove in the first place, and I set up a game that I wasn't prepared to face the consequences of if I lost.”

“I thought you were okay with it. You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

“I tried to be. I tried to be a good sport.” His eyes were downcast now and Raina realized that what she had taken for anger was, at least in large part, embarrassment. “I mean there were things that I liked. But I feel like we haven't established enough who is supposed to be in control and then there we were, changing it up. I wasn't ready for it. And I really wasn't ready for the rougher play afterward.”

It was Raina's turn to frown now. “Okay, that I don't understand at all. You always seem to like it when things get rougher, you always say you have to fight not to lose control. I thought you'd love having a chance to cut loose.”

“Princess, that was not me cutting loose,” Jared said darkly. “You are not ready for that, no matter what you think.” He shifted around for a minute and took a few drinks of water before continuing. “I enjoy guiding you. I enjoy moving through this experience with you. It's sort of amazing to me to watch you discover all these things about yourself for the first time. And yes, that's an extra element of control for me, but I'm not going to start apologizing for liking that. I think we've been pretty clear that that is my thing. But we have yet to find any of your limits, and that really concerns me.”

“Why? I would tell you if I wasn't fine.”

“Would you? I don't know that. You don't even know that at this point. Look at your neck. Look how far you let us push you to prove a point, so you could be right. Look at the way you reacted when I was putting that plug in. For that at least you should have called yellow, but all I got was a series of complaints. I don't want to guess if you're okay, Raina. I need to know. And I need you to know it too. You can't be so caught up in being stubborn and right, or in being afraid to disappoint me that you let yourself get hurt, physically or mentally. We have got to be able to trust each other.”

Raina felt her stomach souring again. She had tried to so hard to live up to what she thought were Jared's expectations, to be what she thought he wanted her to be that she had ended up disappointing him anyway. “I'm sorry,” she said, feeling her eyes starting to swim. “I just can't seem to stop breaking your trust in me.”

“Hey, now.” Shannon leaned in and scooped Raina up, pulling her back into his lap. “It's not all that bad. I certainly enjoyed myself today. And you did too, and so did Jared more than he cares to admit right now.”

Raina looked over at Jared who sighed and rubbed her calf. “Yeah, some of that was pretty damn amazing. We'll just keep working through it, baby girl. We'll get there.”

Shannon tilted her head to his and pulled her in for a kiss, his tongue passing over her still swollen lips. His warmth immediately melted her and she sighed against him, remembering the lust drunk way she had snuggled into him earlier. Even though he pushed and challenged her, his very presence was reassuring. “I'll get better,” she said, breaking the kiss. “No more phoning it in. I promise.”

“Can I get some of that?” Jared asked, holding out his arms. Raina shifted until she was caught in his embrace as well, tugging his own swollen lips between her teeth.

"I don't know if this is the best time, but there's something else we should probably talk about," Shannon said. Raina broke off the kiss with Jared and turned to him. and he smiled and took her hand. When it looked as if he was about to add something else the doorbell rang.

"Nevermind," Shannon said, shuffling off the bed to go and collect his pizza. "It can wait."

 

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

Raina was a mess Monday morning as she tried to get ready for work. Everything ached, and not in that tingly, pleasant way it had after their previous encounters, but actual hurt. The muscles in her arms that had strained against her bindings screamed when she lifted them in the shower, her bottom stung when the water hit it and every tender membrane seemed to be on fire. She didn't know if she was angrier at herself for not thinking things through or angrier at Jared for being right.

The bruising on her neck wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be, and she wondered vaguely how long her health had been off. She couldn't remember the last time she had bounced back this quickly. She would still need a pashmina for a few days but it was nothing shocking. Cassie might even be able to cover it up for her.

She downed a few Tylenol, grabbed some fruit from the refrigerator and headed into the studio. She passed the little vegetarian cafe that Jared had bought her breakfast from previously and on impulse, pulled into the lot. She was surprised at how normal the menu looked. Growing up on a farm she had somehow always imagined vegan and vegetarian food to be some exotic mishmash of tofu and weird vegetables she had never heard of, but these were mostly the same recipes she had grown up with, undoubtedly tweaked just a little bit. She saw the daily special was listed as vegan french toast with a cranberry compote and ordered it, along with some tea. The cashier that took her order was friendly and answered her questions about the recipes with an enthusiastic smile – apparently it was flour and something called nutritional yeast taking the place of the egg that was traditionally used in the preparation – and in a few minutes Raina was back in her car, with a container of yummy smelling breakfast on the seat next to her. This was one area she didn't mind admitting Jared had been correct about. Even if she was never going to learn to cook a thing she could still make better choices about what she was eating.

Work was the same as always, although Val seemed a bit more relaxed than he had been the last month. She wished he would confide in her a little bit what was going on, but she realized how hypocritical that was of her. She never spoke of her personal life to him at all either, not even in the most general or guarded of ways. She got that it was work, but she wondered if maybe they weren't drawing the boundaries a bit too strictly. She doubted however that Val would be open to change and she certainly didn't want to aggravate him by telling him how to live his life.

By the time she got back home for the day she was moving stiffly and the stairs to her apartment seemed to have increased eleven-fold. She started a warm bath before anything else, then poured herself a glass of wine. She heard the notification on her phone telling her there was a text waiting and she scooped it up and carried it with her. Once her bathtub had been turned into a bubbly, perfumed, candlelit oasis she set her wineglass down on the ledge and climbed in. The heat and the alcohol rapidly relaxed her tense muscles and she began to feel better right away.

Once her glass of wine was nearly finished she reached for her phone. Unsurprisingly the text was from Jared. “How was your day, Princess?” Raina smiled typed up her reply, “It was a typical Monday. I'm enjoying a glass of wine and a bath now,” she replied. He responded quickly, which told her he was finished with his day as well, and soon they had a conversation going.

 

Raina chuckled at their ridiculousness. Neither one of them really knew how to give an inch, but they were growing more comfortable with that dynamic. It worked for them in a strange way. She took another drink of her wine before continuing.

 

 

 

Raina shook her head, knowing where that question was leading. They were back to their old pattern of letting things devolve into sexual innuendo minutes into the conversation. This time she didn't mind as much but she hoped she had made it clear how tired and achy she was. She was formulating her reply when her phone rang, Jared's impatient nature obviously kicking into overdrive.

“Yes sir, I am in the bathtub,” she greeted him.

Jared laughed softly. “I'm sorry, baby girl. You should know by now how much I love to see you all wet and soapy.”

“Do you want to see, sir?” she asked with a purr. Her body may have been exhausted and out of the fight but the arousal center in her brain awakened at the sound of Jared's voice.

“You know I do. I will always want to see as much of you as I can. You are so beautiful,” he complimented.

Raina could feel her cheeks heating. She had always felt just pretty enough, nothing special, nothing that got her any extra attention, but enough that she at least didn't get passed over. Jared and Shannon had a way of making her feel like a goddess, as if she were always the most beautiful woman in every room. She didn't really believe them, she was sure her appearance hadn't drastically changed in the time that she met them, but she appreciated the way they treated her. It was like living a pleasant fantasy. She chose to play along. Carefully she positioned herself underneath the bubbles, stretching out her torso and turning her waist for the most flattering look. Once she had snapped the pic she sent it to Jared, awaiting his response.

“My God, baby girl, you just get more stunning every day,” he exhaled appreciatively when he received the image.

“Thank you, sir,” she replied demurely. She could feel her mindset changing from her hectic day, and her focus began to fall to the dynamic between them. “I'm glad you like it.”

“Very much so,” he growled. “This tour is so close. I'm going to miss you so much while I'm gone.”

Raina had been trying very hard not to think about Jared and Shannon's impending absence. It was bad enough she had let herself grow close to them, but now they were about to leave, and she was to be alone again just when she was realizing that alone wasn't a place she wanted to be anymore. “I'm going to miss you too,” she choked out and she knew Jared had to notice the warble in her voice.

“Hey now, no need for that,” he chastised. “It's not for a while yet. And I was thinking maybe you could fly out and join us a few times, when your schedule allows. Would you like that?” He added the last part almost shyly, and Raina remembered that this vulnerability wasn't any easier for him than it was for her. He just put a braver face on it.

“I'd actually like that a lot,” she confessed. She realized she had never really told Jared how much she had dreamed of traveling, or that that particular hope had been dashed along with her other dreams. “I've always wanted to travel, but I put it off for other things when I had the chance and doing that has been a big regret for me.”

“Well after I introduce you to Emma I'll have her get with you to make arrangements. It's a European tour, so the flights will be long and you'll want to make sure you have enough time off to enjoy yourself. You can pick any of the cities you want, but Emma can show you which dates would be the least hectic for us.”

Raina was relieved to know that their time apart would be tempered somewhat and excited at the prospect of seeing new places. Her mood lifted immediately. “It sounds amazing,” she gushed. “I can't wait.”

“Well don't get too impatient,” Jared laughed. “It means we'll be gone and I won't get to hold that gorgeous body of yours as much as I want to.” Raina heard him sigh and close a door. “Let me see a little more of it. How about a nice shot of those fabulous tits of yours? Or I guess I should say mine now, shouldn't I Princess?”

Raina rolled her eyes. Of course, the conversation had swung right back to sex. She was in a mood to indulge him, however. “Yes sir, they are. Just a moment.” She positioned herself again and snapped a quick selfie, making sure to give Jared the view he wanted.

“Run your hand over them. The way I would if I were there,” he commanded.

Raina sighed. At least they weren't as sore as the rest of her. She adjusted her bath tray and put Jared on speaker before placing the phone on its flat surface. Adding a little shower gel to her hands first she ran her palms over the wet skin, circling and kneading it just the way that Jared liked to. Her eyes closed and the edge of her lip caught behind her upper teeth. Despite her physical condition, she could feel things stirring in the pit of her stomach and it made the aches seem a little less.

“Are you doing as I told you?” Jared's voice rang out in the steamy room.

“Yes, Sir,” Raina murmured, hoping he wouldn't fail to notice the heavy tones of lust in her reply.

“Good girl,” he told her. “Make sure you pay attention to those nipples. I want them hard as little jewels when you are done.”

Raina kept her eyes closed and let her head fall back, It wasn't hard to imagine Jared here with her, not with his voice ringing out in the little room and the memory of lying against his chest in the big bathtub at his place. As she let the fantasy consume her her sighs and moans increased and her body began to tingle pleasantly. “They are ready for you Sir, just the way you like,” she offered. “I wish you were here with me. I wish I had that divine mouth of yours on them. I love the way you tease them.”

Jared's voice was a honeyed growl when he replied. “And I love the way you whimper and moan when pull them between my teeth. I'd keep you in my bedroom at my private service all day every day if I could.”

It was just a fantasy of course. She could never abandon her life so completely as to give her entire identity over to Jared. She knew that some couples did, that for them that was the optimal way to be in a relationship, but it wasn't for her. She suspected it wasn't for Jared either, in spite of his musings. It didn't hurt to fantasize, however, and she admitted the thought of spending days at his service, fulfilling his every whim did have a certain appeal to her. She didn't want to lose herself in submitting to him, but she wasn't sure how to find the balance she was looking for either.

“Raina? Are you still with me, Princess?” Jared's dulcet tones pulled her back into the moment.

“Yes, Sir. I'm sorry. I was just fantasizing about that suggestion.”

“That's my girl. I knew you would like that,” he purred back. “Let's move one of those hands a little lower. Slide it down your stomach and to the inside of your thigh.”

Anxiously Raina led her hand along the path he had prescribed. So much of her was tender now but she was dangerously close to the the most sensitive and abused parts. “Yes, Sir,” she exhaled, letting him know she had complied.

“You sound tense, Raina,” he teased. “Are things a little sore there this evening?”

“Yes Sir, you know that they are,”

“And who got you into that situation baby girl?”

“I did Sir”

“So should I be denied use of what belongs to me because you made a bad decision?”

“I....” Raina hesitated, her breathing rapid and shallow.

“Answer me, Raina,”

“No, sir,” Raina conceded.

“Then I want those fingers on that pussy. You can be as gentle as you like but I want to hear you moan while you tease that tormented bud of yours.”

Raina bit her lower lip before adjusting her hand and gliding it through the water and toward the aching flesh at her core. She hissed as her fingers brushed against her outer lips, but she didn't want to disobey Jared. Taking a few deep breaths she delved in between the folds, whimpering loudly when her fingertips connected with the sensitized bud of her clit.

“Shhh, that's a good girl,” Jared murmured. “I just want you to remember that that is mine now. That means you'll touch it when I ask you to and only when I ask you to. You are not to touch yourself at any other time. Do you understand me, Raina?”

Raina wondered briefly where that left Shannon in all this. But she understood a bit more clearly now that all of this exchange was an illusion. Jared would only ever have the power over her that she chose to give him, the control was a gift she ceded to him. What actually happened between Shannon and herself when Jared wasn't there wasn't the point. What he needed from her was that fantasy, that idea that he commanded her submission and devotion absolutely. She could pull the plug at any time, not just with a safe word but with every action. There was no need to lose herself. It was her that he wanted. He wanted her to be whole and strong and to give herself to him anyway. She desperately wanted that too, and she was becoming more and more comfortable with that each time she interacted with him. “I understand, Sir,” she finally replied.

“Excellent. You may stop now,” he told her. Raina moved her hand away from her core and dried it off before picking her phone back up. “You're such a good girl,” he added.

“Thank you, Sir,” Raina gushed. She was feeling warm and fuzzy, the bath and the wine mixing with the hormonal soup in her brain to give her a deep feeling of calm and happiness. “Would you like me to do anything else for you?”

“No, that's fine. I just want you to finish your bath and get to bed nice and early. Get a good nights sleep for me baby girl.”

“Good night, Jared,” Raina added wistfully before disconnecting the call.

Once she had drained the bath and dressed in her pajamas she realized she hadn't eaten anything since lunch. As she popped into the kitchen for a quick bite she remembered that Wednesday was beer and pizza night with Cassie. She shot off a quick text inviting both Shannon and Jared to join her, figuring with their busy schedules she would do well to have even one of them show up. Then she made a quick sandwich, took a few more Tylenol, and climbed into bed.

 


	30. Chapter 30

When Raina got into work on Wednesday morning the studio was strangely silent and empty. She brought up the main lights as she passed toward her workstation, swallowing dryly as she scanned the eerily vacant space around her. Before she could get settled in, Val appeared at her side, his brow furrowed.

“Come back to my office and have a seat, Raina. I'm afraid I have some news,” he requested. He didn't wait to see if she complied, simply turning around and retreating to his office. Raina dried her palms on her skirt before following him.

Once she had had a seat across from his desk Val slowly puffed his cheeks and let the air gradually pass through his parsed lips. “You know, the media industry has been going through a lot of changes,” he began. “Traditional media, print publications, have been the hardest hit. We have been trying to reimagine ourselves here and keep up with the times but I'm afraid it just hasn't been enough.”

Raina shifted in her seat, again wiping her sweating palms against the cool fabric of her skirt. This can't be happening the voice in her head thundered but she was certain she knew where all this was going. She tried to keep her breathing slow and even, determined not to let the panic bubbling in her stomach overtake her. The rest of Val's speech roared past her ears like the wash from a jet engine. The publishing company that owned their magazine along with several others was restructuring departments for better efficiency. The art department the studio fell under was being merged with the others and 75 percent of the overall staff from the three were being let go. There was no more job for her here. Her internship for the final portion of her MFA was gone. Her job, her education, pulled out from under her in one swift blow.

“Dammit, Raina, I am so sorry,” Val reached out and placed his hand over hers. He was easily the most distant person Raina had ever worked with and the gesture startled her. “I want you to know I fought hard to keep you. You're the best damn assistant I've had in 20 years in this business.”

“What?” Raina looked at Val in puzzlement. He had always been so gruff with her. She had felt as if she were constantly struggling to please him and consistently disappointing him. It had never occurred to her that her efforts were even noticed, let alone appreciated. “I thought that...”

Val shook his head. “I know. I'm not the easiest boss to have. But you never let it bother you and you were always unfailingly professional and competent, no matter what I threw at you. You always seemed to understand exactly what I wanted. I hate like hell that it is ending this way.” He took his hand back and started shuffling through the folders on his desk “There's a small severance package but...' he cleared his throat as he continued to rifle through the stack, finding one and handing it to her. “There's also a list of some available job opportunities in there that you might be interested in. I'm sorry I don't know if they will meet your internship requirements for your school program, you'll have to check with them on that. There's also a list of some contacts of mine, people in the industry who might be able to assist you if you find yourself struggling. Just tell them I referred you and they'll help you out if they can. I also included the most glowing letter of recommendation I could come up with. I hope it helps. My personal information is in there too, you can call me if you need me to give someone an extra nudge.”

“Wow Val, that's very generous.” Raina was completely blown away by his gesture, and as she clutched the little brown binder in her lap she could feel tears welling up behind her eyes that weren't due to the sudden job loss.

“It's the least I could do after they pulled the rug out from under you like this. Oh and there's something else.” Val reached around to the other side of his desk and pulled out a large deep blue leather portfolio which he handed to Raina. “I want you to have this. I started it when you first started with us. It's all your work, well the best of it anyway. I had intended to fill it until you graduated, to give it to you as a memento of your time here and to show how much you had progressed. I am sorry I won't be able to finish it for you but it does give you something to present to prospective employers.”

Raina smoothed her hand over the expensive leather before opening it up, flipping through the oversized pages to see shots she had set up and taken over the course of the year she had worked there. She could really see how much she had grown under Val's tutelage. It was true he had been a difficult boss but he had been an amazing teacher, and she was bereaved to be losing him, more than the job itself. “This is amazing and so thoughtful. Thank you.”

Val nodded and stood up, their exchange clearly over. “Do you need any help in gathering your things and getting them to your car? I know you keep a few things here in the office. I have some boxes for you....”

“No, thank you. I can manage to pack it all up myself,” Raina responded, walking back to her desk. She was still in a bit of a daze as she looked around, trying to think of what to pack.

Val appeared momentarily with a few boxes which he sat down with a mysterious smile. Raina took the lid off the first one to begin loading her things into it and found it was full of equipment, lenses and filters and one of the older cameras they didn't use very often. “Uhm, Val? There's a camera and things in this one.”

“No there isn't,” Val called back from across the room.

“Yeah, it's one of the old Nikons.”

“No. There's nothing in there,” Val said again more firmly while smiling at her. The lightbulb went on in Raina's head and she couldn't hold back the grin that erupted on her face. The camera was far nicer than any she owned, and the lenses themselves were worth a small fortune. She wasn't sure how he was going to explain their disappearance, probably would write them off in the confusion of combining the various departments, but she was deeply grateful for the gift. As horrible as this morning was, Val's behavior was certainly softening the blow.

Once she was sure she had gathered everything Val walked her out to her car, carrying a third box of god only knew what and tucking it into the back seat with the others once she had loaded them up. She handed him her ID badge before climbing into the driver's seat. “Thank you for the opportunity. Thank you for being such a good teacher,” she said as he leaned in her window.

“Don't let this derail you. It's one small setback and it's nothing to do with you or your talent or abilities. It's just bad luck. I know you're going to go on to great things if you want to.” He gave the car door a couple of raps and then turned to go back inside.

Raina watched him disappear back into the building before her gaze fell back to the steering wheel in front of her. It was just after 10 a.m. on a weekday. She had no idea what to do with herself. The thought of starting her job search immediately sounded way to overwhelming. She scanned the parking lot, wondering why she hadn't registered when she came in how empty it was today. With a sudden clutch of panic, she looked around for Cassie's car, but the powder blue Fiat was nowhere to be seen. She quickly fished her phone out of her bag.

“Raina?” Cassie picked up on the first ring. “Oh my god I've been hanging by the phone waiting for you to call. They wouldn't tell me who was staying and who was being let go....”

“Me.” Raina thought her voice sounded strangely flat and she figured she was still in a bit of a shock. “I was let go.”

“Fuck, Raina, I'm so sorry. They're keeping me...”

“Of course they're going to keep the pregnant lady. They look like real bastards if they don't.”

“But honestly I didn't even care. I probably could have used the time off. I was so worried about you. What is this going to do to your MFA program? Can you find somewhere else?”

“I don't know. It's kind of late. I suppose if worse comes to worse I can work for a year and pick it back up later.”

“No, that's terrible! There has to be something!”

“I don't....” It all rushed in on her then, the enormity to which she was screwed. She didn't make much at the magazine and her savings were meager. She hadn't checked the folder but she was sure her severance package was not particularly generous and there was no way she was going to be able to pay L.A. rent on an unemployment stipend, no matter how modest that little apartment of hers was. She was going to have to find something quickly. She could feel the panic building again, her throat starting to close as her fingers went numb and heart raced, and she had to close her eyes and breathe through to the next moment.

“Raina? Raina!” She could hear Cassie calling to her through the phone, her voice distant. Raina focused on the sound of it until she began to feel in control again.

“I'm here. I'm trying not to freak out but I'm here,” Raina confirmed, her hands shaking.

“Well stop being there and come over here right now. It's beer and pizza night anyway. We can start with the beer early. Well, you can start with the beer. I think I'm having apple juice.”

“I don't know, Cass. It's only ten in the morning and I think maybe I should save my money since I don't know how long this is going to last...”

“Oh don't be ridiculous. You're going to find a new job like that. You're amazing. Besides, no one said you had to spend any money. My treat. Pizza and ice cream and sympathy, free of charge. And all the booze you want too if you choose to go that route. Just get your skinny ass over here.”

Part of Raina wanted to go home and hide under her quilt and watch Netflix. Here was a giant crisis just lying in her way, spilled across the road like an upended gravel truck. It was the perfect excuse to tuck tail and run. But she could hear Val telling her she was bound for great things. She could hear Shannon's voice in her head, telling her to stop quitting. And here was Cassie, a real and true friend, who wasn't looking to take advantage of the situation. A friend who, instead of thinking of herself had immediately worried about Raina's situation, who was standing by with open arms. She was stronger than her fear, she told herself. She wasn't going to fall apart again. The people in her life now weren't the ones that she had chosen then. It was time to find out if she had made better choices this time around.

“I'll be there in an hour. I need to stop by my place and drop some things off first and change.”

“Okay, but you had better mean it. Don't you disappear on me,” Cassie admonished.

“I won't. I promise.”

**********************************

Raina was cross-legged on Cassie's living room floor, halfway through her bottle of wine and laughing hysterically while Cassie described her latest attempt at accommodating her growing belly and function normally when her phone rang. A quick glance at the screen told her it was Shannon.

“Hey handsome,” she giggled into the receiver as she picked it up.

“Well someone is in a good mood,” he responded.

“Oh no. I'm just fighting back panic and hysteria,” Raina told him as her voice steadied.

“Uhm... I'm not sure how to respond to that. What's happening?” Shannon asked.

“Oh, the magazine just laid off three-quarters of its staff. Including me. And that was my internship for my last two semesters for my degree so I'm not just broke, I'm completely screwed. But hey, I've got a bottle of wine and Cassie can't tie her shoes without falling over so it's handled.”

“Uhm... again I'm not sure how to respond to that. I'm really sorry about your job though. I was just calling to see if you still wanted to get together this evening for the pizza thing. We've been working but Jared didn't want you to be alone for the first time you've ever invited us into your life, so he's kicking me out of here to come see you.”

“Aww, my boyfriends are so sweet!” I giggled into the phone. “I'll text you the address.”

“Your friends, they know that...”

“This is all between us. They're cool. Just get your gorgeous ass over here,” I told him. Cassie started laughing again and topped off my wine glass.

“All right, Rainy girl. I'll be over in an hour or so. Are you drinking? Don't get sloppy drunk before I even get to see you, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” Raina responded. “Oh no wait, that's Jared.”

“It's me if that'll get you to listen any better. I'll see you soon.”

*******************************************

When Shannon finally arrived it was closer to two hours later, but when Raina greeted him at the door he had a pastry box in one hand and a huge mixed bouquet in the other.

“What on earth?” Raina exclaimed as he handed her the flowers.

“Those are from Jared. We're sorry you lost your job.” He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as she pulled the card out of the bouquet.

So sorry. Call if you need me. XOXO ~J

Raina clutched the card to her chest and led Shannon through the house to where Cassie was waiting. “You remember Cassidy, right?”

Shannon smiled. “How could I forget? How have you been?”

“Fat,” Cassie said with a smirk. “But not for too much longer. Great flowers Raina. What's that?” She asked as she pointed at the box Shannon was holding.

“Oh. The flowers are from Jared but this is from me. It's one of those pies we got on our second date, the one you loved so much.”

Raina gasped in delight. “The whiskey pecan one from that Chophouse?” Shannon nodded. Raina squealed and took the box from him. “Cassie, get a couple of forks, You're going to love this.”

Cassie laughed and took the flowers from her. “I'll put these in some water first so they don't die before you can take them home.”

Once Cassie had disappeared into the kitchen Shannon slipped his arms around Raina, pulling her close against him before pressing his lips to her forehead. She could feel herself relaxing, a deep sigh winding it's way out from her chest as his scent surrounded her.

“How are you holding up?” he asked gently. Raina shrugged. “It's going to be okay. Don't quit on me.”

Raina couldn't help but roll her eyes. “You know I had a bit of a panic when it started to set in what was actually happening and I could hear you in my head saying that same exact thing.”

“Good. That means I”m getting through that thick skull of yours.”

“Maybe,” she conceded. “I'm not going to pretend like I'm not scared as hell right now. It feels a little bit like I'm back to where I was before I came out here. Like I haven't made any progress at all. But I am kind of realizing I have.”

Shannon kissed her forehead again. “You can do this. I know you can. But I wish you'd open up and tell me what your story is. I feel like I could be so much more supportive if I knew where you were coming from.”

Maybe it was the bottle of wine she had finished off earlier but this time when Shannon asked about her past, she didn't feel the trepidation she usually did. There was no flutter of her heart, or flip of her stomach, or strangely sweaty palms. Maybe she was finally ready. “Okay.”

Shannon blinked at her. “Okay? Really? Just like that?”

She gave his chest a gentle shove. “Don't make me rethink this. Sit down with me over that pie and I'll tell you the whole thing.”

He kissed her again on the cheek and Raina turned her head, catching his mouth and opening it softly,, feeling her mind settle at the familiarity of him. She felt safe here, in his arms, in Cassie's living room. Safer than she had in years. And for once she wasn't thinking about how it could all be taken from her. She was finally in the moment.

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

“Do we need any plates?” Cassie called from the kitchen as Shannon and I settled in.

“No, just forks,” I replied. Shannon gave a little laugh and shook his head. I could hear Cassie rattling around in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets. “What are you doing? I said just forks.”

“I know but I thought that...” her voice trailed off as I heard another cabinet click open and then quickly closed. “Aaron has some....” there was a pause, more shuffling around and then, “... ah, here we go.”

Cassie waddled back out of the kitchen with forks, a couple of glasses, a bottle of whiskey and a Diet Coke. “I figured since it was a whiskey pecan pie we'd pair it up. Or you guys can.” She handed me everything except the Diet Coke and a fork for herself before sitting down next to me. “Okay. Sugar me up.” she laughed.

We dove into the pie with a laugh, and the room was soon filled with the oohs and aahs of satisfied mouths. Shannon took a few bites before looking at me expectantly. “Okay then. When does story time start?”

“I'm not sure where to begin, really,” I told him.

“Tell me who you used to be, Raina. When you felt most like yourself.”

I took another bite of the pie, savoring the way the warm bite of the whiskey melded with the caramelized sugar of the filling while I mulled over what he had asked. It was a simple question, but it was hard to answer. Was that really me, that person I had been before it all came crashing down? Or was that a mask, something I had glued in place but been unable to maintain? “I um... well...” I took a deep breath, a thought occurring to me. “You know, I'm more than what happened to me, more than the story of what broke me.”

“And I want to hear it,” Shannon said as he poured me a glass of the whiskey. “Start anywhere you want. Just tell me something, Raina.”

I took a sip of the whiskey, which seemed harsher with all the sweetness in my mouth, and I grimaced. “I guess my story starts before I was even born, really. You see my father, his family didn't like my mother. They were kind of well off, and my mother was just this farm girl from the sticks. When she got pregnant and they ran off and got married, they cut him off, refused to have anything to do with him or her. Then, when my mom was about seven months pregnant, my father was driving home in a really bad thunderstorm one night and went off the road. He skidded into a tree, head on, at pretty good speed. Died instantly. There was some drama at the funeral but after that, Mom and I never heard from his family again. She sent them a picture of me after I was born, but they never contacted her back.”

“So you never met your dad or any of his family?” Shannon asked.

“Nope. Mom moved back in with her parents on the farm, and I grew up there. And If they wanted to see me I was right there where they could find me. They had plenty of time. I am not going to go looking for them.” I set my fork down, the pie no longer seeming as tempting. “It really bothered me that not one person in that whole family has ever tried to see me. Mom said that my father had two brothers and a sister, which means I have uncles and an aunt and probably cousins that I've never known. But they are about as real to me as fairies.”

Shannon rubbed his forehead and stared down at his glass for a minute. “You know, Raina, there's no telling what they were told about you and your mother. They may not even know you exist. It might be worth a try to maybe contact one of them.”

“That's what I told her,” Cassie supplied. “But she's not willing to risk it.”

I gave a little shrug as I stared at my hands. “Maybe one day. I don't know. But it wasn't so bad growing up without them. I loved my life on that farm. My Tito was so proud of it. He worked it himself, every day. He was this really quiet, gentle man who just seemed perfectly in tune with that farm. It was like a part of him – the land, the animals, it all felt like just an extension of Tito.”

Shannon nodded, his eyes intent on my face, no doubt watching for signs that I would crumble or shut down again. After a minute of quiet, he finally asked, “I think you said you were close to him?”

“I adored my Tito. No matter how tired he was he would go over my homework with me every night after dinner, telling me how important an education is. He said no matter what I chose to do in the world, the better I understood the world, the better my life would be.” I smiled, fond memories of my beloved grandfather rushing back on me. “He used to read a lot, things you wouldn't expect a South Carolina soybean farmer to read. Things like Updike and Faulkner, but also Stephen King, and Douglas Adams. He had the most subtle sense of humor. He is also the one who taught me to play chess. I'm not particularly good at it but I love the challenge.”

“He sounds amazing. I wish I had been able to meet him.” Shannon reached over and placed his large hand on my knee. I covered it with my own.

“I don't think he would approve of our little arrangement,” I said with a wry laugh. “My mother and Abuelita certain wouldn't have.”

“That's mothers for you,” Shannon chuckled before taking his hand back and pouring himself a little more whiskey. “So tell me about them.”

“Mi Abuela... my grandmother... she came to the US from Honduras when she was seven with her aunt. I honestly don't know what happened to the rest of her family, she would never say. She was just like that; firm, stubborn, very big on boundaries. I think she had a hard life when she was young, but she never would comment on it. She would just say the past was the past and that was where it belonged. I know she sounds cold but really, she wasn't. She loved my mother and me, and especially my grandfather, very much. She was just a little more difficult to know than most people.”

“I don't think she sounds cold,” Cassie supplied. “I think she sounds strong and fascinating.”

Raina smiled softly. “She and I butted heads a lot. I get my stubbornness from her. My mother was much more like my grandfather. They had that sort of quiet calmness like they were just born on a completely different plane than Abuelita and me. My mom was just this amazing, grounding force in my life. We were really close. We did everything together. She was as much my friend as my mother.” Raina could feel the tears welling up as she talked about her. The pain was never very far below for the surface for her. Time was supposed to make loss easier to bear but it had only allowed her to learn to avoid letting it spill over constantly. She swallowed and looked at Shannon and Cassie, who were giving her their best reassuring smiles. “When I was little, my mom worked as a night clerk in a motel and went to school during the day. Once she had her degree she went into teaching.”

“Your mom was a teacher?” Shannon asked.

“Yeah. Third grade. She loved her job and the kids loved her. After she died there were so many of her former students at her funeral. A lot of them took me aside and told me what a difference she had made in their lives. She was truly extraordinary.” A loose sob escaped Raina then, but Cassie was prepared, handing over the box of tissues that she had quietly left in reach before the confessional started. Raina took a second to dry her eyes and compose herself before continuing.

“It all happened so fast. I....” Raina realized she was jumping ahead in the story and she needed to back up just a bit. “I was this really focused, driven kid. I was obsessed with my grades and getting awards all through school. I was the class Salutatorian, tons of extracurriculars, got a University scholarship, was on the dean's list, started my own business before I had even graduated.”

“Okay, wow. Now I'm a little intimidated. You do know I didn't even finish high school right?” Shannon asked with wide eyes.

It was Raina's turn to chuckle. “Tito didn't just teach me that education was important. I mean, yes, he harped on it a lot, really drilled that value into me, but from watching him I learned that there are many ways to be smart. He had an eighth-grade education but he was intelligent, and wise, and grabbed every new opportunity to learn that he could.” She blinked at Shannon for a moment, seeing him with different eyes. “You know, I think that maybe in some ways you remind me of him. Just a little. You're goofy and rambunctious, not quiet like him, not usually, but there is that same sort of innate wisdom, that sort of underlying zen quality....”

“I am not calm," Shannon protested. "I'm good at hiding but I'm usually a bundle of nerves...”

“It's not calmness, exactly," Raina elaborated as she tried to make herself understood. "It's more like being in tune with the world. Like you just know things. Like I said before, like you were born on a different plane than the rest of us.” Raina sighed in frustration. It was difficult to put words to such an ephemeral quality, but Shannon definitely had it. She didn't know why she hadn't seen it before.

“So what was this business you started?” Shannon asked as he tried to shift the conversation.

“It was a tech consulting business, I started it with my friend Ellen. We initially just did a lot of programming contract work but we built it up from there. It really took off, and I was so proud of it. It took a lot of my time, but I didn't mind. I figured eventually I could slow down and do the other things I wanted. Everything else was going so well, and I then met this guy and moved in with him.”

“This is the Dan you've mentioned?”

“Yeah.” My mouth immediately went sour at the thought of him and I took a big swig of the whiskey. “He was kind of boring but he was handsome and successful, and we seemed to want the same things so I just kept moving along. That's the way I was back then. I picked a life I thought I was supposed to want, I worked hard, made all the right kind of decisions, played by the rules, colored in the lines....” The more she told the story, the clearer it all became. She had spent a year in therapy and hadn't learned to do much of anything except stop lying in bed all day and breathe properly during a panic attack. Shaking up her life the way she had the last few months, challenging her own ideas about who she was and what she wanted – that seemed to finally be giving her the insight she had so desperately been lacking. “I guess I was actually pretty unhappy even then, though I didn't realize it. I certainly wasn't where I wanted to be, but I guess I thought if I just kept throwing myself into things they would all be enough eventually. And then my mom called me from the hospital and everything just fell apart.”

Raina stopped to steady herself again and Shannon placed his muscular arm across her shoulders and Cassie took her hand. She still had a few her old impulses left, the ones that told her to shake them off and stop this now before it went any further. But after a few sniffles and deep breaths, she resumed. “Ellen insisted she could take care of everything so I went back home. I lived out of the hospital room with my mother for the next six weeks. That's how fast the cancer took her. She never went home again, not even with hospice. I was so lost and devastated once she was gone. I went back home but I couldn't get back into my old life. I was going to the office less and less, avoiding people... I cried all the time, I shut Dan out, I just withdrew into myself more and more. Ellen seemed to be very understanding...” Raina couldn't help but laugh wryly, “but then again, she was robbing me blind, embezzling every bit of money the business had. And when I pushed Dan away he just ended up starting an affair with my best friend.”

“Fucking hell, that's awful,” Shannon said. “No wonder you have trust issues. But real friends don't behave like that. People that love you don't behave like that.” He grabbed Raina's chin and looked into her watery eyes. “I would never behave like that. I know that I am not the picture of stability but I promise you, Raina, I will never turn my back on you like that.”

Raina nodded, her cheeks wet with the tears she couldn't stop now. She thought maybe she finally did understand the difference. There was no telling what was down the road for any of them, but the way Ellen and Dan and Brenda had treated her wasn't just a fluke of destiny. It was a conscious choice they had made. And now that she was surrounding herself with people who were worthy of her trust, she had the hindsight to look back and see the warning signs were there all along. She wasn't responsible for their behavior, but she did have a responsibility in choosing so poorly the people she let into her life. She deserved more. And just maybe she had found it.

“After the business fell I sold my place in Asheville and moved back to the farm. The depression and anxiety just got worse, until I couldn't leave the house, and I was staying in bed for days at a time. And then I had this dream. It was my grandmother. She told me that life is hard, but she didn't raise me to be weak. She said to get up and fight back. Somehow it was enough that I managed to make an appointment with a counselor. I got on some medication, I got into therapy. I got better. Not myself anymore, or at least not the person I had been, but I was functioning again. I knew I needed a new start. I sold my grandparent's place. I was never going to be a farmer, and I knew that Tito would understand. I took the money and came out here, found a job, enrolled in school. I think you're pretty much caught up on the rest.”

Shannon pulled her against his chest. She was prepared for the flood of tears that rushed out of her at the gesture but it didn't make it much easier. She hated breaking down on him like this but Shannon just held her and waited for it to be over. “I thought I was strong,” she said as soon as she could speak again. “I worked really hard at school and my business and I thought that made me tough but as soon as things got really hard, I just quit. You're right. I'm a big quitter.”

Shannon shook his head. “You are strong. You had everything taken from you and your brain mutinied and you still managed to survive. It's just time to do more than that now, Rainy girl.”

They finished off the pie together,, Raina snuggled in Shannon's arms while Cassie told Shannon stories of how they had met and some of the more interesting spreads they had worked on at the magazine. Raina realized just how much she was going to miss working with her and she began to tear up again. This time Cassie joined her and by the time Aaron got home they were a blubbering mess and no one was interested in pizza any longer. They'd been drinking too much to drive but Cassie called for a taxi and Shannon took Raina back to her place, giant bouquet of flowers and all.

Once they were settled in on her sofa, Raina reclining on Shannon's chest while he tucked that ubiquitous quilt around them, Shannon finally broached the subject he himself had been avoiding.

“So,” he asked, kissing the top of Raina's head. “Have you Googled me yet?”

Raina laughed. “No.”

“Why not? I figured you would have done that before we even went out.”

“I thought about it. I actually did do a search on Jared, before our date. But I didn't get very far, it felt... stalkerish. Like an invasion. I mean who knows how much of that is true stuff and I wouldn't want someone looking through a bunch of gossip and coming to a conclusion about me before they got to know me. So, no, I didn't Google you at all. Why?” She turned around in his arms so that she was facing him, chin on his chest. “Are you a notorious criminal or something? Should I hide my jewels?”

“No.” He gave her another kiss, this time on her nose. “I've had some run-ins with the law, actually, but nothing major. I'm not really even a very good criminal I guess. I tend to fuck things up pretty grandly. If it weren't for Jared...” he shook his head. “I know I tease you and call you second chance girl. But I must be on my twentieth chance by now. I'm really not very good at life.”

Raina nuzzled him softly, letting her hand cup his face. “You look pretty good at it from where I'm standing.”

“I'm really not. I know you think I'm this wise zen master but I swear, Raina, I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. I'm sober now, but I don't know for how long this time. I fall off the wagon more than I climb on it. I shouldn't even be drinking really but that's just one more thing...”

“I don't understand. If I get points for trying, why don't you?”

Shannon laughed bitterly. “Because I've been trying too long. I should have this down by now.”

“Says who?” Raina sat up, pulling Shannon up with her. “You sound like someone who's ready to quit. You are desperately in need of your own advice here, mister.”

“I bet you wouldn't be this nice to me if you knew...” he drew one of the throw pillows in front of him, kneading it nervously. “I was going to tell you the other day. I didn't mean for things to go like this....”

Raina could feel a knot forming in her stomach. “After all this shit you've been giving me about opening up, are you trying to tell me you're keeping secrets?”

“Not exactly. Maybe.” He focused on the bright throw rug in front of him. “I've been seeing someone else.”

“Right. I know that, Shannon. We agreed that you could still date other people.” Raina acknowledged.

“But it's not really like that. I'm not dating around. It's been this one woman. Since a week before I met you. And she doesn't know about you, or this arrangement, or anything else.”

Raina turned this over in her head carefully. “Does she think the two of you are exclusive?”

Shannon quickly shook his head. “No. I told her I had a date when I took you out. We haven't actually discussed it beyond that. She might be seeing someone else too for all I know.”

“Shannon, I'm sorry, but I'm not really understanding what the big problem is here...”

Shannon spluttered out his interjection, cutting her off. “I don't want to see her anymore. But I'm afraid to break it off with her because I don't want to be left in the cold when all this falls apart.”

Raina look at him, the tension in his shoulders as he gripped the pillow in his lap, the way he refused to let his eyes meet hers. She wasn't sure what territory she had wandered into but she could see it was a tender spot. “Why would you say that?” she asked, pulling his hand loose from its grip and drawing it into her lap. “What makes you think this is all so doomed?”

Shannon sighed, gripping her hand tightly before replying in a small voice. “I see the way you and Jared are. He got you first and I've been playing catch up ever since.”

“That's not...” she wanted to say it wasn't true, but really, wasn't that a pretty fair assessment of what had been going on between the three of them? She had taken a liking to Shannon from their first coffee date, but her feelings for him had always been just a step behind those for Jared. And why was that? She didn't really like Shannon any less. “You know, I know that things are moving at a different speed for Jared and me. But a big part of that is he pushes for it. You hold yourself back in this relationship the way I have been. I was okay with that because I thought it was what you needed, but now I'm just confused.”

Shannon rose from his seat and started pacing the floor in front of her. “I've seen it before. He just gets in there and takes over like he does with everything.”

“Yeah, he is a bossy one.” Raina chuckled but Shannon's face was still serious.

“You're so amazing, Raina. I wish I could make you see what you do for me. If you think I seem calm, I think it's because around you I am. The way you see me... I feel that.” He threw his hands up in the air. “But of course Jared had to go an ask you out first, and now he's all mixed up in this too...”

“Wait... “ Raina said. “Are you trying to say you want me to stop seeing Jared?”

“I … no...” Shannon said but it was a weak rebuttal and Raina was unconvinced.

“I'm serious, Shannon. What are you asking me? Do you want me to break up with Jared?”

“No. You guys are getting so close, you're bonding, and he would be so hurt...”

“That's not what I asked you. I don't want to know what you think Jared wants, or what you think I want for that matter. I want to hear what you want. What Shannon wants, deep down inside, at the end of the day.”

Shannon chewed his lower lip as he looked at the floor, but then he inhaled deeply and brought his hazel eyes up to meet hers. “I want you to fall for me like you have for him. I want you to look at me the way you look at him, like he's the greatest adventure you've ever taken.”

Raina lunged forward, throwing her arms around Shannon's neck as she crashed her lips into his. The way he grabbed the back of her head, anchoring her in the kiss, his mouth claiming her as her body ignited, nearly swept her away right there. “This is the greatest adventure I've ever had,” she whispered as they broke for air. “I'll fall, if you fall with me. No more quitting from either of us.”

“I promise,' Shannon whispered back as he covered her with tiny kisses. “We can fall together."

 


	32. Chapter 32

“Good morning, beautiful. Whatcha doing?” Shannon asked as he slipped his arms around Raina's waist and snuggled himself into her back.

“Just making some toast. That qualifies as cooking, right?” she asked with a laugh. “Do you want some?”

“Nah, but I'll take some coffee.”

Raina bit her lower lip. “I think there might be some instant in the back of the cupboard....”

“What?” Shannon looked frantically around the small kitchen. “Raina, where is your coffee maker?”

“I don't have one. I'm more of a tea person. I just use the electric kettle. On the rare occasion I want coffee, I just stop at Starbucks and get one.” She took his Shannon's horrified stare. “Why are you looking at me like I just kicked a puppy?”

Shannon grumbled and started putting his shoes on. “This is not going to do at all. I'll go get us some coffee, but later I'm buying you a coffee maker. A good one.”

“Look, I know you love your coffee, but I don't see why you can't just...” she watched as Shannon picked his keys up from the counter where he had left them the previous night and then set them back down again with an air of disgust. “What?”

“Our cars are still at Cassie's.”

“Looks like it's instant city, sweetheart.”

“Oh no. I'll just have tea thanks.”

With a chuckle, Raina got another mug down from the cupboard and set it down in front of Shannon along with several varieties of tea. “So when you do have to be at Jared's today?”

“When I feel like it,” Shannon with a growl.

“Okay. Sorry I asked.” She watched him silently as she waited for the kettle to finish heating. “Did something happen between the two of you?” She finally ventured as she poured the water into his mug.

“What do you want to do today?” Shannon asked, rapidly changing the subject. “Seeing as how you have an unexpected day off and all. We could go pick up our cars and grab some coffee and then maybe....”

“Seeing as how _I_ have an unexpected day off. I. Not you. You have people expecting you Shannon.”

“I can have a day off if I want a day off.”

Raina frowned. “Are you avoiding Jared?”

“Do we have to keep talking about Jared?”

“We haven't talked about Jared at all actually. What the hell is going on Shannon?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to spend the day with you.”

Raina circled around the small island so that she could nestle herself in Shannon's arms. “That's really sweet. But I'm going to be okay. And you have responsibilities. I don't want to be a bad influence.”

Shannon laughed a bit too loudly. “Now that's funny. You being a bad influence on me.” He looked at the tea in front of him again. “Come on. Let's call a cab and go get our cars so we can have some proper coffee. And something besides toast for breakfast.”

Raina pulled back and looked him up and down. There was something still off about his mood this morning but she couldn't put her finger on it and he seemed to be done opening up to her. “Fine. But then you go to work and I guess I'll start with my job hunt.”

Shannon sighed in defeat. “Fine. I don't want to argue about it. Spoils the mood anyway. Let's go get some caffeine.”

 

They had settled in at a patio table, enjoying the pleasantly sunny late morning as they lingered over waffles when Raina's phone began ringing. She let it go to voicemail the first time – she was in the middle of dissecting the finer plot points of a series she had just started binge watching – but when the ringing started again not even a minute later she fished her phone back out of her purse and answered it.

“Raina, hey,” Jared's voice greeted her. “is my brother with you by any chance?”

“Uh, yeah, he's sitting across from me, eating a sweet potato waffle,” she confirmed. Shannon groaned and let his head fall back. She directed her next remark at him. “Shannon, where is your phone?”

“I suspect it's turned off or he's lost it again. I'm going straight to voicemail,” Jared said.

Shannon fished the phone out of his pocket and wordlessly set it face down on the table in front of him.

“I'm going to go with “he turned it off”. It's on the table in front of me. I've been sitting right here with him for an hour now and I haven't heard it so much as buzz.”

Jared and Shannon sighed almost in unison and Raina had to hold back a little giggle. “Do you think you could maybe herd him my way? After the waffles and all,” Jared added.

“I'll see what I can do,” Raina offered.

“Thanks. Oh and hey, you aren't too busy today are you?”

“I was going to start my job search this afternoon but I don't have anything firm planned out.”

“Why don't you come over with Shannon and I can make those introductions I keep mentioning. It's a slow day around here and I can make sure it's just a few core people.”

Raina looked at Shannon, who was scowling and picking at his waffle. “I don't know. I probably should be at least trying to salvage my internship.”

“I can see about helping you with that too.”

“I don't know if that's such a good idea....”

“Well come on over and we can argue about it in person. Please?”

Raina sighed. She could see him pouting and making eyes at her in her head. And since she was sure Shannon was going to fight her every step of the way, it was probably easier just to go over with him. “Fine. We'll see you in a bit.” She hung her phone up and placed it on the table.

“Do I need to get a to-go box?” Shannon asked sarcastically.

“No. Finish your breakfast. But they are waiting for you. Why are you being like this today? Why did you turn your phone off?”

“You wouldn't understand. You're an only child.”

Raina wasn't entirely sure that was what this was about, but he had hit a sore spot. “Yeah. I am well aware,” she said flatly.

Shannon looked up suddenly, realizing what he had said. “Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean....” He regarded her intently. “Why didn't your mother remarry? She must have been pretty young when she lost your father.”

“I don't know really. She always said nothing could compare to my dad. But they weren't together that long so I don't know... I do know that her students were her life. She was very dedicated to them, and of course to me and her parents. She was a bit of an introvert outside the classroom, so I guess we were all enough for her.” Raina had spent many years when she was younger wishing her mother would meet someone nice and then she could have a father and siblings like her friends did.

“Yeah well, stepfathers aren't always a great deal either.” Shannon pointed out. “You had a good and stable childhood. It's more than a lot of people get.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean...”

“No, I didn't mean it like that.” He set his fork down and motioned for the waitress. “Maybe we should get out of here. We both keep putting our feet in our mouths.”

Raina was startled by her phone ringing again and frowned when she saw it was another call from Jared. “We're leaving now,” she informed him as soon as the call connected.

“Uhm, okay but are you still there? Because.... “ he paused for a second and Raina gave Shannon's questioning look a shrug. “Those sweet potato waffles, are they vegan?”

 

An hour later they were at Jared's, take-out container in hand. Shannon had reassured Raina multiple times on the way over that meeting people would be no big deal, he was sure they would all love her, but she found that the sight of the unfamiliar cars in Jared's drive immediately made her heart race. Shannon slipped his arm protectively around her waist before guiding her inside.

She expected that they would be working in the lab, but she was surprised to find everyone gathered around the sofa, and she had to smile when she remembered the adventure she had there last weekend. Jared got up immediately as soon as they came into the room and took the bag of food from her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Hello baby girl, I am so glad you're here,” Jared said as he slipped his arm around her shoulders and turned to face the group. Raina felt herself immediately relaxing at his touch and something tickled at the back of her mind, but she had no time to examine it before Jared was enthusiastically making introductions. Apparently, he had already explained who she was and the situation before she got there, so the awkward discussion she was fearing simply turned into casual pleasantries as she was greeted by the small group. There were only four of them, Jamie and Stevie, and Emma and Shayla, but they made her feel welcome.

“Where's Tomo?” Shannon questioned as he twirled his keys around his thumb.

“He's got the flu,” Jared explained.

“So you really could have done without me then today.” Shannon rolled his eyes and looked over at Raina as if he were expecting some sort of reaction. Raina didn't know what he wanted exactly so she gave him a slight shrug.

“No, we still have things to do and you still haven't gotten that last bit for the mashup...”

“The way I did it before I left yesterday was fine.”

“No, it wasn't. It was uneven and...”

“Oh for fuck's sake, are we going to do this again?" Shannon grumbled. "Why the hell don't you just play everything yourself, that way it will all be exactly the way you like it and I won't have to listen to you complain.”

Raina chewed awkwardly at her lower lip as they groused at each other. Emma took the waffles from Jared and then took Raina's hand and pulled her aside. “Come into the kitchen with me and we can get some tea and talk about those tour dates.”

 

As she looked at the itinerary Emma had provided and sipped at her peppermint tea Raina could hear Jared and Shannon continuing to argue in the other room. “Does this happen a lot?”

Emma chuckled. “More than I would like, yeah. But it's just how they are. Shannon gives Jared a lot of shit for being bossy and controlling but Shannon is just as bad as he is. He's just more subtle about it. If he wasn't so controlling himself he wouldn't care so much. And they're both so stubborn....”

Raina laughed. “I knew that about Jared right away but I'm just now figuring that out about Shannon. You can't get him to do a thing he doesn't already want to do.”

“Yeah, you're catching on,” Emma laughed in return. “It's best just to get out of the way when they get like this and let them work it out themselves. And they always do. Some of their disagreements go on longer than others but they always sort it out.”

“Oh don't worry, I'm not about to get in the middle of that.”

They went back to perusing the intermarry and Raina's head was swimming with the possibilities as she looked over the list of cities. “The UK stop is for a few days so that might be a nice one, and Norway has a little break too,” Emma suggested. “If you don't mind a lot of time on the bus and a more frantic pace, the central European dates could be fun.”

The longer she looked at the list the less her head filled with possible adventures and the clearer she began to focus on the dates in front of her. Jared had already told her how long and intense this tour was going to be, but seeing it laid out like this it finally sank in just how much and how long she was going to be without both of them. It seemed so unfair, to lose them just when she had found them, to go back to near solitude when she had finally realized that wasn't what she needed anymore. It was her eyes that began to swim instead of her head now, tears attempting to push the enthusiasm away. She quickly wiped them, hoping Emma wouldn't notice, and turned her thoughts back to fjords and northern lights. There were so many cities she wanted to see on that list, but she knew there wouldn't be a lot of time for sightseeing. This was work for them.

“So any idea where you want to go?” Jared asked as he appeared in front of her, rustling around for a fork before popping open the to-go container she had brought him. She watched him as he took the first bite, closing his eyes and making that purring noise that she loved so much. “Fuck, these are amazing.”

“Yeah, I'm in love with that little cafe,” she agreed. “And no, I'm not sure where I'll want to go. I guess it all depends on what happens with work and my internship. If I can even salvage that.”

“I have some ideas on that, actually.. I know a few people I could talk to...” Jared began but Raina cut him off.

“Oh no. I don't want to get a job just because I know you. I want a reputation based on what I've done, not who I'm seeing.”

Jared took another bite of the waffle and chuckled. “This is L.A. sweetheart. Who you know is as important as what you can do. I know you think it's cheating somehow to attach my name to your job search, but that's how the game is played here.” Raina started to protest but Jared continued. “Why do you think Val gave you that list of names and his personal information? You need to start networking with these people and get your name out there.”

“It just seems... “

“Unsavory. I know. But you get used to it. And I was thinking....” He looked over at Emma who was gathering up the paperwork she had laid out for Raina. “That presentation you did. The one about brand recognition continuity or whatever you called it? Could you give it to Emma? I think a project like that might be a great fit for Wonderland, and maybe we could work with your school to meet your internship requirements.”

“I'd love to hear it,” Emma said.

Raina bit her bottom lip. “I guess so. But only if you sincerely promise that you're taking this seriously and not just finding me something to do because you feel sorry for me.”

“Honestly? I was really impressed with that project and I'm excited that we might have an opportunity here to implement it,” Jared told her.

“I promise I will treat you like anyone else,” Emma said. “I know it's supposed to be a learning experience for you and I wouldn't want to cheat you out of that.”

Raina had to admit it would be nice to be working for them and would make a large portion of her life so much easier. “When would you like me to present to you?”

“I need to get a few other people together. But soon. Let me get back to you?” Emma asked. Raina nodded.

As soon as Emma left the kitchen Jared slipped in behind Raina, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against him. “I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last night baby girl. How are you holding up? Did you like the flowers?”

Raina turned around and slipped her own arms around Jared's neck. “I'm sorry. Yes, they were lovely. I liked them very much. Thank you.” She gave him a gentle kiss, content to just be in his arms again. “And I'm doing better today. Shannon and I had quite a long talk yesterday and it felt good to get some things off my chest.”

Jared pouted a little bit. “What was this talk about?”

, “What, do we have to report everything we do back to you now?” Shannon asked as slunk into the kitchen.

“No,” Jared replied, stepping out of Raina's reach and turning to his brother. “I just thought if this talk helped her so much it might be nice to find out why.”

Shannon didn't say anything else but he stepped into the space that Jared had vacated, wrapping himself around Raina and clutching her tightly. “She was upset. We had a good evening together and good conversation. It was handled.”

Raina put one arm around Shannon's waist and held her other hand out to Jared. Once he took it and stepped forward again she said, “It's all right, Shannon. I don't mind going over it again. Jared's already heard a lot of it.”

Shannon frowned and Raina could feel his sour mood turn towards her. “Wait, you already told Jared those things?”

“I had a panic attack a while ago and I tried to explain myself...”

“I thought... I mean... I thought that we...” he trailed off, looking between her and Jared.

“That we what Shannon?” Raina took in his hurt and confusion and added in his behavior today. “Shannon, I'm starting to think that you and I had did not have the same conversation last night.”

Shannon stepped back and threw his hands up. “Of course. I should have known better. It's still whatever Jared wants, however he wants it. You finally opened up to me so I opened up to you too but now I find out Jared went there first too.”

“What the hell is going on?” Jared asked.

“Does he know about the girl you're seeing?” Raina asked Shannon. “Are you going to break up with her?”

“I don't know now...” Shannon grumbled. “Looks like maybe I was right about how this is going to go all along.”

“Oh my god,” Raina said, feeling her blood boil. “Here comes the jealousy and pettiness. I knew this was crazy. I knew this wouldn't work.” She looked around the small kitchen trying to locate her purse while Shannon scowled and Jared looked on in bewilderment. “You guys were so sure this was a good idea, so I listened to you. “Oh this is fine, we like it this way, we've done it before, it will be great,” you said,” her voice an irritated singsong. Jared tried to protest but she wasn't done. “I don't think we've been on the same page since the beginning of this. No one is being honest about what they want. This was a fucking mistake.”

Raina could feel her chest tightening and a lump starting to form in her throat but she knew this wasn't a panic attack. This was hurt. This was regular old fear. She realized that things were already falling apart and she was in danger of losing one or both of them. She had never been involved in a poly relationship before … and she had to be honest with herself, that's what this was... but it felt like, in this moment, she was the only one that had any grip at all on what they should be doing. Which certainly wasn't what they were currently doing.

“I don't know what's going on between you two, but it's bleeding over into everything else. You need to straighten yourselves out,” Raina added as a parting shot before grabbing her things and walking out the front door. She stood in the driveway for a minute, trying to calm down and figure out how she was going to get home. She didn't want to think about what a cab all the way back to her place would cost. She was thumbing her phone and thinking about calling Cassie when Jared walked outside.

“Do you mind?” she said in irritation. “I'm trying to dramatically storm off here.”

Jared gave her a soft smile. “It works better if you can actually leave on your own.” Raina shook her head and sighed. “So is anyone going to tell me what the hell happened?”

“I don't know. Really. Like I said, we had a long talk, about me, my family, the things I had been through. Then Shannon made some confessions too, and I thought we had a great night. We bonded, I felt better about losing my job, I felt better about letting people into my life again... and then today.. I don't know. I mean for starters, I think he's really jealous, and he probably does have a point. But I think there's more to it than that.”

“He and I but heads sometimes. Especially when we're working. I did kind of piss him off yesterday,” Jared confessed.

“I thought this was going so well. And you guys assured me that you knew what you were doing, this was no big deal, the three of us in a relationship. But look at what a mess it is in one day!” Raina was trying not to start crying, but she was so afraid of losing the few people she had in her life that this little spat was starting to feel like the end of the world.

Jared stepped forward and put his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. “Shhh, princess. Please don't panic. This is normal. A poly relationship is like any other. It's easy in the beginning, especially when it's all that thrilling newness and hot sex,” he laughed. Raina grinned a little bit but the smile didn't quite reach her anxious heart. “But eventually the honeymoon period ends and you have to figure out how this is all going to work and how to add these other people to your life. And it does take work. Any good relationship does. But we'll figure it out. Don't give up on us.”

He stood there in the driveway, holding her while she calmed down again. She hoped what he was saying was true. It did make sense. The three of them were all stubborn and passionate people. It was probably going to be a bit of a bumpy ride getting things to run smoothly. “I am really concerned about where Shannon's head is right now,” Raina confessed. “He almost seemed like he didn't want to be doing this anymore and I don't think he really believes that I can be crazy about him while I'm crazy about you. Which is pretty fundamental to making this all work.”

“And what is this about another woman?” Jared asked. Raina shrugged and sighed. “The three of us need to have a long talk. There are things I need to confess too I'm sure. Please come back inside and when we've finished up I promise we'll sort things out. There are more things I want to talk to you about anyway.”

Raina hesitated but then remembered she was trying to deal with her problems head on now. No runnign away or giving in when the going got even slightly difficult. With a nod, she followed Jared back inside.

 


	33. Chapter 33

Raina got Jared to set her up with a notebook and a laptop and while the guys went back into the lab to work on their song she settled in on the patio to enjoy more of the sunshine and work on tailoring her presentation to what she thought Emma might need. She researched the company as thoroughly as she could, and peppered Emma with questions when she had a few minutes to talk to her. She still wasn't convinced this was the best idea but she was warming up to it. It was only an internship after all and would be over in less than a year. If it did turn out to be a mistake she would be able to leave it behind her quickly enough. Besides, preparing the presentation gave her something to think about other than Shannon's odd behavior and her own anxieties.

Sometime around mid-afternoon, a young woman Raina was certain hadn't been there earlier in the day popped out to her spot on the patio to ask what Raina wanted to be picked up for lunch. She briefly considered asking for wine and pop-tarts, just to spite Jared, but then told the girl to just get her whatever the guys were having. Standing and stretching her stiff limbs she decided it was high time for a break and walked a few quick laps around the pool before moving to one of the loungers lying in the shade. She could hear music in the distance, muffled and halting, but no more arguing. Opening her phone she checked her email before texting Cassie to let her know she had sobered up just fine and would swing by and get her car later. She wished she had known she would be spending the day here, she could have used her own laptop and it would have been fun to work with the equipment Val had given her. It was a bit lonely out here on her own and she was stretching to find things to occupy her time and keep her mind busy.

Jared eventually joined her, kissing the top of her head before taking up residence on the lounger next to hers. “I'm sorry to have left you out here by yourself for so long,” he apologized.

Raina shrugged. “I did at least get some things done. How about you? How's the song coming?”

Jared smiled. “I think we're over the hump. It's starting to sound more like an actual song instead of four people playing instruments in the same vicinity as each other.”

That brought a chuckle from Raina. “And Shannon?”

“Is settling back down too. So do you want to tell me more about this conversation that you had last night that has everyone upside down? Did you guys mention another woman? Is he serious about someone else? He hasn't said anything to me and he usually talks to me about those sorts of things.”

“I don't think we should discuss that without him. Besides, I don't really think it was the conversation that did it, Jared. What did you guys fight about?”

“The usual. Just stupid brotherly crap. It's the same argument we've been having our whole lives, just dressed up differently for whatever day it is. It was nothing.”

Raina stretched her arms over her head and rolled over to face Jared. She really didn't understand the dynamic between siblings much herself but she had watched Brenda and her sister war at each other and makeup often over the years and she just accepted that it was a normal part of the relationship. “Okay then. .So I've been out here patiently waiting while you guys did your thing. How about you tell me why now. What did you want to talk to me about?”

“You aren't going to cut me any slack, are you?” Jared asked. Raina chuckled and shook her head. “There's just been something that's been on my mind a lot lately and it feels like the right time to discuss this.”

Raina could feel the frown seep its way onto her face. “Okay, now I'm a little worried.”

“Don't be. I'm the only one this reflects badly on." Jared told her. His voice was softer than usual, some of his customary bravado missing. He cleared his throat before continuing. "I guess, at least in the beginning, I didn't think there was going to be a lot of discussing going on. Really, I'm surprised things have gotten as far as they have between the three of us, considering that this all started with us being far less than honest with each other.”

Raina remembered with a twinge the way she had led Jared and Shannon on in the beginning, playing her own little greedy game while she fought to keep her secret. “I know I behaved terribly when I first started seeing you...”

“You're not the only one, Raina. You were right about me, right from the start. The way I've been with you, that's not how I usually am. You thought I was selfish and spoiled and only out for a good time, and usually, you'd be right. That's how it started out for me anyway.”

Raina took this admission in. She had been so sure she would never see Jared again after their little romp. It had felt like some sort of rushed adventure, speeding quickly through the formalities of an actual date so that she could preserve at least a little bit of her dignity before falling into bed with him, but certainly not anything serious. She had been stunned when he had called her a second time. “I _was_ only supposed to be a one night stand.”

“Yeah,” Jared replied, embarrassment creeping into his voice. “You were pretty and fierce, and those legs...” he sucked in a little air as he shook his head wistfully. “I've always been a sucker for a woman with long legs. But the way you looked me when I had you flattened against your door, like you were somehow daring me to take just a little more.... and then when it over, when you said I could just go... it crushed me. I was surprised by how deeply that cut me. I knew it was too late already.”

“But you acted so insulted when I implied you wouldn't call...”

“I think I was more embarrassed you'd caught on to me, to tell the truth. Plus, like I said, I already knew I wanted to see you again, and I didn't think you'd' be receptive if you thought I was just bed-hopping.”

“I still don't understand what's going on here, Jared.”

Jared smiled at her and pulled at the errant curl that had fallen across her cheek, straightening it and watching it spring back into place before answering. “I let you believe I was seeing someone else too. I had my own secrets then. I had been seeing someone, right before I met you...”

“You told me this.”

“... and it ended pretty badly. Really badly. And when I realized things with you weren't moving in the casual way I had meant them to, I wanted to make sure things went differently with you. I didn't want to make my same old mistakes.”

“And what mistakes are those?” Raina asked, a twinge of anxiety tickling her awareness.

Jared continued with that wistful smile, reaching across to Raina and tracing his thumb down the side of her face, lingering at her chin as he gazed at her. “Making it all about the sex. The Domination. The submission. The kink. I get so caught up in thinking that I need that, that I don't pay attention to building anything else. I've tried to build that with you, but you're so cautious with your heart and so enthusiastic about discovering your submissive side, that things have gotten a little --- skewed. I really haven't handled your introduction or training well, and I feel really bad about it. You deserve better, Raina. The problem is I just don't know how much I'm ready to move forward with it even now. I don't want us to end up somewhere that feels much more intimate than it actually is. It's easy to find yourself somewhere you don't recognize.”

Raina took a deep breath and returned his intense gaze. She had seen all along how careful he was with his own emotions, every bit as parsimonious with his true feelings as she was. It had never occurred to her that this was the reason. It had never occurred to her there was a particular reason at all, she just assumed that was the way he was.

“Why?” Raina asked with a sigh.

Jared blinked at her for a moment. “Why what, exactly?”

“Why did you care what I thought back then? Why did you want to see me again? I mean, you do usually bed hop, as you put it. You don't do relationships for the most part. Yet here you are, just out of one relationship and leaping into another. Why?”

“I keep asking myself the same thing,” he finally replied, his eyes focused intently on her. “Please don't take this the wrong way, you're wonderful Raina. Maybe that's all it is, maybe you swept me off my feet.” He gave a little chuckle. “Maybe I'm just changing too. Maybe I'm finally ready to get more out of my relationships. I think losing Kate the way I did...” he trailed off. “Please don't think I'm hypocritical. I'm sorry I'm not really ready to talk about that. At least not this afternoon. I don't want to take away focus from this discussion. The point is that I'm ready. This is what I want, a real relationship that is based on something besides sexual chemistry. I want to know you, Raina. And it sounds selfish, and I'm working on that too, but I really really want you to know me.”

“Why didn't you tell me any of this earlier, Jared? I mean you didn't have to give me the whole story, but a simple “I'd like to take this slow.” would have done it. What you want is important too.”

“And that's why we need to talk. All of us. We need to start defining what we need and what our expectations are. Honestly. Or this is all going to go to hell really fast.”

Raina took Jared's arm and lifted it, placing it around herself before snuggling against him. He was warm and solid, and for some reason smelled sweetly fruity. She wondered what he had been doing before he came out here. “I'm trying so hard to be honest and open. Some days it seems easier than others. I feel like I'm a different person almost every day lately. It's exciting but it's scary too.”

“There's a lot going on in your life right now,” Jared acknowledged as he pulled her close. “It makes sense that it's impacting you this way. Don't be afraid though. Growth is good.”

Lying there in Jared's arms Raina felt the truth of what he was saying. She had liked cocky, forceful, Jared from the start. He kept her on her toes, and he brought the fighter in her back out, even when it felt like fighting against the things that were holding her down was the last thing she wanted to do. But there were two very distinct sides to Jared, and this one, the one he was showing her now, the caring, concerned, supportive Jared – it didn't make her uncomfortable anymore. Instead, she felt privileged to be able to see this side of him. It didn't seem like he let it out very often. Maybe that was something she could encourage in him. She smiled and snuggled in a little closer. It was good to think she was at least possibly helping him grow too.

She was still lost in her thoughts when she felt Shannon behind her, smoothing her long hair out of the way so he could place his head by hers while he pressed into her back. “Not fair. You guys started the cuddle pile without me,” he said before kissing her gently behind her ear.

Assuming that it was safe to do so with whatever current audience was in the house, Raina shifted so she was partially pressed against Shannon as well and turned her head to give him a kiss. “Are you feeling better yet?” she asked cautiously.

“I'm sorry. Yeah. I just let some things get to me that shouldn't. Forget everything I said earlier today,” he answered.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” Raina asked him.

“Mmm, kind of,” he murmured. “But can it wait until lunch gets here? This is nice. I'd like to enjoy it.”

Raina pulled his hand around to her chest, winding her fingers into his. “Sure. That's fine with me.” Jared murmured his approval too and the three of them settled in, relaxing in each others company.

Once lunch arrived the trio sequestered themselves around a table at the far end of the patio, although to Raina's observation, that much wasn't completely necessary. The house seemed to have emptied out, presumably with everyone else taking their break elsewhere. “Who was that girl that came and asked what I wanted for lunch?” Raina questioned.

“That would have been Dezi,” Jared supplied. “She's one of Emma's assistants. She only works part-time and I didn't know she was due to come in today. Don't worry about her though. She won't gossip.” He took a big bite of his burrito. “Good choice for lunch, by the way.”

Raina knotted her eyebrows. “I didn't pick lunch. I told Dezi just to get whatever you guys wanted.”

“I told her to get what you wanted.”

Shannon laughed. “I guess she made an executive decision.”

Jared laughed too. “If we can't even tell Dezi what we want this conversation may be doomed before it even gets out of the starting gate.”

Shannon's smile fell a bit at the edges. “I'm sorry. For the way I behaved this morning.” He turned to Raina. “I have more than a few demons that live in my brain. Sometimes they get some ideas running around in there that...” He shook his head softly and took a drink of his soda. “Look, I'm just sorry, okay?”

“I was just so confused, to be honest,” Raina told him. “You're usually so happy and you don't put any pressure on me. I thought you were okay with everything was going on.”

“What? What is Shannon not okay with?” Jared demanded, picking up on the implications of the statement immediately. “Shannon, what the hell is going on with you?”

Shannon made a grumbling noise that made Raina fear his sour mood from this morning was about to make another entrance. “That's not what she meant. It's not really what I meant either.”

“Well, what did you mean?”

Shannon picked up his cup and took another long draw at the straw, but the drink was mostly gone and the cup rumbled and gurgled in his hand. He gave it a little shake while Jared waited for his answer then sat it back down on the table with a sigh. “Do you remember Elsbeth?”

“The girl from the chocolate shop?” Jared queried. Shannon gave him a nod before continuing.

“Yeah. So I've been seeing her, since before I asked Raina out. I was thinking about ending it when we found out about Raina's little charade.”

“I'm sorry,” Raina apologized again. “I know I handled things really badly...”

Shannon shook his head. “This part isn't about you. Not like that anyway.” He turned his attention back to Jared. “When we decided that we wanted to continue things....” Once again he paused. Raina wondered what was at the root of all this, what was so hard for him to bring up. The last twenty-four hours had seen them all drag a lot of skeletons out of their closets. “I didn't want things to end up like they had with Sofie. I didn't want to be left behind. So I kept on seeing Elsbeth even though I really just wanted Raina.”

“Okay I think I can work out who Elsbeth is, and Kate for that matter, but who is Sofie? What aren't you two telling me?” Raina asked. Jared and Shannon exchanged a look and then Shannon abruptly got up from the table and walked back into the house. “What the hell?” she demanded.

“I told you we had done this before,” Jared supplied simply.

Raina's mind instantly began filling in blanks, taking all the information she had gathered from them and Shannon's very specific meltdown the night before. “And she dumped Shannon for you,” she guessed.

“Not exactly, no. She figured if she broke it off with Shannon I wouldn't see her anymore either. But she kept him at a distance, kept finding excuses to not spend time with him and then covered it up so that I wouldn't notice. By the time I figured it out Shannon had gotten his heart pretty trampled,” Jared explained. He looked back toward the house. “Did he say that's what he thought was happening again? That you were pushing him aside to be with me?”

“He kind of hinted at it, yeah. And he does have some ground to feel left out, Jared, you have to admit. I've spent a lot more time with you than with him, and when I got sick, with those bruises, I sent him away and then I called you. I spend the night here but I've never once even been to his place.”

“Has he invited you?” Jared pointed out.

“No, but … I don't think he felt like he could.” Raina bit her lip and pushed the spilled insides of her burrito around on her plate. “I have kept him at a distance up until now. Until last night. But I promised him I won't do that anymore. Maybe I just worded it poorly, but this morning it seemed like he thought that maybe I was pushing you away for him, and when he realized I wasn't, he got very snappy and cold.”

Jared looked at the house again and Raina followed his gaze to see Shannon returning with a beer in hand. “I don't want you to push him away, Raina. I don't want you to chose either of us. That's the point here.”

Raina nodded. “I know. I thought at first that maybe there would just be a difference in mine and Shannon's relationship, that maybe we just weren't going to be that close. Not like you and me. But that isn't how it works.” She looked up at Shannon as he approached the table and took a seat. “And he didn't really want me to push you away and he didn't want me to choose him over you either. At least I'm pretty sure that not what he wanted. It's not what I want either. Things just got twisted around." She waited until Shannon had taken his seat again. "You are both really important to me. I have feelings for both of you. I don't want to lose either one of you and I don't want to be put in a place where I feel like I'm being asked to choose again.”

“I'm sorry about that, Raina,” Shannon said.

“You should be,” she replied, a small grin creeping in. She'd had enough of everyone's somber attitude for one day. She swiped the bottle away from Shannon's hand and took a swig before returning it. “But I'm sorry too for making you feel like any of that discussion was even necessary.”

“I'm sorry too, Shan,” Jared added. “Whatever happens I hope you know I want you in this relationship too. I would have asked Raina to choose at dinner that first night after we found out if I didn't.”

“So where do we go for here?” Raina was a little uncertain as to whether they had completed the conversation but she felt like she had a better grasp on what was happening and where they all were coming from.

“I think we're back on track,” Jared pointed out. “Shannon and I need to keep our brotherly tug of war to ourselves in the future, I agree to that. And we all agree that we want to even this triangle out, but no one is ready or even wanting to bail yet.”

Shannon nodded. “And I'm going to stop seeing Elsbeth. And hopefully, spend a little more time bonding with you before the tour,” he told Raina.

“And,” Jared added, “You are going to find your dream job, hopefully with Wonderland...” Raina chuckled at his determination. “But if not, we will make it work. And you'll have the summer with us and then back to school.”

Raina shook her head. “I don't really know how much of the summer I'm going to have with you guys. I have this job hunt and you leave for tour next month....”

“If you work for Wonderland, you could come with us,” Jared pointed out.

“Isn't that going to be... awkward?” Raina asked for lack of a better word. Being the summer intern that both guys were secretly sleeping with sounded like a recipe for the kind of drama her life didn't need.

“I wouldn't have to be. We could set some boundaries, figure out how to make things work.”

“I don't know. This all feels really... convenient.”

Shannon laughed, and Raina instantly relaxed. She needed that sense of joy from him more than she could articulate. “I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, Rainy Girl, but I promise there's no conspiracy here and given your background and your current field of study, even if you were just an acquaintance we would probably offer you this job. You're perfect for it. We could honestly use you.”

“Can I get back to you? I'd like to at least sleep on it.”

Jared smiled, that wicked grin he got when he was up to something and Raina felt herself smile back while that urge that lived deep in her core woke up and did a little flip. “Only if you sleep here.”

 


	34. Chapter 34

 

“I don't know if that's such a great idea, Jared,” Raina told him as she stood up to carry her takeout container back to the kitchen. She was already starting to regret the resolution she had just made as visions of spending the night lost in pleasure with both of them swam through her mind, but she gave her head a little shake to clear it. It was a good decision. It was for the best. She could only hope that Shannon and Jared would see it that way.

“Why not?” Jared asked her with a frown.

“Because I don't think we should continue sleeping together right now.”

“What?” Shannon asked, immediately rising to attention in his seat. “You just mean him, right? Not me?”

“I mean all of us,” Raina said a little more firmly. She turned to Jared. “What you said earlier, about making everything about the sex....”

“Oh my God, Jay,” Shannon grumbled, throwing his head back. “What did you say to her?”

Jared's eyes met Raina's and he paused. “Maybe not what she heard,” he said evenly.

“I heard you just fine, Jared. You're right. We started with sex and then just kept going.”

“But we kept going. It's not all about the sex, not anymore...”

“But isn't it?” Raina set her things back down on the table. “We don't really go anywhere or do anything together. We just make arrangements to hook up that occasionally have a meal added into the mix.”

She could hear Shannon spluttering behind her, whatever visions of a wild night he'd been entertaining slipping away in the light afternoon breeze. “We go places. We have had dates and hung out and watched movies and talked....” he pointed out. “This isn't our problem, Raina. Don't throw me under the bus too.”

Raina sighed. Shannon was right, of course, their relationship didn't have the skewed sense of priorities that hers and Jared's did. They had other problems, but that wasn't one of them. “No, I know. But we can't very well even things back out between the three of us if I'm sleeping with you and not him, can we?”

“Yes, we damn well can!” Shannon protested.

Raina turned her attention back to Jared, who was giving her that same unblinking stare he always pulled out when he was displeased. She was startled to find that she was already becoming immune to it. “I'm not trying to punish you....” Jared gave a little huff and she realized what she had said. “Yeah, Jared, way to move past the kink for a minute.”

“Hey, I am who I am," he shrugged, flashing her that grin that was supposed to charm her. When had she caught on to his little tricks, she wondered, and when did they stop bowling her over the way they used to?

“Did you not just sit right over there and tell me about how you were trying to take things more slowly? How you wanted to try focusing on the relationship instead of the sex?”

Jared went back to giving her that stare of his again. Raina set her jaw and waited. “Don't you think it's possible to take it slow and still share a bed?” he asked, his voice evening out again.

Raina took in his narrowed eyes and suddenly calm exterior. He was leading her somewhere with this, asking questions he had already formulated the answer to again. She was determined not to be led by the nose this time. “For some people, maybe. Not for us.”

“Clarify “us” please,” Shannon implored her but she wasn't about to have her attention divided right now. Only battle on one front at a time, she reminded herself, keeping her focus on Jared, waiting to see what his next move was.

“Don't you have any self-control, Princess?” he challenged.

“Do you?” she shot back.

“Are you testing me?”

“I'm drawing boundaries. You said we could set those.”

Jared wavered, the impatience seeping into his voice. “Yeah, I said that but I meant this summer. On the road. Not in the short time we have left together.”

“Oh my god, Jared, why do you have to be such a drama queen?!” Raina had to laugh at his overly serious assessment of the situation. “Where are you touring? Europe or Neptune? The short time we have left together? Seriously? What does that even mean? Are you ready to move on already? Does one of us have 'the consumption'? Are you getting a new governess soon?”

“That's not what I meant,” Jared grumbled angrily. "Glad to see you taking this so seriously." He snatched her dirty dishes away from her and grabbed his and Shannon's as well and stomped off towards the house.

Raina turned her attention to Shannon. “Please understand....”

“That Jared gets to set the pace for all this? I'm trying here, Raina, I really am, but you're not being very fair to me.”

“Does it look like Jared is choosing this? He's fighting me as hard as you are.”

“Then why?”

Raina sat back down with a sigh. “I guess I need it too. I've been focusing on the sex as a way of protecting my feelings. It's not healthy, I know, and if I'm going to stop holding back and using sex as some screwed up defense mechanism then maybe it would be better to take sex out of the equation altogether.”

Shannon softened a bit. “It doesn't have to be that way. I know you've been struggling with your feelings but you're doing so well now.”

Raina was less than convinced. She was really only now beginning to see the point Jared had made and realized how deeply off things were. “I don't know, Shannon. Jared and I aren't on the same page at all. I should have realized that after the last time the three of us were together but I just keep getting caught up in all the play time. I don't even know if I can give him what he wants from me. Or you either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I start off trying, I really do.... but then the feelings kick in and I start to panic...” She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her seat. “I feel so much more comfortable with you sometimes, but then you'll do something especially wonderful or adorable and then...” Raina cleared her throat and tried again. “It starts like something bubbling in my chest, happy, like champagne and sunshine, and then before I know it it's choking me and I can't breathe." She saw the way Shannon was looking at her, puzzled but so intent, trying to hard to understand where she was coming from. She started to feel it then, tenderness at his concern, panic at how deeply she felt it. "I'm pretty fucked up, Shannon, I know that. I would have been lost if it were just a regular two-person relationship. I really don't know how to do this with the three of us. It's not something I'd even considered before.”

“I know it's new for you but we just have to find our way forward. I don't see how not sleeping together is going to solve any of these issues.” His face still wore that mask of understanding but there was a pout starting to creep into his voice.

“If it doesn't make a difference," Raina pointed out, "then why are the two of you acting like I said I want to break up with you instead of saying I just don't think we should fuck for a while?”

“It does make a difference, but....” Shannon placed his hands over his face, rubbing his palms against his eyes. “I thought things were good. Or better at least.”

“Is this about the other night again?”

“No,” he said petulantly before shrugging. “Maybe.”

“Do you want this or not, Shannon? I can't figure out if you are mad because you don't feel like you're getting enough of my attention or if maybe now that you're confronted with it this isn't what you wanted at all...”

“Raina....”

“Am I just a good time that you wanted more of, but not any of this messy relationship stuff? What were we talking about last night? Was it even the same thing?”

“You are not just a good time,” Jared's voice came from behind her, calm and even again. He gave her a soft kiss on the top of her head before sitting down in the adjacent chair. “Maybe we didn't settle things as much we thought.”

“Yes, we did,” Shannon insisted. “I want you, Raina. You. Your laugh and your stubbornness and the way you overthink every damn thing. And yes, I want the sex too. I don't think that makes me a bad person.”

“It doesn't.”

“Pressuring her for it when she doesn't want to kind of does.” Jared pointed.

“Really, Captain Chivalry?" Shannon wheeled around, directing the impatience he had been swallowing off and on all day fully on Jared. "Who the hell just stormed off like a teenage girl who didn't get her way? I'm surprised you're not locked in your bedroom listening to Taylor Swift.”

“You know what? Don't go blaming this on me. Everything was fine until you had to go stir things up last night. Instead of asking me what I said to Raina maybe I should be demanding to know what you told her!”

“Oh stop it!” Raina interjected. She could feel the skin behind her ears becoming hot. “Nothing is going to get resolved by you two being snippy with each other again. I just thought it would be nice if we could just hang out together some. Get to know each other better. The kinds of things we've been confessing to each other lately we should have already known by this stage of our relationship. We aren't doing enough talking.”

Jared growled and took a swig from the water bottle he had carried back with him. Once he was calm again he continued. “You could still stay tonight. Hang out for a few days. Get to know how things run. See if you really want to get caught up in all this craziness.”

Raina weighed her options. Staying there would give them all more time to interact. Seeing Shannon and Jared arguing and sniping at each other had been a bit of an eye-opener. She understood on a much deeper level now that they weren't just her two lovers, they were people who had a few decades of shared history together, a complex relationship that existed completely outside of her and one that she would never really understand. She wondered briefly if maybe she just needed to give them the night to work through whatever had them all stirred up. Maybe they all needed that, a sort of return to neutral corners to calm down and think about what they really wanted here. Then again, this was more about communication and getting on the same page and that was hard to do when they weren't together.

“Maybe I could get my car and things and come back. We could order dinner and watch a movie?” she suggested.

“Could you blow me while we're doing it?” Shannon asked with a half-serious chuckle.

“Shannon!” Raina gave him a playful swat on the arm and he drew himself up defensively, that half-hearted chuckle morphing into a full belly laugh.

“What?” he joked. “You didn't say no oral!”

Jared rolled his eyes. “I'll call you an Uber to get you back to your car.”

 


	35. Chapter 35

“I'm sorry, I just don't think it's right!” Raina protested. 

“Raina, please be reasonable,” Jared pointed out. 

Raina grabbed her mug and got up from the table, heading back into the house, cursing Jared's stubbornness. He was probably doing the same, she realized, ruing the day he had ever fallen for such a stubborn woman. She felt sure, however, that she was in the right this time.

“Wait,” Shannon said as he grabbed her elbow. “I know you're just trying to look out for my feelings but this one is all right with me. I swear.”

She stopped and turned around, gazing from Jared to Shannon and back to Jared again. She had never felt quite so much like their plaything as she did at this moment. “How about the fact that it's not okay with me? Why do you two get to decide everything?”

“Well, you know...”” Jared started.

Raina spun on him. “Don't you dare pull the Dom card on me now mister. This isn't funny. I'm serious.”

Jared sighed and gently took the coffee mug back from her hands. “Okay, princess. I'm listening. What's your plan?”

“I don't want to be your girlfriend in public. I don't really want to be your girlfriend in private either. I think it skews things too much.

If I can't be with both of you in public...” Jared looked like he was about to interrupt her so Raina cut him off “... and I understand why that's not on the table. But if I can't do that then I don't want to seem to be with either one of you. We should just appear to be good friends. That's it. How hard is that?”

“Raina, you've already been introduced to some people as my girlfriend. It's a little late to put the cork back in that bottle.”

“Only the few people that actually know it's the three of us, not you and me. So it doesn't really count does it?”

Shannon spoke up again, “Raina, I'm not trying to discount what you want. But really, I think you'll be better off if you at least have Jared as a boyfriend publicly. You'll want to grab someone's hand or cuddle or something sooner or later. I have a reputation as a hugger and snuggler. It won't look weird if you hug me or whatever but Jared doesn't really do that. Not on my level. People will notice if you two are are always grabbing each other, even in a non-romantic way.”

Raina considered what he was saying. She had been turning that and many other things over and over in her head during the last week and a half that she had spent at Jared's house. She was finally starting to sort what she wanted and find the will to fight for it. What Shannon was saying made sense but it just wasn't what she wanted or was ready for. “Well if we get to that point we can deal with it then. How about we start with things my way, just really good friends, and then if we get caught at something else, then maybe we can change the story. Relationships evolve sometimes. It wouldn't be that unusual to go from friends to dating.”

Raina could see Jared trying to reign in his pout. “So basically I could just kiss you in front of someone and end this whole thing?” he said.

“Don't you fucking dare,” Raina fumed. “Don't be so damn dismissive and disrespectful of my boundaries.”

“It was just a joke. I wouldn't do that, I promise,” Jared soothed. Raina scowled at him. “I promise!”

“So I guess it's going to be just friends? At least as far as appearances go” Shannon asked. 

“Yes. Please.”

Jared set her mug back down on the table in front of her seat. “Okay. I am willing to agree to that for now. So could you please come sit back down?” 

Raina cautiously slipped into her chair. They were gathered around the table on the back deck, as they did every morning since Raina had begun to stay there, although they had gotten a later start today than usual. She liked for the three of them to have a little time together before the craziness of the day started. It grounded them, as a little bonded trio, and also gave them a chance to bring up anything that needed discussing.

As she reached for her coffee mug she realized her hands were shaking slightly. She thought she had her anxiety under control these days, so at first, she wasn't sure where this tension was coming from. She had stood up for herself many times over the last nine days as the three of them negotiated the boundaries of their relationship, and not once had she been left feeling like she was in the aftermath of an adrenaline surge. 

“You okay?” Shannon asked, noting the shakiness too.

Raina shrugged. “I think so. I'm not sure what's wrong. Maybe too much coffee,” she joked, even though she was certain that wasn't the problem.

Shannon reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. “Sure,” he said in a tone of voice that meant he knew that wasn't It either but he wanted to comfort her. She squeezed his hand back and smiled. 

Jared picked his phone back up from the pile at the center of the table. “Sorry, I have to go,” he said as he noted the time. “Need to get changed. I've got a meeting downtown.” 

Raina and Shannon watched him make his way back into the house before turning their attention back to their coffee mugs and the California sunshine as it moved from morning into afternoon. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day, but that was the way most days were in Southern California. At least that's how it seemed to Raina. She secretly missed the more volatile weather of her Southeast home. She'd give anything for a good thunderstorm about now. At least being on the road with the guys would afford her some changes in weather along with the general scenery. 

While she was musing on tropical storms and nor'easters, Shannon scooted his chair closer to hers and slipped his arm around her shoulders. Raina responded with a sigh, placing her head against his chest and inhaling deeply. He smelled of his morning body wash and that mysterious something that was Shannon that she found very appealing. 

“See? Total snuggler,” Shannon pointed out. Raina didn't respond, just enjoyed her comfortable spot there under his care. His solid chest was one of her places to lay her head, and she could feel whatever anxiety that had gripped her earlier melting away in the warmth of the day.

Eventually Jared reappeared, dressed in one of his flannels and smelling like cologne, and kissed the top of Raina's head while giving his brother a pat on the shoulder. “I'm probably not going to be back until dinner. Several things to take care of today. You want me to pick something up on the way home?”

“No, that's okay. I thought I'd cook,” Raina joked. “How about wine and microwave burritos?”

“Actually, could we go out tonight?” Shannon asked. “I'm getting a little cabin fever.”

Jared checked his phone. “How about I make reservations somewhere nice then?”

“Well, I was just thinking tacos or something...”

“Nah,” Jared shrugged him off. “Let's do something nice. We haven't all had a nice evening out together before.” 

“I'm up for something nice,” Raina agreed.

“There. Majority rules. I'll text you the details later.” Jared gave Raina another quick kiss and then he disappeared into the house again. 

Raina started gathering their things from the table. “Well, we can't stay out here all day.”

“Says who?” Shannon asked, but he grabbed his own mug and plate and followed her back into the house. “You have the day off. We both do.”

“Yeah but that sun's going to get to me if I spend the whole day on that patio. Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

As they set their dishes in the sink Jared rushed passed them with a garment bag draped over his arm. “Had to take care of one more thing. Later!” he shouted as he slammed the door behind him. 

Shannon looked in the direction Jared had run off in and then back to Raina before rolling his eyes. Raina laughed. 

“I think a movie sounds great about now. Nice lazy afternoon.” He slid up behind Raina and wrapped his arms around her waist. “More cuddling?” 

Raina found herself laughing again. “You're in a mood today.”

Shannon just gave her a wink and took her hand, leading her over to the sofa. They browsed through the selection on Netflix before ultimately choosing another action flick. It was one of the few movie genres they could ever agree on, and although Shannon had seen this one before Raina was glad he was being a good sport about it rather than spending another twenty minutes arguing about to put on. 

Five minutes into the movie it became very clear to Raina exactly why he had been such a good sport, as he pulled her legs across his and slipped his hand under her t-shirt. 

“Shannon....” Raina started to caution him but he just shushed her and cupped her head in his hand before bringing his lips to hers.

“This isn't cuddling,” she pointed out when he came up for air.

“Sure it is. It's advanced level cuddling. My master class. Let me show you how it's done.”

Raina laughed as Shannon pushed her back against the sofa, settling himself over her before resuming his amorous assault. A sloppy makeout session and some mild groping weren't exactly against the rules, she reminded herself, and she missed how good it felt to be in Shannon's arms. She surrendered without further argument.

After a lot of groans and sighs and relocating hands that threatened to wander into forbidden territory, after the movie had ended and the house had grown quiet except for their sounds of contentment, Raina's phone began buzzing with text messages. She ignored them at first, too caught up in the warm press of Shannon's stomach against her own while their tongues made slow passes against each other, but after the fifth time, she rolled over with a groan.

“Cassie, you'd better be in labor....” she mumbled as she unlocked the screen. “Oh wait. It's Jared. Of course it is.”

Shannon sat up with a groan of his own. “Dammit. Cockblocking me when he's not even here.”

“You did not get cockblocked. We weren't going to do anything more than we already were,” Raina teased. 

Shannon got up from the sofa with a grumble and headed into the kitchen while Raina read over her messages.

_Dinner reservations are at 8_   
_Meet me at 400 Mesa at 7:40_   
_Tell Shannon no t-shirts_   
_I left something for you in my bedroom_   
_Remember our agreement_   
_Let me know when you find it_

 

Raina had laughed at the line about Shannon and his t-shirts, but now she was left frowning and tapping the screen. What agreement could he be referring to? She tucked the phone into her jeans pocket and headed towards Jared's bedroom. 

“Hey, aren't we going to watch any more movies?” Shannon called out to her as she passed the kitchen where he was fixing himself a drink.

“Well we'd have to watch one movie before we could watch more,” she quipped as she continued walking. 

It wasn't at all difficult for Raina to figure out what Jared had left for her. There was a large garment bag with a note on it hanging from his open closet door. Raina opened the note before unzipping the bag.

_I hope you'll like this. I expect to see you in it when you meet me this evening. -J_

Raina had all but forgotten her agreement to try allowing Jared to pick out her clothing occasionally. Was that why he wanted to go somewhere nice tonight? How long had this been hanging here, waiting?

She unzipped the bag and whistled appreciatively at the contents. It was a black dress somewhat reminiscent of a structured 1950s style cocktail dress, with a fitted halter style top and a full flared bottom. She pulled it loose from the bag, noting the detail on the bodice and the sheer satin trimmed underlay that extended just below the upper skirt, giving the effect of a sort of reverse crinoline. It was gorgeous, and she felt a little better now that she knew he wouldn't choose something foolish for her.

Raina noticed there were other items in the bag and reached to the bottom to find a pair of shoes, elegant retro style heels with a delicate t-strap that would nicely complement the dress. Below the shoes was a garment box.

Raina tore the box open eagerly, but stopped when she saw its contents. She carefully took the pieces out one by one, turning them over and examining them. 

“Wow. You are going to look amazing tonight. I had better bring my A-game,” Shannon said from the doorway, giving a low whistle. 

Raina smiled and returned her gaze back to the items in her hand. Jared had gone all out with the classic theme, purchasing lingerie with the same style. There was lacy black underwear with a matching garter belt, seamed stockings, and a backless bra that Raina was almost certain would give her the proper silhouette. Shannon was right. She was going to be dressed to kill.

Shannon excused himself, saying he needed to check his own wardrobe. Raina carefully spread everything out on the bed before hanging the dress on the back of the closet door again. She had to admit she rather liked this little arrangement, and not just because Jared (or one of his assistants) had apparently gone out and bought her such beautiful pieces. She liked the way it made her feel. She could understand how for some women it might feel oppressive or controlling, but if she had learned anything in the last week, it was that she still retained all her power. She had to fight for her way sometimes but both men still respected her opinion and her needs, and no one was truly trying to force her into doing anything. Knowing that, and knowing that Jared realized it too, little touches like this simply made her feel cared for. 

Raina was trying to decide what jewelry and makeup she should pair with her new outfit when her phone began buzzing in her pocket again, this time with an incoming call. She saw Jared's name on the screen and chuckled.

“Impatient much?” she asked him as she answered the call. “I'm just now standing here and looking it all over. It's beautiful, by the way. I love it.”

“I'm glad to hear it. I hoped you hadn't forgotten agreeing to let me dress you on occasion.”

“If this is the result I might let you dress me more often.”

Jared chuckled in agreement before shifting the subject matter. “Okay, so I wanted to talk to you about something. I'm alone, by the way. Eating lunch in the car.”

“Okay...”

“How close to the end of this “let's slow things down” period do you think we are? I mean I think we've hammered a lot of things out. I hope by now you know we're not just in this for the sex.”

Raina sighed. “I get that. I think more than anything I've been needing to understand how the three of us work together. You and I have a relationship, and it tends to be very much about personal and spiritual growth but a lot of emotional withholding.”

“I'm working on that,” Jared pointed out.

“I know. I am too. It's going to take some time but I do feel like we're both headed in the same direction now. Shannon and I have this sort of buddy thing going, but there was a lot of emotional withholding there as well, just a different kind. Neither one of us wanted to be the first to admit we wanted more. I think we're past that now.”

And just like that, Raina's nerves and shakiness from the patio over brunch made sense. She had spent the last week negotiation the pitfalls of their various relationships, laying a foundation for how things would work going forward. That wasn't the scary part. The scary part was admitting they were moving forward, and that not only did she want them to, she very much wanted them to. It had been hard to learn to allow herself to want things again. It was harder still admitting it. 

"At this point, really, I think it's just a matter of figuring out how all three of us work together as a group," she continued. "That's just going to take some time."

“I'm asking for a few reasons,” Jared explained. “First of all, I'll admit, I'm dying to be with you again. Watching you walk around that house all day and knowing I'm supposed to be keeping my distance is killing me.”

Raina laughed. “Believe it or not, it's hard for me too. I just spent two and a half hours making out with Shannon on the living room couch like a couple of high school freshmen. I don't know which one of us is more frustrated right now but I think he just discreetly went to take a cold shower.”

“Okay, kind of jealous now.”

“Oh like you didn't pin me against the pool wall for a good thirty minutes last night,” Raina joked with him. 

“So what I'm hearing you tell me is you owe me two hours.”

“So was there a second of all?” Raina asked as she tried to steer him back to his point. 

“Before you and I play again, we need to sit down and have a long talk. There are things we need to define, plainly, before we get into real trouble. I know you're new to all of this, and didn't want to start throwing too many labels and rules around, but I think that was a mistake. If you can admit you're in a poly relationship then you can also admit you are my submissive.”

After the fallout from the little contest and Jared's subsequent confession about his previous relationship, Raina had known something like this was coming. The question was, was she ready for it? Other than that, what was really left for the three of them to negotiate?

“I think that maybe, I might be ready to move forward. If you two are.”

“Well I would say I think I can speak for Shannon but we've already established I'm not allowed to keep doing that,” Jared joked. “But I imagine he will say yes. I know I'm ready. Would you like to like to start with the talk, or would you just like to jump back in with both of us?”

This was the other thing that Raina had been dreading dealing with. She knew that once she broke her fast, so to speak, she was going to need to figure out how that would happen. Honestly, she thought this would all take much longer than it had, but the guys had surprised her by taking it all as seriously as she had and they had begun to power through their issues. Now, if she was going to start sleeping with them again, if she picked one first there was going to be a whole avalanche of fallout from that, regardless of whatever they had ironed out between them, and she couldn't say she would blame them. She had never been with both of them outside of their little kink sessions, and that apparently wasn't on the table right now either. Maybe that was the best place to start.

“Why don't we arrange to have that talk.”

Jared made a satisfied little noise and Raina was certain he was smirking in that car. “Okay. After dinner?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent. See you at 7:40. Don't let Shannon make you late. We don't want to start this off on a bad note do we?”

 


	36. Chapter 36

  
  
   Shannon handed his keys to the red-vested valet before helping Raina out of the car. He took her arm and carefully guided her down from the truck, making sure she was standing securely on her new heels before turning to escort her inside the restaurant.

   Due to a lot of nagging on her part they had arrived a full ten minutes early, neatly beating the deadline Jared had set for them. As they approached the hostess she looked up from her seating chart and, recognizing them, quickly stepping away from her station to greet them personally.

   “Mr. Leto has requested that you join him in the bar,” she informed them as she ushered them off to the side. Shannon nodded and thanked her, continuing to guide Raina along, his palm flat against her lower back. She was busy taking in the restaurant with wide eyes, noting the enormous, opulently carved columns that marked the entrance to the dining area. In the low lighting, she caught a glimpse of tables decked in crisp white cloths, neatly set with fine crystal and place settings with more plates and utensils than she probably had in her entire kitchen at home. The people seated there were elegantly clothed, and as she smoothed her new black dress she wondered if Jared had bought her this outfit as caring gesture or to make sure she didn't stand out like a sore thumb and embarrass him. She tried to remain casual, as if stepping into a place as grand as this was just another Thursday evening for her, but it was difficult to maintain that veil of composure. She was sure she couldn't even afford to park here on her own. Realizing that made the last few months suddenly hit home in a way they hadn't before. She was way out of her element and felt every inch the South Carolina farm girl dumped into the middle of someone else's story.  
   

   “Hey, you all right?” Shannon asked when her step faltered. Raina looked at him, his hazel eyes warm and crinkled in concern. He had started with even less than she had, she reminded herself, and he had stepped in here like he owned the place. She was his guest. She had as much a right to be here as anyone else.

 _If he can do it, so can I._ Raina straightened her shoulders and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I'm fine.”  
Shannon nodded knowingly and gave her hand a little squeeze in return. “Leave it to Jared to pick a place like this when all I wanted was to go out for tacos,” he joked.

   They spotted Jared at a small table near the bar. He was with another man, a slightly older and vaguely familiar gentleman with stylish glasses and salt and pepper hair that managed to look entirely dashing. They stood up as they saw Shannon and Raina approach.

   “Raina, I am so glad you were able to come out tonight,” Jared said with a smile, giving her a hug that Raina by now knew to be his form of a professional handshake. The unexpected company had thrown her for a bit of a loop, not to mention the slightly odd and formal way he was greeting her. “Thank you for bringing her,” he said to Shannon before turning to his guest.

   “Raina, this is David Kernan from Moderne magazine. I hope you don't mind but I brought your portfolio to share with him.”  
Raina's tried not to let the confusion she was feeling show on her face. Composure in the face of the unexpected was something that one looked for in a potential employee, and if Jared was shopping her out, she wasn't about to let him down. She smiled warmly at the surprise guest and extended her hand. “Hello, it's nice to meet you.”

   Kernan gave her a quick handshake before gesturing to an open chair. He waited until Raina was seated before continuing. “The pleasure is mine, Ms. Gallo. Jared has been sharing some of your work with me and I must say I'm very impressed.”

   “What's happening here?” Shannon asked. “I thought Raina was coming to work for you at Wonderland.”

   “Well, as delighted as we would be to have her, I felt that we snatched her up a little unfairly. She had only had a few hours after finding her last position was no longer available before we extended her an offer, and I want to make sure we didn't just take advantage of the moment. We want her to take the job because she is happy to have it and it's the best fit for her, not because she feels it her only option,” Jared explained. “I hope you don't mind, Raina, and that you'll listen to what David has to say.”

   It was an impromptu job interview after all. Raina was partially furious with Jared for blindsiding her like this and partially touched. Taking the job at Wonderland was fraught with potential conflicts, and she had been wrestling with the decision in her head for the last week. She had put off signing the paperwork Emma had left for her, offering excuses that she was sure were entirely transparent for not returning it. Even with the awkwardness of being on her boyfriend's payroll, and the danger of trying to keep their relationship private while on the road, her options beyond that had seemed even far less appealing. She had indeed felt like she was up against a wall.

   “Of course I would be delighted to be considered to work for your organization Mr. Kernan,” Raina confirmed. “Did Jared pass along any of my other qualifications? I can fill in any blanks for you.”

   “Oh call me David, please,” Kernan said with a wide smile. “He did mention one thing in particular that I thought he must be exaggerating. He claims that you possess a glowing letter of recommendation from Val Paskov. I don't believe such a thing has ever existed.”

   Raina could feel her cheeks heating but she felt a swell of pride as well, knowing how hard she had worked for that letter. “I do have it,” she chuckled. “Although I'm not sure if I should show it off or have it framed for a museum somewhere.”

   “You must be quite capable indeed. I understand from Jared that you have a background in programming and coding as well as your current work for your MFA. That's an unusual combination.”

   Raina took a deep breath and summoned her most confident smile. “It is but it puts me in a position to provide a unique perspective and offer some creative solutions. As we move forward here in the digital age it is more important than ever that a business's virtual presence maintains continuity across platforms and with their real-world counterparts. If traditional media is to make the transition and survive I think they are going to need more people with cross disciplines to lead them forward.”

   Raina balled her hand into a fist under her table, squeezing until she could feel her nails biting into her palm. She was afraid she sounded overconfident and arrogant, but she could also feel panic beginning to eat at the edges of her smile. As a teenager she had lain in her bed in that farmhouse, thumbing through Moderne and magazines like it, dreaming dreams that seemed wildly impractical for someone like her. Even after she had gone off to university the first time she hadn't dared pursue the art degree she secretly craved. It took having nothing left to lose to push her out of her familiar life. She had already come so much further than she thought she could.

 _“Don't look down,”_ came a voice in her head. Mentally, Raina stumbled for a moment, knowing her eyes hadn't dropped and she was keeping her gaze level with Kernan's. Then she heard it again _Don't look down_ and as she recognized her mother's voice, understanding flooded her.

   When she was eleven, her mother had taken her camping at Table Rock. After a morning of hiking, they had reached the eponymous summit, and her mother had led her out onto the flat quartzite overlook. Raina had been terrified and had clung to her mother, keeping her from moving to the edge to fully enjoy the view. Finally, Raina's mother had pried her off enough that she was only holding onto Raina's hand, and she began walking towards the ledge, never dropping that hand, her arm stretching further and further out as Raina gripped it tightly, anchored in place. The older woman didn't let it stop her as she advanced, moving deliberately forward, her grip on Raina's hand tight even though she never spared a backward glance for her daughter.

   “You are standing on a mountain that has been here for four hundred million years. It's not about to fall out from under you now,” she had chided as Raina hung back, clenching her mother's hand so tightly that she would have marks on it for nearly an hour afterward. “There's is so much beauty here but you're never going to see it if you don't trust me a little. It's perfectly safe. Come on.”

   Her mother had finally looked back then, smiling gently at Raina until Raina focused on that grin and began to edge forward. Her eyes never left her mother's face as she took one hesitating step after another, moving forward with glacial slowness until they were standing parallel to each other.

   “Look, Raina,” her mother had encouraged her as she turned again to take in the breathtaking mountain vista. Raina let her eyes follow her mother's, but she had caught a glimpse of the ground so far below them and had panicked, grabbing at her mother's arm with a shriek.

   “You're looking at the wrong thing, sweetheart,” her mother had told her, her voice calm and unphased. “Don't look down. We've already been there. That was several miles of long hot trails, but we conquered that already. Don't be afraid of how far we've come. Look where we are now. Look straight up and out at that view. That's what all the hiking was for. Don't look down. Look forward.”

 _Don't look down._ Raina took a quick sip of her water and dove in again, launching into an abbreviated retelling of her previous business achievements and her finals pitch. She wasn't even sure what this mysterious position was, or if she even wanted it, but she damn sure wasn't going to leave anything in the locker room. When she had finished, Kernan whistled appreciatively. 

   “Well, I see you are every bit as capable and confident as Jared had led me to believe,” Kernan remarked as he handed her back her portfolio. He followed up with a series of questions about not only her experience but her plans for the future. Raina managed to smile her way through all her responses, that mantra playing over and over in her head _don't look down don't look down don't look down_ until the hostess from earlier came up and whispered something in Jared's ear.  
   

   “Well, I'm afraid they won't hold our table much longer,” Jared said as he stood up. He moved to the back of Raina's chair, pulling it out as she rose to her feet. Kernan took the hint and got up as well, offering his hand to Raina again for another shake.

   “I'm afraid that's my cue to leave then,” he told her. “I'm sorry I won't be joining you for the meal but I have other commitments. I will say I was very impressed with our chat. I hope you'll give our magazine consideration as well as the offer that Jared currently has on the table. If it's all right, I'd like to send over a proposal to you tomorrow?”

   Raina stifled the excited squeal in her head. “Absolutely. And thank you so much for coming out and giving me your time this evening.”

   The group exchanged a few other pleasantries and then went on their separate ways, Kernan heading past those gorgeous columns and out in the night, and Raina, Shannon and Jared being led back to a small private table in the rear of the restaurant.

   “That was a sneaky thing to do, Jared,” Raina protested once they'd all taken their seats. “You could have at least given me a warning.”

   “What, and let you worry yourself sick all day? You didn't need a warning. You were incredible.”

   Shannon arranged his napkin in his lap and looked at the tasting menu that had been placed in front of him. “I thought it was settled. I thought Raina was coming on the road with us,” he pouted.

   “Do you really want her taking that job because she's got no other options? That's not fair to any of us.”

   “I'll probably still come to work with Wonderland,” Raina said gently, placing her hand on his knee where it would be hidden by the tablecloth. “It's just nice to know I could find something else if I had to.”  
 

   “Of course you could,” Shannon said. “I didn't realize you thought otherwise.”

   Jared changed the subject then, asking Raina what she thought she might want to do with some of her days off when they were on the road, moving back to the summer internship with them as if it were a foregone conclusion. She supposed that mostly it was. It was a great opportunity to stretch her wings and learn a different business, all while getting to do some of the travelings that she had always dreamed of. Having Shannon and Jared along was pretty much a wash, as far as she was concerned. It made things more complicated in that they would surely expect to have some of her time, and they would have to be extremely vigilant about keeping up appearances, but if she didn't go they would spend most of the next few months apart, and that wasn't appealing either. She had meant what she had said, she would give whatever proposal Kernan sent over a chance, but she didn't imagine that was much that he would offer her that would make going to work for him more appealing than what she already had lined up. She was just a student, she reminded herself, and this was just an internship. It wasn't likely to be a life-changing job offer, and although high-end fashion magazines were great rainy-day-with-a-glass-of-wine reads, it wasn't really where she saw her career future.

   They made their way pleasantly through the meal, Shannon nudging Raina discreetly to guide her through some of the fine dining etiquette. She found it amusing really, that he would be the one to show her which fork to use when he'd earlier had to be threatened with bodily harm to put on a jacket before heading to the restaurant. It was nice getting to see his layers. It was nice getting to see deeper into both brothers' personalities.  
 

   As dessert was brought out Raina launched into a retelling of her first visit to Table Rock.  
“

   If you want to go back sometime I'd be glad to take you there. That's some of the best rock climbing in the Southeast, and I almost never get there. Almost all the climbs are in the high fives....” Jared interjected as soon as she was done.

   Without even waiting for Jared to finish talking Shannon started in with a tale of his own. “Hey, that's kind of near Charlotte. I used to hook up with this girl whenever we went through there, she loved to go dancing... what was her name.. it wasn't Charlotte...”

   Raina looked at the two of them, talking over each other, lost in their own completely different reactions to what she had just said, and burst into laughter. As she chortled and clutched the table, they both stopped and looked at her.

   “What's so funny?” Jared asked once Raina's laughter had died to an amused chuckle and she was dabbing at the corners of eyes.

   “You two. It was like someone pushed a button and the two of you launched into the most predictable responses for each of you.”  
 

   “Oh, you think you know us so well now?” Shannon teased, nudging her knee with his own. His wide smile and the crinkle in his eyes told Raina there was mischief brewing in that head of his. It was probably her favorite mood of his. If they'd been alone she would have stolen a kiss about now. 

   “I'm getting there.”

   “I'm getting about ready to head out of here,” Jared said as he polished off the last of his chocolate cake. He gave her his own mischevious smile, and for a moment the resemblance between the two brothers shone through as Jared's eyes, though blue and not hazel, crinkled at the edges in a familiar was as his grin narrowed. “We both have cars with us. Do you want to ride back with me or Shannon, Raina?”

   “You two still have that talk you need to have...” Shannon pointed out.

   Raina placed her napkin onto the table and sighed. “Yes, I had almost forgotten.” Butterflies awoke in her stomach. She knew it was time for the serious dominant talk from Jared, past time really, but she worried about what more he might be expecting from her.

   “I'd rather not have that discussion in a car while we're driving,” Jared said, and Raina tried not to sigh in relief. “It needs a little more attention than that.”

   “Well, I'd like to chat with Raina about some things too. I don't mind doing that in the car. Why don't you ride back with me, Rainy-girl?”

   Raina wasn't sure what Shannon felt they needed to discuss but it was probably a corollary to the discussion she and Jared had coming. This all felt a little awkward, but that was probably due to the unfamiliarity of being in a three-way relationship, and it was necessary to iron everything out. If nothing else, she had learned by now that communication was absolutely critical to keeping them harmonious. “That sounds good to me.”

   “Okay, it's settled then,” Jared smiled as he picked up the small portfolio with the check in it. “I'll meet you two back at the house.”

 


End file.
